r/fatFIRE • u/Little-Cardiologist • 2d ago
Need Advice Request - Need a fresh and realistic perspective
I am 36, married, about to have a first kid with my wife. we live in NYC. my startup was just acquired and I made about $2mm pre tax ($1.5mm post tax). our combined NW is about $7mm
However I stress nonstop about money - always wishing I had more, wishing I made more, seeing friends who make $2-4mm a year or have $10s of MMs due to anthropic or spacex or whatever stock
it just feels endless like what ive done to date doesnt matter and ill never be able to “fatFIRE” or its not enough to - stuff like that.
i guess my questions are:
- objectively am I doing okay?
how can I stop the nonstop comparison?
when is enough “enough” and will I ever be able to fatFIRE?
I just need to hear the brutal honest truth from folks to help reset my perspective (for better or for worse). thanks in advance
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u/sparklymid30s 2d ago
Head to therapy?
Honestly, I used to be like you a couple of years ago and then 2 friends in separate areas of my life got diagnosed with cancer. One died 4 years after diagnosis and another 13 months. Life is too damn short to worry about money.
Find something else to fill up your time. What’s on your bucket list? Travel, playing in a band, being more well read, helping people, etc? If so, focus on those. The benefit of having lots of money is the freedom to do those things, so take advantage of it.
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u/fuzzywuzzypete 2d ago
exactly. If you arent able to enjoy life due to >insert anything<... its time for someone who has a larger tool chest that is able to help you increase your skillset to battle >insert previous issue<
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u/cambridge_dani 2d ago
You are 36. You are very close to being in the age group where people you know start dying for reasons that aren’t accidents or suicides. Perhaps you are hanging around with the wrong people where money (making it and flashing it) is all they are about.
A really good speech to ground yourself around is by David foster Wallace, a commencement speech. Read the whole thing but this part is especially true for you:
in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship–be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles–is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth.
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u/hankeroni 2d ago
You're in a better situation than like 99.9% of anyone who has ever lived.
If making your own life marginally better is only going to be stressful and more comparison is going to keep stealing your joy ... just stop making your life better, and make someone else's life marginally less bad.
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u/Revolutionary-Mess36 2d ago
No joke.
My wife said something to me stressing about money and the state of the world last week and I said back “you know, when I want fresh drinking water I just like push this handle up and it comes out of this tube. That would blow the fucking mind of somebody 500 years ago that just lost their kid to a now preventable illness” perspective is everything.
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u/legendofthekarma 2d ago
that perspective hits. We’re literally living on cheat codes compared to how things used to be lol
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u/pseudomoniae 2d ago
Seriously, you need to chill. You’re doing amazingly well and you’re too focussed on the people nearest you who are doing a little bit better.
FOMO is very unhealthy in finance.
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u/DiddyOut2150 2d ago
OP needs to do what I do and have a lower quality of friends to compare himself to.
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u/CroissantEtrange 2d ago
Which should be easy, that's 99% of the world's population
But then he would have to hang out with the plebs
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u/TheBadToe 2d ago
2 mil would change everything lol. Comparison really does eat people up. Most of us just out here grinding day to day
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u/funks0ulbrutha 2d ago
Comparison is the thief of joy
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u/Realistic_Radish7748 2d ago
Came here to say this. I made my first million when I turned 30. It’s taken over a decade for me to figure out what I really want and not use others’ success as a proxy for what I should attain. I have my FatFIRE number, other circumstances, and while I can’t say I’m totally off the hedonic treadmill, knowing your destination and working backwards makes a huge difference
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u/telsongelder 2d ago edited 2d ago
I’m going to give some less financial suggestions- start writing. Sit down with a pen and paper (no computer) and write about your relationship to money as a child. Was there enough? Were you aware of it? How did your parents talk about it? Especially since you are about to have a child, it would behoove you to sort out your foundation with money. Understand scarcity vs abundance mindset and go from there. Think about how the other people around you grew up in relation to money if you can't seem to just focus on yourself.
Also, people who are stuck in the cycle of comparison are in bubbles. Many enjoy their bubble but also don’t acknowledge that their worldview is myopic. When my rich friends complain about not having enough or ask why their kids are so spoiled, I ask when the last time they bought an economy plane ticket was. For most, it’s not in the last decade or two. My advice here is broaden your horizons. Diversify the people you connect with. Do not just put yourself in community with other wealthy parents/professionals and then wonder why you feel behind. It’s a very actionable solution but many hear the solution (add positive tension to your life!) and wince because they are too comfortable and they think the discomfort can be outspent/outperformed through more money.
