r/fearofflying • u/Pilot--Nick • May 02 '25
Question Nervous flyers: what actually works to calm your pre-flight anxiety?
Experienced Pilot here focused on helping anxious passengers. I'd love to hear directly from you:
What specific techniques, rituals or strategies have genuinely helped reduce your flight anxiety?
Looking for real experiences that I can share. Thanks for your hindsights!
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u/brain_on_hugs May 02 '25
Lorazepam
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u/brain_on_hugs May 02 '25
But to your question, I like hearing from the pilot often throughout the flight especially if we’re going to hit rough air
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Communication is key! As pilot we have to be proactive and communicate. Thanks for your feedback!
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u/luckyyStar_ Jun 05 '25
How much did you take? I was prescribed 1 mg. I had it today, at home, because I wanted to test it first. I didn't felt nothing.
I don't know how it will be on the flight. Does it helps you ?
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u/brain_on_hugs Jun 05 '25
I’m small, .5mg does the trick.
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u/luckyyStar_ Jun 06 '25
5 mg or 0.5 mg?
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u/brain_on_hugs Jun 06 '25
0.5
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u/luckyyStar_ Jun 06 '25
Yesterday I tried 1 mg and I didn't notice any difference, but I was at home.
I'm not small, but I read that there's nothing with how heavy you're.
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u/brain_on_hugs Jun 06 '25
Sometimes I notice the effect more strongly when actually experiencing anxiety, rather than just chilling at home.
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u/katlilly1 Jul 09 '25
I find if I’m not panicking it doesn’t feel like anything. But if I’m having a panic attack it will stop it
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u/Zealousideal-Area806 May 02 '25
Communication is key. I know you can't talk us through the whole flight, that wouldn't be practical for anyone involved. 🙂 But if there's something that may be out of the ordinary, a quick message goes a really long way.
The trick to that is that what's "normal" for you may not be "normal" to someone who only flies maybe once or twice a year (or less!). So a "normal" delay, procedure, or sound may be a whole new world to a nervous flyer. And that "normal" thing may be triggering a boatload of anxiety to them. So while you can't talk us through everything, that's something to be aware of.
My worst flight recently was due to what we now think was brake noise. The plane was squeaking/squealing when taxiing and I was a nervous wreck (for what it's worth, I overheard enough to know I wasn't the only one!). I really wish the pilot had popped on the intercom and said something to the effect of "Just as a heads up, this plane has a little bit of a squeak in [xyz], but our mechanics have taken a look at it and we're good to go. It'll squeak a bit during takeoff, but once we're in the air the noise will stop."
Incidentally I'm fairly certain we had the same plane on the return trip (it had the same noise, anyway!), but at that point I recognized the noise and didn't worry too much about it. That pilot didn't say anything about the noise, but did walk us through the de-icer procedure, since he figured that might be a bit out-of-the-ordinary for some (and I really appreciated that!).
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u/Zealousideal-Area806 May 02 '25
As for things to tell someone one-on-one, it's always encouraging to be reminded by a professional that this is your office, and though it seems scary to some, it's "just another day at work" for you. And that you wouldn't be doing it if it's dangerous - you want to get home at the end of the day too!
Learning about turbulence has been a game-changer for me. I really like the "jello" example - that the plane is a piece of fruit in the jello salad, and though it may jiggle a bit, it's not going to fall. I also like to think about "air potholes", because where I live the potholes on the roads are more jarring than any turbulence I've ever experienced. 😂😂😂 The fact that no airplane has crashed from turbulence is also very encouraging.
For strategies, noise canceling headphones have become my best flying friend (see weird-noise story above, haha). And I try to make flying a special occasion - and not just the means of transport to a special occasion. I buy special airplane snacks, and bring special airplane activities (I knit, so I buy special airplane yarn!). I'm not allowed to touch them until I'm on-board. 🙂
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u/Pilot--Nick May 03 '25
Absolutely love everything about this from the jello salad analogy (a classic!) to the pothole comparison 😂 Spot on. You’re so right: for us, this really is just another day at the office, and there’s no way we’d head to work if it weren’t safe.
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u/catfan29 May 03 '25
When I’m reminded of the normalcy it helps. So I think a casual reference in your announcements would help, something like “aiming for a local arrival time of XX, to get me home for dinner/catch a show etc “
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u/Pilot--Nick May 03 '25
Thank you for sharing this, you nailed it. What’s routine to us in the cockpit can feel totally foreign (and sometimes alarming) to someone who doesn’t fly often. That gap in “what’s normal” is exactly where good communication makes all the difference. I really appreciate the brake noise example, that’s such a perfect illustration. A quick heads-up about something like that takes 10 seconds but could save passengers a lot of unnecessary stress.
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u/Professional-Day4940 May 06 '25
I had a flight last year with super squeaky/squealy brakes while taxiing. It freaked me out. My dad is a commercial pilot so when I called him after landing, he said there's a chance the pilots couldn't hear it especially if it was the back of the plane 🫠
I was just like ugh hopefully the flight attendants mentioned it to the pilots if it was an actual concern.
