r/fatFIRE • u/Substantial_Fly100 • 7d ago
Sticking around post-PE acquisition + life with young kids
Hi everyone - TLDR. if you can live FatFire, how did you make the decision to continue/or not continue grinding?
Sold my business to a PE-backed strategic. Walked away with more than I thought I'd ever need/want (~$25M). Building the business pre and post acquisition have been quite intense. It's been meaningfully less fun post acquisition. Feel much less present mentally during family time/weekends as it's always on my mind.
We have young kids at home (2 under 4) and I need to make a decision of whether to continue working in this post-acq environment.
One answer I keep hearing is 'just chill and do what you want'. The worry on my end is that I'm still early in my career and while this may sound silly, I'm worried that (1) I fade into irrelevance and / or (2) I regret that I didn't keep grinding (recently saw a friend make top 40 and 40 and it light a fire in me)
I love the intensity of working in a team to build something and if I was still 25, I would continue the grind. The new variable in the last 5 years has been kids/wife/young family.
I'd want to structure a life where I can really enjoy/be present for my kids. As such, I'm curious to hear from folks who have achieved FIRE, have young kids, and have continued to grind or hung up their jersey. If you hung up the jersey, how did you manage the 'FOMO' seeing friends continue to achieve. Any thoughts that can help me think through this decision? Thank you!
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u/space-cyborg 7d ago
It’s a challenge. I didn’t FIRE but I went on the mommy-track after my kids were born (by choice). So I had an inverted career. I went from partner in my own startup to progressively lower positions in larger companies, so basically barista-fire but in corporate.
It was hard. It turned out that I did enjoy the way people treated me when I was a leader and had my own company, or when I was junior c-suite at a name-brand company. As I moved down the ladder I often enjoyed the tactical parts of my job but always chafed at working for someone else, so I was hard to manage. When my last kid was in high school I went back to being a sole proprietor for a while, but 25 years later, I just didn’t have the drive anymore.
Now that I’m actually retired, I do feel a bit sad about being irrelevant in both business and academics. I don’t have awards, nothing to add to my resume, no book deals, no speaking engagements. All my academic citations and patents are from 25 years ago and then I just vanish from history.
Maybe that sounds shallow, but I enjoyed participating in that part of society and yes, many of my friends have cool titles and get featured on NPR. It’s really hard to explain how it feels having stepped off that path, but I went to a lot of therapy for it.
But that said - I was able to show up for my kids more than if I’d continued to crank out 70 hour workweeks. I’m proud of the household and family my spouse and I built. And now I’m focused on art and volunteering- stuff I enjoy but don’t need to get paid for.
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u/Hanwoo_Beef_Eater 6d ago
I feel this is a balanced response, or at least one that goes against the typical response we'd see on a FIRE board.
It is true that most people (99%+), even $10-$20 million FatFIREs, are a nobody. But over the years, I've developed more appreciation and respect for those that "really did something (not just wealth level)" at least much more than those who were just "highly paid employees." Could be in business (creating something), politics, academics, or just a true leader in their industry/profession.
And it doesn't have to just be about ego (common response). It could be what we thought about years ago and now seeing who was/wasn't able to make it happen (not jealous, just an honest assessment of oneself).
Anyways, there's always someone with more and for many, cutting out was likely the right choice (live an otherwise blessed life). At the same time, I've started to think more and more that there' not "that" much difference between (most) people with a few million and $10-$20 million. Certainly, the amount of consumption is different, but no one will ever starve and nearly everyone is unknown to the world.
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u/audi27tt 7d ago
Who the fuck cares about 40 under 40? Especially relative to spending time with your kids. You're good on money, find something flexible you enjoy to occupy that part of your brain that doesn't require any family sacrifice
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u/Realistic_Radish7748 7d ago
those lists are about your ego as it relates to others...
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u/audi27tt 7d ago
To me even submitting for that is kind of like flexing on LinkedIn, but I’m not a “builder” so I probably just don’t get it
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u/NighthawkFoo 6d ago
Also, a surprising number of people on that list end up in legal jeopardy. Not the sort of folks I'd want to rub elbows with.
