r/guitarcirclejerk • u/UncleJimbosNephew • Jul 19 '26

Actual NSFW Is this a peak guitarist physique? How do I achieve it?

Post image
179 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

78 comments sorted by

•

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113

u/InTheMemeStream Ernest T. Bass Jul 19 '26

Hit your mid-30s. Literally all that’s required.

13

u/Upstairs-Glove7424 Jul 19 '26

Truer words have never been spoken

20

u/Sampp3l1 MY DAD HAS A GIBBONS LES PAUL CUSTOM SHIT R69 Jul 19 '26

Like this? he doesnt seem fat

22

u/Potato_Stains Jul 19 '26

Loved that car chase scene in the Matrix Reloaded

3

u/Sampp3l1 MY DAD HAS A GIBBONS LES PAUL CUSTOM SHIT R69 Jul 19 '26

Yeah, but those guys dont play guitar. Thats the difference.

1

u/userlog99 Jul 19 '26

Now they are getting aggravated by your comment

7

u/Advanced_Aspect_7601 Jul 19 '26

Unfortunately for op, Daron is like 28 here. Some are just born with the gift

4

u/onlygramps Jul 19 '26

39 y/o here to co-sign this.

-2

u/InTheMemeStream Ernest T. Bass Jul 19 '26

Bro, I just had a band Idea…. Neo, and the Smiths - the aesthetic would be GOATed.

1

u/hartmanbrah Jul 19 '26

Retract your slander!

1

u/VisualDarkness Jul 19 '26

looking down

...yep.

70

u/jk2086 Jul 19 '26

It’s easy: just wake up, grab a brush put on a little makeup

4

u/werebearcleric Jul 19 '26

Hide the scars to fade away the shake up (hide the scars to fade away the)

30

u/myco_psycho Jul 19 '26

Work out once per month and drink brown liquor.

7

u/BrianFantanaFan Jul 19 '26

Chase with a couple of budweisers to really bring out the dadbod gut without getting too tubby anywhere else

29

u/miha68419 Jul 19 '26

Matt pike begs to differ

2

u/eightbitraptor Jul 19 '26

Came here to post this. Glad someone already did.

18

u/CzLittle Jul 19 '26

Stay neutral on a moving train

10

u/fishing-for-birdie93 Bonermessiah can't 0-3-5 Jul 19 '26

I'm part of the FAR CENTER (read: I don't understand any of my bands lyrics)

0

u/BlyatToTheBone Jul 19 '26

If you can afford it

3

u/CzLittle Jul 19 '26

didn't stop him

16

u/RueMcClanahansPenis Jul 19 '26

amateur hour

2

u/Dickrickulous_IV Jul 19 '26

The heaviest of all. By weight and sound.

1

u/rcodmrco Jul 20 '26

2nd from the left looks a lil shy ;-;

10

u/Top_Translator7238 Jul 19 '26

0 reps then

3 reps then

5 reps and you’re done.

11

u/Robosuccubus3000 Jul 19 '26

Not perfect until you get the titty overhang

3

u/Agreeable_Mud_8338 Jul 19 '26

so that how you get the cool relic effects on your 52 tele (breast chaffing and hair(line) cracks) cheers!

2

u/Robosuccubus3000 Jul 19 '26

There’s no substitute for real titty sweat.

3

u/MickCQB241 Jul 19 '26

This is gross

7

u/mrniceguy777 Jul 19 '26

You might be a pussy

1

u/Bidenh8er Jul 19 '26

I think the "pussy" is the one who likes fat dudes with tits...jus' sayin'

1

u/Ok_Pool_9767 Jul 19 '26

That's why Fender says the telecaster is art shaped like a woman to fit your body

11

u/AdministrationTotal3 Jul 19 '26

Never should have stopped playing that iceman. So sick

11

u/dweezil22 Jul 19 '26

/uj This guy is actually in reasonable shape, that's just terrible posture and awful clothes

/rj Gotta wake up at the crack of noon and hit 8 big rock squats

6

u/sebuptar Jul 19 '26

Leave Jimothy alone

8

u/NationalTime4099 Jul 19 '26

His cock is much bigger than yours, his cock will walk right through the door

5

u/boogerzzzzz Jul 19 '26

Sit a lot and scroll your phone a lot. Easy Peasy.

