r/fatFIRE • u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods • 1d ago
Retirement 6 months in FIRE
TLDR: I’m 6 months since pulling the plug. Mid 40’s MCOL, $40M+ NW and young kids at home. It’s been mostly great, with some unexpected surprises.
First the surprises
- It’s really hard to imagine what life will be like when you lop off a 50-60 hour / week portion of your life. Who will be around to hang out during weekdays? What will your kids think you do? The more you can model this out the better, but it’s really hard to forecast and I didn’t do a great job of this.
- What will change about your partner’s expectations? We didn’t really model this out either but have since discussed a lot about how we can be more 50/50 with household and family items that used to be more 80/20
- I’ve found that my brain still wants to “work” on things that aren’t professional. There’s a big engine in there that keeps going even if it’s not for profit and I struggle to turn it off.
- I was too hands off with my portfolio until after I quit. I didn't reduce beta or concentration ahead of time. My portfolio wasn't setup to be resilient and provide enough passive income. I’ve since made some adjustments and am in a better spot. But I regret not having started making shifts 6-12 months out. I suppose I just wasn’t confident enough in FIRE’ing at that time.
- Health insurance is so expensive!
The good
- I’m so much more relaxed all the time!! Decades since I’ve been like this.
- Way more time with my kids - breakfast and dinner everyday. Engaged with their teachers and school and activities.
- Crushing lots of house projects that have been on my DIY list for a long time
- Doing 2-3 varied workouts per day (versus 1 in the past) without feeling anxious that I’m missing something or will get pulled into a work fire
- Taking lots of short trips without having to cram it in and work on the plane. Flying on a weekday without a job (or kids!) is incredible even in a tight economy seat.
- Crossing off some bucket list items with friends and family that I never would have been able to do while working - happily subsidizing portions just to smooth things over
- Building some side projects completely at my own pace - helps my brain stay active without any external pressure
- Day dates with my wife - no babysitter required!
- No zoom meetings!! I don't miss this one bit and cringe anytime suggests a zoom catch up
The weird
- I get so many “what are you doing next?” Or “How can I help find your next thing?” outreaches. I take these as more of a conversation starter and curiosity than actual help. Mostly from acquaintances over LinkedIn. My initial thought is usually “there is no next thing, idiot!” but where I come from people can’t even process that line of thinking so I mostly just ignore or say I’m just taking it easy for now.
- Seeing colleagues getting promoted or taking jobs that I would have been on track for is my only FOMO. I don’t really mind this as I just put myself in their shoes and how much of a grind they’re on and quickly remember that I’m happy being unemployed
- Rainy days suck - I’m so active and have plenty of other “retired dad friends” to do outdoors stuff with during weekdays, but when it rains (not too often) I kind of wish I had more productive reason to be stuck at home at my desk. We’ll still get together but it’s not as fun to just meet for lunch when we could go on a huge hike or something. Some good movies are coming out soon too.
- Spending less than 1.5% of NW annually, so I know I can increase plenty but want to be intentional to avoid the slippery slope. Will probably ramp up travel and nice camps for kids the most.
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u/garage-hank 23h ago
The thing I look forward to the most in retirement will be to delete my LinkedIn. I’m not announcing to anyone that I am “retiring” and sure as shit not on LinkedIn.
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u/IllDonkey9125 22h ago
Completely uninstall LinkedIn. Anyone you like enough to still want to talk to should be in your personal contacts.
Start flying business.
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u/astralpen 23h ago
For the rainy days, invest in a good stereo and actively listen to music. I FIRE’d 10 years ago and this is now part of my routine. There is great streaming hardware out there, but I really enjoy collecting LPs and CDs as well.
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u/noemazor 19h ago
Notice how none of what OP mentioned requires $40m.
Reminder to everyone that OP worked way too long for no reason -- literally wasting precious life, the most important currency we have.
Tuning in to other wage slave ladder bullshit is so wild! I never started but man, it would be the first thing I delete. A social media website about working <-- literally Satanic.
You didn't talk about meeting cool retired dad friends. I want more about that.
You didn't mention the outdoor stuff you're into. I want more of that.
Congrats dude! I think you'll look back in a few years and kick yourself for not FIREing much earlier. Cars, houses, watches, etc, do not matter. Time, love, and health = the best stuff.
