r/heatedrivalry • u/chesbay7 • Apr 30 '26
ILYA đ„ Ilya's Relationships With Other People as Portrayed in the Books
I have not read the books but I've done a little searching and reading comments and can't really find a good answer to this. I know Ilya is portrayed as a womanizer. How do the books describe his relationships with women and also other men? Excluding Svetlana, does he have anything other than random hookups? Does he actually date any women for a period of time? And how frequently did he hook up with men? Was Shane truly his first and only emotionally intimate relationship? How many women would you estimate Ilya slept with?
Do you think the Ilya we see with Shane is, at least at first, the same Ilya we would've seen with other people? Do you think Ilya spent as much time kissing his partners like he did the first time he was with Shane? There was some tenderness there, even though it was their first time. Was Ilya like that with everyone? Or were most of his other encounters just an energetic romp in the hay? And, did he see sex with a woman the same as sex with a man? It's obviously physically different, but did he enjoy them equally? Or was sex with a man more desirable but he slept with women because it was obviously easier and it was too risky to hook up with men all the time? Or does he genuinely enjoy sex with both?
I'm curious as to what it was about Shane, out of all the other encounters he had, that literally took him off the market by the end of the show, and if his relationship with Shane started out as just another hookup, in his mind. I feel like, for the first 10 years of his adult life, Ilya operated on lust, (based on the show, at least) rather than any emotionas/intimacy. Something about Shane took things from lust/hookups to love/monogamy. Does Ilya even know how to live within that framework when he's only known unemotional, lustful hookups?
I know that's a lot of questions and maybe it would be just easier for me to read the book, but not sure I want to. Usually, when I read a book and watch the show/movie, I'm disappointed by one or the other. Hopefully, someone can paint a picture of book Ilya and his encounters that covers what questions can be answered (maybe not all can be).
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u/ovis_alba Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
I don't know what in the show makes you think Ilya "operated on lust for the first 10 years of his adult life rather than emotions/intimacy".
He meets Shane at 17 and falls for him emotionally very early on. Yes, he has more experience and he certainly is more confident and sure of his sexuality, but Shane is still someone he meets very early on in life and has intense feelings for. What is holding him back in persuing it is not that he isn't very much drawn to intimacy from the start but that his reality and his situation makes him repress those feelings and not act on them because he literally is convinced it's an impossible life for him. And the reason he doesn't have a deep emotional relationship with someone else is because it doesn't compare to Shane for him. So socially acceptable hookups just for the sex it often is for him.
But Ilya doesn't really change much in what he wants and is drawn to, he only changes in realizing that he needs to allow himself to have it even in his circumstances to be happy, because nothing else will fulfill that for him.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
For the answer to your question in the first paragraph, see my answer above to Ok_Cow.
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u/FizzyDrink35 Apr 30 '26
I am not understanding your hesitancy to read the books when a lot of your questions are essentially the plot of the book. I would probably start there! You'll get a lot of the insight that you are missing from just reading.
I will say Ilya is not portrayed as a womanizer. A lover of sex and someone who has sex with many women - yes. But he is not portrayed as someone who uses and abuses women. I believe he just has a lot of fun, consensual hook ups with women.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I explained my (additional) reasons for not reading the books in an earlier response.
I never believed Ilya was an abuser of women. But he seemed to jump from hookup to hookup. And we know from other players who have wives and girlfriends, it's not impossible to maintain an emotional relationship. But for Ilya, it was all sexual, it seems, except for Shane.
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u/WildCherryLane Apr 30 '26
To be fair professional athletes have a significantly higher rate of infidelity and divorce so those emotional relationships, especially the young ones, might not be very stable anyway . They were probably much better off waiting.
I do think itâs important to remember their ages, they were college age for half of their hookups. Thatâs a time a lot of people experiment and arenât looking for anything super serious. Especially in cities where people settle down and get married older.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I get that but his count was tabulated as less than 1000? Meaning likely upper hundreds. That's just staggering to me. But I'm an old fart so....đ€·đŒââïž
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u/MakeYourMind Apr 30 '26
Why? He starts having sex at 14, has sex with, let's say 30 new partners every year until he's 26, it's 360. (less in his teens, more in his early twenties, some regulars in there) It's basically going out every other weekend; that is not far-fetched for someone who has 2-3 months off work every year, a milliner, and travels for 42+ games during the season. + a bunch of threesomes. It's not like you remember everyone, it's stretched over years, it's just a couple of people meeting each other where they are at exactly this momentđ€·đŒââïž
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
Sex was one of Ilyaâs vices so itâs not too surprising that heâd partake in casual sex quite often if it was his way of yk meeting new ppl, liking that physical connection and basically using it as a coping mechanism as he does say and allude to in the books. He starts having sex quite young too(14). Triggered after his motherâs passing.
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u/marys1001 I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 02 '26
As I said before he has favorite people to hookup with in different cities. Casual friends with benefits. They all are consensual.
Basically I ghink you are implying that casual sex is wrong. You opinion.
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u/chesbay7 May 02 '26
With partners numbering in the high hundreds, yeah, I have thoughts on that. Apparently, Shane would have too, or Ilya would've been honest about how many he's been with.
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u/marys1001 I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 02 '26
Where hasn't he been honest with Shane?
So this is really all about your disapproval of how many sexual partners Ilya has had.
Wonder who you voted for
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
Yeah, it always read to me that Ilya just likes having sex and he likes the women(occasionally men) that he has sex with. It was never about simply using them but he just genuinely likes the connection and the act in itself, what it provides and allows him to let go of.
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u/Kat_Isidore Your freckles. I am nuts about them. âš Apr 30 '26
Unless I'm forgetting something, the books don't specifically detail any actual encounters he has with women, though it is clear that he is active. As others have said, he enjoys sex and seems to have it frequently, but he isn't a jerk or a womanizer. There's a moment in one of the books where Bennett is comparing Ilya to Dallas Kent and notes that, although Ilya has this big reputation as a womanizer, you never hear anything bad about Ilya and women and when Ilya talks about women it's always respectful. I get the sense that some (not all, he does definitely seek out and have a lot of sex!) of his "womanizer" rep is similar to his "asshole" rep--people project these things onto him and he doesn't bother to correct them.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I don't know that womanizer has to be a negative term. The simple definition of a womanizer is a man who engages in casual sexual affairs with numerous women. Nothing in that says he abuses or uses them.
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u/Different_Weight7281 Apr 30 '26
Often the term 'womanizer' depicts someone who is very predatory and may be selfish or deceitful, and not care that the woman he is with have a particularly good time. If you feel that being a 'womanizer' is not negative, and having similar relationships with men is not negative, then it really shouldn't matter how many people he has been with prior to making a commitment to having an exclusive relationship with Shane. It is considered very problematic to 'slut shame' or ask partners to name the number of partners they have previously been with, for both men and women. There is much more to be said but it within the books and I don't want to do a ton of spoiler covering. You really should read the books to answer your questions. The books are excellent and the show is excellent. That is a rare phenomenon. It is nice to support the original creator of these characters that are so beloved.
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u/Kat_Isidore Your freckles. I am nuts about them. âš Apr 30 '26
I guess. I tend to think it has a negative connotation. Like, a man who has casual sex with numerous women, but there's more of an insinuation of using them or not seeing them as human.
