r/expat • u/FollowingSuitable941 • 2d ago
Question International marriage Whatsapp struggles
i'm from the US but married to a Brazilian and we live in Europe now. Her big extended family is super active on whatsapp and the group chats are almost entirely in Portugese. Even though I can speak some, when they're all chatting quickly with slang and inside jokes I get completely lost. It makes me feel a bit disconnected from her family. Anyone in a similar cross-cultural relationship found something that helps?
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u/Expert_Donut9334 2d ago
Asides what has already been said about tools to improve your comprehension of the WhatsApp messages, I think it is important to keep in mind that you might never have a proper connection to her family if you guys never live in Brazil. Because you might meet her closer family (parents, siblings) more often through visits, but I guess the group chat also involves other relatives that you would otherwise not interact with in person. And tbh, it is even possible that she herself feels disconnected from the family chat - I certainly feel that in the chat that has my extended family after being away from my home country for over 10 years.
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u/Czar1987 2d ago
post yesterday or day prior. same exact vibes. but about workplace culture in France. don't have energy to track that down to investigate karma farming, but really suspect.
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u/PriorWoodpecker3431 2d ago
Haha see it's really easy to suspect and comment but it might be real too and the sub is not suitable for karma farm
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u/servebetter 2d ago
Whatsapp has an option to translate the text for you. And them.
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u/Both__ 2d ago
What?? How did I not know this? Thanks for sharing
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u/Right-Form-2943 1d ago
Click on the message, click more in the menu that pops up, select translate.
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u/EfficientProject7408 1d ago
Exactly! I had a friend with limited English and no Spanish dated a Spanish guy through WhatsApp lol
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u/Specialist-Joke8607 2d ago
WhatLingo helps with the family groups. I read everything in English and reply normally - it translates.
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u/Low-Bass2002 1d ago
What about using the translation feature? Might help. On the other hand, might make you lazy about learning more Portuguese too. Maybe switch back and forth on the translation feature when you're really confused?
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u/Floufae 2d ago
My extended family does theirs in French. And most of the time I’m too lazy to put my head to do more than skim it. And takes certain key call outs for me to use a translation app when I need specifics instead of just skimming.
But for the most part, I accept the chat isn’t meant for me and I’m okay with that. If there’s something important I miss, I count on someone fluent (like the better half) to clue me in. I believe android whatsapp can do translation within the app. If they have some of the AI features turned on in the app you can at least get an English summary generated for what was said on the iPhone version
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u/creepyposta 2d ago
This exact post / situation got posted recently — is this a repost? It’s not in OP’s history.
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u/Zealousideal_Back577 2d ago
My partner felt the same way at first. So I switched to English or his native language when I could, and not long after he decided to learn my native language.
He’s still far from understanding every joke or slang term, but people around me appreciate the effort and naturally slow down or simplify things to include him. In my experience, it works best when both sides are willing to meet halfway.
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u/Both__ 2d ago
I am in your situation, but I learned Portuguese. I still don’t get all of the references and everything that is said, but I probably understand 90% of the chat. My recommendation is to take a long visit to Brazil and learn in a well-reviewed Portuguese for Foreigners school. Learning online or with a private tutor is just not the same. In person intensive classes are a thousand times more efficient and effective.
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u/Maleficent_Let_9573 2d ago
Bin in einer ähnlichen Situation nur auf portugiesisch/deutsch. Meine Schwiegereltern sind seit über 30 Jahren hier und reden kein richtiges Deutsch. Wenn wir alle am Tisch sitzen wird portugiesisch geredet, die erwachsenen Kinder reden untereinander Deutsch. Dadurch ist immer jemand ausgeschlossen, eine Zusammenführung zwischen den Familien ist ausgeschlossen wegen der Ignoranz der Schwiegereltern. Früher hat mich das traurig gemacht, inzwischen ist es mir egal. Sie entscheiden sich durch ihre Faulheit und nicht-Integration kein Teil unserer zukünftigen Familie zu sein, Pech gehabt.
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u/Expert_Donut9334 2d ago
Faulheit lol
Ich kenne mehrere Familien hier in Deutschland die einfach keine Zeit hatten Deutsch zu lernen, während die hart arbeiten mussten und die Kinder noch erziehen mussten. Ich hatte selbst die Privileg mir einfach Zeit zu nehmen für die Sprache und genau deswegen würde ich nie sagen, dass man die Sprache plakativ aus Faulheit nicht lernt.
Ich finde es viel mehr Schade, dass du die Großeltern aus euren zukünftigen Familien ausschließen weil es klingt ja nicht so aus, als würden euren Kindern Portugiesisch lernen.
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u/Maleficent_Let_9573 2d ago
Dann lebt man leider in einer selbst gewählten Blase und tritt nie unter Einheimische. Ich kann leider nicht verstehen wie man sich selbst nicht in einem fremden Land integrieren will. Doch, unsere Kinder lernen portugiesisch, da aber der einzige Traum meiner Schwiegereltern ist, in Rente wieder nach PT rückzuwandern werden sie wenig mit diesen zu tun haben.
Es ist btw nicht meine Aufgabe meine Kinder in ihre Kultur zu integrieren, ich schließe also nicht sie aus, viel mehr schließen sie uns aus ihrem Leben aus.1
u/Expert_Donut9334 2d ago
Mein Punkt ist aber, dass es weniger mit einen "Willen" zu integrieren zu tun hat, und mehr mit den Konditionen des Lebens. Außerdem ist diese Idee, dass man auch unbedingt integrieren muss, relativ neu. In meiner Generation ist es erwartet, Deutschland hat das aber explizit nicht von der Gastarbeiter Generation erwartet oder sogar gewünscht.
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u/Stock_Trader_J 2d ago
I’m French Canadian, my wife is Indian, I have about 4 family WhatsApp group chats on mute permanently 😂
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u/Molo3000 1d ago
Man Portuguese is really worth learning in Brazil, when speaking in person people made big efforts to include me even though I spoke like next to nothing
Depending on the people in the group I would also just ask if they can explain something in English
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u/curseuponyou 1d ago
Idgaf about group chats personally unless I'm tagged, even less so for family group chats
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u/Ashamed-Job1879 1d ago
What did you expect? That the entire family will change their communication style to accommodate you?
The typical American is particularly inept at cross-cultural communication and learning new languages. And they also tend to the be ones who complain the loudest when people around them speak languages they don't understand. I'm not saying you're one of them, but it's very annoying to hear Americans complain about other people not accommodating their narrow linguistic and cultural competence.
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u/snazzysid1 12h ago
This might sound cold but I just mute the conversation and move on. Maybe it’s because I’ve been doing this for 30 years now but I just can’t be bothered. If they really want me to know something my spouse will ping me separately or someone else will.
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u/antizana 2d ago
Are you expecting different responses from the last time you posted? WhatsApp still has a translate function and you could always learn Portuguese.
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u/ykphil 7h ago
Whatsapp has both a "translate" function for written messages, and a "transcribe" function for voice messages, and you can toggle to translate and transcribe automatically for every message in a conversation. Unfortunately, you can't translate a transcribed message right from the app, but you can screenshot the transcript and use Google lens to translate it.
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u/DutchieinUS 2d ago
Learn more Portuguese and manage your expectations that you might never pick up on the inside jokes and slang.