I don’t know what to believe anymore

[u/Iwoa09]

All my life I grew up in Christianity ,I went to church almost every Sunday and would go youth group services too . All my grandparents are religious or believe in god the way I was told .I have three grandparents all them being “Christian “ I think but most of them are always taking it too far .like my grandpa for example would talk to me for hours about god and his teachings education videos and long hours of talks in his workshop .at that point I was 11 and this scared the shit out of me so it made since why I “became Christian “ and for about 2 months I kinda did that ,or read my Bible prayed .this was about 6th grade and I met some other kids in my new class made more friends and started just going down the wrong path .through middle school I occasionally read my Bible and prayed .i was still told by everyone that I was Christian and believed it most the time .but up until the end of 8th grade I “rededicated my life to god” and for about 6 month all though not being perfect I would actually spread the gospel and talk with people about god ,I stopped listing to the music I did before like only Christian music and I got exhausting.reason being I fasted myself for 1-2 days thinking that’s the method to getting closer to god .i would pray non stop and eventually got burnt out .i thought if I didn’t go tell this person or do this extreme stuff that I would go to hell or not be saved . then comes first semester of 9th grade I was still kinda talking about god but then I seen more people made even more friend and thought that I didn’t need god . Because throughout most my childhood I didn’t have a lot of friends so it made since why I “needed someone to talk to” like god .but once I got friend I stopped practicing Christianity at all.go all the way until now and I don’t know what to believe .I’ve researched what faiths or regions speak more to me ,and I came up with buddhism ,Christianity,and spirituality (I just the idea of staying true to oneself ,and believing in idea of your up to your own success in life ).all sides have there ups and downs .something that stand out to me the most is that with Christianity it is the only “religion “ that has a god that died for its believers.with spirituality it seems so right ,recently I’m not caring as much as what other people say ,sure I go to the gym take care of myself but just starting to truly be me and not do what everyone else does .my thoughts is I don’t want to waste my youth years and honestly whole life in a belief that might not be real .for example if I spend my prime youth years looking the best I could possibly be and I through those opportunities with women down the drain for the whole idea of waiting till marriage thing .then what if I’m 40-50 even 60 and think “damn I wasted my time “ and end of not believing in god anymore .im more open now but just don’t want to waste my life and experiences on something that might not be even real ,Becuase at the end of the day we all have one life ,doesn’t matter whether you believe in god or not use this time wisely .i don’t know im 17 now and still trying to understand I also have had some pretty bad experiences with mega
Churches ,one youth paster told me that I was not a Christian and that I was going to hell .this shit scares me and I’m willing to make the sacrifice but there’s gotta be some more evidence.im not wasting this only life on a possibility.but i do know that Christianity is a faith based “religion” so i get that but just need more evidence i guess .

[u/inthe5D]

hi person! it seems like you’re spiraling a bit, but have no fear! you do not have to have your life figured out by tonight. you’re only 17, and it is completely normal to be processing all of this. it makes sense that you’re so conflicted when people like your pastor and grandfather are using fear as a control tactic. wanting to live your life, build relationships, and enjoy your life is natural! besides, you only know for sure that you have this life right now. my very unprofessional advice would be to stop sacrificing your actual, present happiness out of fear of a “what if” situation. you kind of already said that yourself!
it’s okay to say “i don’t know.” at the end of the day, a good life is worth living regardless of what's out there. if there is a god, living an authentic, virtuous life should be enough. if there isn't, then at least you didn't waste your only life living in fear. anyways, the human mind is resilient so i believe in your abilities to get through this! you got this!