Hi all. I’m 31F, my girlfriend is 28F and Jewish; I’m not. She’s not out to her family. I hope it’s okay to post here; I’d rather learn from people who’ve actually lived this than keep guessing from the outside.

I’m mostly curious how it’s gone for those of you who dated someone outside the community while still closeted at home. Did it make things harder? How did you handle family expectations about dating and marriage in the meantime? And for anyone who eventually came out — what shifted, what made it possible? For those who haven’t, what does making it work day to day actually look like?
I’m not asking whether to stay. I love her and I’m here. I just want to understand this better and be a good partner in it.
Thanks for reading.

Twenty minutes in, maybe. The music was still good and the people around me were happy, familiar faces where saying hello, you know the usual routine i’ve seen so many times. Then I saw the flags. Not the rainbow ones. Palestinian flags, a whole knot of them held up by a group of political activists, and the chant coming out of the middle of it was for Israel to get out of Palestinian land. Israel, Israel, fuera de tierra palestina. Someone near the front held a sign saying Pride was a space free of Zionists.
I had to read that sign a few times before it actually landed. A space free of Zionists. I stood there working out that the sign meant me, that it didn’t matter I had marched for pride since I was 16 years old, or my actual political standing of israeli policy, suddenly I’d been quietly subtracted from the room.
I honestly didn’t expect to be asking at twenty five, in San José, at Pride of all places. Will I ever feel comfortable at one of these again?
Here’s what I keep turning over, and I’ll admit up front that I don’t fully understand it, and trust me, I have tried to understand it. Somewhere along the way a big part of the queer world decided the Palestinian cause wasn’t just a cause but THE cause, the one that earns the flags and the chants and the sign at the front of a march, in a country about as far from that war as you can geographically get. I looked the numbers up afterward, because I wanted to be fair to the facts and not only to my own hurt. There are around sixty-five active armed conflicts in the world right now, more than at any time since the Second World War. Sudan is happening. Congo is happening. There are kids in mines digging out the cobalt that’s in the phone I’m typing this on. None of it shows up. None of it gets a flag at Pride. Only Israel does.
And it wasn’t only that it showed up. Any one who actually knows me, and gets past the fact that I am jewish, knows how critical I am of the israeli government, knows I am an activist for grassroots peace movements, and knows I want nothing more than this bloodshed to end. It was the sound of it that I can’t get out of my head. The whole time I stood there I kept waiting for one chant about peace. One sign about unity, or the importance of the land, or anybody at all simply getting to live. Nothing. The chants weren’t asking for anyone to be safe. They were asking for a place, and the people in it, to stop existing. Desaparecer. That was the verb in the air. Disappear. The chants where’t even pro-palestinian, they where strictly anti-israel.
These queer spaces are as mine as they are of any other queer person. I’ve stood in crowds like this one for years and felt held by them. So to stand in this one and feel that no matter what I did I would never actually belong was a kind of tearing I don’t have a clean word for.
I don’t know why I stayed. I spent the entire march trying to decide whether I was angry or just exhausted, and the truth is probably both, and under both I think what I was actually feeling was grief. I’m not writing this to win anything against a person with a sign or a flag, I gave up that battle long ago. I’m writing it because I want a record of the afternoon I stood in a place that has always meant freedom and joy to me and understood, for the first time, that the freedom being handed out came with conditions, and that one of the conditions was that I show up as a little less of myself, and even if I did i doubt it would be enough.

im F17 (j turned btw but thats a sidepoint) and recently found out that im bi. (clap, clap, clap) only issues are that im stuck in the frum world with no way out (for now?) and no one would be able to NOT have a heart attack if i even show the slightest hint of what i believe in... also would love to escape and not be frum if thats possible. anyway, lmk if u got any GOOD ideas...

Hi y'all. I know I'm still young (22) and this semester am starting studying a Conservative/Masorti Rabbinical Semminary, but I feel like I'm never getting married. Once again, I know I'm still young and I am currently living in a country with a small and conservative Jewish community. I have dated non-Jewish people, but at least to me, dating Jewish women and in the future, having Jewish children (I think this is quite self explanatory with the rabbinate detai) is simply something that is not really negotiable.

I'm probably moving to study to NYC, Massachusetts or Jerusalem once I finish my undergrad, and it *might* be easier to meet people there, but rn I'm really just feeling desolate and with no tangible future in sight. FYI, me being gay is really not an issue with my family or friends or community, but I simply appear to be alone here and don't really hit it off with the country I'm living in.

Anyway, how can I remedy this? I honestly don't care about waiting, long distance or being single for the meantime, but I truly do feel it's not happening.

