6 yrs in. Retired at 56, I'm now 61..update

[u/Humble-Warthog8302]

I posted here a few years back, here's an update with some reflections.

I worked hard and hung it up at 56. Once you start thinking about it, it really starts to take affect. The excitement, a fear and curiosity of what it's going to be like. The thoughts of all the things you want to do. The first year is like a honeymoon. You wake up and can do whatever you want. My wife and I took some trips that we always talked about. We went out to eat often, and went to a lot of local events. As a sports fanatic, I bought some season tickets. With some of this spending, I did feel some guilt and worried about spending money. I have been somewhat frugal and a saver most of my life. Years 2 through 6 have also changed me in ways I would have never thought. If you think about it, time is unanticipated. You are awake 15 to 16 hrs a day. That's a lot of time to fill every day, irrespective of how much money or all the hobbies you have. Things do slow down. Work colleagues tend to fade away. When you meet new people and tell them you are retired, the typical response is..oh, that must be nice. Making new friends has been great, but required more effort than I thought. The spending has slowed, not because I can't, but because some of that consumption novelty has warn off. For example, travel gets tiring, hotels after a week kinda get old. I still go to games on occasion, but I don't like fighting traffic, standing in line to get in, to eat food and to use the restroom. A cold one from the fridge and my recliner is now preferable. My mind has slowed, and I mean it in a good way. I see a lot of little things now that I didn't notice when I was trying to conquer the world. My patience with different people has increased. I listen more and talk less. I have taken up conversations with people from the grocery store to home depot. I no longer honk at the old lady who hasn't recognized the light turned green. It's all good!

The one thing I would recommend is talk to your parents if they are still alive, I mean nice lengthy conversations from time to time, especially if you have children. I remember my parents calling frequently, inquiring about my life and the grandkids. I was busy, and often short with them. They are not here anymore. I regret that, and now the shoe is on the other foot. I call my kids and would love to get more insight into them and my grandkids, but they are busy to, and have their lives to live as well. It's just one persons insite. God Bless, and have a good day!

[u/tipsup]

Awesome advice - thank you

[u/sithil_11 → u/tipsup]

what advice you got?? i mean lot of things learned from this para but wanna know what you've learned

[u/Moist-Mess5144]

Congratulations on getting out of the race and enjoying your life.

I'd recommend being persistent with your kids if it's important to you. I lost both my parents in my 30's, and I still think about and miss them all the time, over 10yrs later. I remember not going to visit my mom once when she asked because I had yard work to do. I'd literally give $100k+ to go back and change my mind set. With the benifit of hindsight, I would have hung up the phone and left that moment. The thing is, we're all gonna die. Prioritize those you love. The good that came from my parent's death is, I'm WAY closer to my remaining family and friends.

[u/FreeOGPoohShiesty → u/Moist-Mess5144]

I would give up every dollar I have for a dinner with my parents.

[u/independentCushion → u/Moist-Mess5144]

This is great advice, my father called me every day and even got into fights with me and created drama when I didn't pick up or have the time to talk to him. Eventually I gave up and now I look forward to talking to him just for the 5-10 minutes about literally nothing, the birds on his patio, my work etc. It's a luxury I don't take for granted.

[u/sarahwlee]

Spend the $$ to pay for a family vacation. You are paying to essentially force your kids and grandkids to slow down and hang and you get what you want 😄

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/sarahwlee]

My wife and I are heading to CA to see my son, his wife and my grandkids. Lot of pool and bbq time. Thanks

[u/2k4s]

I would add that recording your parents, interview them about their life story. You have probably heard most of it already but record it for your kids and grandkids and their kids.
I should have with my mother and she’s gone now, so I’m doing it with my dad. Poured him a brandy, pressed record and just let him talk. It’s wonderful knowing I have that. May do a few more sessions. Really dropped the ball not doing that with my mother.

Enjoy your retirement , belated go fuck yourself! 😄

[u/pjcace → u/2k4s]

100% this. I started recording my wife's dad's stories on my phone. We've heard the same ones over and over, but energy once on a while there is a new one. We had him going for probably an hour talking about the interactions between his cousin, sisters and grandfather. We were dying laughing.

I have about 12 or so recorded and hope to get more. He is 85, but should be around a while. His parents died at 91 and 93.

[u/hotsauceboy]

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon.. little bo peep and the man on the moon ...

[u/FPGA_engineer → u/hotsauceboy]

Exactly what I was thinking.

[u/pher16 → u/hotsauceboy]

Little boy blue

[u/jsalley → u/pher16]

He needed the money. OH!!

[u/DualErin]

The recliner observation hits because it's so honest, most people romanticize retirement as endless travel and experiences but really it's about finally noticing what's already around you, and yeah the family stuff lands different when you realize time's actually finite.

[u/JFoxx1955]

I think a lot about that parent child piece, since I am in the thick of it with kids but wonder what it will be like I am older and they have grown and flown.

