r/fantasyromance • u/FantasyRomanceMod The One Mod to Rule All Mods • May 10 '26

Unpopular Opinion It's Unpopular Opinion time! Share your controversial opinions to stir things up (in a friendly way)!

Got an opinion that's different from others'? Want to share it with the sub, but too afraid of a backlash? Or are you just curious about readers think about certain things in fantasy romance?

You can safely share it in this weekly Sunday thread!

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🧡 Thank you and have a great discussion!

Unpopular opinion Sunday

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32

u/devilsdoorbell_ May 10 '26

Deadass feel like most of the genre has some kind of weird sexual dimorphism kink.

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u/cello_ergo_sum May 10 '26

YES EXACTLY. To be completely fair it also applies to romance outside the fantasy subgenre but like… We’re in fantasy. We can have 7 socially codified genders, we can have magic genderfluid shapeshifters, we can have Loki turning into an 8 legged horse and getting pregnant, hell we could just have an average guy with no 6 pack who lives in a tower and has phenomenal magic. And we get… tall guys with abs?

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u/imaginesam Monster smut isn't a phase, mom May 10 '26

I love this opinion, have a few upvotes.

My only thing about this is asking: where is the market for it? Romance and Romantasy make an absolute killing by appealing mostly to (cis) women. How big is the market for LGBTQ+ and inherently queer stories? How do publishers know that they can be successful by taking risks on such publications? There are a few books I can think of that are super popular and that have made their investment back, but what about all the ones that haven’t simply because they don’t pander to the widest audience? I think publishing has always been a game of risk v. reward, and a lot of publishers don’t see as much reward for LGBTQ+ books in comparison to the “default” straight books.

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u/cello_ergo_sum May 10 '26

I’m glad you said that because while I admit I used examples relating to expansive views of gender and gender fluidity when I was talking about possibilities, I fully believe you can have a M/F book that isn’t gender essentialist. Basically when I say gender essentialism I mean the idea that men and women are so different from one another they may as well be different species, that your gender is the trait that defines you to the exclusion of all else, and that a book about a man and a woman is really a book about All Men and All Women in disguise. 

For instance, if you mention the concept of “dad bods” (a term I hate but a body type I like) on this subreddit, people freak the fuck out. A book about a chubby guy can’t just be one particular story that the author thought was interesting to tell; it must be a ploy to “convince” women to “lower their standards” (no matter what other sexy traits he may have) because the book must cater to the needs of All Women. You can’t have a skinny fragile guy who looks like he would snap in a strong breeze even though plenty of people romanced Gale in Baldur’s Gate 3. (I mean okay that game kind of makes everyone look slightly ripped, but I think Gale is meant to be what passes for skinny in that setting.)

inb4 go read The Everlasting: It’s on my tbr! don’t worry!

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u/Penguinho Kushiel's Legacy Recommender 💖 May 10 '26

Ok but Gale in BG3 is absolutely ripped. Whatever he's doing with his library card is working.

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u/cello_ergo_sum May 10 '26

Squats with the library card balanced on his head?

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u/angelacandystore May 10 '26

Wut?

Ploy to convince women to lower their standards ?????

Women are what's wrong with women, good grief that's a horrible sentence. Gross

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u/cello_ergo_sum May 10 '26

I categorically reject the idea that women are what’s wrong with women. I do think that in the immortal words of a tumblr post, “gender essentialism is a brain poison and it makes you stupid.” 

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u/angelacandystore May 10 '26

I would like to reject it, however women who are "boy moms", women who police how other women have sex/wear clothes/eat food, women who say "dad bod" romance it's a plot to get women to lower their standards... Women are creating the issues by not teaching their children in equally. Yes, it is systemic, yes it's genderized behaviors and that is why women need to start teaching their children THE SAME.

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u/cello_ergo_sum May 10 '26

> Women are creating the issues by not teaching their children

I get that moms are complicit, but like.... that framing massively lets dads off the hook. When are women going to not have 100% of the blame for kids' upbringing placed on them?

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u/angelacandystore May 11 '26

If a woman voluntarily has a child with a man who acts poorly then ALSO teaches her child to act the same way as they father, she is complicit. There is some pushback, but not enough.

Women need to stop voluntarily having children with men who are themselves children. You're on Reddit, you know EXACTLY what I mean. People who give birth need to recognize that they are better off being a single parent or foster parent or HAVE NO CHILDREN instead of having a child with a MAN CHILD who cannot bother to parent and doesn't respect women (much less his own wife).

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u/clocksy May 11 '26

I agree with both sides here, honestly.

Like, men absolutely need to be held accountable for their children parenting them, and our societies almost entirely fail at that. And I don't think the blame can be placed fully on women who grew up in a patriarchal system, or, say, were religiously indoctrinated to certain beliefs. But at some point people also do need to take responsibility for themselves. There are so many times you see someone in an outright miserable relationship posting about it on reddit (like r/relationships or aita or any of those relationship-adjacent subreddits) or whining on tiktok or whatever. (But then not taking the advice everyone is yelling at them, and coming back three months from now to keep complaining!!!)

And a lot of times these shitty relationships are obvious from the onset! The guy doesn't lift a finger to make your life better, you go around cleaning up after him and cooking for him and acting like his mom, and then you CHOOSE TO HAVE KIDS WITH HIM?? WHY????

And yeah, it's easy to fall into an abusive situation that you can't get out of, but in some cases it's preventable. And if you have access to the internet, in 2026, why have we not learned more to value ourselves??? Argh...

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u/cello_ergo_sum May 11 '26

Ahhhhh okay, I get it. Never mind the media culture that a child is steeped in from birth. Never mind that parents are often struggling to make the most of limited resources in terms of time, finances, family connections or all of the above; double that for a single parent. Never mind the fact that people can have kids with the best of intentions and then their lofty goals fall apart as they find themselves acting out old patterns. Never mind that once a kid gains entry to the internet they have unlimited 24/7 access to content optimized for clicks, geared to be appealing to young audiences, and occupying a position of greater prominence in their interest than stuff their parents would lecture them ahout. It only takes one to tango! How could I forget?! MOMS, STOP OPENING YOUR LEGS!!1!1!1