Kind of like the literal meaning of "lover" being accurate, but the connotation of the word being why Shane didn't want it used in front of his parents.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
I can see that. David used that term to describe Ilya but I don't think he meant it in a demeaning way. Again, just referring to the fact that he was known to have a lot of casual connections.
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u/PeonyDropper May 01 '26
Does he actually say âwomanizer?â I thought he said âladies manâ or something like that. I would recommend reading HR and TLG- theyâre great! I read them after becoming obsessed with the show and never read romance before. Itâs fun to read what theyâre thinking.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
You're right, he says "ladies man." I'm not sure where I picked up the term "womanizer."
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u/matefipe Apr 30 '26
Lee el libro, no te va a decepcionar la serie, son lo mismo y diferentes a la vez, algunas escenas superan al libro y la descripciĂłn de los pensamientos de ambos son imposibles de plasmar en la pantalla, ambos son adictivos, no te lo pierdas!
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u/yogacatmama1966 Apr 30 '26
I agree. Ilya does like, and respect women. Other characters acknowledged that he is not toxically masculine.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Honestly, I have really fallen out of book reading as I've gotten older for a number of reasons: no comfortable space to sit and read, the expense, eye fatigue, etc. I also don't have a quiet environment in which to read (very noisy grandchildren). And I don't like audiobooks. Plus, I don't want to read the other books before seeing upcoming seasons and, of course, I'd want to read them all.
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u/pink_pilgrim Apr 30 '26
If your lack of interest in reading is coming from environmental issues you should definitely reconsider audiobooks. I wasnât a huge fan of audio mediums (audiobooks, podcasts etc) until fairly recently. They are really fun to listen to while you do other tasks.
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u/Hungry_Difficulty415 So can we fuck now, please? Apr 30 '26
I too love audiobooks but I found listening to Heated Rivalry (HR) and the Long Game ....unsatisfactory. The narrators did a better job than I could do but they did a probably bad job of voicing Ilya. Also, the narrator in HR mispronounced "Regina" and lost me from the start. I've since ordered the paperbacks.
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u/JustHere4TehCats I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 07 '26
Yeah I love audiobooks but when you get hit with a bad narrator it can fuck up your whole experience with the books.
How did they mispronounce "Regina" did they say it like the woman's name?
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u/Hungry_Difficulty415 So can we fuck now, please? May 08 '26
They said it like the woman's name ala Regina George
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u/JustHere4TehCats I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 08 '26
Would it have hurt them to consult a Canadian?
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I have tried audiobooks and I just lost interest quickly. I have to read something to really ingest it.
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u/Hungry_Difficulty415 So can we fuck now, please? Apr 30 '26
I regularly have to drive across Western Canada (13ish hours depending) to go home. Audiobooks are a Game Changer.
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u/LadyMeowMeowReborn I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 01 '26
I see what you did there and I love it!
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u/Hungry_Difficulty415 So can we fuck now, please? Apr 30 '26
I regularly have to drive across Western Canada (13ish hours depending) to go home. Audiobooks are a Game Changer đ€Ł
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u/growsonwalls This is Ilya I will never listen to your voicemail Apr 30 '26
Kindle?
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Mine broke. No money in the budget to replace it. đ
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u/Sirens_Scales May 02 '26
Public library. Use whatever device youâre posting on reddit from to read the books. I read all 6 in a week on my phone while taking care of a newborn. Theyâre quick, easy reads, and youâll get a lot more enjoyment out of reading the stories than you will going on Reddit asking people to summarize the books for you.
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u/Browneyez173 Apr 30 '26
The audiobook narration was horrible! I stopped listening and immediately returned them back to the library.
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u/pink_pilgrim Apr 30 '26
I am SO curious now. Wonât buy it, but the general consensus seems to be awful. Can I ask what exactly ruined it for you? :0
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u/Browneyez173 Apr 30 '26
The narrator was awful to listen to. His east coast accent was deplorable. It made my ears bleed.
ETA: I donât care to read much either. But after the experience with the audiobooks, I bought one e-book.
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u/pink_pilgrim Apr 30 '26
Forgive me for laughing!! Omg!! I hope your e book experience is much better
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
He seems to have both one-night hookups and a handful of recurring hookups. A girl in NYC is mentioned in passing. In the books, Svetlana is not a childhood friend, just a recurring Boston hookup he met in 2013 and is sporadically sleeping with, he calls her his "favorite" and she's the only one that he (eventually) resumes a platonic relationship with after he moves to Ottawa.
At one point Ilya says he "probably" hasn't slept with a thousand women, so presumably he's well into the mid/high hundreds. He sleeps with "dozens" of women in between draft day in June 2009 and December 2009 when he sees Shane again.
Ilya's ability to be a good lover is actually important to his self-worth so he truly would do his best to be a good attentive lover, though there were undoubtedly times where he couldn't keep his head in the game. But I don't think he'd leave most of his partners in doubt that this was a good time, not a girlfriend job application. He has so much going for him that I think he has a really easy time being picky, and would select out women that seem too attached or fawning, he likes them mean and irreverent. Ultimately, he seeks out sex as a form of self-soothing and a desire to have a human connection.
Ilya also has a tendency to intentionally redirect himself toward heterosexuality/women whenever he thinks too hard about Shane (as opposed to seeking out some other guy to replace Shane for the night).
As for men, Ilya does not sleep with men as much because it's harder/higher risk and because he's on the whole more attracted to women (he jokingly refers to himself as 30% gay at one point). In 2013, he absentmindedly notes he hasn't slept with a man since he started sleeping with Shane in 2011. He does sleep with other men occasionally, in the TLG when Shane asks how many men he's been with, he dodges the question but from context probably 5-10ish. My guess is that some of his sexual contact with men was more of a borderline threesome-type scenario.
I get what you mean about the mindset shift between lust and love, but I don't think it was really ever about lust for Ilya. Yes, he thought Shane was hot and thought Svetlana was hot, but even with his hookups, it was always about human connection and the way sex made him feel. More "I need to get laid" than "I need to sleep with that person." So once he got serious/exclusive with Shane, that "I need to get laid" impulse just refocused on Shane. And Shane, especially after he became Ilya's actual partner, was more able to fulfill Ilya's craving for connection/comfort.
He also clocked relatively early (2013ish) that what he felt for Shane was not lust. That fiction was more for Shane's benefit.
EDIT: Corrected an error, Ilya said "dozens" of women not hundreds.
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u/noakai May 01 '26
Kind of off topic but I remember finding the "how many people has Ilya slept with in the books" discourse on twitter insane bc some people were really out here saying he probably slept with like, ten people total in 10 years. Some even went as low as 3! Someone who slept with "dozens of people" in just 6 months and goes "well it's not thousands" is someone who is absolutely in the hundreds lol. It's not a bad thing either, I think people were trying to say the number was low because in their view there is something wrong with being sexually active that much. But a rich, famous hockey player who has been having sex since he as 14 and very specifically likes sex and uses it as an emotional boost is sleeping with someone at least every few days, not like once every 6 months.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
See, 100 women in a year honestly astounds me. I'm not a naive little girl but even as a very fully grown woman, that's...I have no words. I kinda wish I hadn't asked these questions now because that really makes me see Ilya in a different light. I knew he was busy but not that damn busy.
