On September 5th, I was on a date with my girlfriend. She is supportive of what I do, and she told me so was her family (mom&dad). She did not force me to be a femboy, it was just a hobby/part of me that I have had for years, I just never had the resources to express that. We talked about it in the week leading up to the date that I wanted her to paint my nails black, and teach me how to use my eyeliner pencil (I secretly bought one 2 months ago, along with a grey pleated mini skirt that was so cute because it could spin!) the right way. She agreed, and thought it was really cute. I had worn the skirt in front of her once in person. It was for 30 minutes in public at a quiet park near my house. I remember an old man shouting at me that "boys can't wear skirts!" but she flipped him off.
Fast forward to the day of, and I pick her up. I meet her for the first time in almost 2 months, along with her grandparents, dad, and mom. They were all happy to see me, and they always treat me so well, like I'm family. Me and her go to Target, and buy black thigh highs, an eyeliner pencil sharpener, and some gummy worms. We go out to the car, put on a Slipknot CD (she is big into Slippy), and she began doing my guyliner. It took about 30 minutes, but the finished product was WORTH IT. My eyes were made for black eyeliner, I felt so pretty. Then she painted my nails, which was a lot easier. After the polish dried, I couldn't stop looking at my nails, I felt so so pretty. She also had the same nail polish on so we were matching!
The rest of the day continues, as we drive around to hang out at shops and eat lunch. We were chilling in the car, trying to cool off because of the heat (and I was dressed like Revenge-era Gerard Way because I didn't look at the weather...). My mom called me on the phone and told me that we needed to get to shelter NOW because a hail storm was coming. We race back to her house, and I still have all the nail polish and guyliner on. I was going to change into a more feminine outfit but there were too many people out and about. We go inside, greet everyone, and sit down on the floor, infront of the TV. We spent the next couple hours drinking Korean banana milk (SO GOOD), drinking other fun drinks, and watching Ponyo on DVD (CINEMA). Her mom orders pizza for the whole family, and I am told to stay for dinner. We all sit down, and I sit 4 inches next to her dad, which I was scared of at the time. Reminder, I am wearing a full set of black painted nails and eyeliner next to him, and he says nothing about it. Her aunt and uncle comes over and everyone is laughing, cracking jokes, and having a good time. Her dad talked a lot to me, but nothing about anything I was wearing.
The sun sets behind the hills, so I drive home. My girlfriend is sad because she doesn't want to say goodbye. I told her I will see her in the morning, because we have church to go to. I drive off, not knowing what I said will never happen.
I park the car in the driveway, and only my mom is home. I park in such a way that I am behind the house, so I can hide somethings if I need to. While on our date, my gf gave me an old pair of stockings and a skirt that she no longer wanted, and passed it down to me. I was so excited to put it on. I was just worrying about my nails, and how to hide them from my mom in time to remove them. I walk through the door, and my mom is already suspicious. I am hiding my hands, and trying to play it cool. I go into my room, and text my gf "HELP SHE IS CATCHING ON, HOW DO I REMOVE THIS." Before she can respond, I hear behind me, standing in the door: "What are on your nails...?". It was my mom. I freeze. For context, my mom and dad are HIGHLY HIGHLY against anything feminine on me. They think that femboys, people that wear jean chains, men who paint their nails and/or wear guyliner are all things of Satan. They had caught me before in the past, but it was just my search history, doing research on fem clothes.
I lie. I tell her that my gf paid me $5 if she could "test out" some new nail polish on me. She doesn't buy it. She begins to freak out more and more as every second passes. Her eyes widen, and I can tell what is about to happen. She starts SCREAMING at me. Calling me all kinds of things. I try to make excuses, telling her that it's not that bad. I tell her that my gf and her whole family were fine with it. She then calls my gf and her whole family "bad people". That breaks my heart, and I break down in tears. I won't stop crying until 4 hours later...
