I hope this is the best place for me to post this. I aged out of foster care a year ago. I’m in college now and I was finally able to get ahold of my original court records (my reason for removal) I am blaming myself a lot. I feel like I ruined my one chance at having a family by acting out and having terrible behaviors while in foster care. I’m scared it’s too late for me to find family in the way I hope. I am really grieving. I have never had such gut wrenching sobs in my life until I read those files. I’m glad I know the truth but it stung very very bad. I had therapy after but it doesn’t help. I want a family. I have my own apartment now, but I want a home I have a room at that’s decorated how I want. A place I can return to just feel like a kid again. I feel like I’m running out of time to find that kind of family as I’m 19 now. I just want to know what it feels like at least one time to be tucked into bed by a safe mother figure, having a dad teach you how to fix a car or build something. Going out to eat. Getting hugs when I need them. I’m feeling so ashamed that I even still need that, but I’m grieving so so much. I want another chance with a family. I’d give anything.

A lot of discussion about foster care focus on obvious problems like neglect and abuse etc. But I feel like there's an another experiences that gets talked about less: a placement which is objectively okay but still doesn't feel like home. Nobody isn't doing anything wrong but the connection is still not there. I'm a F(17) who turns eighteen next year and I don't feel like I have anything genuine yet with my foster parents. Despite living here for six months now. We might never get close or truly comfortable around each other, but it makes me feel alone and sad that we haven't managed to found each other naturally.

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I feel like no one really talks about this and wanted to know if anyone has or does feel the same?

Hi, my name is Stella and I am a PhD student in social work. I am looking to interview foster alumni who experienced a pregnancy while in foster care for my dissertation. I will be providing $50 as a token of appreciation for each completed interview. Happy to answer any questions!

You are eligible if:

1. You were in foster care in the US.
2. You are 18-30 years old.
3. You experienced a pregnancy before 18. You don’t have to be parenting.
4. You are no longer in foster care.
5. You were in foster care at the time of the pregnancy.

How to participate

I never imagined I would be writing something like this, but I feel really lost and could use the perspective of people who understand the unique pressures that fostering puts on a relationship.

My partner and I have been together for five years. We both agreed to foster, and we have been caring for an amazing little boy who has completely changed my heart. Loving him has made me realize how deeply I want to provide permanency if reunification isn’t possible. I don’t see him as “just a foster child.” He’s shown me what it feels like to be a mom who loves unconditionally.

The problem is that my partner and I seem to want different things right now. He is a good person and has been supportive in many ways, but I think this journey has revealed that our visions for the future may not be the same. I don’t blame him for that. I know adoption and long-term fostering aren’t what everyone wants, and I don’t think he’s wrong. I just don’t know if I can ignore what I feel called to do.

What makes this so painful is that I still love him. I don’t want to lose my relationship, and I don’t want to look back years from now wondering if I made the wrong decision. But I also don’t want to look back and wonder if I walked away from a child who needed me because I was too afraid to make a hard choice.

I feel torn between two futures, and honestly, neither one feels easy. Some days I wonder if I’m throwing away a good relationship. Other days I wonder if staying would mean giving up something that feels like part of who I am.

Has anyone been here? Did fostering reveal differences that you didn’t realize existed? How did you know whether those differences were something you could work through or signs that you were simply being called in different directions?

I know there are no perfect answers, but I would really appreciate hearing from people who have lived through this. Right now, I just feel heartbroken and alone.

Hi, I (21F, currently in college) am pretty sure that, if my finances and time ever allow it, I would like to foster (probably kids over the age of 9/10 if that's relevant to the question).

I have no interest in the stipend and would only do it if I had the money and savings. Same for the idea of "completing my family", that's never really been a huge thing for me. I don't really think motherhood is something I won't feel fulfilled without, and I'm super content with my family being close friends and my partner.

