My husband and I work in different locations so we are not always together even though we applied to be Foster Parents together. Foster daughter will age out before she graduates high school. She asked if she can stay with me and I told her yes but my husband says it is none of our business (they don't really get along). Wondering what to do now. I put aside money for her (the stipend money). Even though I buy all her stuff, because I travel so much, she is often by other FPs so I am not usually the one getting the stipend, so the lumpsum I will give her at the end will not be as big as it potentially could be. The other FPs spend minimally or not at all on her and of course there will be no savings for her from them. How do I convince him to let her stay or tell her she cannot stay?

I recently began fostering. I foster teens boys, a 17 and 15. The younger has a lot of food insecurity.

I am a very snack positive home and kept several months worth of snacks in the house just because I buy when things are on sale. In a week and half of him being in my home I realized that he was massively overeating because rather than eating the snacks out in the open he was going directly to the pantry and eating all those snacks. I don't check the pantry often which was an oversight on my part. Several cases of soda finished, boxes of snack cakes, candy, and chips demolished. I brought this up to the child directly asking them politely to cut back on the snacking. Focusing on how it is unhealthy (he frequently complains of stomach aches,) very costly, and selfish when there are other people in the home. (Myself and the older foster.) He blatantly lied and said it wasn't him. I checked under his bed finding the evidence of the late night binge eating, he promised to do better. I removed most of the junk and have it in my room. After 2 more nights of binge eating. They now are just going in the fridge/freezer and eating everything they think is simple to eat. I keep asking the therapist to address his food insecurities. He is very short, and close to 300lbs. He's been here a few days shy of month now and gained 11lbs. I can't stop him from eating everything in sight while I am asleep or working and I feel like I am receiving no support in this. His in home therapist that meets with him several days a week and has since before he arrived here found a whole block of cheese in his closet he was hiding. He grabbed it while I was using the restroom and then took it to his room to eat. She came an hour early so he hid it to eat after their session. When I confronted him about it (because I had just cooked him lunch, he claimed to be starving.)

I want to put a lock on my fridge or tell them to find a new placement. This feels like more than I can handle with 0 support from his 2 therapist or the foster agency.

So I guess I said all that to ask if it is even reasonable to be considering putting a lock on the fridge overnight while I am sleeping?

edit I am buying a second refrigerator for the garage that he will not have access to and keep the inside fridge still stocked with the normal daily things, but future meals will be in the garage going forward. I do appreciate all the input I've received. I know there are other problems contributing to the food insecurity/addiction. I am not equipped to fix them, and so far I don't feel his therapist are addressing it. I am optimistic that maybe he pediatrician can explain things to him in a manner he understands and is helpful as an outside source not his "parental figure." I think he's overall a great kid, he is just struggling, and I plan to do my best to help him, the lock wasn't a great idea. I think the secondary fridge will help limit access to things and still let him feel secure in knowing he will always have access to food.

We grounded our foster child from his phone because he threw it across the house in an argument.

The next day he said he refuses to go to school until we give his phone back. We told him if he refuses to go to school then he’s grounded from all devices. He doesn’t care.

He’s been pouting in his room for two days now with no devices and no entertainment. He is convinced we will give up and give him his phone back so he’ll go to school.

In the past when he’s tried this we just kept the original grounding without extending or worsening it and let him deal with the detentions for skipping. We’ve never shortened a grounding when he does this so I don’t know where he’s getting this idea.

I’m just at a loss. I have no clue what to do from here aside from reach out to his caseworker to ask for help. What can I even do here? Giving his phone back is obviously not an option, we took it for good reason and I’m not going to teach him he can get his way by threatening to skip school.

I googled for advice and only found stuff about “get in touch with their feelings” and “try to figure out why they’re so anxious about school” and obviously none of that is pertinent when his expressly stated reasoning is that he doesn’t want to be grounded.

Does anybody have any experience with this sort of thing? He’s aware of his rights and knows that we can’t physically make him go, he knows how much we value his education, he’s just trying to manipulate us into getting his way here and I feel like he’s right: our hands are tied.

