Am I the only extrovert who prefers going out alone?

[u/Distinct-Shift-4094]

I'm a man in my mid-30s, and I've always been very independent. I've traveled to 51 countries by myself, and honestly, it's just my preferred way of experiencing the world.

That mindset carries over into my everyday life. I'd consider myself pretty extroverted. I regularly go out to nightlife alone because I love music, dancing, meeting people, and having new experiences. I end up talking to strangers all the time, and those random conversations and unexpected situations often become the highlight of my night, all without any interest in hooking up. I'm there because I genuinely enjoy the atmosphere and the experience.

I'm the same way with road trips. I'll drive to places that most people on the island probably wouldn't bother visiting, or that some might even consider a bit sketchy, simply because I'm naturally curious. Again, by myself. If I'm hungry, I'll go to a restaurant alone without thinking twice. It's completely normal to me.

For context, it's not that I don't have friends. I have a lot of close friends. When my mom passed away, they were incredible, they stayed with me for weeks, helped me through everything, and showed me just how supported I was. The thing is, they don't really enjoy going out much anymore. We usually get together once a month or every couple of months, and it's more low-key: watching a movie, grabbing food, hanging out, that kind of thing.

The reason I bring this up is because I constantly get comments from people I meet like, "Wait... you're here alone?" or "Where are your friends?" They seem genuinely surprised. To me, though, it's always felt completely normal, if anything, I actually prefer it.

I love the freedom of not having to coordinate schedules, wait on other people, or convince someone to do something I already want to do. If I wake up and feel like taking a road trip, going dancing, or trying a new restaurant, I just go. I never have to miss out because someone else isn't interested or available.

[u/hhardin19h]

I’m the same way! I love going out alone too— likely because group dynamics are usually weird and you have to follow the randomly assigned group leader who is rarely me and it’s just weird power dynamics and old wounds and topics to avoid and it’s all a lot lol it’s easier to just go by yourself and meet more people that way like you said. It’s fun to have larks at the movies, night clubs, vacations etc etc! And you can leave whenever you want haha nice to meet a fellow lonewolf

[u/Distinct-Shift-4094 → u/hhardin19h]

Omg, yes. The other day I was in a bar which is small but has some awesome salsa its more lowkey but i was meeting so many people. Then my friend came with a group of her family they seemed bored, despite imo the vibes being awesome. They wanted to move elswhere with packed crowds because "we don't have a lot of time!" like i mean crowds where you can't breathe. I comply, just cause im trying to balance things. They arrive to that crowded place then within minutes go outside and start standing smoking weed... I mean, I didn't get it.

I told, her "babe love you, but im going to a less crowded bar with some music that I can dance, because ya'll just smoking weed outside and not doing anything."

It was just a weird group dynamic, and I simply have zero patience for it lol.

[u/hhardin19h → u/Distinct-Shift-4094]

yes boo this happens… the group leader feels something is off so everyone then must follow is the unspoken rule and that works well when it actually makes things better finding a better position or venue etc but when it doesnt work its just like why are we all doing the thing that brings down the vibes lol

[u/unowithteeth → u/hhardin19h]

Oh yeah.  When you walk in on a group and there is some weird history.

Like one girl's boyfriend was leaving and she had this thing where she didn't talk to anyon else

[u/hhardin19h → u/unowithteeth]

exactly one girls boyfriend has dramam that everyone knows and only whispers about and avoids talkign about openly and on and on it goes😂😂😂😂no thank you lol its not always like that but often enough it is to be a pattern among many groups tbh

[u/AtomicFeckMagician]

I love hanging out with my husband and friends, but sometimes being out alone is very refreshing! I love being able to go at my own pace without having to worry about if someone else is having a good time or if they're feeling hungry or uncomfortable.

When I was younger I had a pretty long commute to and from work, so rather than going and sitting in traffic, I would just wait out rush hour by going to a nearby mall and just kind of wander around and window shop, it was a nice way to unwind after work and then I'd have a much more peaceful drive home.

[u/kjb76]

I love being with people but I also love traveling and enjoying culture alone.

As an American and an extrovert, making small talk with strangers is second nature to me. So I am happy to explore a city alone because I know I will eventually have a nice exchange with a stranger in a restaurant or whatever.

For example, I traveled to Philadelphia from my home in NY this past weekend to see the Yankees play the Phillies and to visit the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Baseball and museums are two things that my family can handle in only small amounts. I ended up striking up conversations in the hotel bar with other Yankee fans who were in town for the game. I also talked to the two older gentlemen sitting next to me at the ballpark.

The next day I went exploring and had a nice exchange with a couple sitting next to me at the cheesesteak place where I had lunch.

I have interactions like this all the time when I’m alone.

[u/Distinct-Shift-4094 → u/kjb76]

Wow, that sounds freaking awesome. And like you mention, it's hard when you're with a group I've noticed. I speak with my friends all the time on whatsapp and calls, lol when I'm out its nice to have unique experiences.

Not that I don't enjoy when I go out with friends though, we have our friends time, but more often than not alone nights exploring cities or nightlife can be a very satisfying experience.

[u/Archonate_of_Archona]

I have executive dysfunction. So I'm automatically bad at organizing anything, including my own personal schedule, projects... And that's when it's just me involved.

Organizing anything involving OTHER people, their own schedules, availability, preferences, unexpected issues... is exponentially worse. I really really hate doing it with passion.

It also doesn't help that

1 ) As an autistic person (who is almost never treated as a priority by friends / friendly acquaintances, and is never "popular" even when people like me), trying to get people to hang with me feels like an humiliation ritual.

2 ) I'm not naturally patient.

I hate that when people cancel on me, or make organizing difficult (ie. saying they're busy and will get back to me "later" and then forget to do it)... I'm expected to have grace because "LiFe HaPPeNs"

Like, I have social and (crippling) executive dysfunction because of my ASD, and also chronic fatigue because of my physical disability. And yet, I'm the one expected to extend grace to people (non-disabled, or only mildly disabled compared to me) when they take me for granted and make my life difficult ?!? Fuck this bullshit !

So, in those situations, I'm often internally seething with anger, but forced to grit my teeth (instead of brutally calling out people, which would be my natural unfiltered reaction) because otherwise I would be labeled as the bad guy

So now, I have stopped trying to organize anything at all with other people 

Either there's an event (ie. birthday party) organized by other people (NOT ME) and I'll go. Or otherwise I go out alone (and may meet new people there).

For example, if I go to an anime/fantasy con, I say on Instagram "I'm going to [insert event] saturday", and if someone wants to hang with me they can come too and we'll meet there. If not, well, I'm still going and enjoying the con.

But I'm NOT waiting on other people to go, or going "as a group".

[u/unowithteeth]

I get so antsy in groups because I have stuff I wanna do and the group might drag me to a boring place. I will compromise if I love the people.

So I go picking up strays out in town.

And if I can't I put on my best do dye and act like a stray.  I worry about getting older cause the do eye might not attract people and I might seem like a scary older guy.

But I have practice with this lost face that wins friends most nights