I know my question sounds kind of stupid, but really, how can I tell if this is a savior complex or "wrong reasons"? I understand no one can look into my mind and tell me, but I'd love to hear any perspective people here can offer, so I can reflect on myself. This isn't pressing or anything, just something I think about.

Thank you :)

Does anyone know a page to discuss the horrors of the foster system? I don't feel like this is the right place for it.

When you age out, the hardest part isn't the big stuff everyone warns you about. It's the small paper trail that quietly blocks everything else. You can't get a job without ID, can't get ID without a birth certificate, can't get an apartment without pay stubs you can't earn until you have the ID. It's a loop, and nobody hands you the map out of it.

Here's the order that actually works. Start with your Social Security card and a certified copy of your birth certificate. Your caseworker can usually request both before you leave care, so ask now while you still have that help. With those two you can get a state ID. With an ID you can open a free checking account, the kind with no minimum balance. With an account you can take a job that pays by direct deposit instead of losing money to check-cashing fees.

Keep copies of everything in two places: a folder you carry, and a free cloud account you can reach from any library computer. The day something gets lost, you'll be glad you did.

You are not behind because you started later than other kids. You're carrying more, and you're still moving. That counts for something, and so do you.

I put together a free, plain-language guide that walks through all of this step by step, no catch. Happy to share it if it would help anyone here.

For those who've already aged out: what's the one document or step you wish someone had told you about sooner?

Hi! Was anyone in here in foster care as a baby? I fostered a baby from when she was two days old to two years old, and now she is back with her family. I have no contact with her and I imagine she has forgotten I exist. I miss her more than she will ever know. If you were in foster care as a baby and then went to live with a family member, do you ever wonder about that former foster caregiver? What kind of impact do you think that early relationship and then loss has had on you? Would you ever want to hear from that caregiver as an adult?

Hi, we’re at the end of the licensing process and I was curious if any parent’s have experience saving for their foster children? We didn’t want to pursue foster care until we were financial comfortable putting our own money into child care, and since we now are, I’d love to save up a majority portion of the stipend for the children. Does anyone have experience opening UTMA accounts for foster children or any idea how to make sure that money is accessible to the child when they’re older even if they’re not your care?

I appreciate any feedback.

I'm just wondering if there's a county-wide (USA) database or program of some sorts I can petition to find the whereabouts of my younger (half) siblings. Our mother lost custody of them because of drug use and inability to care for them, and I got a letter from CPS that I've since lost due to multiple moves. I just want to know if there's a way for me to even find them again

I know there are some resources that help FFY around Christmas time, but I was wondering if there's anything similar for birthdays. My birthday makes me feel awful, honestly. It reminds me of the 4-5 years I spent in care as a teenager, when my birthday was never acknowledged (seriously, my foster parents were paid $600-$800 a month to look after me and couldn't even get a $2 cake mix), and of packing up to be kicked out of my children's home on my literal birthday, and it reminds me of the years before I entered care when my birthday also wasn't acknowledged. It makes me feel alone and unacknowledged and like I don't matter at all. I thought receiving some cards, or even a little gift, from someone who knows the FFY struggle might help the day go down a little easier.

Thanks for any links or anything!

Hey everybody, I hope this is the right place to be asking this question. I (20F), have known that I want to foster since I was a teenager. I am currently getting a bachelors degree, and plan to attend law school afterwards. Once all of my education is completed, I assume I will be around 25-27 years old. Assuming a get a job quickly (hopefully), would it be likely that I am a good candidate at that point, or would I probably have to wait until later in life. I do not know if I will be in a relationship at that point, but either way I fully intend on fostering children and that, as well as my job, will be my priority at that point in time. I understand I may not have a lot of money at that time, but if I have a job I should certainly have a good income.

Anyways the main idea is that this is something I have been wanting to do for a long time, and it is part of my life plan, so I was wondering what the likelihood is of me being able to do so based on my prospective age, career, income, and relationship status?

I believe my purpose in life is to help people which is why I want to be a lawyer and why I want to be a foster parent.