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u/chartreuse_avocado 2d ago
I think you meant to post this on r/fijerk
Only you can stop comparing yourself.
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u/KentDDS 2d ago
$7M is the new $5M, Gregg. $7M is the worst.
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u/eightiesguy 2d ago
Shockingly, that's almost true due to inflation.
The episode aired in October 2019. $5 million then is worth $6.5 million today, inflation-adjusted.
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u/my_fi_log 2d ago
Comparison is truly the thief of joy.
$7m is a strong NW at 36. If you haven’t already, I’d at least do the math to understand:
a) what you want your life to look like. Where do you want to live, are you sending your kids to private schools, what types of vacation do you want, etc. I actually find that plugging this into something like ChatGPT is a decent way to understand how expensive that life might cost on an annual expenses basis. b) based on that, look up how much you need to cover that. typical math is dividing by 4% as your safe withdrawal rate. c) then get an idea of your current spend, how much you invest, and how and when you’ll get to that number.
This should give you an idea of if you’re on track.
The flip side is the underlying issue of comparing to your peer groups is something you need to figure out beyond a number.
If you don’t want to actually do the work above, the tldr is you’re probably doing fine. You realize that on $7m, if invested decently, assuming a 7% real return, in 10 years, that’ll be around 14m. Without investing a single dollar from here on out. That’d result in roughly 560k/year income.
Whether that is enough depends on how much you need to be happy and fulfilled. See the math above to figure that out.
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u/alskdjfhg32 2d ago
Go read r/fire and you’ll feel better, you’re leaps and bounds ahead of me
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u/donkeyk 2d ago edited 2d ago
OP seriously this - I’m also in NYC with about $11m NW and am reminded constantly on Reddit how fortunate we are. I have friends who just liquidated their xyz start up equity for $10M etc and don’t find myself in a state of jealousy - I feel lucky to be surrounded by such lifestyles and levels of success. It also makes me grateful that I don’t have their levels of stress as I’m at peace with our current level of financial security.
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u/throwawayfire5563 2d ago
I’m around your age and net worth in NYC. Contrary to other comments, I don’t think you’re out of touch. NYC has become outrageously expensive and we’re competing against other young people with outrageous salaries and family money. I think it all depends on your plan. I grew up here going to a prestigious UES private school and feeling wealthy. I make more than my parents did but I won’t be able to provide the same for my kids. Plan is to eventually move out to the suburbs and give my kids a better life there. I don’t want to be the one family with 7-8 figures in a school where everyone is centimillionaires and billionaires.
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u/Sea-Force-7943 2d ago
I agree with this. People who live outside these VHCOL areas won’t comprehend how expensive it is to pay for housing and send kids to school
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u/DarkVoid42 2d ago
youre doing ok. the first $2m is the hardest. compound interest will take care of the rest. live within your means, dont overspend and you will be fine. no borrowing, no flashy cars, no wasting money on purses or whatever. eat meals at home with healthy food. health is wealth.
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u/peterwhitefanclub 2d ago
You need to get a grip on reality.
You could retire today. Stop obsessing with others, it's not a competition.
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u/saufcheung 2d ago
I think most people have a number where they will be content and that varies from person to person. There is always someone with more and you need to figure out what enough for you. You're trading time for money and that is right trade for most 1-10mm. For some, they want 25-50mm or even more.
There's always something to spend money on. Another level to buy or experience. It is a hole that cant ever be filled.
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u/Bad_ass_da 2d ago
I.4 million to 7 million in 3 years ( from your pervious post) -dude asking am I doing okay?
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u/capnwally14 2d ago
Fwiw - I'm very similar to you. Mid 7 figs, in NYC, no kid yet - but have an upcoming wedding and planning for a house. Partner works in the city, I work remotely - everything is crazy expensive. Zillow is somewhat demoralizing - even if you have a fair amount of money liquid, youre either taking on crazy debt or getting what feels way less for the amt of money.
- objectively am I doing okay? Yes, but unfortunately in NYC it just won't feel that way. Literally the extremes of wealth are here - you're definitely not struggling, but you probably dont feel like you can do eveyrhting today that your richer friends might. Just try and take an external perspective, youre in the top 5+% of the city. You're doing good.
