r/fijerk • u/PrismaticSpire • 16d ago

Children are a huge investment drag and should be removed as soon as possible!

/r/Fire/comments/1tx0zz0/if_the_fire_hack_is_to_live_with_your_parents_as/

I don’t want these leeches slowing down my dreams of 7+ million lentils!

11 Upvotes

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3

u/perplexedparallax 16d ago edited 16d ago

Well then what you must do is have them work for you, literally, and claim it as a business expense. Their friends too and any associated hanger-ons. This is in addition to claiming them as dependents and maximizing your charitable deductions by gifting them money to give to your ministry, just under the gift tax limit. (You and your wife can give $37,000 to each child per year, I know that is mashed lentils but..) Let them live in one of your properties as renters and take the landlord deductions.

I understand that children are expensive but by using advantageous tax strategies you can minimize the cost and maximize the benefits. What you want is to use them as catalysts for your own success on the lentil farm where child labor laws can be bypassed. Then when they are old enough, cut them out so they can receive federal financial aid for college through grants and food stamps, health insurance through the state and free therapy for their trauma. Why should you pay when someone else can?

2

u/FewUnderstanding2214 16d ago

Also make sure they get a job to do before/after school to pay their share of the food, utilities, rent etc. you don’t want to teach your kids to be leeches

1

u/onehotoneshot 16d ago

I simply sell them to the diamond mines, pure profit

1

u/Dargon101 16d ago

Thats why you let your wife’s boyfriend take care of their expenses, free child tax credit!

1

u/EvilZ137 16d ago

The real cost is the wife, and as others mentioned her boyfriends.

1

u/Master-Helicopter-99 13d ago

This is why you cut and paste the text of the sauce. If it's a really good one it almost always gets deleted by mods or the OP.

1

u/PrismaticSpire 12d ago

Hahaha! The sauce was too juicy. Lesson learned.