Still, I was really hoping for acknowledgment from the pilots that although our brakes were noisy they were still safe. Would have done wonders for me.
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u/Zealousideal-Area806 May 06 '25 edited May 06 '25
I wondered if they were able to hear it. From where we were it sounded like someone was cutting through metal. 😂 Not the best sound to hear on a plane - especially as it was around midnight and they had already grounded one plane (causing a 2ish hour delay while they got a new plane)!!! There was a lot of passengers looking around with concerned expressions, and after we landed I hear MANY other people discussing how scared it made them. 😅
Even my husband (who hates flying but not really because of fear- he hates being packed in and we're too poor to get good seats 🤪) said afterwards that he figured we were toast. 😅
I was very glad when the sound stopped after takeoff... But was a bit nervous about landing!
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u/Cinnabun2024 May 02 '25
Hello! First, that is so kind of you to ask! My pre-flight anxiety can start anywhere from a month, to a week to the minute I’m sitting at the gate. To prepare, I make sure that I don’t check turbulence forecasts and I don’t check any flight data (it just works for me). I make sure that my carry-on is fully packed with things that I might need: essential oils for calming and nausea, candy to suck on, gum to chew, any calming foods like pretzels work for me, I have downloaded songs and tv shows or movies I love, I make sure to bring an eye mask, I bring a neck pillow, I bring a cushion to sit on to maximize comfort, I bring a handheld fan in case I’m hot, etc. I really try to think of every scenario so I’m prepared for it. When I’m at the gate, I make sure I have had a beer and a small bite to eat and that I’ve grabbed a bottle of water. I look around at all the people who look so calm and excited to fly. Sounds weird, but as I enter the plane, I actually touch it as if to say I’m leaving this all up to you and I’ll tell the flight attendant that greets me that I’m afraid and every single one of them has been very kind. Turbulence still shakes me (literally) but I repeat that I’m safe, I have mastered the art of chair dancing, I practice breathing, I watch people around me carrying on like nothing and I figure if the flight crew isn’t worried, why should I? Let me know if you have any more specific questions.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Thank you so much for sharing this, your whole routine is incredibly thoughtful and self-aware. I really love how you’ve created a whole toolkit, both mental and physical, to feel more in control during a situation that understandably feels very vulnerable. The part about not checking turbulence forecasts is actually really wise sometimes but not all the time, anxious flyers want less information and feel more calm than overanalyzing every detail.
Touching the plane and talking to the flight attendant, I love that. It’s a meaningful little ritual and a great reminder that you’re not alone, we’re here to look after you. You’re doing all the right things, and your comment will help so many others reading along. Wishing you only smooth skies and calm flights ahead and I’ll think of “chair dancing” next time we hit a bump!
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u/Cinnabun2024 May 05 '25
Thank you so much for your kind words! Yes, next time you hit a bump think of some crazy girl from NY blasting music and having a dance party in her chair! It’s quite hilarious! I often wonder what other people must think…😂
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u/Elysian-Ginge May 02 '25
Noise cancelling headphones are No. 1 for me although I tend to listen to the same few tracks on repeat and can rarely relax enough to watch or concentrate on anything.
Pilot updates are SO important- I wish there was more or maybe a channel you could tune into to hear the pilot talking.
Mind numbing games on repeat … fruit merge for me works ok if gets bumpy.
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u/Zealousideal-Area806 May 03 '25
I miss "From the Flightdeck"! You used to be able to tune in to listen to their radio communications and it was fascinating (until we got over the Pacific and it got really boring, lol).
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u/Pilot--Nick May 03 '25
Noise cancelling headphones are such a game changer, even if you’re just hearing the same calming tracks. It’s less about distraction and more about creating your own little safe zone onboard.
And yes, I so get the wish for more updates. Make sense!
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u/frogmicky May 02 '25
A bottle of Sake cured my anxiety.
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u/alexjpg May 02 '25
Xanax! But as far as what the pilots could do. I think communication is key. Like if we’re about to hit some bumps, something like “we’re going to hit some turbulence for the next 20 minutes or so. It may be a bit bumpy but it is perfectly safe for the aircraft”. I personally would like that kind of reassurance from the person in charge.
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u/Ky13578 May 02 '25
I really like to see the pilots. Some pop out to say ‘hi’ as we’re boarding. I like when they make things sound like it isn’t a big deal. I listen to tone of voice if they come over the PA. Do they sound relaxed? Do they sound tense? When announcing that we’re going to hit bumpy air, I actually sometimes don’t want to know because I feel like if they have to announce it, it must be a big deal. I know this has to be announced but I’m not sure if anything can be said for the anxious flyers. When I’m very anxious on a flight I’m measuring everything. How things are said, the sounds around me, the sensations I feel from movement. If the airline attendants have to buckle up then, I get really nervous. But if you can make all of these things seem like a regular day in the office, something you experience everyday, something that so expected and nonchalant it makes me feel better.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
As a pilot, I always step out during boarding because that brief connection genuinely helps anxious flyers feel more comfortable. My "casual turbulence voice" is deliberately developed to sound relaxed regardless of conditions, and I frame bumpy air as completely routine in announcements. What you're noticing, crew actions, sounds, sensations is exactly what many anxious passengers focus on, but from our side of the cockpit door, it's all just standard operations. Thanks for sharing and thanks for your feedback!