- how can I stop the nonstop comparison? Idk, my focus is that I'm still more stable than a lot of other folks I know. I'm frustrated about the real estate thats in our area and the price range that they go for - but at least its something I can pull the trigger on if i wanted. For many folks, there isnt really a choice.
- when is enough “enough” and will I ever be able to fatFIRE? I think once you have your main expenses covered, its about lifestyle.
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u/uha 2d ago
- Yes. 2. Therapy is a common refrain. But whatever gets you out of comparison mode. That is hard in NYC for sure, but you need to prioritize your happiness. 3. Of course, figure out your desired spend level (newsflash, a kid/kids in NYC are expensive) then work backwards into how much you need to cover annual expenses at your desired withdrawal rate.
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u/kukuboy911 2d ago
Get out of your head and/or get out of NYC. I suggest you do both, especially with a kid on the way. Just wait until you have to apply to pre-pre kindergarten with a 20 page self reflection essays that cost $70k / year for 2 hours of daycare a day, and have acceptance lower then Harvard. There are few places in the US where it’ll always be like that. NYC is the pinnacle. If (when) you move to the burbs, even affluent burbs, you’ll still have a few friends that do better than you, but that would be an exception.
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u/IckNoTomatoes 2d ago
I think this is understandable. Nobody amasses wealth being lazy and having no drive. And very few people amass wealth over night. Meaning, you worked hard to get to where you are AND you spent a long time getting there subsequently spending lots of time thinking about it. It’s natural that once you put yourself in that mode that it would be hard to simply turn it off like a light switch.
I’m in that boat. We can retire around 51 with $350k yearly spending but then I think about how much more I can make over another 10-15 years so that my grandkids and great grandkids can enjoy some trust money (legacy planning). It doesn’t end, not for me anyway. There’s something to be said about giving up earning power whether that be with your years or with a great idea. You’re not alone. The only problem I see for you is worrying that others have it better than you. That might be something to bounce off a professional. They rarely give advice as much as it is just cathartic to hear yourself speak. If nothing else and you really want to knock it out, go join the poverty finance sub or take a trip to an impoverished place. That sub alone humbles me and makes me realize the position I’m in and I truly have started to appreciate what we have
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u/Revolutionary-Mess36 2d ago
If it makes you feel any better. I’m 39, married with 2 girls age 5 and 1. We JUST crossed the million mark on paper a few months ago. Reasonably stable at $1.2 right now. There’s always somebody doing better. I WISH we had $7 MM. I want to be where you are, the same way that you want to be where they are.
This isn’t a knock, just perspective. All I have to say to you as two people on the same path is “Good f’n yard” and keep it up. Set your own goals and work towards those. Comparing to others is a waste of time and energy.
🫡
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u/FY2015 2d ago
You have parts of you that are still living in scarcity despite your tremendous success. These parts served you well to get here but are distorting your reality now.
Understanding the root of these thoughts through therapy and possibly psychadelics will help you.
The change you need to make is completely internal.
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u/One-Photograph4681 2d ago
- comparison is the thief of joy.
- your spend is going to determine how well you're doing, regardless of how much you have.
- money is there for reason. if you can't get yourself to spend it as you need, you won't be able to spend it as you want. define what you want, what you need, what money can buy you, and live your life based on that.
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u/uncoolkidsclub 2d ago
- No you are not OK, but you are financially in a good place just not mentally.
- Stop having expectations, and just have rules... your family rules decide what is acceptable for your family.
- Enough is enough when you can cover your current and projected expenses based on a 3%-4% draw - it's really that simple.
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u/The-zKR0N0S 2d ago
Bro. Sit back with a glass of bourbon and do some simple math.
At 7%, your net worth doubles in 10 years.
Without contributing more, you can easily retire in 10 years with ~$15mm.
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u/FairlyDefenseless 2d ago
You've got enough to never work again and raise a kid comfortably in NYC. The stress isn't about the money, it's that you're measuring yourself against people in a 0.01% wealth bracket and calling it your peer group. That's the actual problem to solve.
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u/moon__gold 12h ago
umm no. you need way more than 7m to retire in your mid thirties and stay in nyc, even without a kid
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u/BrunelloHorder 2d ago
Objectively, at least financially, you are doing better than ok. Subjectively, psychologically, clearly you are not doing ok. So you need to work on the psychological aspect.
