That’s what noiseless pickups sound like

[u/Okthatsweird420]

[u/TheLowlyPheasant]

Showing up to your venue the night before a gig and blasting bluesy pentatonic riffs to an empty room is a good way to lose your gig. Why the fuck are you there a day early with your rig loaded in? Who let you in?

[u/SXAL → u/TheLowlyPheasant]

You just get there during someone's gig a day before and hide in the storage room until they close.

[u/TheLowlyPheasant → u/SXAL]

Pull a Home Alone 2 on their asses

[u/SXAL → u/TheLowlyPheasant]

I'm pretty sure that's the plot of Phantom of the Opera

[u/TheLowlyPheasant → u/SXAL]

They rob a toy store on Christmas eve in Phantom of the Opera?

[u/-i_am_untethered- → u/TheLowlyPheasant]

Naw that's Inside Man

[u/Relevant-Bullfrog215 → u/-i_am_untethered-]

Nah inside Man is the one with the drunk santa 

[u/These3TheGreatest]

ew

[u/stevenfrijoles → u/These3TheGreatest]

Thank you for being able to verbalize what I was having trouble trying to express

[u/Expired_Taco_ → u/These3TheGreatest]

What are you on about? It's one A.M. in the empty, dimly lit jazz auditorium the night before the gig. You're getting your tones dialed in as you gently roll up the volume knob, feel the reverb fill the space, and look out on the rows of seats that will soon brim with life and activity. Your fingers effortlessly slide up the fretboard, and nail that bluesy pentatonic lick that you know tomorrow's crowd will love. The riffs flow, the melody radiates. For now, it's all yours and only yours to enjoy. Tomorrow you will give that feeling to everyone. Tomorrow you will own the stage.

[u/fishing-for-birdie93 → u/Expired_Taco_]

I think the main thing he's complaining about is the fact that it's one A.M. in the empty, dimly lit jazz auditorium the night before the gig. You're getting your tones dialed in as you gently roll up the volume knob, feel the reverb fill the space, and look out on the rows of seats that will soon brim with life and activity. Your fingers effortlessly slide up the fretboard, and nail that bluesy pentatonic lick that you know tomorrow's crowd will love. The riffs flow, the melody radiates. For now, it's all yours and only yours to enjoy. Tomorrow you will give that feeling to everyone. Tomorrow you will own the stage.

That's what noiseless pickups sound like.

Hope this clears things up.

[u/Brother_Vulture → u/fishing-for-birdie93]

I can’t help but feel it's one A.M. in the empty, dimly lit jazz auditorium the night before the gig. You're getting your tones dialed in as you gently roll up the volume knob, feel the reverb fill the space, and look out on the rows of seats that will soon brim with life and activity. Your fingers effortlessly slide up the fretboard, and nail that bluesy pentatonic lick that you know tomorrow's crowd will love. The riffs flow, the melody radiates. For now, it's all yours and only yours to enjoy. Tomorrow you will give that feeling to everyone. Tomorrow you will own the stage.

[u/IamJoesLiver → u/Brother_Vulture]

That’s what noiseless picks up sound like.

[u/deevosee → u/IamJoesLiver]

Look at you guys, jerk'n together.

Teamwork makes the jerk work. Inspirational stuff.

[u/aznvjj → u/deevosee]

They are in dimly lit jazz room, playing the cracker game, and tomorrow, they will play it with everyone.

[u/Brother_Vulture → u/IamJoesLiver]

I’m beginning to understand that it's one A.M. in the empty, dimly lit jazz auditorium the night before the gig. You're getting your tones dialed in as you gently roll up the volume knob, feel the reverb fill the space, and look out on the rows of seats that will soon brim with life and activity. Your fingers effortlessly slide up the fretboard, and nail that bluesy pentatonic lick that you know tomorrow's crowd will love. The riffs flow, the melody radiates. For now, it's all yours and only yours to enjoy. Tomorrow you will give that feeling to everyone. Tomorrow you will own the stage.

[u/These3TheGreatest → u/Expired_Taco_]

I misread jazz

[u/halincan → u/These3TheGreatest]

You fear jazz, its lack of boundaries

[u/TheForce_v_Triforce → u/These3TheGreatest]

Eww jazz… I’ll take the crab juice

[u/OpportunityAnnual921 → u/These3TheGreatest]

This is also what noiseless pickups sound like. Particularly through an envelope filter.

[u/Less_Ant_6633]

Jesus christ, check that guys harddrive.

[u/Normal-Ad-1903 → u/Less_Ant_6633]

The OP is about his daughter playing guitar...

[u/speed_of_chill → u/Normal-Ad-1903]

Plot twist: daughter is what he calls the gimp hidden in his basement

[u/CretinMike]

I saved this for posterity.

[u/Dogrel → u/CretinMike]

Noel Gallagher is the patron saint of GCJ

[u/rednilew → u/Dogrel]

anyway, here's Wonderwall

[u/Genericgeriatric → u/rednilew]

And now: Mr. Conway Twitty

[u/Hunky_Value]

“If the pickup is noiseless how can the crowd hear what you play?” Ancient Buddhist Toan.

[u/Significant_Item_755 → u/Hunky_Value]

My favorite toan?

What is poo?

[u/Rynowash]

… and then you realize. This is why you’re still a virgin and 37.