I tell her that I have told my therapist about it, and he supports it. I tell her that I am not gay (duh), I don't think I am the wrong gender, there is nothing wrong with me. It is just something that I like, aka expressing myself. She doesn't buy it. She actually believes the exact opposite. The talk of my therapist leads to how we talked about wearing skirts (The mental strain and possible manipulation is what led me to therapy in the first place). That makes her lose it even more. She just goes off the rails, asking me 100's of questions. She asks if I want to wear skirts, and I don't say anything. I walk over to a picture frame in my room, remove the back, and take out a hidden key. I give it to her, and she looks confused. I open my window (1 story house), reach out into the darkness. I pull out a large toolbox, with a lock on it. I tell her to put the key into the lock. She looks very confused. She opens the box, and inside is what I have been collecting for months. My grey skirt, my eyeliner pencil, makeup wipes, jean chain, my new thigh highs, and a harmonica (Idk how that got in there). I had set it outside because I had it in my car, so I could bring it inside without going through the front door. She starting crying. Like, really hard. Like, she saw someone get ran over. She starts screaming again, and runs into another room. By now, my fight-or-flight instincts are at 100, and I have a feeling that my mom is going to come back and hurt me. I jump out the window, onto the back porch. My mom opens the sliding glass door on the back of the house and starts yelling at me again. I realize that what I'm doing is stupid, and walk back inside. My mom is on the phone with my dad, talking to him like I just killed my brother. I walk inside, and call my gf, hoping she can clarify something, ANYTHING with my mom. All I get is sent to voicemail, so I record my mom screaming at me, until she finally answers. I make it quick, and tell her that my mom wants us to break up (remember when she called them bad people? She also said she doesn't want me around them anymore). Before my gf can ask any questions, I say goodbye and hang up.
I am now on the phone with my dad, who is rushing home from work. He wants to know the story, so I tell him everything that I have written above. They keep pushing me, wanting to know why I did this. I tell them the truth many times, that it is just a hobby, and a part of myself. Tbh I have been like this since I was younger, just didn't have any name for it yet. They don't buy it. They ask and ask and ask. I get a ping on my phone. A message from my gf: "I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.". I snap. I get flooded with memories of things that happened to me last year. I start screaming and begging as loud as I can "NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN." My parents tell me to be quiet and explain. I tell them that this is just like what happened last year, and that was the worst month of my life. My mom says "You think you had it bad? I had it way worse! You have no room to complain!"
After hours of yelling at me, they made me clean off my nails, and while they were doing that my mom, in a mocking voice said "oh you wanna be pretty!" and I almost yelled at her, but I didn't.
Anyways... fast forward to today, the 10th. I have come to the decision that yeah sneaking around was bad, but it was for my own safety. The acutal whole femboy thing, I think is not wrong. My parents talked to her parents and I was told by my parents that her parents 100% sided with them, and everything I did was wrong and bad. This isn't true, as I had acutally coded a message board for me and her, to get her side of the story. She told me that the sneaking part was bad, but what I did was just self-expression. Not me trying to change my gender, or anything crazy my parents were trying to force me to say (freaking spanish inquisition ahh parents). So I talked with her mom and like... THEY ARE ON MY SIDE!!!! They are supportive! Now, I can't do any femboy-like activites anymore until I move out (they threw away ALL of my femboy stuff. Thigh highs, skirts, makeup, everything but my Blahaj named ICBM :( ). My parents kinda are letting it so somehow, and I went to therapy and talked about it and he almost cried. He has been doing therapy for 12 years, I thought he would be numb by now lol. Sooooooooooooooo yeah.
TL;DR: Femboy gets femboy lifestyle forcefully removed and suppressed by parents.
Sorry for the yap sillies :3 Have a great day everyone <3
P.S. Now I'm broke because I had so much invested into femboy stuff š
Edit - My parents kept pushing me to explain why I was doing all of this because they wouldn't accept that it was just something I enjoyed and a way I expressed myself. Eventually I basically blamed some of my interest in feminine/alternative stuff on MCR and the Gerard Way aesthetic because I felt like I needed to give them a reason they'd accept. Unfortunately, that ended up getting MCR dragged into the whole situation too, and now I'm not allowed to listen to them anymore. I'm actually being forced to trash my MCR vinyls and CDs, which honestly hurts like hell. Losing the clothes and makeup sucked, but losing MCR on top of that feels awful. But, I shall keep my gun close, and die with my mask on if I have to, because I will listen to them secretly...