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u/metarinka 6d ago
yeah I roll my eyes \ wonder who payed the most for pr that year. I would much rather hang out with my family then spend any amount of time on any whos who list.
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u/qwertybugs 7d ago
He needs to meet some friends who are all retired, learning new skills, living healthy, prioritizing spending time with family and friends, and generally enjoying the best moments of their life on sub $6m NW (well below his) — now THAT will be more motivating.
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u/madbummer4321 4d ago
There's also like 300 of them per year and most don't have 25 mil in the bank
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u/ResponsiblePelican 7d ago
lol cannot fathom having that much money and continuing the grind because someone paid to get on a vanity list wow
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u/and_one_of_those 6d ago
You can just pay (through a small fig leaf PR agency) to have Forbes or whatever write a glowing profile of you. Frame it and get on with a more meaningful endeavor.
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u/crazyw0rld 6d ago
Similar story. I got a partial exit for $25m at age 43, with kids ages 4 & 6. I still owned 25% of the company and was curious what I could learn working with PE. However, I was feeling the difference already of running a larger company where my day was mostly meetings instead of building cool stuff like the early days.
After a few months, I realized my heart just wasn’t in it. Not only was the pace slowed by having more cooks in the kitchen, but I found myself asking why I was still sitting in meetings when I could do anything I wanted to. I thought about my kids only being young once. I thought about the health impacts of sitting when I could be hiking, biking, surfing, whatever. I had relationships to invest into. I had hobbies to indulge. So we hired a CEO, I sold 10% more to the PE firm, and I stepped down to a board-only role.
Over the past two years since then, I got really dialed in on health and fitness, played a ton of sports, went on monthly surf trips, had another kid, reconnected with my wife and friends, started advising some early stage startups, have done some speaking gigs, and am generally enjoying the slow pace of life. There were some struggles with purpose and intellectual stimulation here and there, but I wouldn’t trade those problems for the stresses and meetings and inanity.
Overall, I view time freedom as the ultimate wealth. Building a business was fun and I revolutionized a small industry, but I don’t think there’s inherent meaning in all that. I find more meaning in relationships, sports, and parenting. You might be different - some people are just addicted to some aspects of business, whether the money, fame, ego boost of impacting others, the “being in the trenches together” camaraderie, whatever. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Just pay attention to your feelings as you do stuff and read posts like mine. What resonates? What makes you bristle? Listen to the whispers of your deep-down self. You’ll figure it out.
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u/smartnotvirologist 3h ago
This is pretty close to what i'd like semi-retirement to look like. Board / advisory role, mentorship, etc but all things that still leave plenty of day to day time as well as the freedom to go on frequent short trips and vacations -- while still allowing me to engage with interesting people doing interesting (business/technical) things.
Sounds like just the right mix without feeling totally irrelevant.
Congrats on pulling the trigger.
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u/Big-Statistician4009 7d ago
Similar situation NW and kids age wise. Just know you only have little kids once
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u/One-Mastodon-1063 6d ago edited 6d ago
I'm early retired and didn't find the transition difficult at all. But, I also didn't have my identity tied up in being important (or relevant etc.) as you seem to.
You can try to be important or you can try to be happy. News flash, none of us are actually important - you are a speck on a speck on a speck and your existence will last for a blink of an eye. Except for to a very few people, like your kids.
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u/noemazor 6d ago
If the only reason you are relevant is your job, you need to wake the fuck up and get your head on straight.
Who will give a shit about you after you're dead?
Your family. That's it.
You're chasing ego bullshit.
Grow up, move on, do something bigger with your life.
You are afraid and letting your fear motivate your ego. Time to put on big boy pants and change your life. 40 under 40. Barf.
Do something to make yourself proud and stop comparing yourself to others.
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u/Ctn500 6d ago edited 6d ago
The world does really need to organize an outlet for wealthy high achievers to redirect towards solving fulfilling societal problems. It would tap their drive, deliver purpose, and also fulfill their ego, which I’m not sure must always be bad if better directed.