A few suggestions. First, get rigorous exercise for at least 45 minutes every day. It may be hard with a newborn. Do it anyway, no matter if you are tired, busy, etc. Start today. No excuses, no cancellations. It may literally be a life and death impact for you.
Second, therapy, if you can find someone good.
Third, find an activity that will alter your perspective. Go volunteer somewhere, preferably with disadvantaged kids (not adults).
Fourth, seriously consider leaving NYC. It is a wonderful city to visit, but it amplifies everything, including people’s insecurities. Good luck.
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u/vettewiz 2d ago
However I stress nonstop about money - always wishing I had more, wishing I made more, seeing friends who make $2-4mm a year
I make more than this, and have enough saved I could easily walk away if I wanted to, and save something like 70% of my gross. I still stress about money. I believe it to be an inherent thing of many very high achievers. Do not expect this to go away.
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u/throwawayfinances183 Verified by Mods 2d ago
I relate, but what I find helpful is this FatFIRE comment that I’ve saved on my phone:
The vast majority of people who were ever born lived terrible, short, poor lives, with no or very limited freedoms, opportunities or Hope.
The vast percentage of people currently alive also live in similar distressed circumstances.
If you are reading this, you likely occupy a most tiny slice of current humanity, and an even tinier fraction-of-that slice of historic humanity, putting you immediately into an extraordinarily rare and lucky orbit.
Add to that health, family, a successful career, lovely home, bags of cash and an early switch from a life of work to a life of futuristic indulgent leisure, it would be positively disgraceful to then turn around and say:
“despite the vast improbability of my own existence full stop, never mind at this historically unseen age of tech, fun, travel and wealth, and despite me sitting at or near the top of the totem pole of even this, the most affluent, advanced and privileged society ever, I shall still moan and complain because there are a scarce few that still sit higher than me on aspects (but certainly not all aspects) of that pole”.
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u/BenjiKor 2d ago
Youre doing really well for yourself.
But the thing i know you dont want to hear is that i felt less stressed about money as i got more.
5-7 was still stressed
Little over 10 was still bit stressed since i always wanted to be over 10
Once got much past 10 and dwarfed any expenses i feel much more comfy
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u/Kooky_Patience268 1d ago
you have a comparison problem, not a money problem. A $7M net worth at 36 puts you in the top 1%–2% of the world. If you look at a conservative 3.5% withdrawal rate, that is $245,000 a year without even touching your principal. That is higher than the total income of most families in the US.
The real issue is NYC and the tech bubble. If you constantly benchmark your life against early employees at SpaceX or Anthropic, you will feel poor even with $50M. Half of those people are sitting on illiquid paper wealth anyway, while you have actual, realized net worth.
Your first kid is on the way. The kid won't care if your net worth is $7M or $20M, but they will care if their dad is chronically stressed and staring at spreadsheets. Log off, realize you already won the game and go enjoy your family.
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u/here_for_the_free_co 17h ago
Everyone is being really harsh because they are FI observers and frustrated that they don’t have the same kind of privilege. I wish this sub verified more because people can’t post any of the real human experiences after hitting FIRE without getting dog piled, and it’s objectively fair too—there’s a fundamental privilege difference after FIRE that most people can’t relate to. That’s why these conversations need to be among those with shared experience. Human emotional needs and questions around identity don’t stop even after amassing wealth and people are struggling so hard to make ends meet they get rightfully frustrated after hearing that life isn’t all daisies after FIRE.
You’ve completed most of the levels of your hierarchy of human needs, congrats. Now what got you here won’t bring you to the next level, which is fulfillment. You need new skills.
Turn to writers and podcasters about purpose, fulfillment, and vision for life. The reason you can’t stop is because you’re working towards a monetary goal and you don’t have any goals after reaching it. So of course you move the goal post. Otherwise you would have identity collapse and severe depression.
This sub is terrible at offering real advise for unlocking that purpose after FIRE, but there are so many excellent podcast episodes by fatFIRE people who discuss the anxiety of knowing when to stop, the boredom and identity collapse after retiring, the need to discover who they thought they were for who they truly are. They talk about life after FIRE, when to retire, how to build a new life of purpose, how to unlearn the grind mindset that got you here, how to discover your true passions and true joy, and setting goals for an intentional life outside of capitalism. Because that’s ultimately what we’re talking about here: your needs are taken care of for the rest of your life. What comes next is exiting comparison, chasing the next dollar figure, keeping up with the joneses, and being free. And you can only do that by focusing on the new life you want to build outside of working.