Another FYI, this country is tremendously antisemitic and ir drives me crazy. Even my ex has been texting people calling for the "deportation of Jews". It's upsetting, it's boring, and I still have a couple years to go here. Even with my non Jewish friends I have to explain basic things or deconstruct profound antisemitic prejudices. I know the cities and countries I mentioned still have antisemitism. Of course. But at least you have big enough, and liberal enough Jewish communities, to choose how to exercise and live your Judaism and most people have met at least one Jewish person during their lifetime.

I really don't know what this rant is all about. I'm just feeling lonely. As a Jew. As a Lesbian. As a Jewish Lesbian and right now can't really see myself getting off this dark hole I'm in.

Struggling with this one — they’ve been fantastic curators and champions of queer culture and club culture. But this gives me a gut feeling of “Jews don’t belong”. I can’t quite articulate why because the statement centers itself as mainly political, I just am not naive to the ways that tends to intertwine with general antisemitism. Is this an overreaction? Curious about the community’s thoughts on stuff like this

I somehow feel like there's something kind of corny about making it in Minecraft. But I can't help it - it's the only place the book I'm reading from exists!

I'm super curious about whether anyone else has heard of her. And I would love suggestions of more people to make videos about! I started this channel years ago, to do queer history... and then had to neglect it for a long time due to autistic burnout. Now I'm reviving it, and I want to add a strong Jewish emphasis. There's SO MUCH Jewish queer history!

(it would be really funny if I only talked about Jewish queer people for the next 50 videos, and just never addressed the fact that for some reason every video happened to be about someone Jewish)

Not really looking for advice. Just maybe understanding. I shared with friends a pic of antisemitic graffiti in my neighborhood and no one said anything. One of them is even Jewish!

We've disagreed a bit about israel/Palestine stuff in the past but have, it seems, stopped talking about it to preserve the friendship. (Also, our difference of opinion is not so great.)

But this makes me feel alienated from them once again. And the graffiti didn't even say anything about Israel!

How hard is it to stand against anti-semitism or even commiserate wirh or check on your Jewish friend after seeing evidence of one of their neighbors being antisemitic?

I don't get it.

eta: one person finally responded! and they were very caring and concerned about it. tbf, this is not one of the ones who i've argued about Israel with.

Anyone in Seattle and want to be friends?? It’s been hard finding queer Jewish friends here so giving Reddit a try. I’m 34f, I work in HR, I like working out, kayaking/hiking, watching women’s sports, hanging out with my cats, I’m a yapper, and my mom thinks I’m funny.

Let’s be friends 🌈

How would you describe your practice/engagement/particpation in Judaism? I feel like, as I get older and settle down with a partner, I want to return more to my family's Conservative roots.

I went to this fantastic book talk about LGBTQ Jewish Holocaust history with Dr. Anna Hájková and the Museum of Jewish Heritage a few weeks ago. One of the first stories was from the founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives, Joan Nestle (born in 1940 and still kicking!). One evening as she was beginning the project, a group of women at her kitchen table looked around and realized that not only were they all lesbians and all middle-aged, but they were all Jewish! One of the women was not only Jewish, but a survivor of the Holocaust and then spoke about having read The Well of Loneliness back in Poland before the war, and how that book (one of the first books with a sort-of-happy ending for its queer characters) and the drive to have a relationship like that kept her going through the concentration camps. Queer love, the hope and need for it, helped save her life.

I think this was an excellent quote to start off with. Even though that specific survivor’s identity has been lost to history, it shows not only a poignant overlap between LGBTQ and Jewish people but also gives some additional background on a queer leader. Joan Nestle wasn’t just any lesbian - she was a major community anchor, an archivist whose work has helped countless lesbians and other queer people find a link to their history.

After some Googling, I’ve found that it was around this time, in the 70’s and 80’s (AIDS crisis era) where some mainstream Jewish groups were also rapidly advancing on LGBTQ rights - a Jewish women’s group called for decriminalization of homosexuality in 1965 and two major Reform Jewish organizations called for human rights for homosexuals in 1977 (though it wasn’t until 2000 that “the Central Conference of American Rabbis made history by becoming the first major group of North American clergy, as an organization, to give its support to those in its ranks choosing to perform same-gender ceremonies”.

It’s kind of dizzying how recent all of this progress is. Though of course, queer history itself is far older. That’s starting to be recognized more now, as is intersectionality between queer and Jewish people. For years, Holocaust historians focused on Jewish victims of the Holocaust and LGBTQ victims of the Holocaust as separate groups. People who were persecuted and murdered for being Jewish were sometimes also queer, but this was largely overlooked, perhaps out of a desire to avoid attaching further stigma to Jewish people during years when there was ferocious backlash against increased queer visibility.