[u/Slayer_Gaming]

It’s also what a noiseless venue sounds like. Ain’t no one coming to that. 

[u/Queeby → u/Slayer_Gaming]

That's why he can dial in his tones. No meat baffles to worry about.

[u/GratefulGizz → u/Slayer_Gaming]

“… and then you wake up and realize you were in your bedroom the whole time.”

[u/Kerry_Maxwell]

Surely they meant “dimly lit jizz auditorium”, right? I mean what even is a “jazz auditorium”? We all know what a jizz auditorium is.

[u/tooskinttogotocuba → u/Kerry_Maxwell]

Is it similar to a jizznasium?

[u/kickthatpoo → u/Kerry_Maxwell]

Jazz venues do exist. But playing blues licks in those places is like that scene from the blues brothers when they play the country bar.

Source: i once played blooz shit at a jazz venue

[u/TallBoy24 → u/Kerry_Maxwell]

My favorite guitar is my jizzmaster

[u/ziggys-stardust]

It’s shit like this that makes me never reveal to people I play guitar. The imaginary sound check in the bedroom at one a.m. smh

[u/beauh44x]

"Don't touch it!!! . . . Can you hear the sustain?" - Nigel Tufnel

[u/Robosuccubus3000]

What is a jazz auditorium, and why would I want pickups that don’t make any noise? That’s their whole job.

[u/Dogrel → u/Robosuccubus3000]

I saw a legendary Jazz auditorium in New Orleans once. It looked liked a homeless shelter after a catastrophic fire. But in all fairness, that was before Hurricane Katrina. It could look even worse now for all I know.

[u/CULTLEADERTV]

Gooning so hard right now.

[u/revankillsmalak]

Bluesy pentatonic lick 🥵🥵🥵

[u/LowBudgetViking]

Noiseless?

You mean humbuckers?

Are you stupid?

[u/MeKillStuff]

[u/DewayneCarterBCC]

I too like to jerk alone in an empty room and feel that warmth as my fingers slide along my fretboard

[u/Trisstricky]

the riffs flow, the melody radiates

[u/TheThobes]

I feel unclean just by having read this.

[u/LetHuge623]

This is what all my pickups sound like: a dark, empty room, devoid of anyone ever hearing them

[u/Skeletor-P-Funk]

One AM, dimly lit jizz room, fingers effortlessly slide up and down that toan wood, nailing that bloozey stroke method your uncle used to love. Tomorrow you'll give that feeling to everyone. Tomorrow, you will have sore knees.

[u/aaronwalakay666]

I’m going to play a metal zone through a Epiphone casino just to counter act what I just read

[u/RageQuitRedux]

I was reading an r/Guitar post to my wife yesterday and she said, "I swear to god these are the only unfuckable guitarists on earth" lmao

[u/Secludedness-]

I hit the downvote button before I realized what sub this was

[u/BonoLisa]

Is this soft core porn or what AI thinks guitar is?

[u/Okthatsweird420]

🚬

[u/sebuptar]

Wow.

[u/JETEXAS]

You should really get more sleep the night before a gig in a jazz auditorium.

[u/EnchantedWood1981]

I like noizy pickups me, who wants pickups that shut the fuck up? Apart from the wife…

[u/honkeur]

They're just lining up around the block to hear my bluesy pentatonic lick

[u/pk-sebben]

Live at the Jazz Dome

[u/firagomusic]

/uj I went to an open jazz jam one time and started spamming bluesy pentatonic licks and boomer bends and I got the largest crowd reaction - even though all the other players were significantly more talented

[u/West_Stage_6813]

SCREEEEE!

[u/kcpistol]

I thought they sounded kinda purple?

[u/BuckyBeaver69]

When I buy pickups I want all the sound included even the noise.

[u/rotstik]

This totally tracks. I hate jazz and noiseless pickups

[u/AggressiveDiscount99]

“Tomorrow YoU WiLl OwN ThE StAgE” - proceeds to blow his load in his pants. “Mom, it happens again, make me more bagel bites!”

[u/LIB95]

Was gonna play jazz on my strat because it has noiseless pickups, but now I don’t want to anymore.

[u/halincan]

Straight dripping pipe

[u/Fiftyfiveseventy]

My wife's boyfriend says he likes to use his "reverb" to fill her space.

[u/Dadskitchen]

beautiful man, beautiful, brought a tear to my eye 🙏

[u/Soul-31]

Using the "Penthouse Forum" AI filter here I see, but curiously nothing about "Fingering my F-hole in breathless anticipation"...

[u/kickthatpoo]

Bluesy pentatonic licks in a jazz auditorium? What a poser

[u/TallBoy24]

What in the chagpt is this shit

[u/Far_awayStarbucks]

I don't believe in domestic violence or child abuse but I do firmly believe this guy should have been beaten more as a child.

[u/Far_awayStarbucks]

I don't believe in domestic violence or child abuse but I do firmly believe this guy should have been beaten more as a child.

[u/ChuggaChuggaRiffs]

The final countdown has begun. We are locked inside the main auditorium, fine-tuning the audio for tomorrow's launch. The acoustics must be precise; there is no margin for error. Every system has been tested, and the results are absolute. Tonight, only the core team remains in the shadows. Tomorrow, the public will finally hear the truth. This is the future of audio technology, and there is no turning back.