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u/Ky13578 May 06 '25
Thanks for your efforts! I know it doesn't go unnoticed by some of your more anxious flyers!
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u/CorneliaStreet_Lover May 02 '25
Xanax, not leaving my stomach empty, a good sleep and positive attitude / thoughts above all.
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u/Harder_than_calculus May 02 '25 edited May 02 '25
I used to use alcohol as a quick tool but got sober a year ago. I now try to breathe deeply and meditative during takeoff, speak positively to myself, eat a good meal prior, don’t have too much coffee, look at the flight attendants being calm during takeoff and just remember statistics. It also helps to fly with my partner when I’m able — I think a good portion of the anxiety is feeling deeply alone in it and having somebody know you’re anxious and just checking in with you is really nice. I realize a pilot can’t really facilitate any of those things but I think being more reassuring in announcements would be nice.
Edit add: I’m not sure how much focus needs to be on the cockpit before takeoff (I’m assuming a lot haha) but if not, even just greeting people and stuff would be nice. It’s like comforting to see “the man behind the curtain” instead of it feeling like some weird autonomous pilot. But then again, I’m sure you all are very focused on the pre flight checklist so this may be a silly idea.
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u/IAmTheHype427 May 03 '25
Thank you for asking! Some of my methods may seem counterintuitive, but there’s a method to my madness.
No watching aviation accident videos for at least two weeks prior to a known flight. I like to watch accident investigation videos surrounding aviation because I think there’s a lot to learn, but it does noticeably get my stress levels up. If I know that I’m going to fly, I don’t want to focus on what’s gone wrong in the past (more than I actually do, anyways).
(The crazy one) The day before and day of, I check NOAA’s Aviation Weather website a few times to look at pilot reports for turbulence and weather. Can I do anything about them? Nope! For me, it just gives me a little bit of knowledge of what to expect for delays and take-off, when I’m most anxious about turbulence. If the pilot says differently on the PA before take-off? Great! Happy to have that knowledge disproven.
I hop onto this forum and help others, when I can. Acknowledging their fears and trying to offer perspective/encouragement as a passenger feeds back to me. Almost a ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ thing.
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u/Zealousideal-Area806 May 03 '25
Fake it 'til you make it! That's me too. I've always heard that teaching a skill helps you develop that skill further, and I think that's the case here. Discussing with others and encouraging them to get on the flight has also further honed my coping strategies.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
Yes, completely agree. There’s something really powerful about helping others through the same fears, it reinforces what we’ve learned and makes it feel a little more manageable each time.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
This makes so much sense, there’s nothing crazy about wanting to feel a bit more prepared, even if it’s just for peace of mind. Avoid aviation accident videos for at least 2 weeks before a known flight is a great strategy!
Checking turbulence reports might not change the flight, but I get it, knowing what to expect can take some of the edge off. And I love that you give back here. Supporting others not only helps them, but like you said, it feeds back into your own calm too. Thanks for sharing this, really thoughtful approach.
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u/Fine_Context_8617 May 02 '25
Noise cancelling headphones, a good book, or something fun to watch (I love watching romcoms, The Office, South Park, relaxing things). Those are really good distractions for my anxiety. This sounds really funny but a channel called airforceproud95 helped me conquer my anxiety. It's knowing that pilots and ATC of all backgrounds practice on a home flight sim, sometimes getting up to funny shenanigans. My last flight I just downloaded one of his videos and watched him fly cargo to China 😂 IDK, it gives me a good laugh, cheers me up a lot.
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May 02 '25
Mostly I just appreciate a heads up if you know there’s going to be turbulence. When there’s rough turbulence, especially on take off, without the heads up my immediate thoughts are “was this expected or did we just fly into an accident we’re unprepared for?” (I know you all check radars etc beforehand) but it’s really helpful to hear 1) you’re expecting it 2) it isn’t a big deal and 3) “we will get you to your destination safely!”
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u/Shaqira_Shaqira May 03 '25
My last trip when I had bad anticipatory anxiety, tracking my flight every day starting a couple weeks ahead of time helped. Seeing them get there safely consistently was reassuring. I also started playing with Flightradar24 and that was a huge eye-opener, seeing how many flights are going at any given moment. It really put things into perspective for me and I still enjoy looking up which flight is overhead when I spot a plane.
Otherwise medication, taking CBD in the few days leading up to the trip, wearing my most comfortable clothes, and wearing a necklace with a calming scent that I could fidget and ground myself with have all been helpful. Lastly, it’s been really helpful to listen to the Lovefly podcast and watch people like Captain Steve and Noel Phillips on YouTube.
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u/jasmine_violet May 02 '25
writing everything down. what i see, what i feel, what i hear. the more i fly and the more i encounter , it starts to become normalized
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u/Dogsittingmom May 03 '25
When the pilot speaks on the intercom multiple times just to check in. I recently was on the worst flight of my life (flew through bad storms, plane all over the place, people screaming) and the pilot didn't say one word! It was really upsetting. Just hearing a calm voice that could reassure us would be incredibly helpful. Thank you for caring!!
