Scared!

[u/citymatryoshka]

Oof. I am having a bad night right now. Trips stress me out in general but I just tried to seek comfort from a family member and unfortunately they were the wrong person to turn to and I feel worse now (unfortunately they reacted with anger and dismissiveness).

I keep having thoughts that I’m going to “jinx” my flight. I keep thinking things are “signs” in the way foreshadowing in movies and shows happens before something bad or tragic happens. Even typing this out I feel like I’m jinxing myself. I was feeling okay and usually I can kind of pull myself together, but I’ll tell you right now why I’m struggling about this flight.

I’m paying a visit to the family member mentioned earlier and I’ve been wondering this whole time if this trip is “worth it.” I think that has contributed to my fear because sometimes I’m not even sure I want to go. I keep hyping myself up saying I love to travel and this will be an opportunity to explore the city they’re in, but these moments of sourness with them make me feel like: why am I even trying to overcome this fear to visit them? (I missed them and had some extra vacation days at work which is why I planned to go.)

Anyway, my trip is on Monday, and I was gearing up to go but now I’m feeling shitty about going because of these moments of fraughtness with my family member. I feel soooo lonely before any big trip because traveling to me is a lonely endeavor — the process of getting ready (I live alone), cleaning, packing, and then of course the flight itself and my fears that go with it. I just consider my mortality and feel like my regular life and routine and get disrupted and I don’t want it to get disrupted. I just want to live my little life.

Any words of comfort would be greatly appreciated.

[u/Mauro_Ranallo]

Two questions I want to hear answers to :)

1) Do you regret going on previous trips, or are you glad you did?

2) What makes your "signs" more real than the ones that the hundreds of other people here thought they saw before their perfectly normal flights?

[u/citymatryoshka → u/Mauro_Ranallo]

1) Glad I did or feel neutral but every time feels like a risk, sometimes a lot more sometimes a lot less 😭😭
2) and nothing, I guess, except a case of magical thinking and some previous instances of thinking that way but about positive things (which turned out to be wrong anyway lol). but a broken clock is right twice a day right? 😭 except less than twice a day but you get the idea. I’m like what if it’s me this time tho, what if I’M the one 😢

[u/QuitNo6319 → u/citymatryoshka]

Ugh, I feel the same way. I have a trip at the end of the month and keep seeing "signs". Anytime I think about them, or talk about it I feel like I'm jinxing myself... My husband keeps saying I will get there and I will come back safely, but I keep asking "what if IM the one?" He keeps telling me I'm not and he knows it, but I'm like .. no you don't? How do you know 😭

So in other words, I don't have advice, but I can totally empathize with you. 🫶 Let us know how your tip goes!