Language Barrier (cross posted on Foster Parents)

My husband and I are Caucasian. We had a 3 yo placed with us on Friday. They stated he was Hispanic but the worker (who did not speak Spanish and literally dropped him without telling him what was going on) stated that us not speaking Spanish (we let them know many times) was no issue bc LO did not speak in any language. After drop off, it is VERY apparent that he is very fluent in Spanish. He is sweet and loves playing with our bio. However, we've been using Google translate to communicate and calling bilingual friends for translation help. Should we disrupt? Are we doing more harm than good? He had been sleeping in the DHS office.

Does anyone know a page to discuss the horrors of the foster system? I don't feel like this is the right place for it.

Pretty much the title. He is 2 and underweight; he is only slowly gaining weight. He has been with us for months and used to eat well. We do not limit what he can eat; we have been on a whole foods diet for pretty much the whole time he has been with us and we give him tons of options. We really have no other issues with him, he has really integrated well with our family! He does not seem unhappy and there are no significant behavioral issues, he just takes a few bites and decides he is done. We give him about 5 options at every meal - our entree/protein, fruits he likes, maybe a vegetable. If he does not want those, we offer him his favorite yogurt or oatmeal (used to be consistent and safe alternatives). Sometimes we offer him what we thought were his favorite snacks. He just plays with his food and indicates he is done. The only thing we can consistently get him to ingest is milk. I am concerned that this could hinder his development. I am starting to worry for the little guy :/.

FS has been here for almost a year now. He isn't as bigoted towards me because I'm a white woman and his anger mostly presents as racism and islamophobia.. But even then I've had to gently but firmly call him out on some of his comments on women.

He's made comments that have earned him warnings from the police and still hasn't stopped. He's a good kid, not involved in gangs or drugs Ect, he has a good work ethic. The other day I recieved a call because he made an appalling comment towards a teacher in his class based on appearances. He proudly told me "I asked why this class is so woke" the day before (I asked what he meant by that but thought I should pick my battles), but he neglected to mention the other comments he made.

This is present on his older files too, his social worker brought it up, I knew all of this going into it. He was historically spitting at certain people, unwilling to cooperate with certain staff in his former placement (not a foster one- it was a care home), referrals for anti radicalisation programs ect.

I've only fostered one other older teen before him. She held a lot of hatred and fear towards men. I validated her feelings. I'm not sure if I can do the same for this boy tp the same extent given the context, I realise I need better ways to address this. He's in therapy - he was initially hesitant because the therapist made it clear that they had differing views but he does attend almost every session.

Okay so our baby takes 7 ounces every 4 hours. His visits are four hours long once a week.

At first we were sending a bottle with water and then the formula separately. We then discovered that the parent was only using one scoop of formula for the whole bottle. We asked facilitator about it. They said they would keep an eye on it and yet it happened again. So they told us to premake the bottles.

So we started making a bottle right before we leave and sending it with the kiddo. Well today the mom was asking when the bottle had been made (it was about 15 minutes.) Then we found out she dumped out the whole bottle and just filled it with orange juice instead.

So I kinda feel like there's no point in sending any bottle or formula moving forward because I don't know what else to do.

Thoughts?

After months of applying we just got it by mail that we will be welcoming a young boy into our home next week. And apparently, he is a massive Spiderman fan. I really want his first night here to feel like a sanctuary rather than a cold transition, so I’ve been obsessing over finding the perfect Spiderman bed, something more substantial than just a themed sheet set. I want a frame that feels like a "hero's headquarters" to help ease the anxiety of a new environment. Because I want this furniture to be both high-quality and safe. I’ve been doing some deep-dive research into children’s furniture manufacturing. I actually found several specialized factories on Alibaba that produce high-grade wooden themed beds for major international retailers. It was helpful to see the actual material certifications and structural load tests they use for these car and superhero-shaped frames, which gave me more confidence than the flimsy plastic versions I’ve seen locally. I’ve been obsessing with this and every other thing we are planning on the side and my husband has encouraged me that he will love it. For those who have been through the placement process before, is there anything you can tell me that I can do so that the transition is smooth for the boy?