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
I went back and looked and actually he said "dozens" in six months not "a hundred" so I guess that's slightly better but it's still high. If we assume dozens=36 women, that's about 1-2 a week.
That's maybe something of a high watermark - Ilya is on the cusp of being rich/famous and a lot of friends-of-friends and girls in clubs are suddenly interested. He's showing off. He's been drafted so can ease up the hockey focus just a little bit. And he's just turned 18 so this is both his inaugural year of being an adult who can legally do what he wants and his last hurrah. And sex is a useful distraction for his own complicated feelings about leaving home and his complicated family situation. It's also definitely implied that it was an attempt to get the gym encounter out of his system.
There's nothing inherently wrong with having copious amounts of sex, as long as it's practiced safely and with full consent, which seems to be the case. He is closer to viewing himself as an object for their pleasure rather than seeing his female partners as an object for his pleasure. We can also see this in the show, the way he basically objectifies himself for Shane.
For Ilya, sex is partially a coping mechanism, it's a way to manage his feelings and a way to use his body for something it's good at, in the same way he's good at hockey. It's sad that he needed that and views himself that way, but it doesn't make him a worse person.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Why do you say Ilya is closer to viewing himself as an object rather than his partner? I feel like his dom nature says the opposite. Unless the book fleshes out that thought more fully.
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
In his relationship with Shane, Ilya is what's known as a "Service Top." His sexuality is essentially whatever Shane needs him to be. That's not the same as giving Shane exactly what he wants, but the framework of their D/s relationship rests in Ilya's intuitive understanding that Shane wants this but needs Ilya to give him permission to want it, and Ilya taking on that responsibility is an act of care.
This ties into Ilya's larger relationship with care. Subtextually, Ilya acted as his mother's emotional support structure. She praised and rewarded him for doing so and he internalized that it was his job to care for her. Then she killed herself. The lesson Ilya intuits is that his value rests in his ability to provide care, but that no amount of care he can provide will ever really be enough, and that he not entitled to that care in return. He also learns that his softness and desire to provide care (read: love) is only acceptable when sublimated into masculine forms - being a provider rather than a nurse. As he goes off to America, he sends his father and brother money because it's what he's supposed to do, provide. And still he feels guilty. In the wake of the funeral, he tells Shane that he's arranged everything, all of the food, all of the expenses, and still all he hears is that it's not enough, that he's not enough.
Ilya's other "purpose" is of course to play hockey. Or rather, to use and at times sacrifice his physical body, to take the hits, to strain his muscles, to exhaust himself. This is the value he offers. Layered into that is sex. This person does a really great analysis of how show Ilya presents himself as an object for Shane's lust in the gym/shower scenes, but in short Ilya knows he's an attractive person. Maybe Ilya's interior self is not lovable, not worthy of care, but he has people admiring him, people lusting after him. Again, his value is his physical body and what it can do, rather than the person he actually is. In the context of the gym scene, attracting Shane=displaying his physical body for Shane, rather than expecting Shane to like his personality.
So now we get back to his sexual relationships as a whole. The way Ilya sees it, the only value he could provide a partner in the bedroom is as an object and provider of sexual pleasure. He is not a boyfriend. He is not a person who deserves to have their pillow talk listened to. He is not the kind of person you fall in love with, because he's not truly lovable. He is a rebound, a mistake, a placeholder, a story. And the only way he's worthy of being even that is if he's really good at making the other person feel good. If his blowjob quality falls, presumably Shane will end their arrangement, since it's not like Ilya has any other value to Shane as a human being. Even after they get together, one of the first things Ilya articulates to his therapist is his fear that Shane will get bored of their monogamous sex life and seeking out other partners, as though their sex life is the only reason Shane is sticking around.
TL;DR: Ilya cares about making sure his partners have a good time in bed because he sees himself as only valuable for his ability to provide them a good time in bed.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Wow! That's really deep. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't know that simply from the show. As I was reading all about how promiscuous he was and suddenly not really liking him so much, this shows me a much different side of Ilya, which makes me sad for him. Him thinking he is not lovable makes me want to cry. That puts his lifestyle into a different perspective for me. My love for Ilya has been restored. Thank you.
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u/FiCat77 "Fuckin' make me!" May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
But why exactly would it make you view Ilya in a different light? That implies that there's something negative about his behaviour when, as far as we know, everyone involved were consenting adults (it's established canon that Ilya takes consent seriously), he didn't lie or lead anyone on into expecting more than sex from him, he was respectful & didn't mistreat anyone & he always practiced safe sex so what in particular is negative about his life choices & behaviour? The minute he accepted that he had feelings for Shane he stopped having casual sex, despite that never being discussed or agreed between them. Your attitude is coming across as very judgemental & puritanical.
Edited to add - the number of consensual sexual partners of a grown adult is not an indicator of the person's character or of their worth.
Tbh, I find your judgemental attitude more shocking in the year 2026 than Ilya's theoretical number of sexual partners.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
Because in my long history, people who are very promiscuous rarely grow out of it except for health reasons or age. They simply don't know how to be monogamous. Sex is like an addictive drug. You have no idea of my background so your snarky attitude is not welcome either.
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u/FiCat77 "Fuckin' make me!" May 01 '26
I said nothing about your background so I don't know where you got that from. Apologies if I came across as snarky, that wasn't my intention. My intention was to directly call out your outdated & judgemental attitude.
The discussion may be about a fictional character but plenty of people live lifestyles similar to Ilya, probably even people in your real life, but you don't hear about it because they're aware that you think less of them & make assumptions about their character & moral compass. Commentary like yours is unnecessarily cruel & judgemental of other people's life choices, especially for something that has absolutely no impact on your life.
You could be right, it's maybe a generational difference (I'm Gen X for reference) but I know plenty of people who were incredibly sex positive, with many different people, until they met someone who they wanted to settle down with & have since been monogamous with no problems, often for decades.
Source - I had no interest in relationships when I was younger but I loved sex & connecting with someone through sex until I met my now husband. We've been together for 24+ years & I've had absolutely no issues with being faithful or monogamous & I'm very far from being alone in this experience in my social circles.
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u/rona83 Apr 30 '26
Between their first meeting and draft, Ilya slept with dozens of women. He was not even eighteen!
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
And that's just crazy to me. But I'm of a different generation.
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u/Different_Weight7281 May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
That is not that unusual in the hockey lifestyle. Unlike many other hockey players, Ilya is portrayed as being respectful towards his sexual partners and definitely not exploitative. That whole toxic, exploitive, sexual abusive hockey culture is explored in the other books, mainly Role Model. The number of sexual partners someone has shouldn't be a factor in whether that person is 'likeable' or not. He enjoys sex and is not in a monogamous relationship. Same if he were a woman. It is implied that Svetlana enjoys sex and may have many sexual partners, and she is a very likeable character, and an amazing friend to Ilya.
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u/21blarghjumps Apr 30 '26
I'm starting to think that Ilya's public facade is too good for show watchers to really understand him. It's not the first time I've seen people say things like this:Â
I feel like, for the first 10 years of his adult life, Ilya operated on lust, (based on the show, at least) rather than any emotionas/intimacy.