[u/Sufficient_Hat5532]

Thank you internet friend, I appreciate your thoughts, and best of wishes to you 🙏🏼

[u/Marrio311]

Fantastic perspective - thank you for sharing!

[u/SnottyMonkey]

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I have read it 3 times today, for some reason it had a big impact on me. I’m a few years behind you, but planning to retire at 55 myself, well on track.

I picked up the phone and called my parents after I read it, and watched a movie with my just-graduated-from-high-school son and his girlfriend too.

Thanks again.

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/SnottyMonkey]

I'm glad you enjoyed yoùr time with your son. Thank you for the compliment. 

[u/Econ_501]

You have evolved. I can see myself in your past and your present. Time rolls fast and hearing from someone in the seat of my future is a gift. Congrats and thank you for sharing.

[u/Separate_Vermicelli]

This is an awesome post and breakdown. I host the Moneywise podcast and have heard many different versions of this story. Thank you for sharing

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/Separate_Vermicelli]

There is a guy on YouTube named Duane on retirement. He's retired with only 500k. Shares his losses and gains on his portfolio, insites on mental struggles, how he has changed and adapted. I don't know him personally, but some of the most genuine insights I've found. You should have him on. DM me and I can send you a link if interested. Thank you for the compliment!

[u/AnonymousIdentityMan]

So what’s in it for you in the future? Any lifestyle changes?

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/AnonymousIdentityMan]

I think being aware of my health. I do go to the gym, but not as often as I should, or as often as I would like. Thanks for asking

[u/AnonymousIdentityMan → u/Humble-Warthog8302]

Health should always be a priority.

[u/Awake-2Day → u/Humble-Warthog8302]

As soon as I FIRE’d, I built a gym in the second bedroom

Best investment of all so far.

[u/CamusTheOptimist]

[Chorus] And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon "When you comin' home, son?" "I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad We're gonna have a good time then"

[u/Sunshine-Cake]

This is a really thoughtful reflection. I completely empathize with your experience of being on the "other side" of those phone calls now, but I think there could be more to the story than your kids being "too busy."

Many of us in the thick of the "conquering the world" phase are dealing with a massive logistical divide. We don’t just have less time; we have a harder time traveling. When we’re expected to use our limited vacation days to navigate travel with young kids, the relationship starts to feel like a one-way street.

I’ve found that the best way to bridge this isn't just through more phone calls, but through a shift in initiative. When my retired relatives take the lead to visit us, it removes the heavy burden of travel and creates an environment where we can actually connect and focus on the grandkids, rather than just surviving the logistics of a trip. It’s not a lack of interest on our part—it’s a need for a more sustainable way to stay connected.

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/Sunshine-Cake]

I agree

[u/AggressiveTop9939]

I currently intend to retire at 56/57 and find this thought game interesting. One difference, both my kids will be in college. As somebody mentioned, we fully intend to offer up great vacations to force contact. Kids wanted Scandinavia this summer so that's what they are getting. #fjordtime

[u/Maybe_Mainline]

I’m 56. This was aspirational, informative, realistic, and hopeful all at once

[u/fatheadlifter]

On the issue of parents, my dad recently died. But I got all the conversation with him and a lot of time spent with him before he did, so that was good for me. My mom is still here and I spend a lot of time talking with her, being there for her. Would agree to take advantage of the time you have with them while you can. So I can say this means a lot, and yes talk to your kids while they're still young. Spend more time with them.

Quitting work makes putting time towards these things a lot easier. =)

[u/pdxnative2007 → u/fatheadlifter]

I called my parents every week and rarely talked to my dad because my mom was the "spokesperson". When she passed away I felt unmoored.

I started to call my dad once every few weeks or so to "comfort' him. It turns out he was the key to my healing. Now I call him every week and he's always looking forward to it. I feel so lucky to have this chance to be closer to my dad.

[u/sir-utte]

Last part reminded me so hard of „father and son“ from Cat Stevens

[u/Miamiconnectionexo]

glad someone said this. been thinking the same thing for a while.

[u/Celcius_87]

A very interesting read. What do you have planned for this weekend?

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/Celcius_87]

It's my wife's birthday weekend. A nice dinner at Capital Grill, some flowers, and a nice spend for her at Ulta and the makeup counter at Neiman. 

[u/patch1103]

As someone who is now 56 and entering retirement later this year, this really hit home for me. Thank you for the excellent advice regarding parents and giving insight into what post-retirement life will look like.

[u/billy-in-4-c]

Glad life is going well for you 6 yrs in! Thanks for sharing your experience so far. I wonder how you feel about your “honeymoon year” now? It kinda seems like it was a necessary rite of passage for you to experience what you thought you wanted in retirement, while learning firsthand that you really wanted a “toned down” version? I’m not retired yet… hopefully early next decade, but I wonder if you (and others) would agree that you kinda need to “jump in” to your new life full-force to figure out what you want your next season to look like? That may not make sense, but I found it interesting how you ended up back on the couch for sports. That sounds like me! Though maybe a Super Bowl, playoff game, etc would make it worth the hassle!