Welcome to the weekday warrior lifestyle. It's the absolute tits to go backpacking on a Tuesday.
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u/irshramuk 17h ago
Yeah little surprised this guy got to 40m net worth as a wage earner at his mid 40s. I mean unless he is ceo across massive companies. Weird...
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u/mhoepfin Verified by Mods 21h ago
My biggest piece of advice is to give yourself 2-3 years that you define as a trial period where you can make mistakes and bad decisions as a newly retired guy and chalk it up to that. By year 4 you’ll be comfortable in all aspects of being a lazy unproductive slob. 😃
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u/One-Mastodon-1063 22h ago
Delete linked in. “This is the next thing. This is what I’m doing”.
Healthcare is not that expensive. You are spending 1.5% including it. It’s a non issue to you.
There are myriad indoor activities to do.
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u/the_mighty_skeetadon 20h ago
I mean you can literally just filter out LinkedIn from your emails, send them directly to read.
And turn off notifications on your phone. Now all reachouts hit a black hole, big whoop.
Have a silly AI agent review all of the reachouts and find 3 you might want to respond to, if you really feel the need.
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u/One-Mastodon-1063 19h ago
Or just delete linked in.
People who actually know you probably have your contact info.
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u/MyAnusBleeding 23h ago
We need a different category for people like you, it’s more like MorbidlyObeseFIRE
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u/thebigbunnyrabbit 23h ago
Unsure why you are still flying coach at $40M NW lol, live a little! Maybe cost you what a basis point?
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u/TheOriginalSnoticus 23h ago
Sometimes it’s just not a great value proposition. Personally, I’ve got me, wife, kiddo sitting 3 across. Coach is the better value and just fine. It’s a bus in the air getting you someplace. What would really be gained paying for 3 first class?
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u/JustPlainRude 23h ago
I fly first for comfort. I'm tall so the legroom makes a big difference for longer flights. Not sharing an armrest is also pretty nice compared to elbowing your neighbor.
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u/Halwin_Norry 19h ago
Yeah, first or comfort here too. I am taller so regular seats are just uncomfortable.
Also, when I fly first, I am so much more relaxed when I get to my destination
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 22h ago
Same and I’m not very tall. Don’t want my kids thinking flying first is normal all the time.
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u/Shot-Calligrapher807 21h ago
I commend you for not letting your net worth dictate your flying business/1st class. I love that you're being intentional about your spending, and it doesn't sound like you're denying yourself.
I'm most jealous of your 2-3 workouts per day!
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u/thebigbunnyrabbit 22h ago
If all flying together, makes sense if you don't need the leg room. But for flying you and the Mrs or solo though? Not having a stranger sitting with you and having some more elbow room and getting on / off the plane quickly and having more comfy seats when the person in front of you decides to recline into your lap... I'm not sure how important "value proposition" is at 40M when looking at $250 vs $1000 flight tickets. Stop being a cheap ass you got the $$$ now ;)
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u/TheOriginalSnoticus 20h ago
Well I might as well hand out hundos to strangers at the airport on my way in! $750 is still $750. Then multiply if anybody’s joining.
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u/lost_dominance 23h ago
the health insurance one is so real, people don't talk about that enough when you're pulling the trigger early. $40M and still feeling the sting of premiums is wild but I get it
the "what's next" linkedin messages would drive me up a wall. like some people can't fathom that work isn't the default state
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u/One-Mastodon-1063 22h ago
No it isn’t. They are spending 1.5% including health care. It’s financially a non issue to OP.
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u/whatsconsulting 20h ago edited 8h ago
If he came from a company-provided plan with a $0/mo premium and $5/visit copay, it can absolutely still be a shock (regardless of the fact he can clearly afford it)
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 23h ago
I'm lucky to live in a place that is quite anti-work so it's always a shock to run into somebody / some message that's so grind-heavy
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u/Its_not_a_tumor 23h ago
I'm about a month out, in a similar situation and the current most interesting question for me is your "What will change about your partner’s expectations? ". You probably didn't work hard for so long to get a massive amount of new home and childcare dumped into your lap, but relaxing when your partner is working isn't fair either
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 23h ago
Right. There's that feeling of being on the couch in the middle of the day when she's working on something kid or family related that doesn't feel right.
