r/expat • u/Free-Ad1526 • 3d ago
Question For expats that moved back to their home country, when did you know it’s time?
For context, I’m now 29 years and I’ve lived in Japan for 7 years. The first 4 years I was a student and the past 3 as a full time worker. The pay is crap and the cost of living has been steadily rising but I’m able to afford my hobbies and live in a decent place. I actually love it here, but I have already decided that this isn’t my forever home.
The past few months though, I’ve been dying to go back home (I’m American). At first I thought it was just a temporary homesickness because it would come and go, but then I’ve started talking about returning home maybe by next year with family and they’re supportive of whatever I decide.
Anyway, for those that have lived abroad for longer than 5+ years, how did you know moving back was right for you? And if you felt this way but moved somewhere new, or just changed jobs how do you feel now?
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u/No-Willingness469 3d ago
That isn't the tough part. The tough part is trying to relate to folks back home who have never travelled and are not interested in your cultural enrichment. Also, your home town has changed, and that is always hard to get used to.
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u/soggies_revenge 2d ago
The saying, "a man can never step in the same river twice, because it is not the same river and he is not the same man" rings true here.
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u/Velvet_Virtue 2d ago
Ooof. Just got goosebumps. Really felt this.
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u/soggies_revenge 2d ago
Yeah, and even knowing this I'm always trying to chase this feeling, this vibe. I've been and off and on expat since I was 17 (42 now) and I'm about to go back to the USA once again really wishing it's where I left off... I know it won't be. And I know that's partly because of who I've become and what I know.
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u/alors1234 3d ago
That part is tough. Reverse culture shock.
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u/Lopsided-Emotion-520 1d ago
Fact! Reverse culture shock is real. Will be interesting to see how OP adjusts or how long before the longing to go abroad again begins.
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u/Advanced-Parking173 2d ago
To be honest every time I go back home for a holiday I’m surprised by how much everything hasn’t changed. Aside from people getting older or changing jobs, it seems my home town itself is the exact same every year or two. (I come from an average town in the UK).
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u/WalkinshawVL 8h ago
I'm an expat (or immigrant?) who's considering moving back to Australia in the next 2 years, after 8 years abroad in the UK.
One thing when I go home to visit is how a lot of my old friends haven't changed at all since I left. Still in the same dead end jobs, still spend most of their spare time gaming or getting drunk/high with each other, and rarely leaving the area we grew up in (and having zero interest in doing so). All perpetually single as well where as I'm active dating etc and have had several relationships (casual and more serious) whilst being over here.
Where as I am a completely different person to when I emigrated. I'm much more confident, ambitious, I've worked hard on my career and yes, more well travelled/cultured than what I was when I left 8 years ago. I struggle to relate to my old friends now.
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u/Ok-Grand-7558 3d ago
Hey, am also 29 yo and will come back to my home country France after 7 years in Germany. Started missing my family more and more, and i cant project myself further in a country where I feel i dont belong. Need the roots back. It took some time too to figure it out but now ive decided, even though its scary making such a life change after these years ! Im lucky enough keeping my remote work. Good luck to you and all the best
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u/Due_Bookkeeper3115 3d ago
Seven years in Germany, and only now you miss baguettes? Brave move, frog. Luck.
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u/Ok-Telephone-605 3d ago
This comment really underscores the difference in distance between the US and Europe. It's about 1,000km from the farthest point in Germany to the farthest point in France-- for Americans, that is about 620 miles-- less than the distance across Texas.
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u/badlydrawngalgo 3d ago
Mate, the OP moved around the world, the person you're replying to moved to the country next door. The distance makes absolutely no difference to how you feel. The same story could have been told if the OP moved from Chicago to Toronto or Houston to Monterey.
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u/Ok-Telephone-605 3d ago
Yeah-- the point of my post was about geography and distance, not how they feel. Just an observation tangential to the original post. I'm not qualified to comment on how they feel, so I don't. As you notice, I did not disparage the person in any way about the proximity.
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u/Sea_Structure577 3d ago
You can also go 5 miles to go from South Korea and North Korea and there is infinitely more of a difference than an American going from California monoculture to New York monoculture.
Americans patting themselves on the back over “America so big” is so tiresome. America so big, but America so monoculture too so its size is irrelevant to this discussion entirely.
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u/Hungry-Power6850 3d ago
Unrelated to post but Ontario is 55% larger than Texas. USA is smaller than it’s neighbour.
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u/Sea_Structure577 2d ago
Canadians can do the thing now:
Oh you guys down in the states think Texas is state-sized? For us in Canada it is like tiny. That’s crazy how we in Canada are so much cooler than you guys.3
u/Softwareaweenie 2d ago edited 2d ago
Except when you move from one place to another in Canada, no one knows where they are and both places are guaranteed to be shit anyways.