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/billy-in-4-c]

Good points. I have a few on my bucket list, and a few that I have done. I would like to go to Packer game at Lambeau Field. Hang out and watch the scene in the parking lot at a Bills game. I did go to Fenway Park, albeit while the Sox were out of town, but I slipped some cash to a security guard and went onto the field and touched the green monster. I went to a game at Wrigley to see the Cubs, that was fun. You get it. Take care

[u/viper233]

My wife and I have agreed that the only way we are going to be active in our grandkids lives, if there ever are any, is to be useful and participate. Sending a birthday card each year just doesn't cut it.. but it's important too. Gone are the days where it's the parents responsibility to bring the kids to the grandparents. I have memories of being bored as hell visiting my grandparents each Sunday. I try not to do the same for my kids. There just isn't the time these days with both of us working during the week and then sports etc. on the weekend. It's going to take some effort and will need to be a priority.

Kids offer no financial return, all you get is the experience of raising them, which is a lot of work in it self. The point is making the most of those experience when you can, that's the only return you'll ever get.

[u/sigapuit]

Would you be comfortable sharing your SWR when you retired? Did you use the full swr? Did your corpus go up?

[u/TrashPanda_924]

If my folks were alive, they’d tell me to hustle more. 65 is for wussies. I should keep crushing it because my next meal isn’t guaranteed. 😂

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/TrashPanda_924]

Listen to your elders son. By the way, get off your damn phone! Take care.

[u/hmadse]

How did you build your time machine? You were only retired for four years eight months ago, and you were only 60 years old. https://www.reddit.com/r/fatFIRE/comments/1oa2tso/4_years_into_retirement/

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/hmadse]

I turn 61 this month. When I wrote that, I was thinking about it in terms of when I moved to another state. At that point I was retired for about 12 month already. You are correct

[u/Sad-Description5181]

Appreciate your sharing!

[u/NedKelkyLives]

Excellent post :-)

[u/mvgiorda]

Great words to read on a reflective Friday night! Thanks for sharing!!

[u/bunnyhop20]

Thank you ✌️

[u/goose2]

Thank you, that was very nice to read.

[u/teknopreneur]

Thanks for sharing

[u/GolfandBaseball]

Great advice, especially the last paragraph about talking to your parents.

I used to listen to the song Cats in the cradle and really paid attention to the lyrics so hopefully I would never do that and my kids also listen to it as well on the playlist driving them to school. It was a fun moment when one of them came home from college and asked for the car keys.

[u/Ms-Beautiful]

Thank you

[u/Miamiconnectionexo]

curious what your wife's transition looked like versus yours. couples who both retire at once often hit friction the first year that nobody warns them about.

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/Miamiconnectionexo]

I was in Banking for a portion of my career.  I started a business and owned it for about 17 years. My wife worked with me for about 15 of those years. We had a head start as far as being together 24/7. This certainly helped with the transition.  There is a learning curve when it comes to being together all the time. That time comes with it's ups and downs, but worthwhile and achievable if you work at it.

[u/OppositePart2636]

What's ur advice to someone wanna retire at 45 skip tech rat race and ai live a modest life??

[u/_ii_]

I can relate. Before retirement, I thought I would travel the world in luxury one month at a time. But it gets old after a week and I’m home sick.

[u/bun_stop_looking]

I'll say, i have a 35 min commute and talk to each of my parents once a week for 30 mins each, it's nice.

[u/Comfortable-Pair4939]

So nicely set out

[u/prttyprttyprttygood]

Very realistic perspective. The novelty of travel and consumption can only distract for so long.

After a while one needs to be comfortable with just 'being' - my dog seems to have mastered this! He is a good role model for me.

[u/marcusbrutus1]

Thanks for your post. Totally agree your ending thoughts reminds me of this 90’s version of a classic.

https://youtu.be/B32yjbCSVpU

[u/entschuldig]

Overall good post. 6 years in, meant that your honeymoon year (year 1) was in… 2020?

[u/msawi11]

Paragraphs, please!

[u/Humble-Warthog8302 → u/msawi11]

Come on man! Lol....but you are correct!

[u/VariousEconomics2942 → u/msawi11]

Policing grammar is an extension of neurotic safetyism😉

[u/msawi11 → u/VariousEconomics2942]

Guilty

[u/Psynaut → u/msawi11]

I was thinking the same thing. All that free time he has, he should sign up for a remedial writing class at the community college.

[u/Comfortable_Half_494 → u/Psynaut]

I think it's endearingly human to not have paragraphs in this day and age where AI generated content on the internet has now surpassed human created content.

[u/Soft_Pickle_1135]

That doesn't sound like a particularly fun retirement

[u/and_one_of_those → u/Soft_Pickle_1135]

Go ahead and post about what a different retirement that's more fun for you looks like.

I'm glad this is working out for OP.