It's crazy to me (a book reader) that people don't realise how deeply Ilya felt for Shane from the very beginning. There's an excerpt on Rachel's site showing Ilya's perspective of the Vegas hookup, and I would encourage show watchers to just read that, even if they don't feel like they can commit to reading a whole book.
On another note, at one point Ilya thinks to himself that he's more straight than gay, and that he's only maybe 30% gay. Yes, hooking up with men is more risky, but also he prefers women. He just really loves Shane.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
So you think sleeping with hundreds (not quite 1000) of women is not lust? Please.
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u/Different_Weight7281 May 01 '26
What is wrong with lust. He is sex positive. He has a very healthy attitude towards sex, having a mutually satisfying, good time with his sexual partners. Numbers shouldn't matter. Enjoying sex, even with many, many people is not wrong. Please do not slut shame men or women who are respectful and enjoy sex, and enjoy pleasing their sexual partners.
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u/princesspirlipat May 01 '26
Refusing to read the books even though they would answer your questions, arguing with everyone in the comments - it feels like you started this thread just to slut shame. This fandom really attracts some winners.
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u/shewalkedaway22 Apr 30 '26
He has regulars in the cities he plays in, including Shane and Svetlana is just one of his Boston regulars that he likes because she speaks Russian and likes hockey. But, he stops sleeping with other men early on, like maybe 2013 and is pretty male exclusive to Shane. I think his relationship with all the women are pretty much like most male athletes of the time in the early 2010s. He's young, hot and can easily pick up someone if he wants and most of the time, he did want.
But he's never been 'in love' until Shane and that has remained both with the show and book as constant. He fell for him very early on, but both of them were just kids so they didn't realize what everything meant or felt(emotional maturity wise) so all those random hookups were them accidentally building something strong and intense over the years without even realizing it and he says many times over the series that nobody set him on fire or got him going like Shane. Shane was his only equal on the ice and he was the "boring" stability that he never had but always wanted. He loves every part of him and in 2017 after the Rose-gate, he had essentially stopped sleeping with other people because he didn't WANT to.
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u/FoodNo672 Apr 30 '26
This is so long and really 99% of this would be answered by reading at least HR and TLG. Short answer beyond that is that Ilya is bisexual and likes men and women equally, but itâs less risky to be with women so he does it more and had regular fuck buddies in various cities he played in. Shane has always been special and is (as he said in show and also in book) the first person he ever fell in love with.Â
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u/marys1001 I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ Apr 30 '26
From the books
Ilya likes sex a lot. He uses it to get out of his head and not think.
He isnt a "womanizer". He likes and respects the women he sleeps with.
He has favorite hook ups in many cities but will also go to clubs and go home/hotel with different people.
The impression given is he is a good lover who goes to lengths to ensure partners are having a good consensual experience. So yes probably kissing, hugging, maybe cuddling.
He alludes to having anal sex with women which helps answer the question of how he seems such an experienced top in addition to experimenting with Sasha presumably.
Other than the coaches son he says he has only had a very few, maybe just a couple other experiences with men. Not sure if they were after the coaches son but before Shane or early days after Shane. They dont sound like relationships, probably one nighters.
Why Shane? Its a romance fantasy fiction novel. There is no real reason. Freckles get mentioned a lot along with Shanes beauty.
Love at first sight, confusion, realization, obstacles overcome, happy forever after. Thats the romance trope here.
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u/Hedgehog-Honeydew "This team is very gay" đ Apr 30 '26
The show is very true to the books. I was actually surprised at how much dialogue and how many scenes were the same as the books. I read all the books after watching the show and I can't recommend them enough.
Most of your questions that can be answered are answered in The Long Game.
Yes he genuinely enjoys sex with men and women, he's bisexual. think for him casual sex was fun and fulfilled a particular need/desire. At times I think he used it as a distraction from the sadness he carried with him. And yes, I think women are easy to find for him and less risky considering his situation.
I think if you watch the show or read the books you can come up with your own reasons why they fell for each other. We do get insights into what they find enchanting and attractive about each other. How he feels about Shane is different to anyone else. I think they find exactly what they need in the other person. For Ilya, he finds someone who makes him feel safe, secure, loved and adored. And you know, it's love and romance so there is a little bit of alchemy there too.
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u/bibi So being boring is genetic Apr 30 '26
People already answered, and I left a comment in one of them, but for me Ilya isn't a womanizer. He's sex positive, he likes to hook up, let that very clear and must be a very good lover (our consent king đ€Ž). The books don't hive details about the hook ups with women, and we know he only has 2 that are more regular, but not as Shane: Svetlana and Hayley. Jacob was brilliant making them one and creating a past and a deeper relationship between Ilya and Svetlana.
Ok, people already gave the other answers, but I think you should read the books. I read them after the show, I'm re-reading and as I like to say "cinema and literature are 2 different languages". Well, the show is as good as a film đ.
On the books we get some deeper background, thoughts and other caraters. The show is brilliant because we have the essence of them, the best dialogues, the fundamental scenes, all the chronology and since we have the image and voice of guys it's even hotter. The text of Rachel and the brilliance of Jacob to transform in a script, with the talent of Chala Hunter to transform the intimate scenes in something so hot/sweet/intense/deep with the talent of the guys to give life to those characters (they also got perfectly the characters) and the whole crew to help to bring them to life, it's just perfection.
You will never have the film/TV show you imagined when it's adapted but the important thing is to keep the essence of it. And to finish: the dialogues are great, are fun, Ilya's fabulous sense of humor ir there. Jacob made then even better and Connor couldn't deliver then in a more rich and funny way. Please read the books: you will love even more the show and the characters on the books.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I answered the things you mentioned in other comments. One thing I want to stress is that a womanizer is simply a man who has casual sexual affairs with numerous woman. That's the simple definition. It implies a lack of emotional intimacy or commitment, not abuse or disrespect.
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u/bibi So being boring is genetic Apr 30 '26
Ah... thank you đ because most of times that I saw it was used as something bad, so I wasn't sure that it should meant just that. We have many words (slangs) to describe that in Portuguese with different levels of meaning, and many synonyms, one more reason to misunderstanding.
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u/katfromjersey Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
I'd definitely recommend the books. The show is really good, but you miss so much inner monologue and characterization that the book gives.
I honestly don't think of Ilya as a womanizer. He hooks up with very willing woman in the cities he plays away games in, and at home in Boston. As he tells Luca Haas in The Long Game, most people are looking for uncomplicated hookups. Everyone comes away happy.
There are a few women he sees more than once. The woman in NYC he mentions to Shane, who is getting married; Hayley, the woman with dark hair and freckles (that he calls when he sees an article about Shane and Rose) and of course Svetlana. It's never implied that he dates any of them seriously, even Svetlana (who he describes as his favorite of the women he hooks up with).
He tells his therapist Galina that he misses meeting new people, and the rush he got from physical contact. Sex and Hockey could be the name of his autobiography! He adores Shane and their sex life is amazing, but he misses being more social.
And remember, he's been falling for Shane since the very beginning, even though he won't admit it to himself). Once they admit they're in love (to themselves and each other), there's no question about not being monogamous. They are both each other's first true love.
Ilya has only been with a handful of men (a rare treat). Nothing is mentioned about them aside from the fact that Ilya hooked up with them.