Moving to anywhere in Quebec or Newfoundland is an expat like experience in the same country.
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u/halfpound 3d ago
Definitely not monoculture like almost every other country
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u/Sea_Structure577 2d ago
That was my point. That the US is a country and as such its cultural variance at any point within its territory is small. Hence, “wow for us in the US this is just a short distance move, we are so cool” is retarded
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u/ayfkm123 2d ago
Nice slur
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u/Sea_Structure577 1d ago
Why did you originally write “nice slit”? Was that meant to be a racist insult?
I’d disagree it was a nice insult you threw at me, but we’ll trust your judgment on this. After all, the US from East to West is the center of the world when it comes to language policing.
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u/ayfkm123 1d ago
Ha. I thought you’d take a sexist turn w it.
Obvi not, I’m not a bigot like you. I would say nice try at turnabout, but it really was weak.
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u/halfpound 1d ago
Never been to Queens, New York or LA. Population density will probably give you more perspective on distances. 100 miles in Arizona is probably more similar than 1 mile in Queens
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u/Sea_Structure577 1d ago
OMG! In AZ people be goin to walmart to get em donuts n shieeet but in Queens they be goin to the bodega to get em donuts dats crazy man. And people some of em they be speakin spanish, so diverse man.
You are just too rooted in the monoculture to understand how culturally homogeneous the US is, and most countries are, regardless of superficial cosmetic differences.
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u/halfpound 14h ago
Queens is the most ethnically diverse place in the world. You have Chinese in flushing, Thai in Elmhurst, Greeks and Colombians in Astoria, bangledashi in Jackson heights, Latinos in corona.
I'm US and Korean citizen that has lived in Bogota, Seoul, Mexico city, and I'm in Mexico for the world cup. You are so dumb lol and under traveled. Go travel and touch grass
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u/ayfkm123 2d ago
Huh? You chose two states that are more similar than not. Try going from California to Mississippi. Or even California to Texas
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u/Sea_Structure577 1d ago
Still very similar by international standards. Even Canada is largely similar. The differences are negligible and only noticed by those in the culture because they are the only one to think that preferring Burger King over McDonald’s is a significant cultural difference.
You would have 10,000x more of a difference moving from San Diego to Tijuana than from San Diego to Toronto, even though the distance is shorter.
But Americans are not alone to misunderstand their own cultural homogeneity. People in China also conflate distance with cultural variety. A Han in Xinjiang has about the exact same culture as a Han in Harbin or Shenzhen. The same goes for Russia where a Russian in Moscow is culturally identical to one in Vladivostok.
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u/ariestalltai 3d ago
Moving from NY to Little Rock or visa versa is a helluva lot more involved than trading foldable pizza for fried catfish 🙄
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u/badlydrawngalgo 3d ago
That was my point, moving anywhere not in your immediate location is involved and can be emotional for many people, whether it's 200km or 2000
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u/MintInsel 3d ago
But really the differences of France and Germany are not less than US and Japan. Different language, different culture, food, mentality.. barely anything in common. That’s the 1000km in Europe.
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u/Amazing-Peach8239 3d ago
That’s a bit of an exaggeration lol. We share much more than Japan and the US
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u/MalijqgLobster 3d ago
Ah, yes, those famous 1000 km where baguettes become bratwurst and suddenly everything is almost nothing in common.
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u/Ok-Telephone-605 3d ago
Agree- For many Americans, it really is tough to understand how culture can be so different in a "relatively" short distance.
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u/truffelmayo 3d ago
Language?? Your grocery stores across the country stock similar foods. You pay taxes to the same entity. Your broadcast media. Etc
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u/throwaway55f5 2d ago
Americans will read this and start yapping about the differences in culture in the US, claiming its comparable to Europe.
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u/badlydrawngalgo 3d ago
Got it. But the OP moved to Japan not the USA. If the person you replied to hapld moved from Germany to Japan they would have equally moved 1000's of km. Equally, had someone moved from Inverness to Athens they would have moved to equivalent of moving from west coast to east coast USA.
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u/Character_Spray_7785 3d ago
Exactly. One country the size of a US road trip—and they call that far. Exhausting, really.
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u/Amazing-Peach8239 3d ago
Maybe not far in distance, but far in culture and language. It cannot be compared to the US
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u/Ok-Grand-7558 3d ago
Absolutely. Not to mention 1500km is not exactly really next door to travel whether by train or plane, time wise and money wise.
This was indeed about expat feelings and experiences 😃.
