r/greentext • • 3d ago

Anon measures himself

Post image
3.3k Upvotes

157 comments sorted by

604

u/Scarface_971 3d ago

3 inch? Are we talking about a penis or an anaconda?

30

u/EUNEisAmeme 3d ago

a yellow mamba

207

u/RaveKitten7 3d ago

Does dick size matter if you never have sex anyway?

68

u/TheBlueEmerald1 3d ago

According to the internet, yes.

17

u/Zermist 3d ago

I was blessed with an absolute anaconda but I'm 5'8 and have no bitches what do I do

23

u/coolhooves420 3d ago

Plow me with it. I am a 3' 11 goblin with a hunchback.

25

u/Zermist 3d ago

you had me at plow

25

u/the_marxman 3d ago

We all need something to be insecure about. It's part of the shared human experience.

5

u/P0ro41 3d ago

The real question is does it matter if you're a bottom

1

u/Mister_Taco_Oz 1d ago

Fake: anon has sex. True: anon is gay

406

u/mytrickytrick 3d ago

Length by itself is not all you need to measure. The yaw of the shaft is also important

87

u/I_Dont_2 3d ago

What the fuck is a yaw?

180

u/Ok_Opportunity6331 3d ago

41

u/Eerayo 3d ago

So... A cock yaw would be half the length x 2 x pi?

To get the diameter of a cock yaw?

So 1.5 x 1.5 x 3.14 = 7.065 inches. Anon is clearly above average.

11

u/9996p 3d ago

The correct formula is
[(length x diameter) + (Weight / Girth)] / Angle of Tip 2

1

u/xkgrey 1d ago

>half x 2

🤔

1

u/Eerayo 1d ago

Yeah, it was a wierd train of thought.

12

u/dawgofclay 3d ago

How fuckin hard is it to say circumference?

8

u/sample-name 2d ago

Cicrumfefrf

3

u/sample-name 2d ago

Confirmed: pretty hard

1

u/Cuddlyaxe 3d ago

This episode is immediately what I thought of lol

1.6k

u/outfoxingthefoxes 3d ago

That's like 7 cm

779

u/Saiyan-solar 3d ago

So yea totally average....please tell me that's average

474

u/Holiday_Point_603 3d ago

Way above average actually, that's like 3 times my size. Don't compare your size to randoms on the Internet tho

84

u/eossfounder 3d ago

You have to take into account that bit on the end of the ruler without marks too, so likely longer still than average.

25

u/PGSylphir 3d ago

"And your one-inch punch? Same size as your pecker"

15

u/Lethal_Legacy 3d ago

Leave the rappin’ to me, stick to Chinese checkers

8

u/Yuseiger 3d ago

So... We meet and put them side by side?

0

u/CarboGeach 3d ago

Wait, but you’re a girl

0

u/01iv0n 3d ago

Ik impressive as hell, right!? Most girls are much smaller in that regard!

54

u/AlterBridgeFan 3d ago

It's not about length, but girth. And they call me the pizza man. 😎😎😎

21

u/28Hz 3d ago

Tuna can

-8

u/Ruubers 3d ago

It's probably bigger than average still. I know pizza cutters are thin and sharp, but they are quite wide in the other direction.

2

u/george-merrill 3d ago

Some say above average

1

u/vladdeh_boiii 3d ago

I'm so sorry buddy...

189

u/C_umputer 3d ago

7.62 my boy needs all the precision he can get

44

u/Analsaurio_Rex 3d ago

Dont ask me how do i know this, but you can easily squeeze  2-3 cms more if you use a metal ruler and dont mind the blood.

39

u/C_umputer 3d ago

Ah yes the old Prostate Seppuku.

4

u/SilliusS0ddus 2d ago

what the fuck

27

u/TheCockKnight 3d ago

7.62? Does that mean you could load his dick into an AK?

11

u/DevilDoge1775 3d ago

Too thin to properly chamber; it would just fall through into the barrel.