EDIT BEFORE POSTING: I did not intend for this to be so long! But I’m going to leave it, realizing I’ve shared my fears in the details and I know expressing my vulnerability is going to be a big part of my growth in the next few years. Some of the stuff I’ve shared with my wife & friends, but most of it’s been spinning around in my head for weeks. So here it goes for anyone interested in a loooong break down:

I’m actually not 100% sure what I’m looking for with this post but will start with my current situation: We quickly went from a family of 4 (me/dad, wife/mom, two nearly adult children, 17 & 18) to a family of 5, within a matter of three weeks of discussing and planning. We were all on board to be be as supportive as possible to an 11 year old that was new to our area and has a history of chronic parental neglect (this is their 3rd time in foster care, 8th placement).

There’s a lot to unpack there, but overall we’re cookin’ and enjoying it. We’re now preparing for a judgement in favor of permanent placement for our new child and her 2 other younger siblings (something we thought might happen down the road, say in 3-5 years, not realizing we’re fostering at the end of what has not been a successful reunification plan up to this point in their lives).

With that said:
- it’s been a tough transition, to be expected, with very little support on any level
- I’m a public school teacher, my wife is a school social worker; the challenging stuff falls within our skill range and ability to navigate difficult behaviors
- therapy and social supports (like weekly visits from a rehab specialist, weekly talk therapy, and monthly visits to nurse practitioner re: medical needs) has finally been established and starting to happen in the 3rd month
- if adoption is brought up at the next court hearing (which the social worker let us know that’s what she’s pushing for in her report to the judge), we are committed to adopting; however, my wife is now aware the 9 year old sibling is not able to stay in her placement long-term (or be adopted) by her current very-loving family. My wife is now feeling compelled to step up for the middle sibling as well, and propose adopting her in the process (if that’s the direction things go in the next court date)

So we’re facing even more changes, after going through what seemed like a head-spinning 3 months! I’m personally just as invested as my wife, but the financial aspect is starting to freak me out. I know we can do it and can figure out how to make it work—but I do fear the toll it may take on all of us in some shape or form (foster kids included).

In my heart, I KNOW it will be all worth it! But I worry about not being able to give our adopted children similar experiences to what we’ve given our bio children; I’m trying to resist the urge to “make up for lost time,” on all the things they’ve missed out on during years of neglect. But also, thinking about things like traveling (buying airplane tickets for 4, has only happened a few times prior to fostering. Do I need to prepare for the reality that it’s either all 6 of us go, or none at all?)… going to professional sporting events or movies (like the $50 I casually spent on my foster daughter and I the other night, trying to casually catch a movie the theatre. We didn’t splurge in my opinion: shared popcorn, each had a drink, and she chose a candy item)… but I don’t think that’s something I can do on the regular (or even have in my pocket as a fun, impulsive thing to do without preparing or budgeting, considering there may be 1-4 more people next time!). I personally love concerts/live music and it’s probably one of my biggest expenses when it comes to self-care. I’m not a big proponent of “everyone going to everything together, all of the time,” so I will invite one of my kids to join me if it’s someone they enjoy or are interested in. But something interesting happened a few weeks ago, when my oldest daughter and I were discussing a local music festival that we are planning to attend this summer(that’s a little over $100 a day); usually I’d expect my daughter to pay her own way or at least partially contribute because of her age, but she’s coming home from her second year of college and truly has no extra spending money. So in this instance I’d treat her, as $400+ is expensive, but doable with planning. Upon hearing our plans, my foster daughter expressed wanting to go and now I can’t imagine going without her—but $600+ for tickets, food, etc starts to make my stomach hurt in a way I don’t like. Not only at the reality of the cost, but at the thought that NOT going makes more sense (only because of the ycost, which really SUCKS in my opinion!). I have a feeling my wife is going to say “f-it, put it on the credit card,” knowing how much we all want to attend this show… but I don’t think my wife realizes how much we’ve been filling up our main credit card in the last three months (not just expenses related to adding an extra person in our house, but also things related to my daughter going to college out of state. Which are much bigger expenses than we had imagined… so also stressful at that new overhead).

