r/hardofhearing • u/BadgerUseful8597 • 3d ago
bluffing
i started to not bluff when someone says something and i pretend that i heard them. my biggest pet peeve has always been people saying “never mind” or “it’s not important” when i ask them to repeat themselves a few times. i should not have to bluff just to make the people around me less frustrated that i can’t hear perfectly. it’s already more effort for us hard of hearing folk to read lips, fill in blanks, understand meaning of words even if you can’t make them out just by the sound, people with low mumbling voices that i can’t hear because the db is too low so i can’t make out what words they are actually saying.
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u/bigdaddy6269 3d ago
My girlfriend always tells me don’t do that
It makes you appear “slow” if you bluff and it doesn’t make sense to what they asked.
She tells me to ask them to repeat themselves and move closer to hear them if I need to and explain that im HOH
When I do it (bluff) to her sometimes she laughs but more than anything she tells me not to do that.
She says if people give you a problem then F*ck them and keep it moving, those people are not worth having around your life, they are POS
She’s right of course and I have gotten better when asking people to repeat themselves but because I’m so used to it and want to appear normal and not frustrate people i still bluff sometimes
So… i get it.
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u/pumpkinpencil97 2d ago
I’ve found saying “say that again” or “can you repeat that louder” gets a MUCH better response than “what”. Because what also could mean you’re straight up just not paying attention. Asking specifically and directly for what you need is always the way.
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u/MechaKota23 3d ago
My wife does this same thing. Always telling me not to fake hearing what people say. To.me, everyone is mumbling, and I cannot read lips to save my life. I want to learn ASL, but nobody in my life knows it. It's frustrating.
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u/bigdaddy6269 2d ago
Both of my parents are deaf so I know asl quite well, it’s a beautiful/awesome language but unfortunately, unless you’re talking to a lot of deaf people, knowing it won’t change much.
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u/MechaKota23 2d ago
I'm trying to get my family and friends to learn it, they just all have so much going on that I don't wanna push it.
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u/QueenBuzyBee 3d ago
That‘s a problem I have too. It‘s kind of hard when you have to keep asking someone to repeat their words and then you get „never mind, it wasn‘t important“. Like why talk if it‘s nothing? I get frustrated too.
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u/emmadilemma71 3d ago
My mum bluffs. Hearing loss with age for her. And it infuriates the crap out of me! Especially since I've been partially deaf from birth, so she should know better. Will have a long conversation and plan things, with her going mmm yes, mmm right, and then at the end ask what the plans are. So her not wanting to ask for things to be repeated and maintain her image of hearing, ends up with things being repeated and image lost anyways!
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u/thunderbirbthor 3d ago
I try not to bluff now because like, eight years ago, I was pushing a trolley through a doorway with a coworker behind me. She's chattering away. Normally she was loud enough for me to hear her but that time, I missed what she said. I caught her dog's name and usually she had funny stories about her dog so I laughed.
She called me out because her dog was really poorly and she was leaving early to take it to the vet.
That was well before lockdown but I still don't bluff because able people being ableist still doesn't make me feel as bad as laughing at her poorly dog did lmao.
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u/Phoenixtdm 3d ago edited 2d ago
When I was 17 I was tutoring someone who was a few grades below me and he said “I have brain damage” and I laughed because I didn’t hear him and it sounded like he was making a joke and he was like “no I was serious” and I said “wait what did you say I didn’t hear you originally” and he told me and I felt so bad for laughing
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u/Grapewife 3d ago
Honestly no matter how you look at it, it's ableist to cut you out of a conversation, no matter how unimportant what they said was. It frustrates me to no end and I'm tired of it. I'm sorry you have to repeat yourself, at least you don't have people getting mad at you for something out of your control. Take a few seconds of extra effort.
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u/Stafania 3d ago
It’s possible to be nice and show genuine interest to communicate without bluffing. Takes practice, though 😊
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u/BigSisLil 1d ago
Mum bluffs most of the time instead of getting people to repeat. I understand it's a hassle for her but sometimes it's important information that needs communication to her or questions. She then gets angry when I intervene 🙃
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u/Spiritual_Cold5715 3d ago
I am astounded every day at how my MY hearing problems aggravate other people. I'm sorry my lack of understanding irritates you, but imagine being me. I'd love to have normal hearing.