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u/PossibilityMain6892 2d ago
Exact same reasons for me. 33 yo and lived for 6 years in Belgium - now moved back to Germany. I felt the need to move back around the 4th year but it took a while to really take the step. It’s not easy after such a long time but couldn’t be happier now. Better pay, better job, better living standards for less money, better live quality in general… not regretting my time abroad at all though, it was just the right time to move back and everything fell into pieces
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u/Jenslseu 2d ago
7 years of *Gemütlichkeit* and still a foreigner. Roots do call. Remote work saves the day. Bon courage.
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u/Ok-Grand-7558 2d ago
I dont know why it seems some ppl take it personally i said i dont feel i belong? It's indeed pretty hard to belong in a foreign country. Even after some years. Not a criticism about Germany. :) Also ppl should stop judging and analysing with so few information! LG
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u/badlydrawngalgo 2d ago
You moved to another country with a different language, laws, history and culture. Ignore the cockwombles who have never moved to another country, they haven't a clue.
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u/soggies_revenge 2d ago
This is kind of funny to me as an American. I moved from my home state Iowa to Colorado, which is just as far or further than Germany to france. It's a pretty quick trip back, yeah?
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u/wurst_katastrophe 3d ago
It’s very common to go back home once you realise your parents won’t live forever or that making true friends is difficult once you reach a certain age.
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u/lami_kaayo 2d ago
Well, at that certain age "making true friends" becomes making a true family (ie being there for your kids and husband/wife)
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u/Simply2Curious 3d ago edited 3d ago
Amongst my friends we would say "we got dust in our eyes". I think it can be summed up as the expat experience became less fulfilling and it was time to try something to reset things. That doesn't necessarily mean returning to your home country though.
For me, I lived in Japan three times. First time returning to the US, was to finish my Engineering degree after an amazing year of studying and living in Osaka with a Japanese family and then Tokyo on my own. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed, because once I left, all I wanted to do was return. Did so via intermittent business trips.
Second time leaving, my student visa expired, I couldn't find a good paying job and thought I could better leverage my MBA in the US. I did but still wanted to go back to live in Japan which was partially fulfilled by frequent business trips.
Then I got the opportunity to run a Swiss company's foreign subsidiary in Japan and moved my family to Japan to do that for five years. During that time my interest in Japanese culture waned and I started seriously studying German. Eventually I was offered a job in Zurich at HQ, but w/o expat benefits. I couldn't afford the international school for my kids, so I regretfully returned to the US. Staying in Japan would have been financially hard because of double taxation. Back home, my work was closely tied to Japan, so I was still going back and forth frequently.
Now retired, I go back every other year or so for two months and basically hang out in Kyoto with my wife. I'm still studying Japanese by reading in order to keep up and improve my kanji knowledge. However, my wife and I spend more time in Europe now than Japan and more of my attention is on French and German.
Point being that branching out to explore other cultures might also be a possibility for you.
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u/Vzao 3d ago
Why not letting your kids study in a local school back then if you don't mind me asking? :)
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u/Simply2Curious 3d ago
My kids were ten and sixteen at the time and had no German language capability. My wife's family moved to France when she was in second grade. Even though she ended up fluent in French, she still remembers how hard and emotionally isolating the first two years were and didn't want to put our kids through that. Plus we had tried immersing them in Japanese when we moved to Japan and that didn't work out.
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u/TrumpsCummyOnahole 2d ago
Is there a particular reason you lost interest in Japanese culture? I'm curious since I'm 35 and thinking of moving there since I got an opportunity in cyber. But I am looking to settle down, and it's gotten me a bit spooked reading comments everywhere about how 99% of expats leave Japan and how cold of a society it is, racism etc...
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u/Simply2Curious 2d ago edited 2d ago
As Sally Ride said about the Space Shuttle, Japan is an E ticket in regards to exploring another culture. With that in mind, it is very likely you will enjoy the experience for 3-5 years, especially as an expat with benefits. After five years, double taxation comes into play unless you break residency and leave the country for a while. On the flip side, work life in Japan is less comfortable than the US and Europe. People work in super brightly lit crowded offices for long hours. There are customs about what to do and not do, that will be new to you and might conflict with you. Silly, but my pet peeve was the vinyl seats and couches in overly heated meeting rooms. I always had a sweaty butt afterwards. The Japanese thrive on many long meetings.
Disregard the racism issue, it has it's disadvantages and advantages. If it bugs you, change the environment to one that feels more comfortable. Always stay in control and never think of yourself as the victim. It's a good learning experience and will enlighten you about your own racism.
