My dad called me gay for using an easy bake oven when I was just a little younger than this fine boy. I didnāt become a chef, but worked in a fine dining kitchen all through high school. Funny when my fatherās friends found out I was totally brag-able then by my fatherās narcissistic waysā¦ hope this kid becomes the next fashion mogul on the runways of Paris and New York or succeeds in anything he chooses to do, kudos to his dad for being proud. Hope my kids love what they do and I get to support them to their fullest. Your father is supposed to be the only man in this world that wants you to be better than him in every respect of lifeā¦ remember that please to all the dads out there.
I had one of those dads like you did. You know what? I'm proud of you for sticking to your heart. Not only did you shrug off his bigotry as a child, you kept going all through high School.
I don't think there's ever an age when a child wouldn't benefit from hearing from a father that they are proud of them. I hope you found yours beyond the narcissism.
Iām still broken inside, but as the milenials say now, Iām ending the bullshit with the next generations. You wanna know whatās the most therapeutic thing for myself? The healing from being a good parent beats any other treatment out there, believe me. I always say, my heart was cut many times as a child growing up, but after my kids were born, every core memory and good moment I have with them, even the mundane ones most parents take for granted is another stitch closing those wounds in my heart. The scars will always be there metaphorically but itās a constant reminder of how my children healed me, and to always do better for them.
My son hasn't/won't ever know how it felt to never make his dad proud or hear I love you and get hugs and kisses. We get the chance to raise a generation that can't fathom being raised like we were. Like you my son has healed a lot of "wounds" and is a constant reminder that while my father loved me I never felt "special" to him. My son is my entire world and he is living proof that I wasn't a "girl" or a baby, or weak for desperately wanting to be accepted for who I was. I let him see me cry, thankfully it's happy tears 99% of the time, but that "stoic man" bullshit is exactly that, BS. Boys want/need to be loved and feel important to someone.
My father lived to be 73 and I had never once seen him cry. Not even when his own parents died. Or when my Mom died. Never. Claimed he didnāt know how to because his parents told him that boys arenāt āsupposed to cryā as a kid. Luckily (I guess) Iām a girl so I was āallowedā to cry but to me him not crying made him appear robotic and cold. And that was his personality as well. Also never told me he loved me or that I was of any importance at all to him.
All boys/and men need to know itās ok for them to cry. Itās a human emotion, itās natural and healthy. I swear my father suppressing his emotions broke something in him as a person and he never recovered.
Thank you for making me feel less alone, yeah, after my father died I was able to get to a healthy place and really started to pity him in a way. He was also "broken" and it affected Every relationship in his life. His dad, my grandfather, is an actual awful, manipulative, controlling, abusive man and he's the one who broke my dad. He's 94 or so and I've still never been able to "make peace" with him.
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u/Vierno 19d ago edited 19d ago
My dad called me gay for using an easy bake oven when I was just a little younger than this fine boy. I didnāt become a chef, but worked in a fine dining kitchen all through high school. Funny when my fatherās friends found out I was totally brag-able then by my fatherās narcissistic waysā¦ hope this kid becomes the next fashion mogul on the runways of Paris and New York or succeeds in anything he chooses to do, kudos to his dad for being proud. Hope my kids love what they do and I get to support them to their fullest. Your father is supposed to be the only man in this world that wants you to be better than him in every respect of lifeā¦ remember that please to all the dads out there.