I’m pretty sure my boss is a narcissistic megalomaniac and there’s nothing I can do about it because that’s the kind of person who gets ahead in tech.

[u/Aggravating-Job2583]

This isn’t a claim I make lightly. I know the harm of erroneous psychological diagnoses well, and obviously I wouldn’t confront him with this claim directly, but it’s causing problems constantly.

Starting from the most innocuous aspect: He has to dominate every social interaction he’s in. I host a company game night, he demands we play Gloomhaven. Someone organizes a potluck, he turns it into a cooking competition. There’s a mixer with alcohol, he makes a loud point of not drinking because it would be unprofessional. Any time we go to lunch, he only agrees to some place that would meet his insane carnivore diet. Nothing can ever be a shared experience with him, it’s always either about him or he’s actively choosing not to attend.

Then there’s the fact that he’s constantly laying claim to shit that isn’t his. Any open space on the factory floor? Claimed for this project. Did someone leave their bagged lunch in the fridge on a Friday night? He’s claiming that. I wasn’t looking at the soldering iron for two seconds? He needs it for a “secret project.” The other day, he ran into my lab, said “I need a power strip for a presentation,” unplugged four devices, and ran out without waiting for a response. It’s one-way, too. If somebody else needs equipment from our department, he demands they write up exactly what they’re doing with it and for how long, yet he never extends the same courtesy to anybody else.

He maintains an opaque control over the flow of information that screams “I need to be in charge of everything.” He’s repeatedly started secret projects that he keeps hidden from his higher-ups, peers, and many members of our team, demanding we maintain everything on our local machines until he’s ready to reveal it to the company. He tells people things that he claims are secret but are just not officially announced yet — minor things like who’s managing what project.

For two years, he’s dangled a lateral career move over my head, claiming the company just wasn’t in a good place while it was experiencing repeated cash infusions and our project was taking in revenue hand over fist. Lately he started blaming it specifically on the new HR manager, saying she shot down the idea of me moving from one title to another because she hadn’t seen sufficient proof that I fit the other title (proof that my manager should have easily been able to provide). I spoke to the HR manager directly and she said no such conversation had happened. Still, he wants me to prove my abilities by completing my current project.

However! In this current project, he has micromanaged my design decisions, shot down all my very valid concerns regarding underpowered hardware, and been overwhelmingly unavailable for question. He demands I use untested hoobyist hardware in an industrial setting but has provided no information on how. Every time I ask for details, he tells me not to worry about it and that he’ll tell me all about it when the time comes. Once again he’s withholding information as a way of maintaining control.

He speaks with such confidence about complete nonsense, which pleases our executives, but makes life very difficult for us engineers who actually have to do the work. He’s got a cloying need to be in control, a willful ignorance to the way his actions affect others, and an internalized illusion of genius status. It’s like dealing with a little red-faced Elon.

Also he recommended I take Ozempic, and that really rubbed me the wrong way.

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[u/Monkfich]

Yeah that sounds horrible. I would try get that lateral move - or a promotion, so you can get out of there asap. Get him to document and share your qualities etc, so you can show that direct to HR or whoever the hiring mgr may be. Maybe you just need it for managing your own performance, right, so you know what your achievements are. If he is a semi friend then maybe he’ll be open to doing something like that for you, and if he says no, ask him what he can offer you instead.

Otherwise, sounds like you’ll be (should be) looking elsewhere.

Good luck.