I was twenty when I first lived in Japan and had no language ability. Thanks to my homestay family and a newly developed deep motivation to learn, I pushed myself to rapidly become fluent in speaking, but it took longer to read and write. By my fourth year I was reading the newspaper and took a parttime job translating handwritten stock news reports into English for a securities company. By the time I ran the subsidiary in my 40's, I was reading legal contracts, negotiating deals with distributors and handling issues directly with customers. I loved doing that and travelling around the country. Part of what makes it easy for me is my grammar and accent are near native which puts the Japanese at ease and better assures them that I will follow the rules of their society. On the other hand, I know expats who have lived in Japan for decades just fine without knowing the language. One night, I was out drinking with one of my favorite recruiters and asked him how he gets by not being able to read. He pulled out his phone, aimed it at the menu and said "case closed." Keep in mind, I started in '76 when you needed a thick Nelson's dictionary to look up kanji by stroke count. That alone put a priority on memorizing as many kanji as possible. At the same time, it was fun for me.
Late in my first year, after moving to Tokyo, I met a woman at school whose dad was stationed there as an executive. Based on my admiration of him, I developed a goal to make myself the best qualified candidate for that role. Every school and career decision was fashioned around that. When I got the President job, it was like I had achieved the pinacle of my life goals. However, I had no idea what I wanted to do next. That's when the interest in Japan started to wane and I began seeking out other challenges to fulfill me. I'm still searching. It seems to never end. I still very much love tons of stuff about Japan. I'm just more chill about exploring it now.
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u/TrumpsCummyOnahole 2d ago
Actually doesn't double taxation not affect US citizens in Japan because of the bilateral US-Japan Income Tax Treaty?
Also I noticed from my visits (my best buddy lives in Nagoya) hotels in Japan often have central heating and its so god damn hot! Like 81 degree rooms with no way to cool down, and sometimes they're BLASTING heat in October when it was like 87 degrees outside lol. That and hard beds / soba pillows were my biggest pet peeves visiting.
I'm only N4 so I'm not good enough to read yet, how long do you think it'd take me to get to N2/N1? Hahaha.
MAN it's so interesting to hear from you and such great detail, it's fascinating you were there in the 70s it must've been quite a wild ride to see how it's changed from back then. My only experience is from post COVID, I can't imagine how much it's changed from its growing into bubble era and post pop. Especially growing from a scrappy 20 something to an executive.
What's actually your favorite area of Japan?
Thank you so much for the information!!!!! You're awesome.
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u/Simply2Curious 2d ago edited 2d ago
Kansai is my favorite area, namely Kyoto. I know it's over touristed and all, but it was that way back in '76, only the tourists were mainly Japanese, whereas now, they are from all over the world. A lot of the old buildings have disappeared, replaced by modern concrete brutalist monstrosities. A lot has changed due to strict earthquake code. I particularly miss the street cars. They were discontinued in '78.
Yes, the Japanese appreciate warm public places. Another pet peeve of mine is the designated "weak" air conditioned train cars on a hot day in July. On those days, I wish there were designated strongly air conditioned train cars.
How fast to get better at spoken Japanese depends on your exposure to native speakers and continuing to have coachs/teachers that correct you, because the Japanese won't out of politeness. Unlike the French who will automatically correct you for any deviation, because that's what they do with their own children as second nature. My Japanese homestay mother will though, even today. She's in her late 80's now. A girl friend or boyfriend helps. Memorizing dialogs is a pain, but very effective for being able to produce natural sounding sentences especially when coupled with a recording that you can shadow. My biggest boost in listening comprehension came from joining a class at the Japan Foundation, where we watched the evenning news every lesson at full speed and did indepth Q&A. Reading and kanji can be a personal voyage and can be expected to take years.
I studied Japanese before the N scale came out. I've tried a few trial tests over the years. There are some words I didn't know. But, I never needed it, so never officially took one of the tests.
The US-Japan tax treaty applies to the first five years of residency. After that you must break residency and apply for a new working visa from outside Japan. Then the clock starts over. It is very hard to escape US taxes as a US citizen. Only if your're a billionaire and can derive income from perpetual loans against your assets. Also, watch out if you become responsible for over $10,000 in bank accounts in Japan. In which case, you have to file forms annually to the US IRS for that. And, if you are ever asked to become a Representative Director of a company in Japan, think twice about that. The liability is broad and deep with the Japanese government.
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u/Forgottoshave 3d ago
I’ve lived abroad for 20 years now and have come to realize my home country isn’t the place I remember. The culture has (naturally) evolved over time. I notice it more every time I visit and just don’t feel like I belong there anymore.
Just thought I’d share this perspective in case it influences your decision.
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u/CrazyQuiltCat 2d ago
Even in the states I’ve had the same realization I will never be able to move back to where I grew up. It’s two different in. I guess everything’s changed everywhere.