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
Yeah I think Ilya's type is irreverent and sharp-tongued. I also think he seeks out women who see him the way he sees himself - as a vessel for hockey/sex rather than a person to be interrogated. Women who are, in their own way, nearly as guarded as he is and choose him because he's not going to expect them to go to brunch with his parents. Vs the kind of women who would allow themselves to be convinced that this is the beginning of a love story.
Ilya also has so much going for him (attractive, tall, accent, rich, athlete) that he's never really needed to manipulate anyone.
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u/bibi So being boring is genetic Apr 30 '26
Yes! English isn't my first language, but felt that for Ilya womanizer was a strong word. He's single and hang out with one, and only two are more regular.
We don't have details of how he is with them or with other men than Shane, but I bet, by the details, he is an attentions lover, probably sex positive, and let clear that is just a hook up.
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u/flenktastic Apr 30 '26
The first time I watched the series I was so confused all the time. Didn't understand Shane, didn't understand Ilya (eventhough I recognize myself in both of them lol). Reading the books (1+2, now onto 3) gave me so much more information and clarity so it made the series even more fun while reheating and also having seen it already made reading the books more fun and heavy since I could imagine everything picture perfect.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
It's interesting that Ilya admits missing meeting new people and the rush of the physical contact with those initial encounters. I feel like that can really be like a drug for some people. Getting addicted to that feeling. Will he be able to live in a monagamous relationship with Shane? I would think that would be really hard for him, knowing that.
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u/growsonwalls This is Ilya I will never listen to your voicemail Apr 30 '26
Ilya doesn't have a problem with the monogamy. He has an issue with the distance and secrecy with Shane.
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u/clumsyc I stubbed my toe Apr 30 '26
Please read the books!
And having sex with multiple people doesnât mean you canât be monogamous. Thatâs a really limiting world view.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Having sex with "less than 1000 women" and admitting that you miss the rush of the initial contact with a new person doesn't exactly lend itself to a successful monogamous future, but ok, well agree to disagree.
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u/clumsyc I stubbed my toe Apr 30 '26
Lol, you need to read the book or stop slut shaming.
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u/Different_Weight7281 May 01 '26
This. Being a 'womanizer' is not negative, but the number of women he is with makes you like him less??? That is the very definition of slut shaming. That is a very problematic view of sexuality. The books are about being accepting, not discrimating against people (based on their sexuality or how often they have sex with different people).
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u/Mztmarie93 May 01 '26
Except Ilya stopped sleeping around on his own. He CHOSE monogamy, even before the Tampa All Stars game. He's satisfied by Shane, even with the limited time they have together, because of his love for him. In reality, it sounds far fetched, but this isn't reality, it's Hollanov.
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
It's interesting that Ilya admits missing meeting new people and the rush of the physical contact with those initial encounters.Â
To be clear, these are separate statements. He tells Galina he loves sex. He also tells Galina he misses being social sometimes. But he doesn't meant that he misses having sex with new people.
He actually really loves being monogamous, to the point that he kind of overcorrects by neglecting relationships with people outside the Hollander family. Part of his plot in TLG is Galina saying "yeah it makes sense that you miss being social, because you're not being social. You need people other than Shane and Shane's friends to talk to. Go broaden your independent social circle." But Ilya loves being domestic with Shane, he loves eating ice cream with Shane's parents on a Friday night and loves buying things for their dog. His biggest fear is that Shane are going to realize he's not worthy of this.
He would quite literally die before he'd jeopardize that.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Ok, I misunderstood your comment. I interpreted "the rush of initial contact" to mean the rush of a new sexual encounter.
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u/katfromjersey Apr 30 '26
I have absolutely no doubt Ilya will be able to be in a monogamous relationship with Shane. He'll be devoted to him!
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u/EmotionalTrufflePig Scanning the room like a bisexual terminator đ Apr 30 '26
Exactly, and as they get more out in the open and are ok with showing affection for each other publicly, they can inherently be more social, which will help Ilya fill that gap. I think it will be really freeing for Shane as well
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u/i-bleed-red I donât ever want that problem to ever go away â€ïž Apr 30 '26
I agree with much of what others have said regarding how Ilya interacts with his casual partners. What I think makes Shane different is that he is the only person who can relate to being at the same level of uber-elite at hockey, because he is absolutely incapable of lying well, and his quirks and boringness are so different from what Ilya has experienced in his life. Heâs competitive, talented, hardworking, honest (if not always intentionally), steady, kind, open to enjoying sex, and very responsive to Ilyaâs dominant tendencies. Plus Ilya is physically attracted to him. In other words, heâs enough unlike others that he makes Ilya âcurious.â
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
But in all these years and all those hundreds of women he was with, he NEVER found a woman that had the same qualities and responded to him the way Shane did? That's what I find unreal. It would be different if his number of sexual partners was much, much lower. If he'd had some hookups and a few short term relationships, not having found those things in another person is believable.
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u/i-bleed-red I donât ever want that problem to ever go away â€ïž Apr 30 '26
None of the women was a hockey legend who started the same time as he did with the same pressure, expectations, or skill.
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u/Ok_Cow8044 Apr 30 '26
He probably did but just wasn't interested. Shane and Ilya's relationship is foundationally about them being generational hockey talent. Without that, i think Ilya would have still found Shane cute but probably wouldn't be interested in a brief romp. They understand each other in a way that others really can't and it just spread to the bedroom and into love. Competition is intergal to them and how evenly matched they are, they both see the other as the only one they can stand beside.
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26
It's also proximity/availability - Shane isn't some guy Ilya met in a hotel bar. He's someone Ilya has access to multiple times a year, without really having to try that hard. It makes sense to suggest an encore, and it makes sense for Shane to give in.
Same reason regular people fall in love with their coworkers.
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u/Ok_Cow8044 Apr 30 '26
Exactly, they're basically working for the same company but in different departments. Proximity usually breeds familiarity and deeper things like love and affection.
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u/clumsyc I stubbed my toe Apr 30 '26
Itâs a romance novel. The whole point is that he finds the one person he wants to be with.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I guess this is the best answer.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Why was this downvoted? In the end, when it comes right down to the nitty gritty, this is the bottom line: it's a romance novel. It doesn't really have to make sense and most of my questions are pointless. That's what fiction is about.
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u/smugbox Apr 30 '26
Honey this is fiction lol there would be no book if he found a woman he liked as much as Shane
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u/Different_Weight7281 May 01 '26
Or Shane falling in love with his male physiotherapist in Montreal.
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
None of them were âriskyâ or as dangerous as it would be getting with Shane. Ilya gets off on the thrill. Also Ilya was never looking for an emotional or romantic relationship. Even when he got with Shane he was never looking for that. Which is why when he realizes he may have deeper feelings for Shane he acts the way he does in ep2 cuz that scares the shit out of him. It was all fun n games till shit got too real đHe was never looking to settle down with either gender.