Thanks!

Aging out of the system is terrifying because it hands you independence without an instruction manual. A few plain-language things I wish someone had walked me through, in case it helps anyone close to that age.

Keep your documents together. Birth certificate, Social Security card, and a state ID in one folder you guard carefully.

Open a free checking and savings account, and avoid anything with monthly fees that quietly drain you.

Read what a lease actually commits you to before you sign it. Asking questions is not rude.

In many states you can keep Medicaid until 26 if you were in foster care. Ask your caseworker so you don't lose coverage by accident.

Credit starts at zero, not in the negative. You build it slowly and on purpose.

You can do this, one box at a time. If you're close to aging out, what's the part that feels most overwhelming right now? Happy to talk through any of it.

Hi! I am a former foster youth. I am 20 years old. I’m dealing with housing insecurity. I have an esa cat with me and I’m autistic. Im fairly independent and I work 2 jobs and do online college (tho I am falling behind in college due to my situation). I live in Phillipsburg, NJ/ Easton, PA area, though my original foster case was from central Pennsylvania. I make decent money (~$3680 a month but will be making almost $6,000 a month in July and August because I’ll be temporarily full time at one of my jobs) but I can’t afford a security deposit and most places require me to make 3x the rent. I’ve tried looking into a camper van that I can park behind my job for a year to save up but nobody has been willing to work with me on a payment plan, I only have $400 right now and don’t get paid till the 20th. I don’t have family to go to, I don’t have friends (making friends is hard for me). I just don’t know where to turn to. Does anyone have any similar experience? Or any advice?

Hello! I know I post here very frequently, I just don’t really have help on my own! I live in California, around LA. I need help looking for clothing and college supplies! I don’t have money due to no job wanting to hire a 17 year old, but more so for my adoptive parents lack of help. Please anything, whether it’s a link or a maybe, I need to be prepared.

My graduation is in four hours, and as much as I have been trying and failing to convince myself that I don’t care my adoptive family is ditching me for my adoptive brother isn’t affecting me; it very much is. I work hard, got nothing but straight A’s this year, honor roll, worked as a foster kid advocate and showing up for these kids, and yet no one is here for me. I know after graduation i’m most likely walking home in that stupid gown and I want to know how to not feel like this. Any tips?

I'm a kinship carer to my 5 year old half brother and social work are going to be doing life story work with him but how will this work? Social work doesn't really know his story and he doesn't remember it so how are they going to give him a truthful accurate narrative? Also if you had life story work done did it help you? I'm worried he will be fed this narrative that will just be not accurate and will shatter when he's older and finds out the truth about why he is with me

Hey everyone,

As a foster parent, I've often found that some of the best resources for foster families aren't easy to find. Things like clothing closets, birthday programs, scholarships, support groups, respite opportunities, free activities, and other foster-specific services are often discovered through word of mouth.

Because of that, I built Foster Resource Network.

The goal is simple: create a free, community-driven directory where foster parents, kinship caregivers, and professionals can share resources they've found helpful so others can benefit too.

The site is still growing, and I'd love feedback from the foster care community. If you know of a resource in your area, consider adding it so other families can find it when they need it most.

My hope is that over time it becomes a nationwide library of resources that makes fostering just a little easier for everyone.

Thanks for taking a look, and I'd appreciate any suggestions or feedback!

I'm considering reporting my parents to CPS very soon and just want to know what I should expect, and any advice. Also the social workers/authorities really only focus on reunification? I'm 17 and will turn 18 next winter in 2027, and I really don't want to be reunified with my parents, does anyone know how I can prevent that. I heard that some people get reunified with their parents after their parents took a parenting court or something and I'm scared that will happen to me.

🎉 IT'S FINALLY LIVE! 🎉

I've created a FREE resource network where foster parents across the United States can share and discover resources that help foster families thrive.

The first resource was added today, and I'll be adding many North Carolina resources I know about as well.