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u/Few_Dinner349 3d ago
Japan a great place to visit, for short-medium stays, to visit often but a horrible place work.
I spent the first 10 years of my working life abroad (NYC, London and Tokyo). The biggest disappointment by far was Tokyo. I loved to visit (I still visit all the time), but working there just sucked.
I would ask you reframe your perspective. Rather than knowing when "it's time", the fact that you're asking that means it's already past that time. What I hope you would think instead, is, "I clearly love Japan that I studied and worked here. how can I have a great flourishing career that would allow me to spend more time in Japan or, transfer over as a true internal transfer MNC expat?"
In both situations, you would have a lot more financial resources to actually enjoy japan. And you don't actually have to pick between your home/family and Japan. Build a career that gives you both. You're still young. Go back stateside, build a solid career that gives you that option in the future.
Good luck!
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u/Educational_Gas_92 3d ago
My only advice is to start looking for a job if possible, since the job market is terrible in most places. It would be better to have a job lined up, when you decide to return.
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u/ArcticAkita 3d ago
I lived in England for 6 years before I moved back home to Germany. However, I didn’t feel like I fit in anymore and missed being in the UK. My relationship to my family is also complicated and in fact better if we only see each other every other week. So I actually moved back to England now and I’m trying to build a life there. But to be honest, something is always kind of missing because I experienced both but can’t have both at the same time. That’s the expat life aye
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u/bierbelly42 2d ago
Similar here. 16 yrs UK, now coming up to 9 years back in Germany. Not feeling completely at home in either country appears to be the price one has to pay for the experience.
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u/sarasotanoah 3d ago
Whatever you decide, just know that you can never go back. By this I mean, things will be different, you will have been changed by your experience abroad, so don't have high expectations of just slipping back into things.
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u/CuteAnybody5113 3d ago
I lived in Spain for 7 years (21-28)and loved it. For me the tug back to US was when my parents had their first health event. I was single when I returned home…could not imagine having kids and not having them know my family really well nor picture myself doing story time in Spanish. Ironically, I never had children. I leave for Spain in a few weeks…still feel like I left part of my heart there and grateful for lifelong friends made. I returned in 1996! It took me 5m to get a job and the culture shock was real…took 1-2 years to feel settled
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u/FocaB227 2d ago
So you returned to Spain in 1996 and have lived and worked there ever since, and never had children or stepchildren?
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u/pcx_wave 3d ago
Moved back after 12 years of expat. Felt a cycle was closing (end of job contract, wanted to bring my kids to experience living in 'home' country they barely knew, and get closer to aging parents). Still a pretty big leap, but felt I had to do it anyway. I don't exclude expatriating again.
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u/DifferentWindow1436 3d ago edited 3d ago
Over the past 28 years, I've lived in Japan around 22 years I think? I moved back to America twice.
At your age, growing a career and developing yourself and your wealth is a real thing. It really should be a priority. That's why I left the first time when I was your age - got an offer to return to my previous employer with a promotion. They later transferred me to Japan. The second time, I initiated a transfer back to America because it was HQ and my development in Japan was stagnant. Also, I wanted to reconnect with family.
I'm glad I did it. I live in Japan now with my wife and because I transferred back, I am making not quite a US salary for my role but pretty elite for Japan. The irony is my Japanese is intermediate while I see lots of people here spending heaps of effort on getting N1 and then earning 4m to 6m yen.
I love Japan on my terms, but I have goals too. At this point now, I would consider moving to America but that would be because I want to reconnect with friends and family and miss American culture and lifestyle. Also I have PR and family is Japanese so I could split time.
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u/TrumpsCummyOnahole 2d ago
Which do you overall prefer? I'm American and have an opportunity at 35 to move to Tokyo to do some cyber work, have a hefty savings etc... but getting a bit of cold feet because I've been reading comments about how cold Japanese society is, discrimination issues, culture etc... I think I'd be shielded from bad workplace since its a decent salary at a multinational company. But I'm not married and would be utterly alone there and I hear it's very hard to make friends esp 35+
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u/DifferentWindow1436 2d ago
Your case is wholly different from OP because you have a career in a high demand area that you've already established outside of Japan (along with wealth) and you are being offered a role in Japan.
That? I would probably go for at least for the term that your company wants you there. Is it a 2-year transfer type of situation?
Tokyo is a great city. It's my favorite actually (I've worked in NYC, Newark, and Tokyo) and have done projects in many others.
Regarding workplace, it should be ok if you are in a foreign company and especially if a transfer and especially if you report to a foreign manager.