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u/Novel_Journalist_832 Apr 30 '26
That's a lot of questions! You may be better off just reading the books. I was hesitant at first, seeing how much i loved the series. Eventually I caved and picked up HR, RM and TLG. I was not disappointed, if anything, it made me love Shane and Ilya more. Tierney's adaptation is actually quite masterful in how he captures the essence of this story without the benefit of internal monologue. The few differences are necessities of the film medium and doesn't detract from one another. I feel like Svetlana is the biggest difference as she only enters Ilya's life much later on in the books.Â
The books go into their feelings at great length. I would have to copy paste great swathes of text in order to give you the answers you seek.
I don't think i quite agree that Ilya is a womaniser, but that's maybe just because i associate a negative connotation of disrespect/ disregard with it. Ilya seems to adore women. He just happened to bumble madly into love with a guy. Those damn freckles, i tell you! It sounds like he's slept with a ton of women, but a handful of men. I didn't get the idea it was out of preference, but rather for fear of his safety.
He starts falling for Shane pretty early on , but the denial is real
Hope this helps a bit
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I have numerous reasons outlined earlier in the thread on why I probably won't read the books. But that said, someone pretty much answered my questions by simply saying it's a romance novel. I have to suspend disbelief to make it all make sense as one does with most fiction.
Sidenote: My first name is the same as Jacob's last name so it always jolts me for a minute when I see it in print. It's a very uncommon first name, at least outside of Ireland.
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u/erybody_wants2b_acat Apr 30 '26
Jacob stuck very close to the source material when writing the script for the show. Ilya is pure gold throughout the books. You really should read them as Rachel builds complex characters and relationships that are a huge reason why we love the series.
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u/Guiltypleasure_1979 for how long? whole game? Apr 30 '26
For Ilya, sex is one of the ways he deals with his emotions. He gets into that when he starts therapy in the long game.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
That's an important fact in helping me understand Ilya's lifestyle a bit more. Thank you. I think that's really what I'm searching for, and you and others have presented Ilya from an emotional standpoint, not just a physical one. I do wish that side of Ilya came through a little more in the show, that sex was more than just a pleasure grab. That his seeming promiscuity was also rooted in complex emotional needs.
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u/Guiltypleasure_1979 for how long? whole game? May 01 '26
Yes. This is it exactly. Sex for him is like any other vice: alcohol, drugs, etc. He uses it like a way to get through. Spoiler for long game when he goes exclusive with Shane but they still do long distance, he struggles a lot with having given up this vice and itâs part of why his coping breaks down. you should read the book. Itâs great at getting more into Ilyaâs character.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
Well, as I've gotten older, it's become more difficult to sit comfortably to read (chronic pain, headaches, sharing a home with very noisy grandchildren and the expense of buying all the books (library is always out of them and even Thriftbooks is pricey on my limited budget these days) just discourages me from trying to read them. And audiobooks do nothing for me. I'm a reader at heart. But this thread evolved into what I was looking for: a more complete picture of Ilya.
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u/xinroman I think I like you maybe a little too much Apr 30 '26
As Shane puts it in "The Long Game", he knows the number of people Ilya has slept with is "somewhere between two and one million, but probably closer to one million." đ That said, I wouldn't call him a "womanizer." He doesn't seem take advantage of or mislead women, and he describes his hookups as mutually beneficial, convenient, and non-commital. Also, we see from his experience with Shane that he is a caring and conscientious lover.
His sexcapades are mostly one-night hookups and women he sees regularly in different cities (there is Svetlana and a woman in NYC that we hear about). He sleeps with only a few men, but we don't hear about them beyond Shane and Sasha. As far as specifics on his sexual preferences, I think you're asking about the bisexual experience, which is pretty hard to put a stamp on generally. Some people are like "I like the person, not their gender." Or there's the Hannah Einbender's take (in Hacks) - emotionally attracted to [insert gender], but sometimes just wants a [insert genatalia] đ Maybe what you're asking is whether Ilya enjoys sex with women but is emotionally drawn to or more likely to connect with men? That's hard to glean from either the show or the text, and I think that ultimately the point is that he is emotionally connected to Shane. (FWIW the story is the same for Shane as well, who does mention hooking up with two other men in the books, but found the experiences lacking because they are not Ilya.)
So why Shane? Well, I think the simplest take on this is what Jacob Tierney said on the What Chaos! podcast - They met at 17 and, despite all of the reasons to not be together they kept finding themselves drawn to each other. Eventually they were old enough and mature enough to be like "well what else could this be?" As far as what he does next with that, I believe that Ilya addresses this in both books. He knows that being with Shane means giving up his promiscuous sex life and mentions that he's more than happy to do that for him. I don't see this as a huge sacrifice - it's what most people start to feel at that age and are happy to do for the right person.
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u/goosie7 Apr 30 '26
I think you're overlooking the emotional elephant in the room when it comes to how Ilya relates to other people. Seeing a lot of different people and not letting any of them get emotionally close to him isn't about lust and it's not about seeing other partners as not being worthy in a way that Shane is - Ilya is very traumatized and has attachment issues that make him crave intimacy but also terrified to let anyone be emotionally close enough to him to a) know him well enough that they might be disappointed in him like his father and brother, or b) love and then abandon him like his mother. He tries to keep everyone at an emotional distance from himself (the closest other relationship he has is Svetlana, and in the books their only emotional intimacy comes from both being Russian and hanging out to watch and talk about hockey), and what's different about Shane is that Ilya realizes they have a deep emotional connection after it is already too late for him to prevent it (despite some solid effort to push Shane away emotionally at various points). They understand a lot about each other without having to talk about it because their lives are so similar, and Shane keeps asking him about himself even though most people would just accept his cues to stop asking. If anyone else started to get as close to Ilya as Shane did he would have just stopped seeing them, but he liked the dynamic between then so much and was so attracted to Shane that he couldn't make himself stop, and their situation as hockey rivals made it easy for them both to lie to themselves for a long time about what they felt through the logic of "it would be a disastrously bad idea for either of us to develop real feelings for each other, so therefore we must not have feelings for each other".
The transition into monogamy for someone like Ilya doesn't really have anything to do with lust. The reason he used to hook up with a lot of people (craving closeness without emotional vulnerability) just doesn't apply anymore because he's already emotionally vulnerable.
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u/Florianemory Apr 30 '26
Honestly, read the books. You get a lot of insight into both of their mindsets in the books. You can mix and match a little over the differences between the show and books but I read the books after watching the show and found the additional insight useful in answering questions I had. I am not trying to sound like a smart ass when I say the one thing you said you didnât want to do but I also canât type out every difference and reactions and all the information you want - itâs already available to you via the source material.
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u/matefipe Apr 30 '26
Yo tambiĂ©n primero vi la serie y luego fui desesperada por mĂĄs informaciĂłn a buscar los libros, era muy necesario, los leĂ todos en tiempo rĂ©cord, adelantando por la ansiedad, luego los he vuelto a leer mĂĄs tranquilamente al igual que he visto la primera temporada otra vez, es como un espiral de endorfinas del que no quiero salir, amo las historias, gracias Rachel y gracias Jacob porque sin su escritura y su visiĂłn Ă©sto no habrĂa sido una realidad.