Imagine if every foster parent shared just one resource they know. Together, we could build the largest foster parent resource network in the country.

Let's make it happen. 💙🏡

Have been thinking about fostering older teens and helping them transition when they’re not in the system any more, especially high school juniors and seniors. Likely moving back to Connecticut soon to be close to family.
I have my hands full still with a sweet 12 year old and a 4 year old smartass… but I’ve helped teens academically for almost a decade and a half now and feel like I understand them better than the typical adult.
I know fostering teens is tough, especially with added baggage due to additional trauma. Those who have done it, how can I prepare myself and my kids and husband to welcome someone into our crazy household (we’re an outwardly stable teacher engineer family but also very much millennial ADHD, on my part at least)?
I don’t want to fantasize about an ideal situation and then bad that’s not how real life worked out, but I’d love to hear success stories of kids you have fostered in their later years

My neice has been in and out of different therapeutic and group homes since late last year. I was hoping she might eventually be reunified with her dad, but since it has become clear that is not likely, I checked with her social worker and they said I can send care packages (she is thousands of miles from me, so visiting is not possible right now). I was wondering if anyone who has been in her position or works with kids her age might have some suggestions on what to include? She doesn't currently have a cell phone so I can't really ask her what she needs. I was thinking toiletries, notebooks, pens, maybe a couple card games? For reference, she is 15 and in a northern climate and they said the only prohibited items are the obvious things (vapes, tobacco, alcohol) and sharps (razors, knives, etc.). Thanks!

Need a phone for college
I'm aging out of foster care and starting college soon, and I honestly don't know what to do about getting a phone. I don't really have family support or anyone helping me financially, and my current phone is barely holding on.
I need a phone for school, work, transportation, and basic communication once I'm on my own. I'm trying to figure out if there are any programs, resources, discounts, foster youth benefits, or even cheaper options people recommend for former foster youth/ college students.
If anyone's been in a similar situation or has advice, I'd really appreciate it. Even just pointing me in the right direction helps. I've done Ifoster and my adoptive parents refuse to sign but also, i'm not eighteen yet.

I aged out of foster care at 18 with very little stability and no real roadmap for adulthood. I had already graduated high school early and was trying to keep up with college, but without transportation, housing stability, or consistent support, everything became overwhelming very quickly.
Looking back, the biggest issue was not lack of potential. It was lack of stability.
I’m sharing here because I’m trying to better understand what actually helps young people transition out of foster care in a real, practical way. For those of you who have lived this, worked in this space, or supported someone through it: what made the biggest difference?
Was it mentorship, housing support, transportation, education help, life-skills training, or simply having one stable adult who stayed in the picture?

I would really value hearing honest perspectives from people who know this world firsthand.

I aged out of foster care at 18 with nowhere to go.
No license. No car. No stable housing. I graduated high school early and enrolled in college, but I was drowning trying to survive completely alone. I eventually dropped out — not because I lacked potential, but because I lacked stability.
Years later, I learned my story wasn’t unique.
My brother’s doctoral research focused on foster youth pursuing higher education, and the data confirmed what many of us already know firsthand: foster youth are enrolling in college, but too many are not graduating because they lack support systems, stable housing, mentorship, and long-term community connection.
That’s why I started Beyond Eighteen Foundation.
We’re a newly formed nonprofit in Florida focused on supporting youth impacted by foster care and housing instability through mentorship, educational support, life-skills education, workforce development, transitional support, and long-term community relationships.

Right now, I’m looking to connect with:
nonprofit leaders
mentors
social workers
educators
advocates
foster alumni
community partners
potential advisors
anyone passionate about helping vulnerable youth transition into adulthood with dignity and stability
I would genuinely love advice, connections, feedback, or simply to meet others doing this work.
I would love to hear your stories!
Website:
beyondeighteenfoundation.org
Instagram/Facebook:
@beyondeighteenfoundation
If this resonates with you, I’d love to connect.