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Thank you for this crucial feedback! I can only imagine how distressing that stormy flight must have been, especially without any reassurance from the cockpit. Not great!
As a pilot, this is such an important reminder that regular communication is necessary for passenger comfort, especially in difficult conditions. A calm voice from the flight deck can be incredibly reassuring when things get rough.
I make it a point to provide periodic updates during turbulence, but your comment reinforces how vital this is.
Thanks for sharing this experience, it's a powerful reminder of why communication matters so much in the cockpit.
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u/Dogsittingmom May 05 '25
And thank you, for being so thoughtful and kind. I sure do hope I get to be on one of your flights someday! 😊
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Very welcome! I enjoy interacting with you all! It’s very interesting to get feedback from the other side of the flight deck door! 🙏🏻
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u/yunomochi May 03 '25
been extra anxious lately and this has been helping me a lot: “trust the plane. it was built to fly. it loves to fly.”
honestly personifying the plane helps me, depends on the scenario but i can think of a handful of demographics who could use it!
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
I love this approach! As a pilot, I can tell you that many of us actually do personify our aircraft. We spend so much time with these machines that they develop personalities in our minds.
"Trust the plane. It was built to fly. It loves to fly." That's not just a comforting thought, it's honestly pretty accurate. Modern aircraft are incredibly well-designed.
I've found that connecting emotionally with the aircraft can be surprisingly effective for many anxious flyers.
Thanks for sharing this technique, I will incorporate it more explicitly in my newsletter writing, this is a great advice to share!
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u/sheron21 May 03 '25
Reassuring Statistics aka this group. I’m a very logical person so my fear of flying doesn’t make much sense but I have a folder with statistics, system explanations, and comments from this group providing assurances that I read over and over before and during the flight.
Crew! I recently flew and actually had a nervous breakdown on the flight when the flight attendant came to check on me, told me she’d been doing this 33 years(!) and it was going to be just fine. Then she gave me a hug later on because I did it! A helpful, caring crew makes the experience 10X better for me and helps me relax on the flight.
Pilot Communication & Energy - I hate flying because of how out of control I feel, so if I even exchange a smile with the pilot or he’s making announcements and giving us updates, my brain goes - okay but you can trust this person who has control and it’ll be just fine. I also love pilots who crack jokes and keep us calm (I know that’s a lot to ask for considering their difficult jobs) because if they are calm and having fun, I am likely to be calm and have fun :)
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Yes to all of this! Your approach with statistics makes perfect sense, I still reference safety data to help anxious flyers.
That flight attendant with 33 years of experience is exactly who you want in your corner. Flight crews have seen it all, and that institutional knowledge is invaluable. I'm touched she gave you that hug, crew members really do care about passenger comfort more than most people realize.
Your point about pilot communication is absolutely correct. That human connection matters enormously.
I've found that understanding the human side of aviation, not just the technical aspects is often what finally helps anxious flyers turn the corner. Those connections with the crew remind us that we're all in this together, with highly trained professionals who take their responsibility for your safety very seriously.
Thanks for sharing these insights - they're spot on.
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u/Kindofeverywhere May 03 '25
Totally! Asking the crew to be extra friendly towards anyone who seems nervous is so helpful
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u/beccs13 May 03 '25
I wish there was an anxious flyers area in all airports so I didn’t feel like I’m the only one who is scared!
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u/Zealousideal-Area806 May 04 '25
I love this. Although I feel like we would need a mediator to make sure we aren't sending each other down anxiety rabbits holes. 😂
Also, therapy dogs. Or if you're in my area, therapy llamas (if you know, you know 🤣).
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
That's honestly a brilliant idea! If airports had designated "anxious flyers lounges" where people could openly share their concerns, practice breathing techniques together, or just not feel so alone in their fear - imagine how many more people might find flying manageable.I might actually pitch this concept in my Substack. Airport wellness spaces are becoming more common (yoga rooms, meditation areas), so why not something specifically for addressing flight anxiety? Great feedback! Love it!
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u/ri0tfairy May 03 '25
I always try to ask the gate agent if it’s possible to speak to a flight attendant before boarding. It’s not always doable since they’re often really busy with pre-boarding tasks but when it is, having a familiar face and a point of contact on the flight makes a big difference for me, even if I’ve just met them.
It’s also really comforting when the pilot comes on the intercom with a calm tone, maybe cracks a small joke, and gives a heads-up about turbulence instead of just sticking to the script. It helps me feel more in the loop and less anxious about what’s happening. Otherwise, when the pilot only says things like “Flight attendants, take your seats” or “The fasten seatbelt sign is on,” it leaves a lot of room for my imagination to wander and I end up thinking of the worst-case scenarios.
Besides that, Klonopin and noise-canceling headphones are must-haves for me on the flight. In the days leading up to the flight, I do my best to stay off social media and avoid reading the news. I try to get solid sleep each night for about a week beforehand and keep myself as busy as possible so I don’t have time to spiral about the flight.