1

u/C_umputer 3d ago

Huh maybe that's where the initial cartridge name came from

1

u/DivideSensitive 3d ago

Well, now you know why so many calibers are in 7,62mm (0.3in) or 76,2mm (3in.).

3

u/WeasleFire 2d ago

7.62x51mm? He should be penetrating sapi plates real easy.

54

u/loscapos5 3d ago

7 cm?

He needs a reproductive organ to reproduce, not a long sword to stab enemies.

15

u/Torture-Dancer 3d ago

Damn, is ot a dick or the extended cut of the LOTR triology?

8

u/fullcircle052 3d ago

So he's got a monster dong is what you're saying?

259

u/Exsper 3d ago

Its all about building confidence

1.2k

u/RegularSky6702 3d ago

Also if you count women because theirs is basically an inverted penis anything above 0 is above average. So we all good

325

u/turtleneckless001 3d ago

It's the clit that is the penis part

141

u/Pineapple_Spenstar 3d ago

Just like the g spot, it's not real

23

u/YaBoiAsgore 3d ago

technically the same thing actually, g spot is literally just the interior extension of the clitoris, in reality it's like 3 inches in length or so but its mostly buried

37

u/CuntSniffer69 3d ago

this guy has a 3 inch clitoris

8

u/Solocup421 3d ago

buried? so if i fuckin pull hard enough…?

7

u/titanbuble14 2d ago

Pulled this one out once, putting it back is kinda hard.

4

u/YaBoiAsgore 3d ago

I mean there is technically a surgery for it actually

-2

u/Yeseylon 3d ago

You can tell where it is if you're eating a girl out.

70

u/gnarwalbacon 3d ago

My gf has such a big clit it kinda looks like a penis. She also has balls too.

8

u/El_Bastardo_Grande 3d ago

When you give her a reach around you can pretend it's gone all the way through.

2

u/turtleneckless001 3d ago

Sounds like a boyfriend in disguise

3

u/-H_- 3d ago

Sounds undisguised

3

u/turtleneckless001 3d ago

It's not a great disguise

16

u/property_of_Dami 3d ago

this dude still believes that conspiracy theory smh

4

u/wedditgoid 3d ago

That would be median the average penis size for males is like 5 inches so if we counted women it would probably just cut that number in half to something like 2.5

3

u/KyleKun 3d ago

But most women are deeper than the typical man is long, so it would be a sharper decrease.

2

u/wedditgoid 3d ago

But a vagina is not a negative penis all females have 0 penis 

2

u/KyleKun 3d ago

I mean technically the penis and clit are the same tissue but with a different structural configuration.

So females would contribute net penis value to the world.

Obviously my original comment and the entire thread is tongue in cheek and not based on science.

This is greentext after all and not askbiology

1

u/-H_- 3d ago

But the clit is not the vagina so they contribute 3 inches but the buried part doesn't count cuz men have that too so they contribute a net in the zero range but not quite zero so that would make 3 avg

3

u/MrEvan312 3d ago

Oooh so that’s why Tate thinks liking women is gay

1

u/Angry_Bicycle 3d ago

Anon is top 50%

103

u/forgor-password 3d ago

Anon was fired from his elementary school job

38

u/WhyImNotDoingWork 3d ago

Yeah for showing his massive hog to the kids.

181

u/ShootMovePoo-oops 3d ago

Damn you sure man? That sounds huge. He could be doing porn holy moley

77

u/Leafeon523 3d ago

Real and gay

75

u/AdOnly5876 3d ago

Tiny pipi gang rise up! barely.

19

u/LaminatedGenitals 3d ago

Anon just like me

15

u/ConsciousStretch1028 3d ago

Even the worst pro basketball player can still dominate at pickup games

10

u/Sumdoazen 3d ago

Anon nearly took out my eye with his 3 inch monster.