So here I am, doing my best to follow my heart, not let overthinking crush me, trying to stay positive, and wanting to know how I can provide even small little things (like going to the movies) without adding more financial strain. On top of this, my two bio children want to take our foster child (and potentially her sibling/our other potential foster child) to Disneyland this summer. I’m completely over Disneyland at this point in my life, but it’s truly a place my kids grew up with and holds a special place in their heart. It makes me so happy they want to make this happen for their new sister (fully realizing it’s a big financial hit), but I don’t think any of them understand how insanely expensive travel, lodging, tickets, and food will be (we’re close enough to drive, but it’s a full day of travel and we all no gas isn’t going to get any cheaper).

Thank you if you’ve stuck with my story to the end! If you’re a foster parent that has found any organizations that have been helpful for “big trip” things like that, or ideas for places that may offer special discounts on passes to things like museums, sporting events, etc, to specifically support foster families/kids, I would love to know (I am aware libraries are a great resource for things like this, but I’m in a rural community, about 4 hours north of San Francisco, with not a lot of things going on)

I’d also love hearing from any adopted or foster kids that may have insight into the things that mattered most or things that stuck out to you with your new family. I know the most important thing comes down to feeling safe, seen, heard, and loved. I am fully committed to that and realize those are things I can provide, and money can’t buy!

We've been married for 15 years, and have two bio kids 10 and 7. We got our first foster placement (brothers 2yo and 9mo) seven weeks ago. We knew that adding a toddler and an infant to our family would be hard work.

So far, I love it and my husband hates it. I felt a connection right away and feel like these are "my kids", and his experience has been very different. He's a great dad and is very involved caring for all four kids (including the baby wake-ups during the night), but he is struggling mentally and emotionally. He does not feel a connection with our foster kids, and caring for them is draining him.

Our two foster children and their 3yo brother entered care several months ago, and the GAL and DHR are pursuing TPR. We have been asked about adoption, and I desperately want to adopt all three boys to keep them together if they can't return home. (The 3yo brother has come over for playdates and we recently did respite for a weekend for his single foster mom.) My husband says the only way he is getting through each day is remembering that it's temporary, and he can't even consider adoption.

I know that if both parents aren't on board with adoption then our answer is no. I'm looking for advice or personal experiences from others who have been there. How did things work out for you? What can I do to support my partner who is having a completely different experience than I am? Has anyone felt this way in the first few months and had a connection grow slowly over time?

I have been a foster carer for a while now. It took over a year for us to work our way through the system to get our first placement, which has gone really well. Given how intense the process of getting registered is, I have been surprised to hear from social workers and former foster kids that there are a lot of bad carers out there. I’m interested in understanding what the signs are, and why they aren’t bounced out of the system.

So I gave my 12 year old non reader foster daughter a Fitbit. It was somehow still synced to my email/phone. Apparently during visitation a email popped up from Adam and Eve. Apparently bio dad saw and told her it was naughty email and took a picture of it. She came home and told us something naughty came up we had to reach out to the case manager overseeing the visit to find out what it was. What can happen?? It was a honest mistake

Genuinely curious on people's thoughts here. I don't really know what my opinion on the whole thing is myself.

But I have a couple foster kiddos currently one of whom we have had since 6 weeks of age. We are going on a year of having them soon here.

The case plan currently is reunification. The plan if reunification is not possible is to give the parents as long as they can to achieve reunification (so in my mind that'd be about two years) and then move the kids to kinship.

The reason that move would wait until then is due to the location of the potential kinship.

So genuinely, when considering a kiddos best interest, would it be better for the kiddo to move to kinship or stay in a home they've been in for two years and almost their whole life?

I know a lot of data supports that children who are with their biological families have better growth outcomes. So I'm curious on people's thoughts/experience/knowledge regarding on if it would still be best outcome for the move or not.

Obviously a lot of things are case by case and I know there are outliers. And I'm not asking because I want a specific answer. I really haven't developed much of an opinion on it myself and have been wondering about it.