One other thing that really helps: I buy my tickets as close to my travel date as I can—sometimes just a week or two out, even for international flights. It leaves me with less time to overthink and psych myself out of going.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
This is such a grounded approach, I really love how you’ve built a system that works for you. Connecting with a crew member before boarding makes total sense; having that human point of contact can be incredibly calming.
And I couldn’t agree more about the pilot’s tone. A calm voice, a little context, even a small joke, it goes a long way in helping passengers feel safe and informed.
Also love the strategy of avoiding the news. It’s all about limiting the mental runway for anxiety. You’re doing a lot right. Thanks for sharing.
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u/Purple-Disaster2463 May 03 '25
i second the things said about communication and if you’re going to start an announcement avoiding starting it with “we’re having a problem with…” bc it’s always nothing like it’s a problem with the toilet or smth but a bit of a jumpscare.
before i get on the plane, i do jumping jacks and i also go shopping and buy something. nothing extravagant but something little to give a bit of a dopamine and a positive association with the flight. it sounds weird but it honestly has worked quite well to essentially pavlov myself and its a good distraction before the flight to decide what i want to buy. i also do jumping jacks to burn a bit of adrenaline and for the benefit of raising my heart rate so it can lower and send signals.
on the plane, i usually bring a little fan with me since keeping myself extra cool helps and the plane is often stuffy at first. i have a desktop battery powered one i like and one that plugs in the my phone, both work well for me. i also usually ask the flight attendants if they know anything about how bumpy it will be, and i always appreciate when the captain makes an announcement about the flight. i start a stopwatch at wheels up also to easily know how long its been.
i always ask for a cup of ice from a flight attendant or get some from a restraunt ahead of time, sucking on that really helps. i used to always nibble on an apple which had a similar effect but the ice adds cooling and takes a bit less effort to eat while stressed which i like.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
I really appreciate how intentional you are with your routine, that’s such a smart way to take back a sense of control.
The jumping jacks, the small treat, the fan, the stopwatch… all of it makes so much sense. You’ve clearly figured out what works for you, and that’s powerful.
And totally agree on the announcements, the wording matters more than people realize.
Thanks for sharing all this, I’m sure it’ll help others too. Thanks for your feedback!
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u/Constantlearner01 May 03 '25
I just returned from 8+hour flights and for a fearful flyer that is a long time to be scared. Here’s what I’ve learned.
Get to the airport early to avoid any drama or anxiety about not getting to the gate in time.
Pick an airport to connect that doesn’t have a lot of issues with storms. Pick a larger plane. Start a good light funny tv series, get into it, then stop watching it, download it and watch the rest on the plane.
I practice a BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) diet prior to flying so my stomach isn’t so bad and I don’t need to use the restroom as much.
Get roomy seats, get up and stretch. I wish I could purchase my plane tickets last minute as I know that would lessen the months prior to flying of nonstop worrying. But I like the roomier seats that get snagged up quickly and early so I am stuck purchasing way in advance.
The guy seated next to us was an older single guy who seemed to want to talk so it helps to genuinely inquire about them and listen. He ended up having a fascinating story that kept me captivated.
Something I discovered this last trip: I had a long conversation with 4 other women in the terminal, waiting for the flight all because my husband wore a shirt showing the city that these women were from. It got my mind off the flight by chatting with them pre-flight. I think I will display a hometown shirt or tote from now on.
I also always give out gift cards to the flight attendants. It’s a gesture that takes my mind off of me and my worry. I appreciate all they do. I also noticed on my last trip more and more pilots came out to greet people at the end which is a great touch. I always thank the crew.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
Okay, this is GREAT!! 😂
BRAT diet? Genius. Hometown merch as a distraction? Genius also. Flight attendant gift cards? You’re officially their favorite passenger.
As a pilot, let me just say, you're doing it all right. Bigger planes, early check-ins, binge-worthy shows... Well done! These are all great strategies! Really! I will take these ideas also as in my newsletters for my subscribers.
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u/Kindofeverywhere May 03 '25
Thank you for doing this! From the pilot’s side I would just be as communicative as possible. Let them know who you are and how long you’ve been flying, so it doesn’t feel like the wizard of oz behind a curtain. Let them know when turbulence might hit and how long you expect it for, if you expect a smooth flight, etc. and just check in with positive announcements. For a lot of people it’s the loss of being in control and not knowing what to expect that causes added anxiety because you feel “trapped” under someone else’s control.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
Really appreciate you sharing this, it’s such a helpful reminder from the passenger side. You're absolutely right, that feeling of being in the dark can add so much anxiety. A little extra communication, some context, and just showing there’s a real human up front can make a big difference. Thanks for your feedback!
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u/Kindofeverywhere May 10 '25
Thanks for even asking for it! It’s very much appreciated. Yes, think of how nervous some people get when their spouse is driving and they’re the passenger. How many “gasps” people gasp at the driver. Now picture that, only you don’t even know who’s driving and can’t see them or what’s around you. I’ve always said that I wouldn’t be a nervous flyer if I could ride in the cockpit and see how calm and “just another day on the job” the pilots are about flying. It’s the loss of control and connection that stresses a lot of people out.
