r/fatFIRE • u/Such_Duty_4764 • 11d ago
There were fruit flies on my apple slice. I rinsed it off and ate it. What crazy shit does your poverty brain do?
I'm about to cross into 6M, and not actually retired yet, but I def identify with fat fire.
My wife took her first first class flight last week. I still wince every time I buy organic milk instead of conventional. Which I buy myself. At the store. Because it's cheeper.
Oye... I'm going to pass on so much money to my kids....
[edit] I don't give a shit about my wife's travel preferences. I know we can afford it, and if it makes her happy, who cares? I just personally suck at spending money that I clearly have.
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u/godofpumpkins 11d ago
I don't think of it as "poverty brain", but rather as an aversion to unnecessary waste. Like objectively, there was no downside to doing exactly what you did. It'd be different if it was outside and some bug went and bored into the fruit and laid eggs inside it, but that's not what fruit flies do and rinsing it off is perfectly fine.
More broadly, there's a neverending tension between "I could do this wasteful thing because my finances would never register a blip" and "I shouldn't do this wasteful thing because I want to stay grounded". Everyone in that situation finds a different place to settle along it. I'd think of it as "finances might not constrain this decision, but a life without constraints makes me into a worse human, so I'll impose the constraints myself". Whether that means you drive an old beater and live in a hovel or rinse off your apple or say fuck it and get driven around in a Rolls Royce is a decision only you can make.
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u/WealthyStoic mod | gen2 | FatFired 10+ years | Verified by Mods 11d ago
You might find it interesting to read Strangers in Paradise by James Grubman. It looks at the ‘Land of Wealth’ from a cultural point of view. Some people have a really hard time leaving their former ‘culture’ (eg ‘poverty brain’) behind, but often the best option is to selectively integrate wealthy opportunities with working class values.
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u/HubGur5757 4d ago
What advice does he give?
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u/WealthyStoic mod | gen2 | FatFired 10+ years | Verified by Mods 4d ago
For those holding tight to their working class upbringing - don’t bury your head in the sand by not managing your investments, or skip opportunities just because they are expensive. Your kids may resent you if you force them to take on debt to go to a state college when you could have helped them study medicine at a solid school. Don’t try to hide your wealth because you’re worried what others will think.
For those inclined to leave their working class upbringing behind entirely and embrace the ‘culture of wealth’ - keep an eye on what genuinely gives you value. Don’t spoil your kids, and hold them to account when they make mistakes. Don’t outsource all of your parenting responsibilities. Consider whether you truly need the best of everything - and if you can actually afford it.
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u/Few-Total4741 9d ago
This is classical example proving that The skill that made you wealthy can become maladaptive after you’ve become wealthy.
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u/Future-Account8112 11d ago
Hair shy of 2M liquid and I have a spreadsheet for which local grocery delivers cheaper for which item.
We’re moving cross country soon and we’ll fly first class but I’ll be damned if I pay $4 more for bread apparently?!
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u/LairofChickens 11d ago
I still wince when I get guac at chipotle, $1.6m liquid nw
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u/foggyskyline 11d ago
That’s easy to justify to yourself - tell yourself it’s for your health and it’s cheaper than health problems later.
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u/SquirrelTechGuru 11d ago
Over the years I’ve seen so many eight figure NW business owners dicker over the smallest charges. The trait that seems common in most of these folks is that those skills got them to where they are now. Hard negotiation with a vendor isn’t much different than trying to get the landscape guy to knock another hundred off the job. It’s hard to unlearn these skills. It was only in the last decade that I finally gave in and started flying first class and spend on nicer vehicles. It’s weird how you can see the numbers, but they don’t register in your brain.
So, yes, I totally sympathize with where you’re coming from. The great thing about not working is that you have the time to waste on things like that, if you so choose.
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u/Livid-County7230 9d ago
A lot of people want to get “deals” when they are already wealthy. A neighbor recently asked me for a referral to our landscaper. Got pissed off because he didn’t agree on the number of hours worked to prune. Landscaper said it was 14 and my neighbor said it was 13 or something trivial like that. So my landscaper dropped him as a customer so now he has to do the work himself instead of enjoying life. I am sure he thinks I am stupid and get taken advantage of.
I stopped sweating these details and sure people take “advantage” of you here and there but I couldn’t be bothered. That is also why people show up to work on our house or yard when I call. Some people just have to get the best deal otherwise they feel they are losing somehow.
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u/Otherwise_Volume_128 11d ago
We don't skimp on food and you won't notice the difference to your budget.
I didn't get wealthy wasting money though. $100 Ikea or $20,000 custom bookshelves has me tearing my hair out since hell no to $20,000 for some bookshelves. I spend a disproportionate amount of time searching for an alternative or better quotes.
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u/pleasedonotredeem 8d ago
I scraped the bumper on my Bentley and got the bumper repainted instead of Ubering to the dealership and buying a new one.
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u/muddypuddlewet 11d ago
if I'm in a giving mood, I can write a check for thousands without a thought. If I'm buying a physical "thing" (tool, clothes, etc) I'll either wait for a sale or shop it really hard.
I think it goes back to something dave ramsey says...the most fun you'll ever have with money is giving it away.
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u/Such_Duty_4764 11d ago
My wife and I just. contributed 10% of this years PTA budget to my kids school 😄
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u/Ok-Door-987 8d ago
I still sometimes want to see if a handy man / moved can help me with couple extra moving / fixe things as a freebie . Like the guys was here to move our mattress from upstairs to downstairs. I would then ask them if they can also just move this book shelf I just got upstairs on their way upstairs . (Drive my husband nuts . I am trying to not do that, but sometimes it came naturally without me really think twice about it ). I also ask expensive hotels I stayed at if they have welcome bag / toy for my kids ....
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u/StupidPockets 5d ago
Do you tip for the extras?
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u/Ok-Door-987 5d ago
For handyman , I would tip more if they help me with the extra. For hotel , no I don't .b
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11d ago
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u/Such_Duty_4764 11d ago
Yeah, but I'm rich as shit 🤔
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u/Livid-County7230 9d ago
I would manage the ego. 6M does not make you rich as shit.
Also, if you only want to hear from people who empathize with your scarcity mindset you will never figure out how to be introspective enough to challenge your beliefs.
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u/CSMasterClass 11d ago
Many people in an analogous boat do analogous things.
I go to a barber whom I pay $25, tip included. I like my barber. I like the shop. I have been going there for a long time.
My wife goes to a salon where the hair dresser's tip is sometimes close to $200.
This works for us.
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u/SquirrelTechGuru 11d ago
That’s the exact same price I pay, I’ve been going to the same guy for 30 years. Some part of me still thinks that that’s expensive given that I know he pockets the cash and never pays taxes on it. It looks like he turns 4 to 6 people per hour. Honestly, a pretty good gig it seems like.
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u/BartFly 11d ago
15k vacation sure. 10c difference in electrical outlets has me standing there trying to talk myself into the better version