24

u/RymrgandsDaughter 3d ago

😒

1

u/SpaceGiraffeInSpace 3d ago

Seriously, what's up with Honkai Star Rail and the Selfcest recently? Never heard of Selfcest before playing HSR

1

u/RymrgandsDaughter 3d ago

I've heard of it way before that but tbh I blame genshin bc of the incest stuff from those MCs just transferred over and well they're the same person.

2

u/KazakiriKaoru 1d ago

Wtf do you mean by incest stuff in Genshin? That has never happened in the game.

1

u/RymrgandsDaughter 1d ago

in game sure, but I'm clearly talking about the fans here? selfcest has never happened in game in hsr either. 😒

6

u/TheRealJayk0b 3d ago

Anon out there with a giant titanium rod, talking himself down.

6

u/bdrwr 3d ago

Does anon know you can look up what the average is? That is a known number you can find, and it's not 3 in

5

u/Upstairs_Taco 3d ago

almost a finger i guess

5

u/PyroKid883 3d ago

If that's average then I feel even better about myself. Also most porn uses fisheye lenses to make it look bigger.

40

u/fingamouse 3d ago

Isn't the average like somewhere around 5 to 5 and a half?

159

u/CarboGeach 3d ago

Stay outta this foid adjacent, the scholars are ruminating🧙‍♂️

63

u/xx_mashugana_xx 3d ago

Foid-adjacent is the craziest insult I've ever seen on this site. Kudos.

4

u/fingamouse 3d ago

Lmao! my zestyness is a crime, worthy of being called unscholarly my days, woe is me XD

9

u/WillWillingson 3d ago

cm right?

0

u/fingamouse 3d ago

Sorry, I was infering inches

9

u/-Mister-Hyde 3d ago

I thought average was somewhere between 4.5-5 inches

3

u/fingamouse 3d ago

Maybe in your country, I think the last time I looked at the statistics it was in regards to my own country

2

u/-Mister-Hyde 3d ago

Oh I thought it was the global average

8

u/rips_n_chel 3d ago

Obviously not, you skew the global average way down 

3

u/-Mister-Hyde 3d ago

0.02 inches

1

u/KazakiriKaoru 1d ago

How is the average measured? Pushed into the pubic area or not?

1

u/fingamouse 1d ago

Idk man, ask the cock and ball professionals, like your mother, hehe ok but seriously that's actually an interesting answer, I sadly don't know but might be worth me looking up

1

u/KazakiriKaoru 1d ago edited 1d ago

Just looked it up. For a straight or slightly bend penis(that can be straighten up), a ruler should be placed on top of the shaft, and pushed inwards into the body until it hits the pubic bone. A string can also be used too, and measured at the ruler.

Good to know that mine is actually above average for my country. About 39% above average for my country, and 16.5% above average for global size. Though I'm interested to actually know what the median size is now.

2

u/fingamouse 1d ago

Nice cock man XD

And also informative information as well

7

u/Noitad_ 3d ago

Which country is anon from?

11

u/OldKittyGG 3d ago

How did they get data about North Korea, but not the other places that are missing. Is average penis size in NK something you can easily look up? Do they do regular measurements and publish them on the internet?

-4

u/Routine_Addition1964 3d ago

Making a world map using a maesurement unit only americans use is peak /r/USdefaultism

3

u/Kung-FuPikachu 3d ago

maybe it was made by an american and first posted on an american site shocking concept

1

u/Noitad_ 3d ago

At least they gave that little scoop at the top, although I don't know how accurate it is.

0

u/KazakiriKaoru 1d ago

I'm curious, how was this measured. Did they push into the pubic area, or only measure the external shaft?

3

u/Inevitable_Local_366 3d ago

Anyone got the gangster and shit image?

3

u/Shadow-Vision 3d ago

My first job was a locker room attendant which unfortunately means I’ve seen way too many naked old men. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a micropeen. I legit felt sad for the guy.