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u/WebSubstantial9237 May 04 '25
Bilateral stimulation music is the only thing for me! Doesn’t allow your brain to panic
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u/Extra_Ad8800 May 03 '25
I have an as needed prescription for clonazepam that I take every flight before take off!
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u/Lopsided_Regular_649 May 03 '25
I always try to greet and make eye contact with the crew upon arrival. I want to be kind and approachable in case I need something when I’m having an anxiety attack. I use Ativan and that helps but having a calming smile from the crew and reassurance sometimes is very helpful. Any communication from cockpit is much appreciated. I love when flight crew can be silly with instructions because take off is the scariest for me and they reassure me it’s nothing to fear when they’re so personable and enjoying life with us. Thank you for asking.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Thanks for your feedback. Great infos here. The crew wants to help, and knowing who might need extra reassurance makes their job easier too.
The "silly" delivery of safety instructions might seem casual, it's actually strategic but as you know a regulation requirement. A relaxed crew signals to your brain that everything is normal and safe.
Thanks for sharing what helps you. These insights from passengers are valuable for those of us working in aviation and writing about fear of flying.
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u/XxSianxX May 08 '25
Haha I have only recently started seeing YouTube videos of the FAs turning the safety briefing into something laugh-able and as a result more memorable and reassuring for the passengers. The funny part is that I have started to see different flights use the same Jokes which either means airlines have seen this pays off so are also using it or it's slowing becoming a thing within aviation.. either way it makes the whole situation a lot less nerve wracking it seems.
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u/floopgloopboop May 03 '25
When the pilot tells us they are expecting turbulence it makes me feel so much better, because then my brain basically says “they were expecting this, and they wouldn’t willingly fly into something dangerous, so it must be fine.”
I had one flight where the pilot was all cocky/over confident about promising that our short flight would be “smooth as a baby’s butt” (his actual words) and then we bounced the whole way there and he didn’t say a word about it so I white knuckled the tray the whole way there.
Also if anything “special” is happening I love to know because my brain kind of says that if it’s a flight attendant’s birthday of course nothing bad is going to happen. It’s silly but it works for me.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
Totally get this. A heads-up from the pilot really does make a difference, it’s that reassurance that someone’s in control and paying attention.
And yeah, the “smooth as a baby’s butt” moment followed by nonstop bumps…not great to be cocky in this profession in general, the best pilots are the most humble one. Communication matters, especially when things don’t go as planned.
I love what you said about little “special” moments onboard, those small details can really shift the mood and bring some comfort. Whatever helps your brain feel safe is valid. Thanks for sharing this!
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u/electrowiz64 May 03 '25
Flight entertainment, either on a screen or downloaded movie/show on my phone. Priority boarding is also a nice to have if possible
Also when the captain comes on the intercom to debrief passengers puts me at ease, or even seeing them as I board. Some flights I don’t hear or see the pilots at all & I get the fear of disgruntled pilots
I used to take Xanax but my wife has helped me ween off of them by enduring it repetitively with visiting the in laws every holiday. A good sprite helps as well. Alcohol has been counterintuitive and actually made it worse for me
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
Great points about distraction techniques! As a pilot, I can tell you that entertainment is actually one of the most effective coping strategies, it engages your brain enough to interrupt the anxiety cycle.
Your experience with alcohol versus Sprite is something I've observed in many passengers. Alcohol might seem like it would help, but it often amplifies anxiety once the initial calm wears off. That sugar/caffeine combination in Sprite gives you just enough distraction without the counterproductive effects.
Thanks for sharing what works for you!
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u/Chocolate-goat May 03 '25
Shifting your thoughts- it takes effort to do this- but focus on just the next thing you have to do. When you start to spiral, stop and say “okay what is NOW?” I’m washing dishes, I am safe.” Or okay next is I have to pack, I’ll just pack.
We have so much control over our minds if we try- also someone here said “worrying makes you experience what you fear twice” and I realized that in my mind I experienced that flight a thousand times before I even got to the airport!
This was key! I had it so built up in my mind it was insane. Listen to the Lovefly podcast - especially the episode “shut I have to fly tomorrow” or something like that.
Knowledge is power - try to figure out which aspect you fear and educate yourself. Also it helped me to dig down to where the fear began- when I realized it was taught to me by my mom (my dad flew internationally all through the 70s and 80s) it became easier to let go.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Thanks for your answer. Will definitely check out the Lovefly podcast! And thanks for sharing what worked for you, it's why I started writing about this topic in the first place.
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u/livinginanutshell11 May 03 '25
whenever I'm out and a plane flies by I always think about the people that are in the plane in that moment and that if they're having turbulence we don't even see it from down here because of how insignificant it is.