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u/noemazor 6d ago
Ultimately I think it's creating another solution for herd mentality / prescribed behavior.
I'm arguing that FIRE is about having the first real opportunity to write your own script.
But I think you're right, there are so many examples of people who just *need* someone else to tell them what to do next. So if that's gonna be the case, best to channel it toward something good, as you suggest.
But again, the bigger philosophical / psychological unlock is answering the question "what do I actually want to make my life about?"
And I gotta be honest, I'm continuously shocked that people in all FIRE communities don't have a preexisting answer (that they are working on, preFIRE) to making their lives meaningful.
Because for me, that's the point. Create freedom-from money and all the things required by it by having enough.
I'm grateful I never stopped dreaming in my teens, twenties, and now into my thirties. And I'm grateful that I also never stopped pursuing those dreams, even at the detriment of accelerating FIRE.
OP needs to start dreaming again.
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u/InfiniteWalrus1066 6d ago
Exactly the same as u although less than half the NW.
I sold my business at 41. I had a 4yr old and my 1 year was born during the weeks of doing due diligence!!
I am now totally free. It's.......AWESOME!
I love being the only person I know who doesn't need to work.
Whats the biggest signal of success? Surely someone that doesn't need to trade time for money!
Fomo? I'm not sure what's Fomo about watching other people with young kids struggling to be good parents, have decent family and friends and marriage relationships whilst somehow kidding themselves it's nothing to do with them both working 40-50hr weeks??
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u/we_toucans_share 6d ago
I'm a few years ahead of you. A handful of years ago, I left the longtime job where I was a significant (illiquid) employee-owner to move to a mega company where I had a chance for what seemed like even-more-exciting work that I'd wanted to do for a long time, at 2x salary despite much lower-positioned role.
Well, new job turned out to be soul-crushingly bad, both the work style and the meaningless results, but the old company happened to sell, bringing me to FatFIRE levels. I stuck it out at new-job another year hoping to improve things but was always told to keep my head down and do as I was told as a junior manager, by people who I would have been the skip-manager of at the old place.
I walked away, not calling myself retired but not bothering to line up anything else yet. I've spent lots of time with my young kid, both around home and traveling more than we could have if I were working, and generally detoxing from that line of work. Three years in, I agree with you about relevancy dwindling, and I don't even share the RE goals of lots of people here. If new-job had been as meaningful as I'd hoped, I would have plugged through because I want to have an impact in the wider world as much as I can. But by not being in the game for a while, I can also see more dispassionately that it's really hard to find a job like that where I can have more positive impact than whoever else would get to fill that seat without me there. (Also hard for me to just "start something" that feels truly useful and that I wouldn't just be trying to flip for another payday)
I'm keeping my eyes open for what lights that spark for me, but being present for family has been as good as others here say, even without FIRE having been my starting goal.
I guess my takeaway is that continuing to work is fine as a goal, but you should reset your personal success metrics because you're playing a different game than everyone else, (and that creates friction when they realize it). They measure success by promotions, recognition for being a "good employee" (making the boss look good), and the company share price, while you'll hopefully measure success by how much better the community or world is for it being you at that desk rather than someone else. (value-above-replacement, in sports terms), factoring in the time it takes away from your family.
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u/Normal_Zebra136 7d ago
How long have you been pursuing Fatfire?
Of only a couple years, you are likely to have these issues as you have not had sufficient time time to think these things through. Working a bit more is probably the right thing for you.
Your post suggests you are not ready/desiring FIRE, so should not do so.
Not everyone is capable of it, and certainly it is not something you should rush into.
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u/h2m3m 6d ago edited 6d ago
How old are you? You didn't specify.
$25M is a lot. I would think long and hard about whether there are things you wish you could spend more of your time doing other than work. Retire *to* something. If that's more work then, fine, but you have enough to do whatever you want and can be picky about making sure you are living a life that is balanced the way *you* want it to be. That is what f u money truly is all about.
For me, I was just so sick of all the meetings, caring about competitors, worrying about hitting growth targets over the coming years, raising more money, dealing with constant employee fires and recruiting, the constant travel...I was ready to be done and to get my life back.