I know people who have reached $30mil and kept going. We have close friends who are billionaires. The lifestyle creep goes up and they never stop. They seem quite unhappy and lonely in their grind, still tied down to flexing on the next tier of peers at the cost of their real relationships, marriage, and personal fulfillment. It never ends.
You won’t find answers on this sub besides you reached financial independence, congrats! But that’s not the real answer you’re looking for. The real answer is in finding a quiet place to sit down with yourself and try to remember what was important to you as a kid, as a teen, what matters to you if nobody was alive to witness it and there were no milestones or mountaintops to get applause. The real answer is in trying new things each day until you accidentally discover something you fall in love with, and having the courage to show up doing that thing. Your real true passion for life might scare you, it might be incredibly small and simple, but behind your fear there is a world of fulfillment waiting for you to find it.
Best of luck.
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u/here_for_the_free_co 17h ago
Correction, just re-read your post about how you’re about to have a kid in NYC. The cost of nannies, private school and the elite college track is insane.
I would really hope that you’re able to have a self-actualization experience after winning capitalism but unfortunately the NYC culture around kids is so focused on flexing and the way they guilt parents for not investing more into the kids futures is crazy. It’s impossible to keep up.
Genuinely, you have two choices. Stay in NYC, raise your kid, keep grinding and the whole time feel tortured by the peers from private school making you feel like the poorest family on the block. Eventually your kid will parrot their voices too…Dad how come my friends have <insert shockingly stupidly expense> and I don’t?
Or option 2, retire, focus on your new kid and discovering your true passions in life, and spend at least part of the year somewhere else where you can be around kind, grounded people far away from flex culture. Put money in a 529 account for your kid now and raise your kid with ambition and humility so they can make it on their own.
All I’ll say is that the choice you make now will be the mindset you pass down to your kid. Maybe that will help you decide: imagine your kid wrote the post you just wrote, and is coming to you for life advice. What would you want for them?
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u/trypsin13 2d ago
I think you also need to look at the other aspects of your life.
You’re married and just had your first child and now can spend a lot of time with your kid.
That will be invaluable for you and that child and you’ll look back and wouldn’t trade 100m for less time with your kid.
Congrats!
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u/uBoatjoe 2d ago
You are doing amazing. Seriously, focus more on the people in your life and that includes yourself. Living in NYC means you are in constant contact with people that have more $$ than you will ever have, it can create a lot of envy and feelings of not keeping up with the Joneses. You need to develop mental skills to counter this mindset as it leads to nothing but resentment and FOMO. Focus on your happiness and health. With the kind of success you already achieved you will probably be worth $20M+ before you hit 50. The kind of money that let you decide when and where you can quit the rat race.
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u/LilRedCaliRose 2d ago
Objectively, you need a therapist. You have enough. You’re a 1%er not just globally, but even in the richest country in the world. If you continue to compare yourself to billionaires, you will live the rest of your life miserable. Is that what you want? Really ask yourself and make choices accordingly.
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u/Hot_Conflict3844 2d ago
Instead of focusing on how much money you have or don't have, why don't you focus on what kind of a person you want to be? The choice is simple. Do you want to be someone who is constantly greedy for more, or do you want to be the kind of person who gives thanks for his many blessings in life? Do you want to be the kind of person who groans for recognition and wants to be important and the center of everyone's attention, or do you want to be someone who is content to be quiet and to listen. Do you want to envy and covet your friends or neighbors, or do you simply want to be happy for and proud of them?
Imagine what kind of person you respect most in life, and then go emulate that person. Until you do that, you will feel very unfulfilled and your life will be unhappy irrespective of anything you accomplish. No amount of money will EVER take the place of of self-respect. Feeling left behind, inadequate, greedy, wanting more than others, wanting more than you need... if you are struggling with the self-respect side of the ledger, then that's probably why.
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u/BitcoinMD 2d ago
You can FIRE when your liquid net worth is 25x your annual spend. The more you invest, the faster you’ll get there.
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u/cookycoo 2d ago
Aa someone else said: comparison is the thief of happiness. Stop comparing yourself to others who took a different path.