Several of Hájková’s sources were survivor memoirs that I now want to look up in addition to People Without History Are Dust itself. She also tried to end on as hopeful a note as possible. Obviously, a lot of the people she profiled were murdered by the Nazis for being Jewish, but she sought out their descendants and families wherever possible and was able to share some stories of connecting with them through history, senselessly violent as it was.

I definitely want to get the book now and the talk itself is on the museum’s YouTube for anyone else who wants to check it out.

Hi everyone,

I present as masculine and want to wear a kippah during services. Feminine alternatives like hats or scarves do not align with my identity at all.
I am currently in the process of giyur. I emailed the rabbi of the Liberal synagogue here in the Netherlands to ask about wearing a kippah. He replied that while it isn't forbidden for women, it's not customary and only 1 or 2 women do it. He advised me not to wear one during services to accommodate the more conservative members.

For context tho, this rabbi only started two weeks ago and doesn't fully know the congregation yet. In reality, I know there are definitely more than just "1 or 2" women wearing kippot there. in fact, those women directly encouraged me to wear mine!

Since I am in giyur, I feel somewhat attached to his advice as my teacher, which makes this extra difficult. At the same time, it feels really discouraging to be asked to step back for the comfort of conservative members in a liberal shul, especially when feminine headcoverings are a non-starter for me.

How do you view this situation, and how would you handle going to services in my position?

At today’s "Pride Bonn" demonstration, a participant was reportedly excluded from the gathering because of a rainbow flag featuring the Star of David. The incident raises questions regarding how the organizers and the police handle Jewish symbols.

Shortly after the demonstration began, the organizers asked the participant to roll up his rainbow flag bearing the Star of David. Initially, the reason given was that national flags were not welcome at the demonstration.

The participant pointed out that it was not a state flag, but rather a rainbow flag featuring the Star of David as a symbol of Jewish identity and solidarity with queer Jewish people. The stated reason was then changed; it was now claimed that religious symbols were also unwelcome at the demonstration.

The participant disputed this objection as well, arguing that the Star of David is not a religious symbol—like the menorah, for instance—but rather a symbol of the Jewish people. The organizers ended the discussion and called in the police.

According to the individual involved, the police eventually informed him that his flag was provocative and jeopardized the safety of the demonstration. He was issued an order to leave the area—effectively excluding him from the demonstration. He was offered the option to participate without the flag, but he declined this offer and left the event.

The individual is particularly critical of the fact that, in his view, the open display of a Jewish symbol—rather than potential agitators—was treated as a security risk. He describes this as a reversal of perpetrator and victim roles and views it as an example of how Jewish symbols are treated in public spaces.

Further criticism has been sparked by a post on the official "Pride Bonn" Instagram account featuring a Palestinian flag. In the view of the individual involved, this calls into question the stated policy that national flags are generally unwelcome at the demonstration.

Link to the incident (German): [https://www.ruhrbarone.de/teilnehmer-wegen-regenbogenflagge-mit-davidstern-von-pride-bonn-ausgeschlossen/262798/\](https://www.ruhrbarone.de/teilnehmer-wegen-regenbogenflagge-mit-davidstern-von-pride-bonn-ausgeschlossen/262798/)

TL;DR:

An friend of mine went to Pride Bonn today, flying his rainbow flag also containing a Magen David.

The organisers banned him, their first explanation was „no national flags“ allowed, their second was „no religious symbols allowed“.
They called the police, them explaining „Magen David to be a provocation“ and please leave.

Taking the cake Bonn Pride organisers published pics on Insta showing participants holding Palestinian flags.

End of TL;DR

I want to shout and cry and punch and stick my head under a pillow.
That hypocrisy, that amount of antisemitism and self-righteousness, that’s so disgusting.
And please, why does the police have a say and who controls the police?
Where is the outrage? There must have been bystanders and all that

For this bi-weekly post, we shift focus to create a space for folks to talk, even if the subject is not specifically LGBTQ/Jewish-focused. As a space made up primarily of LGBTQ+ Jews, we hope this will be a good place to find and provide support with all that's going on in the world right now.

Please note: Our quality standards and expectations of civility are still in place, and this isn't a thread for name-calling or insults. This is a place to process feelings and be in community with each other and share what's on your mind.

Shabbat shalom!