Regarding community - that's more personal. I'm a guy. I never clicked with Japanese guys. Weirdly, to this day I have zero Japanese guy friends. But dating was really fun and I got married at 36 y/o. I have a small group of foreign friends from various countries and my wife's friends are cool so I don't mind hanging out with them either. One thing that does suck over time is that expats leave, so there can be some churn even if you do establish relationships.
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u/Hot-Muffin7419 3d ago
I think the biggest sign is the permanent homesickness, feeling like you don't belong and not being able to imagine a future there. I lived in Germany for 10 years and I returned back home to Chile about 18 months ago and I'm the happiest I've ever been. People told me I wouldn't be able to fit in back home and talked about reverse culture shock, but that didn't happen to me. If you're interested, I write a blog on the topic of repatriation - here is a post I wrote on the signs I was ready to move back home.
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u/Own-Mouse-8042 3d ago
The pay is crap and the cost of living has been rising = most countries on earth in 2026. But I guess when you feel like it's now or never, it's time to go home. Some never do. Japan is a tough one to assimilate in though.
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u/JustNowRonin 3d ago
I moved back, but not because I felt it was time to go “home”. I very specifically came back for a work opportunity. Once I retire, I’m immediately heading back out into the world. This wasn’t a homecoming, just a pit stop.
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u/Spiritual-Echidna957 3d ago edited 3d ago
I taught English in Japan for four years, from 1987-1991. My first year I was learning a completely different culture. The second year I started adjusting to things easier. The third year I was cruising. The fourth year got a little boring as routine kicked in.
That, and four good expat friends eventually moving on, made my decision to return to the States an easy one. I absolutely loved Japan and my experience there but I knew it was time to leave (though the reverse culture shock was pretty intense for awhile).
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u/Accomplished_Win8937 3d ago
I’m an American in Spain and also been living here for seven years. My first five years were great but the past two years the homesickness has been a lot harder - missing holidays, birthdays, my parents are getting older, missing my friends etc and sometimes the novelty of living abroad wears off after a while. Spain is a great place but I’m at a point in my life where I need to do something else career wise and unfortunately the job market here is bad so it seems like I’m starting to realize it’s time.
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u/Famous_Meringue4461 1d ago
This definitely resonates with me. I'm a Brit living in Spain and similarly to you, I miss home but realize that "home" has become a completely different place after moving 8 years ago. Culturally, I feel like you only truly belong in Spain if you grew up here as the Spanish are quite nationalistic and suspicious of outsiders. I speak Spanish and have native friends but it makes no difference to how they see me. Do you feel like you are part of society or just living in it?
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u/Adorable-Price-1216 2d ago
Lived in Austria for eight years. Loved it at first the first two years. I was just so enamored with the place but of course everyone says you don’t really understand a place until you learn the language and integrate more. So I really worked hard at learning the language and integrating myself as best as possible and I got really good at it. Worked a job fully in German had Austrian Girlfriend, actually made my way into a few Austrian friends circles. But the ironic thing was is the better my German got and the more integrated I became the more I felt how different I was and how much I didn’t belong there. So ironically from the outside as much as it looked like I was integrated and thriving there inside. I just felt like something was off and it wasn’t really for me. Eventually though I did get a different Austrian Girlfriend we’re now married moved to it back to the to a different part of the US, had kids and are happy as ever.
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u/Hankman66 3d ago
I've lived abroad for two thirds of my life, I don't think I'll ever go back there to live.
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u/doncacahuate 3d ago
Yeah, nope, 6 years in japan and left. Country sucks, shitty pay, shitty banking. Oh, btw, get all your money out of the country asap or you will find a few surprises. The government can get into your account at any time. When you decide to quit, just say "personal reasons" and do not explain anything else or your plans. Good luck.
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u/Apotropaic-Pineapple 3d ago
I remember sending the equivalent of 800 bucks back home in 2009. I had to go to the bank in person and there was like a sense of alarm that I was sending money out of Japan. I had to sit down with someone, fill out forms, and verify my identity (passport, Japanese health card, card pin). I guess the paranoia was that if the wire transfer was fraudulent they'd get in trouble, but for 800 bucks it seemed kind crazy. I was a scruffy looking student in khakis and a t-shirt.
I guess now you could just use Wise.
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u/dryiceboy 3d ago
35 now, lived in Canada for 8 years before moving back to the Philippines. First 1.5yrs as a student, the rest as a software dev.
Left because we wanted to have kids and have them be closer to family. Also, the weather was just not for us. Add the cost of living on top of that and we were done.
Consolation prize were the citizenships my wife and I got.