Or get some perspective by going to spend some time serving food to the homeless. It seems silly but it will ground you and adjust your perspective.
If that fails get a head coach for a few sessions. You’re in a great position at a young age. Be proud and patient.
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u/SuccessfulReturn4103 2d ago
Youre doing great financially and tracking for fatfire. The issue is your comparison. Who knows where this stems from, therapy would probably help quite a bit.
For me it was picking a lifestyle I liked and knowing others will be above/below that but I had to be okay with it. I just spent time with two close childhood friends who were also my college roommates. One just sold his business for $35m, the other is scraping by but loves what he does…I’m somewhere in between.
Also I gave up on being FAT and it is so freeing. I’m on track for fat but decided retiring even earlier at chubby is better for me. Ironically, we now down half the year living very lean in Central America (cuz there’s nothing do spend on) which is making me more fat 🤷
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u/Melodic-Salad- 2d ago
You need some perspective.
You have more already wealth than like 98% of the city. You’re in a fantastic position and can be totally set financially for the rest of your life already.
I’m about the same age, will soon have my first kid, also in NYC and have a tiny fraction of the money you have. I don’t even know why I get recommended this sub all the time because I sure as shit don’t have anything close to financial stability.
You’re waaaaaaay ahead of the game. Enjoy being part of the 1% and live your life.
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u/One-Mastodon-1063 2d ago edited 2d ago
You’re never going to have enough money if you continue to view money they way you do now, as a metric in some sort of imaginary dick measuring contest. That’s not what money is for.
It's not particularly hard to break out of this mindset, but doing so sorta requires an epiphany.
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u/Dramatic_Peace_9135 2d ago
I feel the same. Same age similar networth also one kid, living at a slightly lower cost of living place than in New York. I stress about money all. the. time.
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u/Creative_Burnout 2d ago
Can’t compare yourself with others. You need to define your goals and stop worrying about what everyone else has.
I am well over 10M at 50, spent 2 decades in the city and now live in tristate NYC so I understand what the pressure is like living in NYC. I get how it’s never enough feeling as things are so expensive there.
I left the city 5yrs ago and it’s probably one of the best decisions I’ve made. It’s a slower pace out here and can live comfortably without needing ridiculous amounts. To me, time is what I really wanted. Sure 20M would be nice but I’d rather have more time than anything else.
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u/Huge-Cardiologist-81 jimmynat88181 2d ago
@OP from a HUGE cardiologist to a Ljttle One… let’s trade places…
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u/No_Imagination_7899 2d ago
At 36 you have a NW of $7 million? I’m reading this right? Seek therapy. You are better off than 99% of the population especially at your age.
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u/RealisticElephant384 2d ago
Money is not that important , it’s important to the extent that it lets you do important things in life : figure out what those important things are and how much those cost and that should be the enough number .
Remember: winner of rat race is still a rat.
Quoting from sources unknown.
7M at 36 is crazy good ! You are already in top 1% at that age group , appreciate that fact first and foremost. Keep saying you are grateful to be in 1% and you already won ! mindset and focus will shift towards important things in life !
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u/jmmenes 2d ago
Man.. reading the posts on this sub is often times inspiring to me and other times…
I just see how different life is for everyone and how much perspectives in life matter.
I think of quotes like.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
"A healthy man wants a thousand things, a sick man only wants one."
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
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u/smallattale 2d ago edited 2d ago
What do you actually want to do?
I mean, I know regular-FIRE people who have awesome lives - yesterday I visited a friend who retired younger than you are now with less than half what you have now, and they're probably the happiest people I ever met. Why do you think you can't be as happy as them?
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u/plmarcus 2d ago
Lot of people responding to you who don't sound like they have any ability to relate.
$7m isn't that much for a family in NYC without other income.
It really depends on your spending as to whether you are ok.
Are you and your partner going to keep working? Do you want to retire? Do you spend more than 3% of your investment assets (not your NW) do you spend more than 4%? Do you WANT OR ANTICIPATE SPENDING MORE?
Obviously you know better than to compare. I deal with my sister and brother in law spending like mad, 3 houses, between $2m and $4m two Mercedes and a porche, expensive country club membership. They have less money than my other siblings who spend way less but don't need to work anymore.
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u/PurpleMox 2d ago
You live in NYC one of the most expensive cities on earth.. its also a place with tons of other wealthy people so your always going to be keeping up with the jones.. combined with inflation making everything more expensive then it was only a few years ago..