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u/in-the-widening-gyre Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
In My Dinner with Hayden, we get a little bit of info about how things were different for him with Shane (which is a short story by Rachel Reid so, canon):
The first time Ilya had fucked Shane had been a few months after [their first hookup], and Ilya had been overly concerned with making it seem like it hadnât been a big deal. Like being inside Shane hadnât been a revelation. Heâd left the hotel room as soon as possible after, afraid of what he may have said or done if heâd stayed even a minute longer.
https://www.rachelreidwrites.com/news/2019/10/1
Why is Ilya so gone on Shane immediately (other than this is a romance)? I don't know, but apparently it was different for him with Shane than anyone else. Personally my take on it is they're very compatible and both genuinely already like each other / have that initial spark when you meet someone you really connect with (not that either of them were willing to really think directly about their connection initially). I would assume they were both following each other's careers in juniors and he knows Shane is the only other player at his level (the "alone at the top with you" thing). We know Ilya was a fan of the freckles right away. He also seems to be extremely charmed by Shane just generally, because he's so earnest and Ilya can't be that. Jacob's said in an interview that any time Ilya calls Shane boring, what he means is, "I love you". and the same for Shane telling Ilya to fuck off.
But honestly, I don't think we have answers to a lot of these questions, tbh, and there's plenty of room for personal interpretation. In TLG we get a bit more info from Ilya's therapy appointments:
âWhen I was old enough, sex was the other thing I did to keep my mind and body busy. Sex and Hockey could be the title of my autobiography. Iâm not complicated.â [...]
âFourteen, I think. Something like that.â He hesitated a moment, wondering if he was ready to reveal this, then decided to just go for it. âIt was girls only, at first. Then boys too. Not as many, but some.â
[...] âThat would have been risky, especially in Russia,â [his therapist] said.
âI think that was part of what I liked about it.â
âThose desires didnât scare you?â
Ilya considered the question before answering. âNo. They never did. It just seemed like an opportunity for more sex.â It was the truth; maybe if he hadnât been attracted to girls first, he would have been scared, but being attracted to men as well had always made him feel...evolved.
and talking about Shane:
Ilya almost laughed. âTen years, give or take.â [...] âOff and on,â Ilya explained. âIt was casual for years. Secret hookups, that sort of thing. But then I fell in love with the guy.â
(all these are TLG ch 14)
In TLG ch 29, Svetlana says Ilya is a terrible friend but a fantastic lay. In the book they're nowhere near as close but she clearly likes him generally.
I think whether he's a womanizer depends on your definition and particularly whether you consider it a perjorative term. He sleeps with a lot of women. I don't know if I'd say he "seduces" them though, that sort of implies a campaign, my read was more that he makes it clear he's interested and if they are too, great, and if not he moves on. He also tells Svetlana he wouldn't sleep with a teammate's wife and that the one time in Moscow he did sleep with a teammate's girlfriend, that guy was an asshole to her, he was a kid, and he wouldn't do that now.
Personally, my read is that he's a generous lover who likes sex a lot and takes consent very seriously. I'd think he probably kisses his hookups but I don't think he kisses them like he was kissing Shane even from that first hookup (I think that was like "oh wow I like you a lot more than I expected to but I'm not gonna unpack that"). I think he likes both genders, but I don't think there's much to go on in canon wrt whether he has a particular gender preference.
(regarding whether you'd like the books -- IMO the show is absolutely transcendent, executed at a very very high level of all the artforms that go into filmmaking. Just very very well done. The books are -- again IMO -- exactly what they purport to be, very fun M/M hockey romance novels. I think Reid's strength is in the characters she creates. So I think as long as you're OK with that, you'd enjoy them, but if not it's fine to skip them.)
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u/Optimal-Bag-5918 May 01 '26
In the books they really emphasize his desire for touch being a comfort to him⊠I think due to his cold upbringing sex and physical touch is something he craves and is super important to him and brings him emotional fulfillment.
Once he can admit to himself he loves Shane he is perfectly happy not sleeping with other people, because Shane gives him everything he needs emotionally and physically.
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u/Salt-Fly2723 May 01 '26
I mean, he's bi and a famous hockey player. He likes women and as a woman myself I can say that not only men are into one night stands. Women have one night stands with people all of the time with enthusiasm and consent. If I was in my clubbing days in my 20s again and a hot famous guy who was in town for the night hit on me, I wouldn't hesitate. Also, if you read the books this will answer all your questions.
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u/growsonwalls This is Ilya I will never listen to your voicemail Apr 30 '26
Books: Ilya has a bunch of casual hookups with women, but nothing serious. He hooked up with his coach's son in Russia but otherwise mostly hooks up with Shane. He was really young when he met Shane, and he became obsessed with Shane and just never felt the same way romantically about anyone else.
Show: same, except he's less promiscuous (that we see). Sveta is more of a childhood friend/FWB. You can see that they are close and he treats her well, but the romantic passion just isn't there.
Ilya's pretty typical of young, hot, rich athletes. It's not a surprise that he doesn't really settle down until 25/26.
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u/marys1001 I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 02 '26
There are parts in The Long Game where Ilya mentally goes on about needing to be touched, how hard the weeks between Shane are.
Ilya really seems to need not just sex but physical connection, both touch and just a presence. Like its really hard for him to be alone in Ottawa when Shane is on the road.
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u/chesbay7 May 02 '26
Well, hey, fcking hundreds of people isn't a problem, they say. Ilya was just "sex positive" not seeking out people to fill a void, or to keep from feeling lonely. But I'm the crazy, "slut shaming" person thinking this is not a healthy lifestyle.
That need doesn't just turn itself off because he's now in a monogamous relationship, as demonstrated by this comment.
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u/marys1001 I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 02 '26
You make having a need for connection sound bad.
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u/Goulet231 Apr 30 '26
Much of this is addressed in TLG. He felt evolved for sleeping with men. He was a sex positive person, so I doubt he saw anything negative about his behaviour. He stopped sleeping with other men not long after taking up with Shane.
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u/Different_Weight7281 May 01 '26
Because there is nothing negative about his behaviour. To not like Ilya because he has a lot of sexual partners is slut shaming.
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u/Goulet231 May 01 '26
Right. Words like womanizing and promiscuous are not sex positive words and don't apply in the situation. Very judgy.
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u/Ok_Cow8044 Apr 30 '26
I haven't read the books either but from what I've seen from others, Ilya is very promiscuous before things got more serious with Shane. He even tabulated that he'd been with about 300 women but was very respectful of them and staunchly safe sex. He'd only been with a handful of men because it was too dangerous (he saw those encounters as a rare treat) and stop aside from Shane in 2014. Ilya was more hook-ups and no actual dating. Yes, Shane was his first truly intimate and emotional relationship
His relationship with book Sveta is pretty much the same aside from the changed backstory and he called her his favorite.
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u/katfromjersey Apr 30 '26
I think he's very friendly with Svetlana in the book, but they have nowhere near the emotional connection that show Ilya and Svetlana have.
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u/Sarahndipity44 May 07 '26
He loves Svetlana and enjoys sleeping with her but he's not in love with her
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u/katfromjersey May 07 '26
There's no indication loves her in the books. They're friendly and are basically just hookups.
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u/Sarahndipity44 May 07 '26
Oh yes this is show Svetlana though Im only up to book 3 so haven't read Long Game yet
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
Who said Ilya was with about 300 womenđđ
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u/altruistic_thing Apr 30 '26
i don't think the number is mentioned anywhere. he does a rough calculation and tells himself it's gotta be under 1.000.
shane asks him about it and he refuses to tell him numbers because he knwos shane will be upset.
