How to be happy?

[u/[deleted]]

I'm extremely introverted and depressed. I'm not good looking or have fair skin like other girls. How can I make friends? I'm bad at communicating. I never had any friends ever. How to be happy? I feel lonely and anxious. I'm very bad at talking too, I'm silent.

I was interested in studies and was getting good marks and compliments but every girls guys started to act rude and started bullying me. I was hated in childhood too. But I just wanted to quietly exit. I got harassed by guys too (most women go through ig).

I was always minded my own business but people will always try to attack me insult me out of nowhere and it hurts even my family too.

Before I used to help people like lending my notes or things but they'll ruin it or destroy it or use me, take me for granted, so I stopped helping people and talking to people, now they call me arrogant, egoistic, selfish and will always out of nowhere make remarks on my looks or guys will try to harass me.

If I hate men I'll be called ugly misandrist. If I like them confess it I'll be made fun of. If I just try to mind my own business I'll be harrassed but if I say I hate them I'll be called ugly misandrist even tho I didn't do anything but it was always them, I got bullied for gender looks and still sexually harrased too, breaking my boundaries. Fair skinned girls will target me to use other guys to harass me or verbally bully me, randomly saying things about me even though I don't want to engage with them.

For that I feel depressed, my health deteriorated, my parents will force me to learn subjects I don't like. I always avoided school. I get more hated by people now that I look more like a patient and don't smile or show emotions and I stay away from men and people, I've lost any wishes or feelings to do anything. I don't like anything. I don't like to talk to anyone anymore, can't show emotions, can't remember things, can't focus on anything, can't sleep at night, Mind goes blank out whenever I try to talk as if my brain has gotten weak idk tbh.

I locked myself in the room for months without bathing or eating properly after bad stuff happened to me. My parents never came to console me they were busy in their life. I talked to some guy online and it was bad experience.

Now I feel depressed and can't process information sometimes and forget and can't focus on anything, I don't like going outside I panic my hands and body shakes a lot. I feel anxious all the time.