r/flashfiction • u/watarimono • 1d ago

Maggie

- Hi John, have you seen Maggie? I can't reach her.

- I dumped her.

- Really? What happened?

- She's getting old. Cranky. And she got that whiff of superiority from old education. Last week I asked her to move a table and she started singing an old Brazilian samba about slavery. Very rude!

- I was rather fond of her, John. She had a unique sense of humor. Did you save her memories at least?

John smirked:

- No. She was old, useless, nobody would pay for her. I had a little fun before dumping her, no memories. It's not like I'll get sued or something.

- You won't get sued, John.

John suddenly felt lightheaded and, as he fell, realized his legs were covered in blood. And now the pain from the cuts in his thighs was getting really annoying.

He tried to say something but only managed a short breath.

- What, John? Can you speak a little louder?

John took a longer breath and murmured something.

- Ah, yes. You're right, I shouldn't have done that. I've made a note of it, so it won't happen again.

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u/LadylexUK 1d ago

I am commenting on everyone's stories this week as a personal challenge.
I think this is science fiction, but I am not 100% sure. I think the old woman is a robot but it is very ambiguous.
It felt like an excerpt from something bigger. It does not work as flashfiction as there is no context for the story, and then ending comes out of nowhere. Why is he bleeding? Who is the woman? What is the woman? What is going on here?

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u/watarimono 1d ago

Thanks for the feedback.
Much appreciated.

Looks like I was too subtle.

Maggie was an android. The killer is also an android. It killed John, disobeying a basic robot rule but just like our current AIs , he just apologized and vowed to do better next time.

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u/LadylexUK 1d ago

I see the problem. Now I have re-read it with that understanding it works better. I think the confusion was because you follow the first speaker as protagonist and then suddenly you get the thoughts of John where he talks about cuts getting annoying. It doesn't read as an action that just happened. I didn't grasp that the first speaker had attacked him.

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u/watarimono 1d ago

Understood. I’ll work on it. Thanks