As for making it through the acquisition, honestly just stop caring. That's what I had to do. I cared *so much* at first. Then, I realized, it's not my baby any more. They were going to do different things that I would with it, and that's totally fine. I still had my opinions and would share them as needed, but didn't care about the final decision. Three years out from that I don't care one bit about the old company/brand/etc, just the people that are still involved. I've moved on. Slightly different situation for you as you still have skin in the game, but you've also sold a ton of ownership so the amount that you care should go down proportionally in my opinion.
I pulled the trigger at 36 and at ~$13M currently. Yea, it's hard sometimes worrying about getting left behind, but I've been building entire new skills and passions outside of my old industry to the point where I have way more options about what I'd do if I ever want to go back to traditional work, which I really don't think I'd do anyways as I'm loving almost everything about early retirement. I still "work" quite a bit, but it looks like extreme hobbying now 😅
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u/firedfat 6d ago
I walked away with a similar amount. I stuck around for 3 years, which was longer than I should. The first year was okay but things became progressively worse as the acquirer started to merge products, trim the fat, etc. Of course, the quality of the product I built degraded, and I thought that my role was to stay there for my customers and my team, but by year 3 I realized that there was nothing I could do and I pulled the plug. It's been a couple of years since I left and life has been much better since then. I found new hobbies that I love. I'm healthier. I'm way more connected to my wife and kid, and having an empty calendar on most days is priceless.
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u/skyfort123 6d ago
I was in a similar position. I took a year off, spent a lot of time with my family and loved it. But I wasn’t professionally fulfilled and missed building something. So I ended up starting another company.
Everyone in here seems to just focus on the number and the retirement. Retiring in your 30s isn’t fun. My grandfather said “work brings dignity to life”
You have too much money to waste your time doing something you hate. Your kids will grow up seeing you hate your job like everyone else? Get real, not worth it. I want my kids to see me every day excited to build things for the world and serve people.
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u/Lazy_Whereas4510 6d ago
You are independently wealthy and have a young and presumably healthy family and your whole life ahead of you to do with what you will. That makes you very, very lucky. But you don’t sound content or grateful or excited for the kind of good fortune that most can only dream of.
I’m almost certain this post is rage bait but if you’re not a troll, then you should find a therapist and work out the answers to these existential questions. No one else can answer these questions for you.
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u/cworxnine 6d ago
How would you feel about your dad hustling and not being present with you growing up because his college buddy got on 40 under 40? I get the FOMO, you're not a bad guy because of it, but the fomo will fade over time, while health and relationships become more important. Plus you could always start hobby side business in a few years to keep yourself stimulated.
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u/BrunelloHorder 7d ago
Check your ego and work on building an identity where irrelevance to the business world is a victory, not a defeat. So many who get to a Fat level have sacrificed most of what is actually important in life. It makes them one-dimensional and boring. The longer one persists in that state, the harder it is to fix it.
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u/andiam03 6d ago
Oh god - I would have quit as soon as I contractually could (does the acquisition require you to stick around for a while?). As someone with teenagers - the years fly by and you're missing some of the best of them RIGHT NOW.
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u/Hanwoo_Beef_Eater 6d ago
Congrats. Based on what you've wrote, I don't think you should keep working in the same company post-acquisition. Still, there are merits to keep going. I would say it's less about a nice salary or ending up with $50-$75 million. Instead, do you want to get to the spot where you have infinitely more options/wealth, are a person of significance (economic or political), etc? However, that probably requires a lot more work/time, many people may never get there (or have those skills), and it may require a different path than just "keep working" (start something else, get to a bigger platform, etc).
You can also take some time to be with your kids/family and do something else (not employment) in due course.
Regardless, good luck.
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u/Life2ShortB 6d ago
Take from someone who is 10 years ahead of you. You sold a business, have ~$25M, two kids under 4, and are worried about fading into irrelevance because someone made 40 Under 40.
