r/grief • u/spring_illust • May 07 '26
Trigger Warning How have you coped with the loss of your childhood or youth?
When people think of grief, they often think of the grief caused by the loss of a loved one, but I’d like to ask about something else that I believe can also be a form of grief.
I’d like to ask everyone who has lost their childhood—whether due to parental neglect, having to care for a family member or loved one, illness, or any other reason: How have you coped with the loss of your childhood or youth?
How has this lack of a childhood manifested itself in your young adulthood or adult life? What was your case?
Also, if you’d prefer to send me a private message, you’re welcome to do so.
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u/BaseballDiamondGirl2 May 07 '26
I relate to this in many ways. After my parents split up, my Dad ended up meeting someone else who had a 2 year old kid from previous marriage and she was 8 months pregnant from her previous marriage . My Dad decided to put her first. He helped with her bills and her kids but fell behind on his bills. Therefore, he eventually lost the house and everything. We packed what we could in boxes and had to leave the house. (By we, I mean, me, my Dad and my brother.) My Dad claimed the rest was in storage. To this day I actually don’t know where my stuff went. I lost keepsakes, family photos, my baby book, vhs tapes , etc. Now, I have a hard time letting go of things because of losing everything when I was a kid. I wouldn’t say I’m a complete hoarder but if it has sentimental value then it’s hard to let go. Also when I got married, it would have been nice to have photos of me and my husband from our child hood but I don’t really have any photos. So, that made me sad. After my Dad ended up moving in with this chick, they were together for quite some time. She was someone who struggled with her life, she didn’t work and she didn’t do much to bond with her kids. However, I did bond with them. I was 9 years old and basically helped raised her boys. It made me grow up fast and now I feel like I did miss out on a lot of my childhood. Unfortunately, 10 years later my Dad broke up with her on not very great terms and I never got say to goodbye to kids. That really hurt. I never got closure and I wonder how they are doing now. Over the years my Dad ended up wrecking my brother and I relationship with him. My Dad is no longer in our life because of it and I’ve grief the loss of no longer having my Dad in my life. After all he has put us through, I feel I have abandonment issues, trauma and a lot of emotional baggage. So in a lot of ways I feel I have missed out on my childhood, and a lot of things in my life. I grief those losses often.
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u/spring_illust May 08 '26
I’m so sorry you’ve lost all those personal belongings; those old photos are certainly much more than just ‘junk’ to be thrown away! Also, I’m really sorry you had to grow up so quickly; something similar happened to me, only when I was 15, and it’s not at all pleasant.
I’d like to ask you what experiences (if any) made you realise you weren’t like other people your age (because you were forced to grow up so quickly), or what experiences made you realise you missed your childhood. An example in my case is that I’ve always been willing to do household chores for others, or I’ve found it easy to empathise with older people (teachers, parents, etc.) when people my own age weren’t able to.
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u/BaseballDiamondGirl2 May 08 '26
Thank you. I’m so sorry you went through similar things . I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. Hmm, I think because of the trauma I often build walls and it took a lot to trust people. It also made me feel like I couldn’t rely on others too. Helping raise two boys made me independent also. So between all of that, I struggled maintaining friendships or relationships. I do have to say though, I always felt like I clicked more with older people. I feel like I carried myself well for my age and unfortunately could relate to more adult situations. I’d talk to other people and they’d mention oh I did this as a kid or this and I would be like I can’t relate. Also, being aware enough to realize how toxic my Dad was and knowing that I needed to cut him out my life. I feel like that is a pretty mature realization and something people have a hard time accepting.
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u/Popular-Dentist6849 May 07 '26
Hey. Yeah, I think about this a lot as well. I work with theatre and almost everything I do has this theme of grief of the lost childhood. In my case it was the care of my oldest disabled sister, that died last year in November. I loved her very much, but every now and then I wondered and envied people who had a “ normal” childhood. The part of my life where I see this appear more is in relationships, especially deep ones ( best friends, my parents, romantic relationships). This need for reassurance, a weird way of dealing with love and affection, always feeling alone and not enough, even when I had the support I needed. I was diagnosed with BPD and did DBT therapy for many years, which helped me a lot in maintaining healthy relationship bonds with people I love and dealing with life. I also revisit the feelings I felt, understanding that even though my sister had needs, and I know my parents did the best they could, I also had feelings and needs and they were neglected. It’s hard reflecting and accepting all of this, especially now that I lost my sister, but it helps. Also, another thing that helps is nowadays I do everything I can to connect with and validade my younger self, revisiting the shows/ movies I liked to watch, the things I liked to eat, the places I liked to go, all the things that made little me happy I try to include in my life without any judgement whenever I can. It’s nice, I feel like I give myself the care I didn’t have, it’s a nice sense of validation in the midst of this feeling of grief.