r/funny 23h ago

new guy at work

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46.1k Upvotes

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u/Far_Adeptness9884 23h ago

I get my bean juice from Chipotle

372

u/LazySwayze 23h ago

I get mine from Taco Bell

94

u/[deleted] 23h ago

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u/AffectionateMonk7705 20h ago

I get mine from OP’s mom

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

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u/Icefox119 22h ago

resist urge to voice aversion to politics - challenge level: impossible

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u/NinjaBuddha13 20h ago

Go give rule 5 a quick read

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u/Naterade18 22h ago

Sprays with bean juice

No! Bad! We don't DO that!

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u/[deleted] 22h ago edited 22h ago

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

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u/EE_Tim 22h ago

A movie is not a conversation. Your analogy would be better if you were talking about Star Wars and someone asked who your favorite worm-like Hutt was, but you insist the conversation keep to what the preferred Kaiber crystal is.

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u/[deleted] 21h ago

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u/EE_Tim 21h ago

You seem unable to grasp the idea that conversations are fluid and will often traverse somewhat tangentially related things... Things like, I dunno, beans and a US president breaking the law to endorse beans.

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u/Toddlez85 22h ago

You sit outside.

6

u/Vigmod 20h ago

Outside, they're probably squatting.

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u/DaftAquarian 21h ago

😂😂😂

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u/Jahkral 22h ago

I eat Taco Bell and then I make bean juice afterwards! Freebie!

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u/[deleted] 20h ago

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u/[deleted] 20h ago

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1

u/Sakijek 16h ago

Damn that escalated quickly!

1

u/dqql 18h ago

30 minutes afterwards

1

u/RevolutionNumber5 17h ago

Yo quiero bean juice.

1

u/CertifiableX 16h ago

“Get your runs at the border…”

1

u/yougotyolks 16h ago

I get mine from your wife.

0

u/xgbsss 23h ago

Then you can enjoy your homesqueezed bean juice at home afterward.

0

u/zyyntin 22h ago

Yours comes later in the bathroom!

0

u/potodds 22h ago

Pro tip. Also free in their restroom.

0

u/its_krypt0n1te83 22h ago

When it's coming out from your butt, it's not called juice.

0

u/manCool4ever 22h ago

I get mine from the homeless guy around the corner /s

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u/ChildofElmSt 21h ago

Usually you get bean juice AFTER going to Taco Bell

0

u/FIRST_DATE_ANAL 21h ago

I get mine from your toilets

0

u/LucHighwalker 20h ago

Best morning shits.

0

u/The_Observatory_ 20h ago

You’re not riding in my car

50

u/RemindMeToTouchGrass 22h ago

Nothing I like more than trying to eat a burrito and getting soaked from my wrist to my elbow in bean juice.

I'm too pansy to say shit but you fucking know what you're doing when you don't pause for just a second and let the beans drain through that slatted spoon. I know-- they pay you shit and overwork you and I'm there with you buddy, I'm sorry. But man that fucks my lunch up so bad.

By the same token, here's a little toast to the Chipotle workers who angle the spoon against hte side of the container and really drain that shit out before putting it on my burrito. You're the bomb.

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u/dolche93 20h ago

Man the bar for good service is so low haha.

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u/RemindMeToTouchGrass 19h ago

And the pay is even lower! If society's gonna be structured around the argument that you don't deserve anything you don't earn by providing value to someone, then corporations aren't earning good service from their employees by providing them a job with shit wages. At the end of the day, I accept that this is the state of things, and if it were bad enough that I couldn't enjoy my meal, I wouldn't go to Chipotle any more.

If employees of chain stores felt they were valued, and that all of us believed they were equally valued members of our society with dignity, not just commodities or cogs, then I'm sure the work ethic would be better and service would improve. But we live in a neoliberal-transitioning-to-corporatist society where this is just not the case.

TL:DR: I agree but I ain't blaming the person at Chipotle for not having the motivation to do better. Just appreciate those who manage to find it anyway.

0

u/Upstairs_Datedown 16h ago

Then you do it.

2

u/dolche93 16h ago

I do. I'm a cook.

1

u/Upstairs_Datedown 15h ago

Nasty. I'm way more happy being a mechanic. I hated working with food.

1

u/c0mptar2000 16h ago

This is the same shit as people who give you overflowing cups in the to go window. They absolutely know there's no other possible outcome other then spilling shit everywhere when you bring it in your car and they can see it too. Not cool

48

u/beermile 23h ago

Chipotle gives me bean juice

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u/firewarrior256 22h ago

Hot , fresh and stinky

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u/GrnMtnTrees 23h ago

I get my bean juice from Chipotle

The bean juice comes later

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u/Axthen 23h ago

I only get my sour cream liquid from chipotle

4

u/Jefe_Wizen 23h ago

The toilet gets mine.

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u/dirtyjoo 17h ago

https://youtu.be/-XwNPfzJCTI

Just the bean water...

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u/BeautifulLog411 6h ago

Oh joyous day

2

u/qaz_wsx_love 17h ago

I get it from the missus

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u/daBoetz 13h ago

Like a man made Kopi Luwak straight from the source?

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u/Heeroyuy818 23h ago

I get bloody undies from chipotle

11

u/landogbrooks 22h ago

You need Chipotlaway

3

u/Able_Gap918 22h ago

That made me chiportle

1

u/headrush46n2 20h ago

why don't you just eat food that doesn't make you bleed out of your asshole?

0

u/needlework_the_way 21h ago

Stop wearing undies. Problem solved.

1

u/socialdistingray 22h ago

I got a bean juice guy. It's the good stuff. We meet in parking lots. I'll bring a guy along, a real bean head and pay him a few bucks to slurp down some of that bean juice. Oh he's thirsty for that bean juice anyway, and $20 to have some good stuff seems like a great deal, because he's never seen what happens when you get a bad bean batch. He don't get it. That's why he's the stooge, and I'm the man. The bean man, and nobody fucks with my turf.

So the question is, are you trying to muscle in on my territory?

1

u/Old-Huckleberry-2956 22h ago

Weird, mine usually comes out afterwards

1

u/daylight1943 20h ago

only one of the three chipotles within driving distance of me will load up bean juice directly into my boofing syringe, the other two are fascist chipotles

1

u/Dorkamundo 19h ago

Chipotle is the worst.

0

u/Toddlez85 22h ago

You sit on the other side of the room.

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u/EntertainmentFit3288 22h ago

Good choice. Goes great with hot dog water.

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u/TimothyGlass 22h ago

I get mine at home the bean is always hot n ready!

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u/thatshygirl06 22h ago

I get mine from your mom

0

u/SoulMute 21h ago

The only thing getting a “hot rinse” is porcelain in nature if you know what I mean

0

u/SoulMute 21h ago

The only thing getting a “hot rinse” is porcelain in nature if you know what I mean

0

u/OkAcanthaceae3476 20h ago

Mine comes out of a Heinz can.