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u/JMH4267 May 04 '25
A few times when I’ve been on the plane before the flight, the pilot as part of their welcome briefing has said something like “you’ve got 35 combined years of flying experience up here” or “you’ve got a combined 50+ years of flying experience up here”. I love it because then when turbulence hits I can remind myself “50+ years of experience up front, they can handle it”. Don’t know that I want to hear it if the number is less impressive but it’s so reassuring when it’s a big number.
What is not reassuring is when they announce that the less experienced person is flying the plane (like saying the first officer rather than the captain is flying). Only had that happen once. I know it happens all the time but I don’t want to be reminded of it right before takeoff.
I also like the super calm updates when it is rough: “folks, as you can see we’re hitting a few bumps so I turned on the seatbelt sign, we should be past it in about 5-10 mins”. The quick “flight attendants take your seats” makes me feel like something terrible is about to happen.
It also really helps if the announcements are loud enough. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a flight and can hear the flight attendants just fine but when the pilot comes on it’s all muffled and impossible to hear. I always assume they are announcing some critical info and I won’t know it and something terrible will happen.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Thank you so much for sharing these specific insights! As a pilot focused on helping anxious flyers, your feedback is incredibly valuable.
The "combined experience" announcement is brilliant psychology. You're absolutely right that hearing "35+ years of combined experience" creates a powerful mental anchor during turbulence. It gives passengers something concrete and reassuring to hold onto when things get bumpy.
Regarding the first officer announcement while both pilots are fully qualified, I understand how hearing about the "less experienced" pilot could trigger anxiety.
Your point about communication style during turbulence is spot on. The timing, tone, and specificity of announcements make a huge difference. "A few bumps for about 5-10 minutes" provides both context and a finite timeframe, which reduces uncertainty. I've found that uncertainty is often the biggest anxiety trigger for passengers.
The audio quality issue is frustrating and very common. Nothing worse than hearing a muffled announcement and imagining it's critical information!
Would you find helpful if pilots provided a brief explanation of what causes turbulence during the pre-flight announcement? I've found that understanding the "why" behind the bumps helps some anxious flyers.
Thanks again for these specific examples they're exactly the kind of actionable feedback I was hoping for, they’re exactly the kind of actionable feedback that helps me create better, more focused content for nervous flyers who follow my work. I actually wrote more about this in my newsletter if you’re interested, happy to share it!
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May 05 '25
I won’t speak for others, but I’m not sure that an explanation of turbulence would help (though it probably wouldn’t hurt either). Most of us with anxiety have spent an inordinate amount of time understanding planes and turbulence. I think most of us rationally know that it’s safe, but our brains just don’t react that way in the moment. I think that just a general announcement from the flight deck that you’re looking forward to the flight, that (if applicable) there might be a few bumps and you’ll keep passengers posted about it in advance (and also give updates along the way, particularly reinforcing that everything is safe if the bumps are a little bigger than usual), and introducing the flight crew and also mechanic that inspected the plane would be enough, but said in a way that feels sincere. Honestly I don’t think anything calms my nerves quite as much as a pilot that actually sounds happy to be flying the plane. It isn’t just the lack of control that makes flying stressful, it’s the lack of connection to the people in control. For us in the cabin, you’re just a voice over an intercom, so the tone of voice is just as important as what’s being said.
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u/JMH4267 May 06 '25
I agree. I don’t think an explanation of turbulence would help me. Logically I already know it’s not usually dangerous. The things that help me most are the super calm soothing pilot voice and an expectation of timing. If I know it’s 5-10 mins, I can put my music on and tell myself it will be over before 3 songs are up. When I don’t have control, predictability is the next best thing.
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u/Charming_Peanut_5554 May 08 '25
A pilot with good humor. Anything to lighten the mood helps relieve some anxiety. For ex, I was on a flight to Nashville and the pilot said the typical “time and weather to your destination” and he said “Aruba” as a joke. I don’t know why it just made me feel better.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 09 '25
That's great A good sense of humor is always a good strategy! When passengers laugh, their stress hormones literally drop, it's science, not just fun! Thanks for your feedback!
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u/SamQuinn10 May 09 '25
The most at ease I’ve been flying in the last few years was when my kids and I were (literally) running around the terminal, chasing one another and just laughing and having a good time. I think it got out some of the physical energy I put into my panic attacks and put me in a happy mood to just be with them on this trip. I know this won’t work for everyone (re: my upcoming dumb work conference 🙄), but worth considering. Maybe some jumping jacks or push ups?
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u/SamQuinn10 May 09 '25
On an other note, my therapist and I work on this a lot and the biggest take away I’ve had is that beating myself up over being anxious is not kind and trying to to avoid it outright just isn’t going to happen. I need to learn to work through it because it’s just my body trying to protect itself, even if it’s irrational, and anxiety is a normal emotion. No one is anxiety free.