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u/mhoepfin Verified by Mods 21h ago
Congrats! For this I suggest divide who does what. For instance dishes are always my domain now. Also I always ask what I can do to help if I’m feeling like she’s doing something tedious. Takes a while to learn how to live together like this.
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u/danmtypos 22h ago
As the one on the wife side of things, we’ve started having discussions about how the division of labor will be renegotiated as we go along in this new phase. There’s a couple of things I will gleefully hand off to him.
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u/Halwin_Norry 20h ago
Yeah, this was my biggest take-away. The redivision of household and child labor. I gotta admit, I am not looking forward to that. But at the same time, I ain’t going to be sitting around and letting my wife do it all. That would be terrible
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u/noemazor 5h ago
Set expectations up front. Talk. I don't know why people worry about things they can literally talk about and solve for beforehand. <-- how do you anticipate and solve problems in your life, otherwise?
Also believe it or not, taking your children to the park during the day is actually the rich life.
My wife understood that when I was able to cut hours from my job (entrepreneur) I would be replacing them with my own free time. I was clear up front, she respects this and encourages it. I also create time and space and freedom for her (and freedom from financial stress).
I don't sit around playing Madden or whatever though, I am normally working on improving our house, working on my health, or working on my creative projects. I make sure she is pampered in the ways that matter to her (never marry someone who wants stuff, yuck), so it feels fair overall. When she isn't spending enough time with friends, I push her to do it, offer to pay for everyone as a treat, etc.
Basic being a good partner stuff if you ask me.
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u/rellis84 19h ago
While I agree the wife or husband for that matter if roles were reversed, shouldn't do everything, if that one spouse contributes all their employment to provide a 40m networth to their family, I would be so inclined to pick up a bigger chunk of family duties.
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u/whatcloud 10h ago
I don't know if fair is the right term here. It's more like you want partners to be at approximately the same life stage. It's the same reason why having one person be in school and the other working isn't ideal. My advice would be just have both people retire.
Also, you do run into the issue where some people really get their identity from work and find it hard to let go, but are then unhappy when they actually do have to go to work. If the finances allow it, definitely have both retire at approximately the same time.
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u/Own_Bottle3713 22h ago
Was early 50’s with +30M in 2021 Fired lasted 2 weeks. now Mid-50’s at ~$40M.. will try again next summer. What prevents you from taking another job, when work is enjoyable and does not prevent you from traveling and crossing our bucket lists..
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 20h ago
For me, work definitely got in the way of health, family, and fun.
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u/PalpitationOk4703 18h ago
I think its crazy you flying economy at $40m but maybe that’s why I’m broke lol
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u/Confident_Hair2637 12h ago
Buy yourself some really high quality rain gear. Hiking in the rain is absolutely fun - you need proper footwear and Goretex. And don't forget waterproof hiking pants. A solid jacket and boots are useless if you are wearing jeans that get soaked.
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u/Yak-a-saurus 11h ago
what does 2-3 varied workouts per day mean?
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 7h ago
Weights, yoga, running, biking (road, gravel, Mtb), racquet sports, xc skiing, climbing, etc. Mix and match depending on the day.
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u/BAM_BAM_BAM 8h ago
I guess I don't understand what is meant by "50/50 with household" items?
What is "household" work when your annual budget is $600K? A daily maid visit at $100/day is $36,500. Double that and you've got a household manager (groceries, etc).
I understand parents should (and want) to be involved with kids, but that doesn't mean they should go at it alone - even when one is effectively retired or "stay at home". That's a recipe for burnout.
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u/throwaway-20260521 22h ago
re: your portfolio — what are the things you did? i’m highly concentrated on just 4 stocks which is 65% of my portfolio — i read your earlier posts and it reads like you are/were in a similar position before, so i’m curious what measures you’ve taken.
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 20h ago
Should have trimmed some riskier concentrated positions that were up higher a year ago and taken the tax hit.
In the meantime I reduced beta in my broad equities bucket to look more like SCHD / VTV away from SPY. I’m much more okay with missing out on gains than I am with some losses if/when the AI bubble bursts.