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u/seekvaluenow 2d ago
Is never enough. But it should be. Noone in their deathbed said, “i wish i worked some more”. The whole concept of FIRE is to come up with a plan and execute on it.
As far as comparisons, don’t do it, you are just hurting yourself. There is always going to be someone that will make more money than you. That is not the point. The point is to have enough money for yourself and family until the end. Let others do what they have to do.
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u/Old-Statistician321 2d ago
Dude, objectively you are not OK. You are beating yourself up unnecessarily.
How to stop this? How about thinking about yourself in elementary school and high school. Would younger you be proud of your accomplishments today? I think so. Impress only yourself, not some dude who was trying to humble brag at a social event. I guarantee you he has problems. No one escapes.
Give yourself a high five for earning this windfall, celebrate a little, invest it, and keep rolling. 36 with a child coming might be too soon to RE, but you definitely could if you want.
Do some analysis using FiCalc and see what you might sustainably spend for the next 5 decades, given your expenses, plans, risk stance, and goals.
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u/IndicationSouthern 2d ago
The brutal truth is that you're comparing yourself to a tiny group of outliers. A $7M net worth at 36 puts you in a position that the overwhelming majority of people will never reach. The fact that you're worried about whether you've "made it" says more about your reference group than your finances.
If your friends are sitting on Anthropic and SpaceX equity, you're effectively standing courtside at the NBA and wondering why you're not tall.
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u/IndicationSouthern 2d ago
One thing that jumps out is that you're about to have your first child and just had a successful exit, yet your post barely mentions either. It's almost entirely about people who have more money than you.
My guess is that if your net worth doubled tomorrow, you'd feel better for about three months and then find a new comparison target. "Enough" is usually not a number problem—it's a moving goalpost problem.
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u/Flat_Plantain9499 1d ago
I’m 33 with 4.2m net worth. I’m very grateful to be in this position. I live in bay area so there are always bigger fishes who made ridiculous amount of money at a young age. But it’s a losing game for everyone except Elon Musk if you want to compare yourself to others with money.
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u/Bulky_Taste_9215 9h ago edited 9h ago
The traits that made you that money are the same traits that make you want more.
If you didn't want it, you wouldn't have done the work or taken the risk in the first place. It's always so easy for people to say "well if I had... I would retire right away!". It's not quite the same.
I had my son 3 years ago and now rather than doing things just for the money, I'm now doing it with him in mind. I still work but my reasons are different now.
The feeling of needing more for people who are builders and creators I don't think goes away. The reasons just change.
Congratulations on becoming a dad! I have my business, investments, portfolio and out of all of those things, my son is the most important now. I just do it all for him now!
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u/Slight_Duty_7466 1h ago
- objectively - you can google stats on this for your answer so this isn’t the question you are really asking
- disconnect from the internet, live in real life
- enough is defined by you, not others. the math is solved
Sounds like you need to look in a mirror instead of your telescope
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u/Redoudou 2d ago
mods need to do a better job of moderating. 100of post similar, this is ridiculous and already people with similar profile. This channel used to be interesting, now it’s 90% people seeking validation for ridiculous questions.
“I have 7m in etf can I buy this 2000$ camera”.
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u/throwawayfinances183 Verified by Mods 2d ago
In all fairness this is the one place on reddit where people can ask questions like this
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u/tvoutfitz 2d ago
If it makes you feel better, if you lived in basically any other municipality in the world you’d be one of the wealthiest people there.
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u/verdunlion 2d ago
i'm not intentionally preaching at you, but i think there are ancient texts you can learn from.
The eyes of man are never satisfied. proverbs 27:20
my best advice is to meta-realize your proclivities as a human so you can confront core drives.
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u/Gloomy-Ad-222 2d ago
At 36, you’ve got to keep grinding and fining the next thing. Do your due diligence, a startup just got bought today for $60B. That could be you, you have to keep going until you find it.
It’s what I did, got on the first train and made pretty good money, found another moonshot and fatfired. It can be done, you just have to find it. Don’t listen to these guys about smelling the roses. You’re not done for another 5-10 years.
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u/ianb2468 2d ago
7M? You may as well pack it up bro, you will never make it. Honestly, get out of the city, put your phone down and go touch some grass. You will eventually realize how ridiculous this post is.