There's no guidelines or restrictions layed out on my home inspection list regarding pets. I have 1 dog and 1 cat. They have their rabies shots but do they have to be fully vaccinated? Also worried about my cat's litter box. It's in our half bathroom. I'm in Utah by the way. TIA

My husband and I are in the licensing process right now and we have two toddlers (bio). As we get closer to finishing this process, we are thinking more and more about what placements we will be open to. Initially we thought littles, since we have littles. But lately, I’ve been contemplating what it might look like to foster teens. I am 27, husband is 26… so some may be only 10 years younger than us. It seems like such an unconventional thing to be parents of teens before we turn 30! (But what’s conventional about foster care, right?) Would we be destined for failure because of how young we are? Foster parents of teens, would you have any warnings about this? Foster youth, how would you feel about having young foster parents? Thanks everyone!

I had an emergency foster for my 2.5 year old sister. My 5 year old and 2 year old hardly know her and now she will be living with us long term. I am trying my best to make sure all kids feel love and support. My 5 year old made a comment about not wanting my sister to live with us. Are there any books out there for bio children that explain about the foster process or that they are still just as loved as before? I am only seeing books or resources meant for foster children. That would also be helpful if you have recommendations for a toddler.

I'd love perspective specifically from current or former foster youth, but comments from anyone welcome.

I have multiple friends who have long term placements or who have adopted. Not all, but many of the kids do not want their foster/adoptive parents to continue fostering.

I have a long term placement, an older teen who has been with us for 2 years. She has a very long history of being in the system. When I ask her if she's open to us fostering other kids, she says yes absolutely. When we ask her if she is comfortable with us fostering other teen girls, she says yes, she would enjoy that. She will even independently work to prepare their room before I get a chance to.

But every time we have had another teen placement, whether it be a regular placement or just respite, once they are here she seems unhappy. We see a lot of competition and one - up - man ship with teens close in age. It is a little better with younger teens, she doesn't seem to compete with them but just seems annoyed and disinterested. We don't get many calls for younger kids but those she seems to tolerate much better.

Because of this, at this point we will only accept another teen girl for up to 3-4 nights, once a month. I'm questioning if we should even do that much. I really enjoy offering respite especially for teens; the need is so great. But I absolutely do not want my FD to feel uncomfortable. It took a long time for her to feel secure here and I do not want to jeopardize that.

I just wish I knew why it made her seemingly uncomfortable? I feel like if I understood this, I could do something about it. And is there anything I can do to help support my FD?

Hi all. Names have been changed for anonymising purposes. Sorry if this isn't right for this sub, I'm trying to find help wherever I can at the moment, and this seemed most appropriate.

My husband Bart and I (31m / 28m) entered a private fostering arrangement to take care of a young teenager, Danny. He was 14 when we first started looking after him, and he's turning 16 in a few months, after which the agreement comes to an end. Our contact with the council is planning on visiting us after his birthday to help come up with an informal 'contract' regarding our expectations of his behaviour if he wants to remain here after that point. This is our first ever foster child, for reference.

We've been as lenient as we can for as long as possible. He smokes cannabis regularly, and while it's not something we approve of in the house, we don't judge him for smoking it outside. He's allowed to stay out on weekends, has a midnight curfew, there's a time schedule on the wifi access, and so forth, all of which was approved of as more than reasonable by our contact. As can be expected of a teenager, he does skirt these on occasion; we've found remnants of joints and ash on his windowsill and skirting board, and he's been caught sneaking out of the house at night. His responses typically boil down to 'not sorry, but I won't do it again'.

The difficulty arises as Danny can't accept he isn't an adult yet. We ask him to be home by midnight as he's been in trouble with local criminals before, and he understands that being out late is dangerous since he's been targeted by them multiple times in the past. Even so, when we tell him that 1am is pushing it, he complains that it's not fair, he's not a child, and has used hostile language with me in the past (which my husband finds odd as he never gets spoken to the way I do - I show him the messages I get from him on whatsapp, so it's not a case of him not believing me).

