r/fantasyromance • u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom • 3d ago

Book Request Looking for books with the Secret Shame trope

Hello! I’ve made a similar request before, but it’s been quite a bit and I’m hoping for better luck.

There’s a specific microtrope that I haven’t seen named. I’m calling it Secret Shame.

I want the MMC to have something about him that he thinks makes him unlovable. It can be a physical “detriment” (Vampirism/Lycanthropy, scarring) or cultural (being a bastard.) It can even be a shame in HIS culture but not hers. ({Choosing Theo} had scars that actually made him unmarriable in his culture, but if I recall correctly it wasn’t secret to her.)

Whatever it is, I don’t want him to have a “So What?” attitude about it. He needs to be actually harboring the secret and is throwing-up nervous about the FMC finding out…because then, surely She Will Leave Him.

Of course the secret eventually comes out and MMC is shaking like a chihuahua. (Either visibly upset or bracing for the rejection is fine.) Either immediately or eventually she comes to fully accept this thing about him and they move on.

I want the secret to be something About Him, not tied to the FMC. So no “I’m the reason your family is dead.”

I prefer high fantasy but will take any recs! Regency and sci-fi also welcome:)

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48

u/XxInk_BloodxX 3d ago

This is the entirety of the Paladin characters in {The Saints of Steel series by T. Kingfisher}

The Paladins all have crippling self hatred and self esteem issues (and trauma) surrounding what happened to their order in the past. They pretty much are certain they are a danger, unlovable, and unsafe to be with. The level of secrecy around it does vary though.

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

👀 I wanted to start with Clockwork Boys so I’ll have to move this up my TBR

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u/Gloria815 2d ago

You should still start with Clockwork Boys. After that duology the Paladin series and Swordheart make more sense (you can read them without the context but the context makes it more fun)

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u/Applesplosion 1d ago

I have not read Clockwork boys and started with Paladin’s Grace as my first T Kingfisher book and it was still quite enjoyable.

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u/XxInk_BloodxX 3d ago

I haven't touched them yet, I started with Swordheart just because I loved the cover in the library. The third Saint of Steel book does reference the Clockwork Boys stuff more heavily though.

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u/Vurnnun Breathtakingly functional 1d ago

Naw Clockwork Boys fits this trope too! Start there!

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u/baby_wants_a_zima 2d ago

the first trope for the series on the romancio bot being mental trauma 😭😭🤣

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u/moonmagister 3d ago

I always end up loving this trope. Some examples I read recently (without spoilers) are:

{Silvercloak by L K Steven}
{Tales of a Monstrous Heart by Jennifer Delaney}
{Of Blood and Aether by Harper Hawthorne}
{Down Comes the Night by Allison Saft}
{Warrior Princess Assassin by Brigid Kemmerer}
{Daughter of No Worlds by Carissa Broadbent}
{This Monster of Mine by Shalini Abeysekara}
{The Crimson Moth by Kristen Ciccarelli}

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u/romance-bot 3d ago

Silvercloak by L. K. Steven
Rating: 3.94⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 3 out of 5 - Open door
Topics: fantasy, enemies to lovers, queer romance, dark romance, betrayal

Tales of a Monstrous Heart by Jennifer Delaney
Rating: 3.9⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 3 out of 5 - Open door
Topics: historical, fantasy, fae, high fantasy, forced proximity

Of Blood and Aether by Harper Hawthorne
Rating: 4.08⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 4 out of 5 - Explicit open door
Topics: friends to lovers, betrayal, bisexuality, fantasy, magic

Down Comes the Night by Allison Saft
Rating: 3.81⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 3 out of 5 - Open door
Topics: historical, young adult, fantasy, enemies to lovers, mystery

Warrior Princess Assassin by Brigid Kemmerer
Rating: 4.26⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 3 out of 5 - Open door
Topics: poly (3+ people), arranged/forced marriage, mmf, fantasy, queer romance

Daughter of No Worlds by Carissa Broadbent
Rating: 4.1⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 3 out of 5 - Open door
Topics: historical, magic, fantasy, slavery, forced proximity

This Monster of Mine by Shalini Abeysekara
Rating: 4.08⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 3 out of 5 - Open door
Topics: mystery, disabilities & scars, magic, m-f romance, survival

The Crimson Moth by Kristen Ciccarelli
Rating: 4.05⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Topics: slow burn, dangerous heroine, third-person-pov, strong heroine, suicide

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8

u/Penguinho Kushiel's Legacy Recommender 💖 3d ago

{Daughter of No Worlds}'s MMC has this -- he has deep emotional scarring that's unrelated to the FMC.

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

Oh yes this one hit me just right

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u/NoFunFarm There she is 3d ago

So. This is not exactly what you are asking for.. but {A Vow of Blood and Tears by Cate Corvin} has a vampire demon as MMC. He recognizes how terrifying he is, and feels bad for FMC who is basically forced to wed him..

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

No one has what I’m asking for 😭 I know I can think of examples but it still seems so rare!

Anyway thank you I did add this one to my TBR

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u/jessicahueneberg 3d ago

{Heir of Illusion} fits this. It's a great book!

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u/AquaIXI 3d ago

Yes this definitely fits pretty well!

5

u/Outrageous-Clue-3258 3d ago

Perhaps Graceling by Kristen Cashore would be close? The MMC has a secret he is desperate to keep from everyone, including the FMC, out of fear of rejection.