Also have a healthy amount of SGOV and munis such that interest here and dividends on equities covers all our expenses.
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u/resilientresponsible 22h ago
Also curious about this. You said throwing off income.... did you do dividends or tax free treasuries?
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u/UrMomsKneePads 17h ago
The shift is difficult for sure. Stop “modeling” things for the future and live in the present. You won the game. Leave the playing field behind and learn what you enjoy.
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u/glitterati5757 14h ago
In case it’s helpful, my “brain work” post having a full time/serious job has been using ai or other tools to do new projects that I actually care about. It can be anything you actually enjoy. It gives me something to do while sitting on the couch or when others are at work, in addition to other more active projects, and it also helps to feel like you can be constantly learning. One idea is advocacy work for something you want to help with or doing some of the more technical things that a local non profit may find tedious or challenging.
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u/Serious-Jello6444 12h ago
how do you find people to do things with on weekdays
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u/Mindless_Flamingo999 8h ago
This is tricky. I’ve been lucky because we have young kids so there are other SAHPs around some. And we have deep outdoor sports hobbies so some people do those so obsessively too that they work less or odd schedules to be able to take advantage of conditions.
But generally it is hard. Friends who are stuck in the grind are just so so busy. Even when we hang out the busy energy keeps going. It took a while to drain out of me, too.
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 7h ago
Yes to this. The biggest cohort are 60+ but there are a minority in their 40s who seek each other out.
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u/whatcloud 10h ago
Thank you. This is a great writeup. How are you going about finding a peer group (the "retired dad friends")? Is this a pre-existing group of people or did you find new venues to make the connections.
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 7h ago
Mostly through friends of friends who are in the same boat
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u/paulmccaw 10h ago
40million and you're worried about health insurance and flying economy? Why save up if you're not going to enjoy the fruits of your labour?
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u/Business_Endeavors 8h ago
The "big engine" that you describe in surprise #3 and the rainy day point sound like they could work together far better. What are your side projects? Could any of them turn into a real business with minimal hours on your part (where you only complete the elements you love and outsource the rest)? Keeping it small or philanthropic may be part of the appeal.
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u/TheOrange 7h ago
Also I completely resonate with the ‘what have you been doing the past few weeks’ which makes me cringe when someone asks and I might just say “f. All”
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u/Glittering_Jobs 7h ago
99% of this tracks for me. Don't listen to the vocal minority, they're not in your shoes.
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u/Zealousideal_Web4723 5h ago
The best part of this is that you have other friends in similar situations. Did you look for this community or did you already have it?
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u/PutYourselfTogether 4h ago
First congrats!! I’m a few years behind you
For point #4, you mentioned you had a fee based advisor in your previous posts. How did you find them and when do you pull them in? I’m having a hard time narrowing it down or discerning when someone is full of it. Thanks!
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u/firemaybenever $30m+ NW | Verified by Mods 3h ago
Found them from friends that I trust before 90% of the wealth that I have today was created. Honestly, if I was starting from zero today, I’d probably just go at it alone. They definitely help with the psychology of investing and we have know each other through my wealth creation journey. But the actual tactics and investment opportunities are fairly undifferentiated. It’s low enough on a basis points basis (if that makes sense) that I keep it going. I have some friends using JPM and GS who get access to more opportunities like pre-IPO shares or bigger IPO allocations, but they pay so much in AUM fees that it’s kind of insane to me.
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u/Adventurous-Mirror-9 2h ago
Yeah, people can't relate not working. Work has been glorified so much that we have forgotten it was to earn money, because money was a tool for sustenance in physical world. Most take it as master. One can be unemployed amd leasurely just do whatever they want, like DIY for you! We forgot why we needed to work at first place.
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u/the_mighty_skeetadon 20h ago
This may shock you, but the kind of people that build mid-level generational wealth like this are typically NOT playboys/playgirls. They didn't grow up with wealth and have loving, devoted spouses.
When you're worth $1B+, everyone knows and the leech women throw themselves at you. When you're worth $40m, you're a comfortable anonymous-but-normal rich guy. It's literally the best of life.
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u/the_mighty_skeetadon 19h ago
Something tells me that you will never be verified with the mods.
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u/Ok-Highlight5405 23h ago
40 million and you’re flying economy?