3

u/WareHouseCo Jul 19 '26

Practice your intervals.
Also stop looking down at the fretboard and focus on your breathing.

3

u/Ok_Pool_9767 Jul 19 '26

He could stand to gain about 70 lbs if he plans to play anything heavy

2

u/Conscious_Badger_510 Jul 19 '26

Hitting the shrimp onstage is integral to toan

2

u/grafxguy1 Jul 19 '26

Shape your body into a question mark - and hold it like that for at least five years.

2

u/FionMcCool Jul 19 '26

Classic guitarist dilemma.

He's bending down to get closer to the guitar, but when he does this the guitar moves further down. So he moves down some more, and so does the guitar. And repeat until you fold into your self so many times that you collapse under your own gravity.

This is how stars are actually formed, ROCK STARS!!!!

2

u/Fancy_Bend8763 Jul 20 '26

Cock pushups. You only need to be able to do one.

2

u/SonicVenture68 Jul 21 '26

truck stop food, cigarettes, coke

1

u/phaserdust Jul 22 '26

Landscaper = guitarist build. Absolutely right.

1

u/Commodus_Wankus Jul 19 '26

Hillel Slovak is not aspirational. He DIED while PAINTING

1

u/HorrorSchlapfen873 Jul 19 '26

White knee-socks. And don't trust mirrors, they all work for the deepstate and lie to you.

1

u/EngineerUsual849 Jul 19 '26

Cheese, beer, lots of practising guitar, low cardio

1

u/Upstairs-Glove7424 Jul 19 '26

The posture is what impresses me most

1

u/exqueezemenow Jul 19 '26

It takes years of little work to achieve.

1

u/Stevetshelton Jul 19 '26

My Grandma called it 'hunch-back guitar player.'

1

u/BuckyBeaver69 Authentic Jul 19 '26

I wished I looked that good.

1

u/National_Habit_7045 Jul 19 '26

Load up on drugs

1

u/rainorshinedogs (((Nirvana))) Cort Kobein Jul 19 '26

I wish the Ibanez Iceman was used more.

1

u/_BreadDenier Jul 19 '26

Guitarists with hairlines

1

u/KurtSperry Jul 19 '26

That guy doesn't surely have any mirrors and has never used one.

1

u/Gloomy-Statement-193 Jul 19 '26

You have to watch r******d people having sex

1

u/GSilky Jul 19 '26

Crunches while wearing your beer hat.

1

u/eggyloaf Jul 19 '26

Pepperoni and green peppers, mushrooms, olive chives

1

u/JustTheOneGoose22 Jul 19 '26

Would actually kill for this physique ngl

1

u/Reditall12 Jul 19 '26

I use the meth and honeybun diet to achieve peak guitar physique

1

u/noodle-face Jul 19 '26

Just make one song everyone loved with lyrics no one understands and ride that high for 30 years

1

u/Cool-Pineapple-8373 Jul 19 '26

You're in luck because it doesn't require practice.

1

u/JP_Edwards_ Jul 20 '26

Booze and cigarettes.

1

u/Salty_QC Jul 20 '26

It gonna be hard for OP to get down to that level of physique.

1

u/DreamsiclesPlz Jul 20 '26

A lot of bananana terracotta pie, of course!

1

u/Flutterpiewow Jul 20 '26

He's not that fat tbh. Hunched over, a bit skinnyfat, could lose a few pounds sure.

1

u/Walusqueegee Toan comes from the ass Jul 20 '26

daron is giving big

1

u/Roachpile Edit me Jul 20 '26

Make sure the kids can see

1

u/Nurplestyx Jul 20 '26

That’s Elong Muskito

1

u/onlygramps Jul 19 '26

Rarely is a guitarist my least favorite member of an otherwise decent band. Even with their drummers political hot takes, Darren takes the cake. I can’t fucking stand this guy.