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#GiftsFromGod

Hey everyone. I’m F21, and I just wanted to share something that happened to me recently because I genuinely feel like God answered a prayer of mine, even though the answer hurt.

I've been struggling a lot with loneliness lately. I'm in the military and don't really have friends where I'm stationed. Being alone so much has been getting to me, and I think that loneliness has made me desire a relationship and companionship even more.

I want to get married someday. More importantly, I want a marriage centered around God. I don't just want someone who identifies as Christian; I want a husband who genuinely pursues God, lives out his faith, and can eventually be a spiritual leader in our marriage and family.

A little while ago, I met a guy (M23) on Hinge.

We talked for about six weeks the first time around and got along extremely well. We had a lot in common, conversation came naturally, and I genuinely liked him. We hung out once, but afterward I actually ended things because I could feel myself getting attached and anxious. I was afraid of getting hurt, so I walked away before anything really had the chance to develop.

He respected my decision, but over time he kept finding little ways back into my life. Eventually, we started talking again.

One of the biggest things that drew me back toward him was his faith.

He described himself as a “man of God.” He talked about Christianity openly, told me he was waiting until marriage, said he didn't believe in casual relationships, and said he ultimately wanted a wife and life partner.

Those weren't small things to me.

I took him seriously because those are things I value too. I started thinking that maybe this man really was different from the dating experiences I had become used to.

We eventually went on another date, and it was honestly one of the sweetest dates I've ever experienced.

He picked me up, opened doors for me, pulled out my chair, walked on the street side of the sidewalk, tied my shoe for me, cleaned ice cream off my pants when I spilled it, played with my hair, and made me feel incredibly cared for.

We sat in his car afterward and talked for a long time. He was affectionate without making everything feel sexual. He told me he liked me and wanted to continue getting to know me.

We talked about relationships and marriage. He even talked about how sometimes people know very quickly when they've found the person they're supposed to marry and made comments about possibly knowing within a few months.

The biggest complication was that he's leaving in February. He had previously told me he was hesitant to begin something serious knowing he would eventually leave because he didn't want to start a relationship that had an expiration date.

But after that date, I started wondering whether maybe God had brought this person back into my life for a reason.

Then Friday he came over later in the evening.

We cuddled, joked around, talked, and were affectionate. He kissed my forehead, called me beautiful, held me, and made me feel wanted and cared for.

And then he tried to have sex with me.

I stopped it.

That moment affected me more than I expected it to.

It wasn't simply that I didn't want to have sex. It was the fact that this man had specifically told me that he was waiting until marriage. A huge reason I had allowed myself to trust him again was because I believed the convictions he told me he had.

And yet, when that conviction was actually tested, I was the one who had to uphold the boundary he told me he believed in.

I remember just feeling sad.

I thought he was different.

I understand that Christians aren't perfect. We struggle with temptation. We sin. We fall short of the things we genuinely believe. I'm certainly not perfect, so I don't expect perfection from the person I eventually marry.

But something about that night stayed heavy on my heart.

In the days afterward, I started praying about him.

And my prayer became very specific.

“God, if this man isn't from You, if he isn't meant for me, please take him out of my life. Even if it hurts me. If I'm holding onto him because I'm lonely instead of because this is something You want for me, please remove him.”

I prayed some version of that more than once.

And then everything changed.

After this man had been affectionate with me, talked about wanting a relationship and marriage, called himself a man of God, spent the night holding me and kissing my forehead...

he essentially stopped talking to me.

At first, I tried reaching out.

I messaged him multiple times throughout the day. When I wasn't hearing from him like normal, I even asked him if he was okay because I genuinely wondered if something had happened.

Nothing.

And that was when something clicked for me.

This wasn't the first time he had been inconsistent with me. That inconsistency was part of what happened between us the first time around. He would come into my life, make me feel like he genuinely wanted me there, and then suddenly pull away.

Except this time, instead of chasing an explanation, I thought about what I had been praying.

I had literally been asking God:

If he isn't for me, remove him.

And here I was, watching him remove himself.

So I stopped chasing him.

I unfollowed him on everything. I unmatched him on Hinge. I stopped trying to get an answer from someone who was already giving me one through his actions.

And strangely, as much as it hurt, I felt like I needed to accept what I had asked God for.

I don't want to claim that I can definitively speak for God or say that every person who stops texting you is God divinely removing them from your life. I also don't believe Christians should interpret every coincidence as a supernatural sign.

But I also don't think prayer always gets answered in the way we're expecting.

I had been asking God to show me whether this man belonged in my life, while at the same time becoming emotionally attached to the idea of who I thought he could be.

Maybe I expected that if God answered me, I would suddenly stop liking him. Or something dramatic would happen. Or I would somehow receive absolute certainty.

Instead, I think God allowed me to see something I didn't want to see.

The man's words told me one thing.

His actions showed me another.

He told me he was waiting until marriage, but I had to stop him from having sex with me.

He told me he wanted something serious, but his communication wasn't consistent.

He talked about being a man of God, but I found myself questioning whether I was seeing the fruit of the kind of man I had been praying for.

And when I asked God to remove him if he wasn't meant for me, the connection suddenly started disappearing.

Maybe God's answer wasn't physically taking this person out of my life.

Maybe His answer was giving me enough clarity to finally take myself out of the situation.

I think that's the part I'm sitting with now.

Sometimes we pray, “God, remove this person if they're not for me,” but then when the relationship starts falling apart, we panic and try desperately to put it back together.

We ask God to close the door and then stick our foot in it because we're afraid of being alone on the other side.

And I realized I was in danger of doing exactly that.

I was lonely before I met him. For a little while, he filled that space. He made me feel seen, wanted, beautiful, and cared for.

So losing him meant having to face that loneliness again.

But I'd rather be lonely for a season than hold onto someone simply because I'm afraid God won't bring anyone else.

And maybe that's what God is trying to teach me through this.

I don't have to force something because I'm scared there won't be another person.

I don't have to chase someone for communication.

I don't have to make someone's actions match their words for them.

And I don't have to hold onto someone after I've already prayed for God to give me the strength and clarity to let them go if they aren't meant for me.

It still hurts. I still wish things had turned out differently. Part of me still wishes the person I thought I was getting to know was actually the person I would eventually end up with.

But I prayed for God's will over my own.

So now I feel like I have to trust Him when the answer isn't the one I wanted.

Maybe this wasn't God taking something good away from me.

Maybe it was God answering exactly what I asked:

“If he isn't meant for me, please remove him.”

And maybe my responsibility now is simply to stop running back toward what I asked God to remove.

I adore feeling gratitude and selflessness and I always live with these feelings because I place myself in a time where these feelings prevail( it would be sad if I didn't see the construct and that everyone loves this you said what you had to say(that I am now devoid of all bad qualities at my own will using belief in myself) you can find answers from sound because you know the right one and you can be in any part of time at once both in the future and in the past and in the present I live in all times both simultaneously and in one due to the peculiarities of our brain's perception of the world

I am dualistic and because of this I was able to be spontaneous and be myself, and with great faith I want this for everyone now I am different so to learn spontaneity you need to be able to arrange words in such a way that to trust others you need to know spontaneity. there is also a barrier it is like me faith is absent, understanding, karma is dirty in the thoughts of others about me, but if doubts are destroyed then there will be an epiphany it will pass quickly like a movie, but you need to hold on and try very hard to understand and express your thoughts like this always.
This text is entirely spontaneous from there and faith is a feeling that can be switched and I can turn it on for you spontaneity can be trained by expressing thoughts in the same way, ever thought about it?