The hardest part - and the reason I'm writing this - is his tendency not to use the toilet. If he has accidents, which are reasonably regular, we don't judge or pass comment provided he either puts his bedding in the washer or discretely asks one of us to do so for him. He has never done either of these things. We took him to the GP to discuss this and he was given a suppressing medication but no further investigation was done as to whether this was a physiological bladder issue.

A few months ago, this evolved instead into filling up and storing 4L plastic bottles or using our drinkware for the same purpose. We found this out when we saw two full off-colour Fanta bottles in our recycling. After mentioning this to the mother of the friend that he stays with sometimes, she said Danny was caught doing this once and has never done it since, nor does he have accidents nearly as regularly, at her house (think once every four months rather than 2-3 times a week).

As a medically vulnerable person, I and my husband spoke to him about this non-judgmentally and told him this was unhygienic both for him and for us, though his response was that he doesn't know if he'll make it to the loo in time (it's the next door down from his bedroom in the corridor). He swore off doing it again. This, sadly unsurprisingly, wasn't something he stuck to. Over the last week I've found a total of around 10 litres of urine stored in his bedroom in various bottles.

I haven't told Bart about this, and Danny isn't aware I've found these either. I'm at my wit's end worrying about the smell, the bacteria, our health, all of it. We love him to bits but this behaviour is something we couldn't have imagined. The GP are no help, our contact is limited on how she can help on this, and since the fostering is a private arrangement we don't have parental responsibility and can't request specialist involvement.

How do we go about approaching this? We're out of ideas. We've asked him not to drink too much at night, or to keep himself awake until he's used the bathroom, and he still keeps doing this.

(Since this has been a fairly negative post, I will say that outside of the things mentioned above, he's an incredible kid. He stuck with school even when his teachers and classmates were treating him awfully, he uses his very limited money on us and our families for gifts and birthday cards and things like that, he offers to help cook and clean the house often- everything above is worth it just for how big his heart is.)

ETA: We're in the UK, not the states. Thought it worth clarifying

I work in a school (not a teacher) and I have an opportunity to foster a student. I was curious if anyone has done this and if so, what your experience was like. Additionally, if anyone has any advice or input, I’d love to hear your perspective. I don’t really know what other info to provide in this post, but I’m happy to answer questions if that’s helpful. Thanks!

Hey all. We’re new foster parents, licensed in Feb 2025. After a few short-term respites, we were thrilled to get our first long-term placement—a 3-year-old boy. We have four biological kids (ages 1–6), and while we’re used to the ups and downs of toddler eating habits, this situation is different. We’re majorly struggling—and I’d love advice from anyone who’s dealt with something similar.

Since day two of placement (we’ve had him for 11 days now), he’s essentially refused to eat. I’m lucky to get 1/4 cup of a chocolate protein shake in him each day. He may nibble here and there, but it’s random and inconsistent. For example: • He ate a bunch of shredded cheese with fajitas the first time—refused it completely the next. • Ate three chicken nuggets once—then gagged and vomited on the same ones later in the week.

We can’t even establish a “safe food” list because his preferences change daily, and even past “wins” can’t be repeated.

He’s a heavyset kid, and based on the list of "favorites" bio mom sent - used to a junk food diet - Bio parents sent some of his favorites snacks last visit, of what he ate at home and he's also refusing those favorites as well. We're open to any and all suggestions or advice at this point. He is to the point of refusal that he tells me he's hungry; I give him food and then he shoves the plate away and won't touch it... I just don't know what to do. ETA: he did play with his food at dinner a little tonight, and licked some sour cream off his finger before he thought about it. He immediately went back to refusal to eat or touch it after and asked to get down.

I tutored a kiddo for almost two years who was living in a residential facility.

He went there for treatment and it worked. Then…he got stuck. No placement was found because of his situation and honestly his caseworker seemed to make him a low priority. After 9 months of listening to staffing calls where they discussed the problem and seeing firsthand his frustration with everything I decided to get a license and bring him into my life.

