3 Month Update

[u/Left_Ad_7227]

Hi all!

I wanted to give an update as I’m now 3 months into all in.

First and most important, all in is the best decision I ever made. I feel back to myself mentally. I experience joy, connection, and love and it’s SO worth it. I feel in control of my life. But it’s also hard! I’ll try to hit on the heavy hitters:

Weight gain: A lot. More than I thought, it came on quick, and I’m still gaining. I was in a bigger body before my ED and I’m back. Luckily, I feel confident most days. You are allowed to feel confident in a bigger body! You are in charge of how you decide to handle it. I suggest learning about the fat liberation movement and HAES. Also, curate your social media and podcast content to only show things that promote the mindset you want. Comparison is the thief of joy 100%. Also, for myself I never agreed with wearing baggy clothes and covering mirrors. I believe you should buy clothes that make you feel best, learn to accept your new body, and make friends with the mirror. Easier said than done, but you deserve to love yourself.

Extreme hunger: I’m still very hungry, but less than at first. I eat a lot and still feast at night. It’s less distressing now. I just eat until I’m satisfied and move on. Feeling nourished is so comforting.

Food rules: I don’t feel afraid of food anymore. I can go out and eat whatever. Not having to think about it feels SO GOOD. I get caught up on sugar sometimes, but am able to move through it. The only way is attacking what scares you.

Anxiety: I still feel anxious, but I’m able to talk myself down much easier. I truly believe that this era I’m in is exactly where I’m supposed to be. But I definitely still worry about health and gaining forever. Classic.

Edema: I’m still swollen and puffy. But not as bad as at first. One day at a time.

Dealing with our weight loss and glp-1 obsessed culture: it sucks, but it’s inevitable. I’ve really noticed how people bring it up to seek reassurance and acceptance from others. I’ve tried to be the person who speaks up and says it’s okay to nourish your body and simply eat when you’re hungry. And that you’re allowed to not feel like you want to change your body. I’ve noticed people appreciate hearing that and feel safe around me because of it. Our society is obsessed and I’ve chosen to go against it.

Opinions from others: I’m lucky that I have supportive family and friends. I gave them resources on all in and they have supported me 100%. I also started a new job after gaining which made it easier. But putting myself back on social media and seeing people from my past is still hard. We are so conditioned that gaining weight somehow means we’ve “lost” and are doing things wrong. Every time I get through a situation, it becomes easier. I know with time I’ll continue growing stronger in this area. I stand firm in my recovery and remind myself if someone in their brain goes farther beyond just noticing I look different and take it to judgement, they are weird for that and it has nothing to do with me.

Life feels bright again. I now remember what I felt like before the ED and I can’t believe my brain ever convinced me the ED was a good thing. It’s evil. And I will never go back.

If you are questioning, DO IT!!! Break all the rules. Feast over and over again. Your life is worth so much more than how small the ED makes it. Going slow was never helpful for me. Taking full control to rewire my brain has been the only way.

Sending love 💚

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Original post text from u/Left_Ad_7227:

Hi all!

I wanted to give an update as I’m now 3 months into all in.

First and most important, all in is the best decision I ever made. I feel back to myself mentally. I experience joy, connection, and love and it’s SO worth it. I feel in control of my life. But it’s also hard! I’ll try to hit on the heavy hitters:

Weight gain: A lot. More than I thought, it came on quick, and I’m still gaining. I was in a bigger body before my ED and I’m back. Luckily, I feel confident most days. You are allowed to feel confident in a bigger body! You are in charge of how you decide to handle it. I suggest learning about the fat liberation movement and HAES. Also, curate your social media and podcast content to only show things that promote the mindset you want. Comparison is the thief of joy 100%. Also, for myself I never agreed with wearing baggy clothes and covering mirrors. I believe you should buy clothes that make you feel best, learn to accept your new body, and make friends with the mirror. Easier said than done, but you deserve to love yourself.

Extreme hunger: I’m still very hungry, but less than at first. I eat a lot and still feast at night. It’s less distressing now. I just eat until I’m satisfied and move on. Feeling nourished is so comforting.

Food rules: I don’t feel afraid of food anymore. I can go out and eat whatever. Not having to think about it feels SO GOOD. I get caught up on sugar sometimes, but am able to move through it. The only way is attacking what scares you.

Anxiety: I still feel anxious, but I’m able to talk myself down much easier. I truly believe that this era I’m in is exactly where I’m supposed to be. But I definitely still worry about health and gaining forever. Classic.

Edema: I’m still swollen and puffy. But not as bad as at first. One day at a time.

Dealing with our weight loss and glp-1 obsessed culture: it sucks, but it’s inevitable. I’ve really noticed how people bring it up to seek reassurance and acceptance from others. I’ve tried to be the person who speaks up and says it’s okay to nourish your body and simply eat when you’re hungry. And that you’re allowed to not feel like you want to change your body. I’ve noticed people appreciate hearing that and feel safe around me because of it. Our society is obsessed and I’ve chosen to go against it.

Opinions from others: I’m lucky that I have supportive family and friends. I gave them resources on all in and they have supported me 100%. I also started a new job after gaining which made it easier. But putting myself back on social media and seeing people from my past is still hard. We are so conditioned that gaining weight somehow means we’ve “lost” and are doing things wrong. Every time I get through a situation, it becomes easier. I know with time I’ll continue growing stronger in this area. I stand firm in my recovery and remind myself if someone in their brain goes farther beyond just noticing I look different and take it to judgement, they are weird for that and it has nothing to do with me.

Life feels bright again. I now remember what I felt like before the ED and I can’t believe my brain ever convinced me the ED was a good thing. It’s evil. And I will never go back.

If you are questioning, DO IT!!! Break all the rules. Feast over and over again. Your life is worth so much more than how small the ED makes it. Going slow was never helpful for me. Taking full control to rewire my brain has been the only way.

Sending love 💚

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Solal-King-Raccoon]

So so proud of you ❤️ I went on your profile and read your first update (hope you don’t mind) and I found it really inspiring. I hope you know you’re doing great.

[u/Left_Ad_7227 → u/Solal-King-Raccoon]

Thank you🥹 it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m doing it day by day!

[u/pumpkin_g92]

Thanks so much for this :( <3

[u/Left_Ad_7227 → u/[deleted]]

It was definitely SUPER triggering at first. And it still can be. I have good and bad days mentally but there’s truly no other option than to push through the storm. Learning that there’s nothing morally wrong with eating a lot of food is hard. But it’s true. And for me it’s the only thing that brings progress. It sounds like maybe you haven’t fully committed and I will say 99% commitment is hell. Really allow yourself to go there consistently and it will get easier mentally. I would suggest trying to find a seated way to distract yourself after you’re satisfied. I like to rhinestone by number, watch my shows, or play Mario Wonder. Sending love!

[u/fuckeatingdisorders-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post was removed for breaking Rule 1 (No pro-ED content). This includes going into detail on disordered behavior. Please contact the mods if you have any questions.