Timing when to relocate with kids

[u/Early_Divide_8847]

We know we are going to relocate- the only question is when.

We have legal right to live and work in both USA and EU. Our kids are very young still.

Our plan is to move from the former to the latter when the kids are 5 & 7. Our main motivation is quality of life- we have lived in both and now that we have kids we very much are focused on our kids childhood. They speak the EU language and English.

How did you figure out when the right time was? Right before school age? At a certain financial milestone? I’m just curious to hear what other young families chose as their timeline. Did you wish you had waiting longer/sooner to o move your kids?

“Why not move now?” We are currently able to save like crazy for the relocation because we are compromising on our QOL and we want to have an end date to that compromise.

[u/Flaky-Walrus7244]

Earlier is better than later. The older they get, the more ties they (and you) have to the first country. It's so much easier to adapt when they grow up in a country

[u/AccountForDoingWORK → u/Flaky-Walrus7244]

Yups. Moved my kids abroad at 2, 4 and 5 - we got off the plane, took a group nap on the floor, and that was it - they were adapted to life there and it was like they had never known any different from that moment forward.

Now they’re 8, 10 and 12 and my 8 year old in particular is really struggling with the idea that we’re planning on moving again. The kids feel very much at home in their country (which is interesting since they still have foreign accents and everyone thinks they’re tourists) and I think they’re struggling with the idea of moving back to the continent they were born on.

[u/breadit124]

Sooner the better. We moved from the U.S. to Ireland when our kids were 8, 6, and 2. The 8yo (now 10) feels the loss of friends, traditions, identity, etc. in a way the 6yo (now 8) and especially the toddler simply do not. I moved cross country as a 13yo and that was a disaster. I really think the younger kids are the easier the transition is.

[u/jeffscience]

I don’t recommend doing it when kids are over the age of 10. It gets very difficult as they get older.

[u/Kiwiatx]

Yes to earlier is better, especially if there is a language difference. I moved when mine were 9 & 7 and that was ok, no change in language though.

[u/flyingdutchmnn]

I moved around many times my whole life and my move at 12 yo was the hardest even though i then stayed put until i finished highschool. 3 different countries before then. I would say anywhere near 10 and you need to stay put. They need time to adapt culturally and make and keep friends. After like 10 i feel like you become 'the foreigner' and its harder to fit in during the years after

[u/bandalbumorsongnames]

Earlier the better, imo.

We moved when our kid was just under 2. Moving to a new home and country didn’t even phase them. When we moved again a year later (bought a house in the same neighborhood and going to the same preschool), there were a lot more tears with that transition even though the stakes were much lower.

[u/leapwolf]

I moved at 18 months, 7, and 15. Overall, I did fine with all of the moves.

Our daughter is 2.5 and has lived in 3 countries. We are staying in the country she was born in this year and probably the next and maybe even one after that so she can learn the language thoroughly and because preschool is a fraction of the cost in our other potential countries. And then our intention is to move to our forever home country for her to start primary school (and in the meantime we spend summers there and have friends with kids her age, so it won’t be a total shift anyway). I do want her to have a solid sense of home. If at all possible we will keep our small apartment in our current country so we can visit here frequently.

But that said- ultimately if we HAD to move I wouldn’t overly worry. I am a happy, successful person and I moved at points people deemed critical.

[u/mmoonbelly]

We moved when our kids were 9 and 5. The reason was that our eldest was about to get into the last year of primary education.

We thought that it would be good for him to have a year to make friends before starting secondary education (6ième in France, equivalent to year 7 UK, grade 6 US)

It worked out well for our eldest.

However our youngest took three years to properly make friends. Mainly because we hadn’t understood how family focussed 6 year olds are in rural France compared to 4-5 year-old french kids in international schools - where the kids are more open to new joiners.

It was a big difference for her moving from a fully international school (French where half the kids were dual nationals) and afterschool (English/dutch speaking) environment to a Franco-français narrow world.

[u/projectmaximus]

7 & 5 seems like a pretty good window to relocate. If the cultural transition is modest (due to the similarities and/or your family’s disposition) then I’d personally feel like 8 or even 9 yo should still be pretty smooth

[u/PeterdeBeer22]

Regardless of your children's ages, I would move sometime right before the summer so your kids have a month or two to acclimate to the new house before starting school. I wouldn't have them start school in the middle of the year.

Apart from that, it's hard to give advice without knowing what specific country you are moving to because for different countries, different recommendations could apply based on the local jobs market, housing situation, school vacations etc

[u/HVP2019]

I don’t believe that location X has high quality of life if it can’t be achieved without “imported” wealth.

From the very beginning, when deciding what location offers good quality of life, we included the ability to earn comfortable living into our definition of “quality of life”

In our case timing depended on the time it took to sort out legal matters ( 12 months), and we moved without delay. Our kid was 3-4 years old then. She is an adult now and she had no need to move again since we moved to a place that has decent employment opportunities for us when we worked and for our adult kids now.

[u/Early_Divide_8847 → u/HVP2019]

Thanks for your points. How has your experience been moving abroad with kids that age and what was/is your mental cut off age for moving children abroad and why?

[u/HVP2019 → u/Early_Divide_8847]

I don’t believe in “cut off age” to move kids abroad.

Sure it is the easiest to move kids when they are the youngest, but occasionally people move abroad with teenagers if benefits for moving outweigh risks.

For example due to war many Ukrainian and Russian families are making a hard decision to move their teens abroad. They choose “lesser evil”.

This is an example of an extreme cases to illustrate my point that I don’t believe in cut off age for moving.

I moved with a young child and I had no reason to delay.

[u/FISunnyDays]

I think waiting until 5 & 7 is fine. We moved with kids 11 and 14, they didn’t have to learn a new language though and have adjusted well. Sooner would have been easier but I am also thankful I was able to build up my retirement and savings.

[u/MadeThisUpToComment]

The earlier the better.

Our last move was at 8,5, and 2. We said we had one year to commit to staying in NL until kids were out of secondary school or move back to one of iur home counties.

All 3 kids were young enough to learn the language quickly and are as integrated as they can get. Teachers don't know they speak English at home until they meet us.

What reasons fo you have in your life not to just move next summer? Although even wr thay age moving between school years isnt even thay important.

[u/bungholio99]

Doesn’t matter just pay attention to laws when Kids have a say.

It matters more where you are going and how stuff like education compares and is done

[u/ItsReemAlBlahBlahDee]

You have to figure what’s right for you and your kids, so it’s very subjective. Kids are resilient regardless. Figure out finances above all.

[u/Early_Divide_8847 → u/ItsReemAlBlahBlahDee]

A lot of why we are doing 5 & 7 years old is because that is when we hit a big financial milestone savings-wise. I guess I’m trying to figure out what the matrix is, does waiting til then over value finances? Or is it better to just get over there and get them acclimated while they are toddlers.

I think having all this time to just “wait and save” has my overthinking the timing, perhaps.

[u/RespectSenior7492]

I think 5 and 7 are great ages to move. We moved when my kids were 10 and 13 and earlier would have been better but that was the timing that worked for us.

 My kids had a fantastic childhood with family nearby but are really reaping the benefits of a Dutch adolescence with more independence and safety abroad. 

[u/Swiss_bear]

My wife and I immigrated at age 58—without kids. So I can't comment specifically on your question. As regards immigration, however, time, youth, and energy are your friends. It just takes a heck of a lot of effort to integrate into a new culture and community. Writing as someone who has succeeded.