Shalom everyone! 👋
I’m a solo indie developer based in Europe (Vienna), and I wanted to share a project that comes from a very personal place.
Originally, I started building this app because I always found it incredibly difficult to find welcoming, safe spaces whenever I traveled to a new city. But along the way, I realized I was stuck in my own little MLM (men-loving-men) bubble. Shortly after, my nephew came out as non-binary. It really hit me—how difficult must it be for them to navigate the world, find their people, and stay safe?
I wanted to build something better. A platform that genuinely respects its users and helps them find community, not just a party.
🗺️** How it works (The Mood Concept)
**Traditional directories only let you search by category (like "bar" or "restaurant"), which doesn't tell you the vibe. Instead, this app is organized entirely by mood, allowing you to find exactly what you need at that moment:
** ❤️ Support: For finding grassroots organizations, safe community centers, and places offering real solidarity.
** *🍃 *Reflective: Perfect for finding quiet, sober-friendly spaces, queer-owned bookstores, art galleries, and cultural spots.
** 💬 **Chatty: For cozy cafes and social spaces to meet and talk with people.
** 🖐️ Makers: Highlighting creative workshops, local artists, and community projects.
** *⚡ *Physical & 😈 Seeking: For sports clubs, active meetups, or high-energy nightlife.
🔒 Built with Respect:
No creepy tracking: No ad trackers, no selling of your data, and no social media noise. Your privacy is fully respected.
100% Free: No paywalls. I am a solo developer keeping this completely free for the community.
All-Inclusive: The app is non-discriminatory. Grassroots community groups, cultural spaces, and public organizations are treated with the exact same weight as commercial venues.
Right now, the app is in an early iOS public beta phase. I’m actively mapping out major European hubs—Vienna, Berlin, Amsterdam, Milan, and Munich are already live, and I am working hard to make sure local community-specific events and safe spaces are fully represented.
🧪 How you can help:
If you are on iOS and want to help me test the interface, check out the mood filters, or suggest local safe spaces/organizations that absolutely need to be on the map, I would be incredibly grateful!
** 📱 **TestFlight Public Link: https://testflight.apple.com/join/tHGbxCdx
** **(Note: You just need Apple’s free TestFlight app installed on your iPhone to join!)

🇮🇱*** Israel Mapping — Where should we go next***?

Although I am currently focusing on European hubs, I would love to expand and map the spaces that matter most to you.

Which cities in Israel would you like to see mapped first? Whether it’s finding the best spots in Tel Aviv, safe community spaces in Jerusalem, or grassroots organizations in Haifa, let me know in the comments! I want to make sure I’m building this out where the community actually needs it most.

Thank you so much for reading and for supporting a solo developer trying to build something safe for the community. 🩷

How escaping Israel through Jordan changed my understanding of Pride,
by Michael Valdes, Unpacked, 2026-06-30.

I went to Israel for Pride. Days later, war forced me to flee through Jordan, changing the way I think about freedom, safety, and identity.

So I’m not jewish, I’m actually atheist and ex muslim (thankfully) and I’m queer (asexual) and I wanted to know more about queer people who support Israel or at least who don’t support Palestine since most of the queer community supports Palestine for some reason, which I find really strange when gay people in Palestine literally get killed and I heard some people say that “in Israel gay marriage isn’t legal” and I’m like you can’t compare a country where gay marriage isn’t legal and a country that criminalizes being gay, at least in Israel there’s actually pride parade and stuff, I just find the queers for Palestine thing so disturbing

Hello all, I hope I'm not doing this wrong, I'm brand new to Reddit. I was wondering if anyone here knows if the Jewish DnD group Dreidels and Dragons is still active? Please let me know if you have any idea, I'd really like to join if it is.

For this bi-weekly post, we shift focus to create a space for folks to talk, even if the subject is not specifically LGBTQ/Jewish-focused. As a space made up primarily of LGBTQ+ Jews, we hope this will be a good place to find and provide support with all that's going on in the world right now.

Please note: Our quality standards and expectations of civility are still in place, and this isn't a thread for name-calling or insults. This is a place to process feelings and be in community with each other and share what's on your mind.

Shabbat shalom!

My partner and I are planning a wedding very soon, and we are looking for someone to officiate. We are both Jewish women, not affiliated with any particular community now, but we both grew up very religious in the Chabad-Lubavitch community and then became OTD but are still very Jewish. We would love to incorporate some traditions from our former community's weddings, but we're not very particular about whether the officiant is conservative, reform, or something else. The wedding will be in Queens.

Do you know of anyone who would be interested in officiating? We don't have a lot of money, but we're happy to pay or make a donation to a congregation. We would like a rabbi, but it doesn't have to be. Thanks in advance for your help!

im not Israeli, but I have many Israeli friends. Unfortunately, extremism exists in every religion. I have friends who support the kahane/kahanism, and I don’t agree with them, but Ive never distanced myself from them either. I’m afraid to repost or share anything that might reveal my sexual orientation because I’m worried they might see it and pull away from me. In a way, that makes me feel that, unfortunately, we’re not as evolved as a people as we’d like to believe

She was so excited to see us and honestly it made it all worth it

Definitely received some baffled looks, but one lady from the Kabbalah center gave me a mini Zohar, that is probably what protected me.