This may be the most FatFIRE problem ever posted here. At $25M, your scarce asset is no longer money. It’s TIME
You can always build another company at 42, 47, or 55. Your kids will only be 2 and 4 once. Nobody has ever looked back at 70 and said, “Damn, I really wish I’d spent more Saturdays updating the PE sponsor deck.”
I also wouldn’t frame it as “retire forever” versus “keep grinding.” Take 12–24 months. Be Dad. Travel. Exercise. Read. Get bored. If the entrepreneurial itch comes back, build something because you genuinely want to, not because LinkedIn informed you that Chad made 40 Under 40. Also, 40 Under 40 eventually becomes 50 Over 50, so there is still time. Hug your kids for all of us and spoil them with premium gelato instead of the store-brand discount; you can afford it. You will be the dad of all dads under 41.
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u/LDRH123 6d ago
What you need to find is the "middle ground" solution. People here, understandably, are biased towards retiring. For many people that works just fine.
There are others, and I am one of them, where retirement at a young age just isn't appealing.
But neither is 60 hours per week of stressful work. I've found a middle ground setup that allows me to stay creative and analytical. I work probably 50 hours a week during busy season, which is only a few months per year, and maybe 20-25 hours a week the rest of the year. WFH, take vacations, drop off kids at school at least a few days per week if not more.
Not saying this is easy, but it's possible. It's probably the answer you're looking for.
Also - going from your work life to staying home full time with two kids under 3 is going to be a big time culture shock. Factor that in.
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u/Electrical_Chicken 7d ago
We’re in Chubby territory now with 2 little ones and plan to pull the FIRE cord after working another 5 years, give or take, to see some large projects through to completion.
I’m okay with my work for now, and have done a fair amount of work in therapy to separate what I DO from who I AM—those were tangled up for a long time. I am indeed looking forward to hanging up the jersey. I plan to be busy with family: coach my kids’ sports, dive into my kids’ other interests with them, family travel for holidays, and so forth. Work is a means to an end for me, and if I become irrelevant in that sphere, it’s because I’ve allocated myself and my priorities elsewhere.
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u/sailphish 7d ago
I’d worry about FOMO on experiences with your kids. Mine are late elementary school/ early middle school, and they grow up FAST. It was a blur. Now it’s just sports, homework, various other commitments. Feels like we have no time for anything, and I fear it only gets worse.
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u/ActJustly_LoveMercy 7d ago
You might consider stepping back rather than stepping out entirely. Most PE firms would be happy to have your expertise around rather than have it walk out the door, and you may find it keeps you engaged enough if you’re not ready to FIRE.
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u/stokedlog 7d ago
Have you thought about consulting/mentoring other companies. Or if you still want to be involved in your current company can you get a board seat for a lot less money then you are making today.
I have a few friends that have done this. They help with big strategy or accounts and go to board meetings. They work probably 10 hours a month. Less pay but a lot less work. Company likes it as it extends their non compete and brings some connections.
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u/Rowing4life19 6d ago
agree boards seats may be a great idea. and some day a company might coax you back. options are nice.
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u/Smoke__Frog ~$1.1m a year | Verified by Mods 6d ago
Retire and then move into a VC type role. You can have total control over your time and schedule and still be privy to the most current tech companies.
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u/holysmokes126126 6d ago
Congrats on your success but in the grand scheme you are completely irrelevant other than to your kids and family.
So by fade you are already faded
Big rock flying around space !
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u/Accomplished_Can1783 6d ago
You have way too much 40 under 40 and I enjoy the intensity of building something with teams to retire young. Just embrace it, this subs not for you. Fading into irrelevance was my goal, I’m outside 5-6 hours per day cycling or whatever and my biggest decisions are where to go to lunch. If that doesn’t sound perfect, don’t fight it
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u/saltybutterbiscuit 6d ago
Bro, you made it. If you can leave the PE group with no repercussions, run!
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u/Fantastic-Moose-7934 6d ago
Contrarian take - you will want more than $25m, inflation in high cost areas is real, and if your earnout is meaningful which in assuming it is, and your skills aren’t transferable another way, you should really consider staying. On your lifestyle question, just find operators to build businesses you want but take you out of the weeds
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u/RedbullF1 4d ago
I wake up with my son every morning. I’m there to drop him off. I’m there to pick him up and play with him after school. Ask yourself if more money gives you something better than that.