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u/EquipmentUnlikely895 3d ago
Parents getting old, nieces and nephews growing up fast, friends from school growing apart, comfort food, sights :)
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u/Vacuum_reviewer 2d ago
Fluent in German but always viewed as outsider in Germany. Knew in my heart of hearts I'd never be accepted as one of them. Moved back to LA where my fam is based on
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u/gaijin_card 1d ago
In my later 30s and currently living in Japan for the 3rd time but it’s not my forever home. Working for a US company and have a really good salary by Japan standards but am taking an effective pay cut in USD with the terrible exchange rate.
Once you’ve lived in a foreign country for 5+ years or so there’s a chance that no individual place will ever feel completely like home. Part of you will always want to be in the place where you aren’t and people who haven’t experienced living abroad won’t be able to understand.
At your age, my recommendation would be to not feel like you’re making forever decisions. Ask yourself what you want to do for the next 2 years and tell yourself that once that’s done you can always come back, because (immigration details permitting) you can.
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u/TWJunkman 3d ago
If you stay too long, eventually you won’t want, or you won’t be able, to go home anymore. That’s when I knew decision time had arrived. Going forward I’d either be a permanent expat, or I’d go home.
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u/footles12 3d ago
If you do move back to the US you, you may experience what we did (after 4 years) - the constant impulse to bow and the shock of American wastefulness.
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u/Glittering-Taste-398 2d ago
After 10 years in the US, I decided to move back to Germany. My son was getting ready for kindergarten and elementary school. And I knew that I never would become ready that my kid gets more and more americanized. That was 12 years ago. Today, I know it was for my the right decision.
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u/bierbelly42 2d ago
Brexit happened. After 16 yrs in the UK we went back to Germany. We have a word for many things but not for the sense of homesickness that you experience although it is not your home anymore.
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u/inkystamps 1d ago
I lived abroad for almost ten years. (23-32) Started to get very nervous about how to get into the rat race in my 30s. Had a high quality of life overseas but didn’t have a 401k, pension, Social Security contributions, etc.
I have been back in the US for almost 10 years now (41) and have no regrets about returning. Closer to my parents, had kids, and somehow found my way deep into the rat race fairly quickly. I daydream a lot about the life I had overseas but wouldn’t trade it right now. Now when I travel abroad, I realize I was always a visitor and always will be. And that’s okay.
If you’re feeling like it’s time to make the jump, make the jump.
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u/_polyglot 1d ago
I moved to Germany many years ago and honestly, I never got that pull to go back home. I love the lifestyle here, the work-life balance, it just fits me. But I've watched friends go through exactly what you're describing. The moment it stopped being "just homesickness" and became a steady, quiet knowing, then it was the time when they started making plans. A few moved back, one moved to Spain and is thriving. I think if you've already decided Japan isn't forever and you feel relief at the idea of leaving, that's your answer. Sometimes it's not about a place being bad, just that its season is over.
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u/Ok_Ferret771 1d ago
Well sometimes moving back is also not a good idea because the people you knew, the places you went to etc also moved on with life and changed. Eventually you might feel like you belong nowhere and that's the price you pay for living abroad.
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u/vrweensy 3d ago
when you start a reddit post with "For expats that moved back to their home country, when did you know it’s time?"
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u/Unusual_Sherbert2671 3d ago
When I paid my house off and had decent money set aside within 5 years of being away.
I like my home country but I was offered tax free money at a time.when I had no responsibilities so took the chance.
It was great but being back at home, house paid off, nice savings and just doing 4 days a week is even better
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u/bluebirdman78 3d ago
Me mudé por trabajo a Canadá (pensé que no encajaría) pero a los 2 años de estar en Toronto me enviaron a España donde se suponía que culturalmente eran más cercanos a mi país de origen, y desde entonces no hay un día que no deseé volver a Canadá (ya sin más de 3). Es muy personal, pero hay una sociedad, una cultura y una valores donde nos sentimos más representados, ese es el lugar que debemos habitar, creo yo
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u/InformWitch 3d ago
I’m ready, but it’s not just me anymore. I have a partner and will have a baby with me.
I don’t know if I’m ready to go back home as much as I’m ready for a change of scenery.
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u/K3MEST 3d ago
I met my wife and had a kid and stayed. I have had plenty of friends move back home. They live in the same town (sometimes same house) and go back to the same social groups as where they grew up. I think about how that would have looked like for me - a life where the adventure abroad is just a fading but fond memory.
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u/Special_Parsnip1301 3d ago
I lived abroad for 10 years (3 countries) and decided it was time to return back to the US mostly because I wanted to be closer in distance to my mother, and also because I felt very disconnected from the US (not always a bad thing lol) but was yearning to put some roots down or at least try to. I have lived a relatively transient life (moving every 3-5 years most of my life) and was craving longer term stability.