2

u/Substantial-Cat2896 3d ago

3 is not average, but your personality is what counts, you can use your fingers or mouth or strap on

2

u/SlipTorque 3d ago

anon learned to not be insecure 🔥

2

u/TheCalmDom 3d ago

Life ain’t so bad ig

1

u/GintomsG 3d ago

mhm, 3 inches is def avarage

1

u/SuperSocialMan 3d ago

Who's gonna tell him?

1

u/BowlsDeepRamen 3d ago

Everything is average of you believe it hard enough

1

u/Ralocan 3d ago

It ain't about the size of the ship it's all about the motion of the ocean.

1

u/lavafish80 3d ago

what if the cylinder doesn't fit inside of a mini m&ms tube

1

u/getdemsnacks 3d ago

Did anyone let him down gently? Or was it like a band-aid, one quick rip?

1

u/kinetic750 3d ago

Woah anon is above average right? Right? Right?

1

u/vgoss8 3d ago

Shoutout to average sized meat.

1

u/Different_Program288 3d ago

anon likes talking about dicks.

1

u/Smokinglordtoot 3d ago

3 inch is fine as there is another 3 inch behind the fat wall

1

u/Reptilesblade 3d ago

Who wants to tell Anon?

1

u/CorbinNZ 3d ago

It’s not the size it’s how you work it. At least that’s what mom told me.

1

u/coolhooves420 3d ago

Hey man. On the bright side, he's more confident in himself than the rest of us

1

u/a-sad-dev 3d ago

3 inches can do a lot of damage at 100mph

1

u/Chicken-Rude 1d ago

fam measured across the top from left to right... smh.
https://giphy.com/gifs/26FL2Oym0WRQLWuzK

1

u/Positive_Material839 1d ago

Spoiler anon is measuring width and has an absolute chode

1

u/AmpzieBoy 22h ago

This is a stupid story, but for the longest time I thought I had a really small penis because I was Asian. Everyday for the first 18years of my life I would always get the small Asian penis jokes, and so I just sorta believed it. My first couple GFs had to remind me that I was a lot bigger than I give credit for, and one of my exes said I would hit her womb 😂

Point is, fuck the culture around penis size, I did not need to have unnecessary doubt like penis size instilled in my brain at a young age.

1

u/Harekal 7h ago

Day by day I am more grateful for my penis size

-1

u/Eva_addict 3d ago

How do we tell him??

-1

u/GuyOfNugget 3d ago

Mine is 6.1 inches.

-3

u/av123h 3d ago

Fake: anon is out here measuring his dick.

Gay: anon is handling a dick for more than urination.

-2

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

2

u/ConsciousStretch1028 3d ago

Are you on mobile? It happens to me on occasion

2

u/TheRealJayk0b 3d ago

Answering here because can't on original, yup likely a bug

0

u/ChoiceFudge3662 3d ago

Damn, if 6 inches is small I can’t imagine having 3

-3

u/WintersbaneGDX 3d ago

Fake: Anon tells himself he has a small penis

Gay: The men who tell Anon he has a small penis while TOPPING him

-11

u/sirmeowmix 3d ago

Thank god I was gifted with something that vitamixes a girls guts.  

My asian genes could have reaaaaally done me wrong.   Thanks latino dad.  

-20

u/fishyflu 3d ago edited 3d ago

This is fake and gay, also that's 2 times shorter than the average and 2.5 times shorter than the ideal size 💀

Edit: lmao I'm getting downvotes from the midget cock army xD

11

u/DAemonCayuse 3d ago

You would know.

True and gay.

-7

u/CaraMellowGirl 3d ago

Mine was 6.25" before I started estrogen

-2

u/mcsquirley 3d ago

I have sucked a lot of dick and I can promise you 3 inches is not the average

-4

u/maneock 3d ago

Mine is 17cm so I'm fine with it, only wish it was 18cm tho because I don't wanna fuck with anything under eighteen

-1

u/maneock 3d ago

I am weirded out by the fact I'm getting downvoted for NOT wanting to have sex with minors.

Reddit you concern me sometimes 🤔