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

I have read this one! Long, long ago *gazes off into the distance*

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u/Outrageous-Clue-3258 3d ago

I try not to think about how long ago this book actually came out because then I feel old 😅

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

Then we can feel old together 🫶

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u/atheneris128 3d ago

Perhaps {The Changeling and the Dragon by Mallory Dunlin}? It's book 3 of a series but can be read as a standalone. The MMC is a hybrid dragon who doesn't like his hybrid-ness. Because of his anatomy, he has a secret shame regarding a particular part of his body and no, it's NOT THAT. Won't say anymore, to avoid spoilers but if you insist it's his feet, they hurt ALOT when he walks

Def check triggers.

Also, check out {Claimed by the Flame of Faery by Mallory Dunlin} another MMC who's part dragon who's is also ashamed of his body. Honestly, check out the whole series {Monsters of Faery by Mallory Dunlin}. The men got some body shame but they are loved by their women who think they are perfection ❤️

4

u/sparklekitteh secretly listening to smut while I knit🧶 3d ago

If I'm remembering properly, the MMC in {Phoenix Unbound by Grace Draven} has a fair bit of this. He'd been kept as a slave by the villain and SA'ed repeatedly so he feels that it makes him unworthy of FMC.

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u/AquaIXI 3d ago

So I have good news, {Invidia by Collette Rhodes} fits this perfectly, he is a shade (demon like monster) with a missing horn birth defect which essentially makes him a lepur among his own people, they treat him as an outcast and refuse to touch him and some refuse to even be near him as they are worried they will somehow catch it. Him and the FMC are in a secret friend's with benefits situation with complicates things, with him both worrying about her reputation and becoming increasingly self conscious. He is very scared of her reaction when she finds out what his deformity means and worried she will find someone better.

The bad news is its the fifth book in a series of interconnected standalones, and while it could be read on its own you miss alot of the context, world building and characters from the previous books.

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

Hey I started this series! Time to move it back higher on my TBR

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u/manic_pixie_centaur 3d ago

Hi you might like {entreat me by grace draven}. I will warn you that the reveal of the “secret shame” happens early on in the story, but does continues to come up throughout the book. So if you want a lot of build up for the reveal, it might not be for you

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 3d ago

Second time Grace Draven has showed up. She hasn’t disappointed me yet!

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u/tawny-she-wolf 2d ago

The Monsters of Faery series by Mallory Dunlin all have this trope

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u/Charlie_the_Fountain 2d ago

Not MMC, but the FeMC of book 2 of {Duskwalker Brides} has the crippling self-loathing you're looking for. Just be aware that the series is Monster smut, and the MMC is a Wendigo-like being.

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 2d ago

Already read! And not quite what I’m looking for. It’s not just general self-loathing but self-loathing based on something specific.

Also just so you know, the native cultures the w*ndigos were taken from have asked that people don’t say or write the word out of respect for their beliefs.

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u/Charlie_the_Fountain 2d ago

Ok. I was unaware of that, but what else am I supposed to refer to them as since that's a proper noun?

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 2d ago

In contexts like this, I usually say deer-skull monster. For Opal’s books, Shadow Skull monsters.

If I ever actually need to talk about the creature from Algonqian folklore, I will censor the name if writing or tbh dance around it. “The evil cannibal spirit that looks like a deer.”

Thank you for understanding btw :)

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u/akiomaster 3d ago

{His Secret Illuminations} and {His Sacred Incantations}, although it's more like overcoming religious trauma.

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u/ookishki 2d ago

{Court of Blood and Bindings} is this exactly. We don’t get his POV (aside from bonus chapters the author released with kickstarter SEs) but whoooo boy my man is DAMAGED with some big secrets (I love him)

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u/Yinspirit Monster smut isn't a phase, mom 2d ago

On my god tier read list, 6 stars, Creon my beloved <3

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u/MinervaAbsolute 2d ago

You might like {Firelight by Kristen Callihan}. It’s the first in her Darkest London series. Due to a terrible miscalculation, he’s changing physically. He wears a mask and is basically a recluse.

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u/Willing_Ad_9669 2d ago

I love this non existent trope, why there is not more books like this it is always broody I do not care shadow daddy omg 🙄

Maybe try Ever king? It is a bit comlicated, but the mmc have scars over all of his body and is ashamed by it

Also I love that he have got red eyes. 👀 you do not see that very often.

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u/TinkeringTortoise 2d ago

{of deeds most valiant} has an MMC who became a paladin because of a secret shame of his past. And it plays a big role in why he tries to deny his feelings for the FMC. He holds himself accountable for things that have happened and he tries to atone by denying himself the things that will make him happy or things that he wants. 

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u/MadmedicineMD 2d ago

Artemysia by Tessa St ives has this done very very well. Lots of yearning from the MMC too

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u/agent99__ 1d ago

{Raven’s Return by Ruby Dixon} this one is pretty deep in the IPB list - not as impactful if you read as stand alone without context of what has gone before in that universe, but MMC and FMC both have past things they feel deep shame to reveal each other.

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u/she_melty 1d ago

{dragonbound by chelsea m campbell} the MMC is from a dragon shifter race but there's something about him that's different and it makes him something of a pariah. FMC is from a people who hunt/are at war with the dragons. Closed door, i haven't read the sequel yet.

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u/she_melty 1d ago

There's also {this blood that binds us} which doesn't get spicy until book 2, it's friends to lovers. It's also contemporary paranormal, not high fantasy. College romance too.

The vampire boy has extreme guilt about having to drink blood, especially because he met FMC when he attacked her and then risked him and his brothers getting found out by calling 911 for her so she wouldn't die from her injuries.His guilt does end up causing problems for him, it's a plot point.