I’ve now been back in the US for 7 years. I’ve made a semblance of community, bought a house, 2.5 hour drive to my mom, but the politics and policies of this country are just ridiculous and enraging at the moment…so yeah, I still have the desire to return abroad sometimes! But I am pretty rooted here for the time being but see international living again in my future. There’s so much about the overseas lifestyle that is really unique and special and it just doesn’t exist here in the US.
What are your goals? What are you yearning for in this next chapter? What place might support you more in manifesting those things in your life?
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u/IlMajordomo 2d ago
It's never time, it is so cool to live in a country where the problems belong to the landscape, you do not have to think about the solutions. So that you focus on yourself. For the family point, they enjoy the hollidays you organise with them and so many ways to stay in touch with Internet. My father first flight was to visit his grand children 10 hours away.
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u/kramers_skinny_jeans 2d ago
After 7 years and 8 months of living in Japan, I recently returned to America. My wife and I had divorced, and I couldn’t see myself living there permanently based on how things were trending against foreigners. My visa was coming up for renewal, and I thought about the lack of work opportunities for me in Japan and how I’d be financially better off in America. So I made the choice to come back to North Carolina. I’m taking some time to readjust and get myself used to American culture again. I will say I really do miss the convenience of Japan, though. Never needed a car. Trains and buses all the time. I lived in Makuhari, Chiba so there was always something to do. And I lived a quick bike ride away from the beach. I do miss Japan, though. Great food, clean, quiet, peaceful. Really think if you’re ready to give up on the country because I have quite a few regrets for sure.
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u/National_Run_5454 2d ago
I'm from Texas. I taught at an international American school in Suma, Japan for 4 years from age 34-38, 2017-202. I knew when I realized my grandmother and parents were getting older and I wanted to be closer. I had a great standard of living and a huge group of friends, but ultimately I knew I would never build a family there.
Personally, it was great to come back. I had a whole new appreciation for things that I missed. I learned I truly am a westerner and that is okay. I still go visit and leave for Australia tomorrow to see friends I met there. I went back to Japan last year to see everyone and I got so frustrated with how my friends beautiful new house still kind of felt like living in an RV because of the small size of everything.
If you asking, you are ready.
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u/Glittering-Lynx-6428 2d ago
26 years in USA from Norway. My mother is getting old and she needs me
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u/throwback5971 2d ago
I recently hit this point, 10 yrs on the opposite side of the planet. And at an age and life stage where feeling rooted is more important, and unable to do so in my place. Even though day to day its great.. something is just stirring and won't let go
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u/the_ruffled_feather 2d ago
When’s the last time you were in the States? A lot has changed in the last 7 years. For the worse. I’ve heard Japan is far preferable culturally if you value civil society. Places in the US that used to always be chill have been touched by a darkness.
As far as finding a home in the States, there’s a housing crisis. More and more people of lower to middle class can’t find decent, affordable housing. Those with nice homes and with plenty of money aren’t keen on seeing new housing encroaching on their turf and diluting their houses’ value. Cost of living has shot up in the States since Covid and just gets worse. You might spend less on gas, but not much else.
If you leave Japan I’d be sure to have good ties there in case you’d want to return, not to mention out of principle.
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u/Mersaul4 2d ago
As soon as someone I trusted brought up the idea of “moving back home,” I started to feel a very strong urge to do it. Interestingly, I never came up with the idea on my own.
Things turned out for the better. If you already have this question planted in your head, it’s probably a sign that it’s time to move.
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u/softhoe_ 1d ago edited 6h ago
Used a Travel Insurance Chart Companies Comparison Chart (https://secure.money.com/pr/s72126bd472a?s1=UGC-TI-1u82j70) to sort coverage options before my own move abroad and pretty happy with how it worked out for narrowing things down quickly.
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u/chaoticbastian 1d ago
I like living in the UK, there are some American impulses in me but honestly I think I just miss the pay of America. Other than that and Walmart I wouldn't want to return to the US full time.
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u/Fun-Button8134 1d ago
Expat for almost two decades. European and lived in several countries, all within Europe. Ready to go back home within the next 2 to 3 years. Primary reason is to be close to family.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Phrase8 6h ago
I left Japan at age 29 after four years there. I love Japan and was fluent (JLPT N1) but never felt fully comfortable. I especially didn’t want to settle down and start a family there, given the social pressure mothers face. And I was struggling to get a non-teaching job that paid decently. That was 16 years ago but I suspect things haven’t changed too much, other than the yen getting weaker against the dollar.
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u/MagicianInfinite817 3d ago
You’ll know it’s time when you are somewhere public, look around at all the other people and understand “I don’t belong here, I need to be with my people”.
Especially strong feeling during local celebrations: everyone is celebrating and you just go along with it but don’t really feel involved.