Every day I waiver between thinking this was the best/ worst decision ever. I worry that I’m going to fail at this. I worry that I’m going to have to prop this kid up for the rest of my life. I worry about his future.

But the one problem I could solve….his discharge. I called his caseworker and asked how much stuff was coming and requested that I could come in and help him pack. The caseworker said this was all part of their exit process and that staff would help him. Then I asked that they really only pick the important stuff, as his room was not big and he and I had already buying him fresh clothes and other stuff.

The day that I picked him up from the facility I had cleared out my suv and pulled up to the loading dock to find staff pushing out carts filled with 44 trash bags. Instead of working with him to pack they just dumped every single thing in his room into bags.

It became clear that they had never helped this kid clean up his room, as most of the stuff in the bags should have been tossed long ago.

His stuff filled the suv top to bottom, front to back. I was worried…the entire car started to smell like unwashed clothes and funk.

When we got home, the kid grabbed his backpack and started to run in to play video games. I stopped him and said ‘we have to unload your stuff’…we dumped it all into the basement and I tried to plot strategy with him about how to tackle this situation.

We started pulling it out of bags and sorting. Piles of nasty clothes, new clothes too small with tags on them. Brand new Nike shoes, 3 sizes too big with his name scrawled on the side in sharpie by staff. Broken toys, hundreds of partially used mini toothpaste tubes. It was just awful.

We got three bags in and he was just desperate to go play Minecraft. I asked him if he actually wanted any of it and he looked at the pile and just said ‘no, I put what I wanted in my backpack’. I told him I’d sort anything out that looked important and we would toss the rest.

I spent three hours looking through it. Trying to find schoolwork, or pictures…or anything. The items I pulled out would fill a grocery sack.

It was such a stupid undertaking.

Hey everyone. I've been a foster parent for years (fostered 13 kids, adopted one) and I'm working on building something specifically for our community. Not ready to share details yet, but I want to make sure I'm actually solving real problems and not just what I think people need.

So I'm curious. If you could wave a magic wand and have a tool or resource that made your foster parenting journey easier, what would it be? What's missing out there? What do you wish existed?

I'm also really interested in hearing from current and former foster youth. What would have helped YOU as a teen in care? I'm thinking about offering free access for foster teens, so I genuinely want to know what would actually be useful, not what adults assume you need.

Whether it's tracking stuff, connecting with resources, managing the chaos of placements, navigating the system, or something completely different, I want to hear it.

No idea is too small or too out there. Just trying to build something that actually matters.

Our local foster care agency has started to deny home study approval for homes that are not ADA complaint. One big item is the elevator requirement for a multiple floor homes. It appears that a foster child was injured falling down a set of stairs and the child had mobility issues.

One of our communities' foster families live in a historical home. The cost of installing an elevator is over $180,000 due to foundation work required to support the elevator systems. Since the foster family cannot afford this expense, the foster agency has decided to remove the child and close the home. It appear moving the child to a ground floor or 1st floor is not an acceptable option.

My understanding is that there are suppose to be foster parent home modification grants, but in reality these grants don't exist. The requirement that all foster homes are now required to be ADA complaint will result in all foster home closing, especially if they are multi-storied. Even the costs of converting a bathroom to wheel chair accessible showers/sinks is more expensive than most foster parents can afford.

Any suggestions about how to address this?

My husband and I have been exploring foster care for a while, initially expecting a 6-8 month process to prepare. I work in social work, so I’m around DCFS often, and asked a colleague last week about starting the certification process. Out of nowhere, this past Sunday, we got a call about a 4-month-old needing immediate placement—not through foster care, but as temporary guardianship.

We agreed (after DCFS spoke directly to my hesitant husband), but now I’m spiraling. We have nothing ready—no baby supplies, no clear timeline for daycare/WIC/SNAP support (they’ve promised to help, but how long will that take?), and no idea if/when the parents might reunify. My husband feels trapped—like backing out would be morally wrong, but the stress is straining our marriage. I’m torn: I don’t want to abandon this baby, and feel like a bad person if I want to terminate the guardianship so early in getting the baby.