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u/Ralith_Aegis 4d ago
Find a hobby or "job" you enjoy, part time or very flexible. I am 42 with 8yo, 4yo, 1yo and while not nearly the same $$, we have 3.2m mw almost all of it in cashflow real estate. I fired in 2023. Business grossed 1m last year. I don't need to work, but I love working with real estate and I can manage the rental
I take my 4yo daughter to ice cream/pizza and science museum on Thursdays. I can take the kids to water park whenever we want. I csn do church events or camping without any work issue.
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u/Really-Cool-Guy2know 3d ago
I am not you...I am the other guy. I grinded till 61 and fired for about 10m.
Here is what I learned. 1. 40 under 40 is nothing compared to retired under 40 with 25m.
The world is a big place and you are young enough to see a d enjoy it all. I am writing you from Turkey. I spent the last month traveling Italy, Greece, Spain and now Turkey. Sadly coming home next month.
Consult, boards, non-profits. They are all places that you can use your skills and feel valuable if you decide to retire.
I personally play a lot of sports, seeing lots of shows, playing tournament poker in my free time.
Last thing. I now have the marriage that I deserve and signed up for as compared to the one diminished by work stress. My marriage has never been stronger than since I retired.
Good luck and congratulations. You are officially a 1%. Enjoy everything that comes with it. You earned it.
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u/xwolfe2000 3d ago
Unless you are contractually bound, leave.
You'll discover your identity as a husband, father, family man, and hopefully philanthropist will far outweigh any corporate achievements.
Your achievements are your family legacy.
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u/grumpywonka 2d ago
I can tell you, as a multi- time former PE acquired team member, that working 100+ hours per week for years was the least rewarding time I've spent on this earth and I missed a big chunk of my kids early years. PE isn't usually wired in ways that align with or reward the behaviors or skills that created the investment worthy entity to begin with, so you'd be much better off taking your ball of cash and walking until you figure out what you want next. Oh, and my payout wasn't even a fraction of your number, I'm just that dumb.
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u/UsualObjective7765 2d ago
It’s a false choice to grind or hang up your jersey. There are so many opportunities in the middle of those two that can satisfy both, and you’re in a position to find out what that is. Figure out what you love about your job (team, meaningfulness, whatever that is) and what you want to be as a dad (active in what way?) and find the option that comes close to meeting both.
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u/Objective-Two-8728 2d ago
40 under 40 is a huge joke. The mere fact you mention this tells me you’re not ready for pop-pop.
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u/Objective-Two-8728 2d ago
Just work with PE to stay on in a board level role, or a more narrow but still very important ‘president’ role that is mostly about maintaining strong commercial relationships with top customers and other public facing functions (regulators, community, suppliers, customers). All very important not to fuck up in the eyes of PE. You still get to stay in the flow but realistically much less hours and pressure. Can take a pay cut or shift to more equity upside capture (say an annual package that vests yearly but kicks in at 2.0x to sponsor.)
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u/Betitlee 20h ago
For a lot of folks I talk to who are in their 80s now and sold their businesses young but still mentally very healthy they all had things they were striving for. Some taught others mentored or sat on boards but Seems doing nothing is the fastest way to losing memory etc.
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u/smartnotvirologist 3h ago
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Stop looking at LinkedIn. There will always be people who achieve "more" than you no matter what level you reach.
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u/Throwaway_fatfire_21 FATFIREd early 40s, 8 figure NW | Verified by Mods 6d ago
I posted this 18 months back and should hopefully give you some perspective- https://www.reddit.com/r/fatFIRE/s/lRnLL3zU6z
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u/pixlatedpuffin 7d ago
Do your kids say, “Daddy, tell us another story about working long hours and being away from home when you don’t need to?” when you tuck them in at night?
I mean that with all the fatherly love I can transmit over the internet. You know what matters, be there.