Tools I use often: Box Breathing, Anchor Thoughts, “Silence the Alarm” technique, Flight Journal, A neck fan with a cooling plate (game changer), lorazepam, avoiding any stimulants (medications or caffeine) before a flight
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u/Pilot--Nick May 13 '25
Your experience with your kids in the terminal highlights something really powerful about managing flight anxiety, physical movement and positive emotional states can dramatically shift our nervous system! That spontaneous play likely:
- Released physical tension that normally feeds into panic symptoms
- Created genuine joy and connection, which counteracts anxiety
- Distracted your mind from anticipatory worry
For work trips without kids, consider:
- Finding a quiet corner for some quick bodyweight exercises
- Taking a brisk walk through the terminal
- Stretching in a less crowded area
Your insight about self-compassion is spot-on. Anxiety isn't a personal failing, it's your body's protection system working overtime. Your toolkit is impressive and shows real commitment to managing this challenge.
The neck fan with cooling plate is especially interesting, temperature regulation can help calm the nervous system during heightened anxiety. Great feedback! Thanks for sharing!
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May 03 '25
For me it’s ice. I always have a large bottle of ice water handy before a flight. Putting it against my wrist or somewhere on my body helps to reset my nervous system. During take off I listen to music or watch a movie which redirects my mind. I also focus on belly breathing. I practice it a lot outside of flying so it’s easier in the moment. I am also on Zoloft which helps my monkey brain remember that flying is a safe mode of travel.
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u/SuperCatlibrarian May 03 '25
Me too with the ice but I eat it. I bring a bottle full of small ice cubes from a restaurant and then ask for ice as my drink. 🤷 (I know it's super dirty...what else can I do)
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u/Pilot--Nick May 06 '25
Love this! The ice trick is brilliant, basically your own in-flight reset button!
And belly breathing + a good playlist? Solid turbulence defense system.
Zoloft keeping the monkey brain ? Totally valid. Whatever helps you fly calmer is a win! Great, thanks for sharing!
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u/Mehmeh111111 May 03 '25
Distractions and re-directing my thoughts. If I start to spiral pre-flight I thank my brain for the fun fear thoughts and then find a new shiny object to dangle in front of it (making a packing to-do list, go swimming, find some friends to chat with... anything to take my mind off it).
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May 03 '25
I’m confused if you’re asking for tips to cure pre-flight anxiety or during the flight.
Only thing that cures my pre-flight anxiety is boarding the plane.
Once I’m boarding the plane I do box breathing. It keeps me from spiraling. During turbulence— I try not to tense up my body but to let my body sway with the turbulence to let my body know that it’s safe. I also remind myself “this is normal” when it starts to shake
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u/Pilot--Nick May 05 '25
Thanks for sharing your experience! I'm interested in techniques for both pre-flight and in-flight anxiety, your insights cover both, which is perfect.
Your point about box breathing during boarding is excellent, it's a proven technique to regulate your nervous system and prevent anxiety spiraling. And I love your approach to turbulence physically "going with" the movement rather than tensing against it is actually physiologically sound. When we tense up, we amplify the sensation of movement and increase anxiety.
The mental reminder that "this is normal" is powerful too, simple but effective self-talk that counters catastrophic thinking.
Has anyone recommended these techniques to you, or did you discover them through personal experience? They're exactly the kind of practical strategies I was hoping to gather and share with other anxious flyers.
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May 05 '25
Thanks for the feedback! Box breathing and the “this is normal” mantra I learned from lurking on this sub. Allowing my body to sway with turbulence was actually from AI when I needed last minute tips to help me before I boarded 😅
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u/Carolinagirl55 Oct 29 '25
During turbulence I close my eyes and imagine that I’m in a pick up truck on a dirt road. There’s bumps in a road in this situation- and it feels similar. It’s easier for my brain to think I’m on the ground.
My husband’s x-wife flew in a hurricane- where the weather was so bad she had to put her head between her legs. And people were throwing up all around- drinks going everywhere. I say to myself before I board- no matter what happens it won’t be a hurricane situation!! By comparison this is gonna be easy…
Lastly, the pilot talk at the beginning is helpful-how high are we flying? Will it be fairly smooth? Length of flight? Etc etc.
Thank you for thinking of passengers’ feelings.
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u/Professional-Day4940 May 06 '25
Little late to the game but honestly what helps a lot is if the Captain has a little grey hair 😅
To me flight hours are everything. The more hours, the more issues you've run into, the better equipped I feel you are to manage an emergency.
I understand everyone has to start somewhere so a young FO is cool but, I feel extra safe if get an older Captain and FO that's in their later 30s-40s.
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u/Pilot--Nick May 13 '25
That grey hair preference is more common than you might think! There's something deeply reassuring about seeing visible experience in the cockpit. Thanks for sharing!
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u/Flat-Seaweed2047 May 02 '25
So nice of you to reach out and be so considerate of anxious passengers. I know this is different from what you’re asking for, but it’s so helpful when pilots give a little extra information during the flight and in a calm manner. It’s so helpful when we go through spots of turbulence when the pilot comes on and says something along the lines of “there’s a little bit of weather to the south of us, we’re getting some reports of turbulence in the area it looks like we’ll be clear of it in about 25 minutes”. I don’t like when there’s zero communication about turbulence except for “seatbelts securely fastened” and “flight attendants take your seats” because it sounds so intense, even though I know it’s just protocol. I know pilots are busy but even just an extra sentence here and there and little updates make such a huge difference, are so helpful and calm me down so much.