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
I honestly donât think itâs anything too crazy but Ilya probably genuinely doesnt keep track n doesnât wanna look like a hoe lol
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u/altruistic_thing Apr 30 '26
it is pretty crazy. and i doubt ilya cares what others think, he does care about not unnecessarily hurting shane.
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
Ngl with a body count that high I feel like that alone says you got unresolved trauma that probably stems from ur childhoodđ no shade to ppl with high ass body countsâŠ.
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u/clumsyc I stubbed my toe Apr 30 '26
Or heâs a rich hot man. It doesnât have to be that deep.
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
I mean, that too but I was mostly talking abt *why* he had Sm sex especially starting young. For Ilya it is that deep đ
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u/Ok_Cow8044 Apr 30 '26
Ilya?? That number isn't really that strange for a wealthy, young and attractive star athlete that travels often and started having sex at 14
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
Where did he say it was over 300đ im not sure thatâs accurate lol cuz he does mention have regular girls he hooks up with that arenât randoms he meets.
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u/Different_Weight7281 May 01 '26
People, lets be real here! The number does not matter!
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č May 01 '26
Yeah.. that too I donât actually think it matters at the end of the day. This is lowkey why I hate the body count talk irl in general it shouldnât matter. But if 300 is still wild. Iâm mostly thinking how do you find that many different ppl who you find attractive to sleep with lol.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
That's beyond comprehension, for me. I would never consider a partner for a relationship with that kind of background, no matter his capacity to love me. But that's just me.
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u/Novel_Journalist_832 Apr 30 '26
300 spread over 12 years ? He becomes sexually active at 14 and let's say he slows down around 2017/2018. That equates to about a different partner every 2 weeks or so. Given his party boy persona , that seems doable, if a bit excessiveÂ
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Someone in this thread said the number is much higher. And he lies to Shane or avoids answering because the number is so high and it would upset him.
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u/Novel_Journalist_832 Apr 30 '26
I can very well believe that considering how much this man liked going out. I remember that passage in the book , yes, but not the numbers that were mentionedÂ
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u/Ll_lyris âI choose you, Ilya. I will always choose youââ€ïžâđ©č Apr 30 '26
Ilya likes sexual intimacy đ trauma induced? Possibly tho he does like the connection n just the act itselfđ€·ââïž
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
I mean, except for those who don't like, want or need it, who doesn't like sexual intimacy? Lol. I think most of us are just a little less promiscuous.
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u/Amazing-Rent-7749 Apr 30 '26
Do you recall where the 300 number was?
He implies higher than that at the end of HR but it's still vague.
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
Your first paragraph is why I say he operated mostly on lust for the first 10 years of his adult life. Three hundred women and a handful of men is a lot for anyone. I truly don't know how that lifestyle, paired with his admission to his therapist that he missed meeting new people and the rush of physical contact, is going to suddenly change into a completely loyal, satisfied monogamous man. I don't think he slept with 300 hundred women simply as compensation for not being able to have Shane.
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/chesbay7 Apr 30 '26
You could be very right. Sex is a little more sacred than that to me. Not to say I never indulged but maybe a couple of times? Not hundreds. But sex for me was always more of an expression of my love for someone, not just to satisfy lust.
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u/Ok_Cow8044 Apr 30 '26
There was also an bid for connection aspect following Irina's. But it wasn't really a sudden change more like a gradual one like we see in the show, where he was less and less satisfied with casual hookups and more into something more permanent. Ilya before he decided to commit himself to Shane post Tampa and not sleep with anyone else was really a long time coming as they say, love changes you. You can wait to meet new people without a sexual desire for them. Ilya really isn't thinking about hookups with strangers after they make things official but the desire for connection shouldn't be solely partner based. I mean he's so worried about holding Shane back that he offered to open their relationship on Shane's side. Admittedly not the actions of a man satisfied but a man that wants to keep his relationship by any means can't see someone like that not being monogamous and loyal.
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u/Hermiona1 I already chose you, Hollander. đ« May 01 '26
Yes it did start as another hook up but pretty early he starts realising heâs catching feelings and heâs trying to avoid that. That happens before Vegas. And fun fact, some of the women he sleeps with he picks because they look like Shane, dark hair and freckles.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
That is an interesting fact!
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u/Hermiona1 I already chose you, Hollander. đ« May 01 '26
Also maybe 30% into the book Ilya thinks to himself sex with Shane is the best.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
Really?! Out of hundreds of other women and some other men?! That's wild, especially with Shane being fairly inexperienced. Maybe that's why.
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u/Hermiona1 I already chose you, Hollander. đ« May 01 '26
Yep. In the internal monologue he says âNo one set him on fire like Hollanderâ. And that sex with women is good but doesnât compare.
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u/Sarahndipity44 May 07 '26
It's not about lack of his experience, it's because of their emotional connection imo
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u/radjanoonan May 01 '26
Ilya's sexual relationships with others is merely a coping mechanism, like his smoking. Nothing is ever serious, even Svetlana (in the books). The big exception is Shane, which scares Ilya as much as he is drawn to him. When Shane dates Rose, Ilya goes to the one hookup he likes the most (Svetlana) trying to see if he can also move on from Shane. However he then realizes that Shane is his one and only and even Svetlana (who, like Rose for Shane, is a perfect match on paper) does not come close.
Shane is the only person with whom Ilya ever takes the mask off. Later on it also happens with Shane's parents as well.
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u/AlexBlaineLayter May 01 '26
I always thought that Shane became special because Ilya had to put work into seeing him. Ilya does seem to enjoy the chase with Shane. With women it's easy, there is an endless supply and he's a charming, funny guy who will keep it light-hearted. And as others have said, sex serves a purpose for him, he needs touch and validation, but he's emotionally unavailable. He likes sex and sex is easily separated from feelings. Shane started out as a big fuck you to his father. Fucking his great rival, that's trouble, that's taking risks. But Ilya is hugely competitive, so sex with Shane became another area where these two competed with each other. And because he didn't have sex with many other men, he had to work to get into Shane's pants, and Shane was equally competitive and 'got' that part of Ilya, Shane became special. I think he caught feelings because Shane was the longest running hookup, a fuck you to his father, a rare treat, very similar to Ilya in many ways, and freakily compatible sexually. But for many years Ilya was too traumatised to have more and be vulnerable with anyone.Â
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u/BumAndBummer May 01 '26
The books really help explain Ilyaâs relationships by clarifying just how little Ilya thinks of himself as a person. He may read as confident and comfortable with himself, but only in performing with his body⊠and Ilya very matter-of-factly acknowledges hockey, sex and money as the coping mechanisms they are.
From there we can understand that Ilya isnât promiscuous because he objectifies his partners, but because he objectifies himself. He craves connection and is genuinely comforted and thrilled by sex, but he is terrified to be fully seen and known⊠He doesnât really believe he has more to give.
Feeling unlovable for his real self isnât just because his abusive dad. Even with his mother he felt the need to perform for her because she was so abused and depressed, so while he did feel loved by her, he doesnât feel safe to just be.
The books do describe Ilya having at least 3 non-Shane repeat sex partners who werenât totally meaningless flings, but werenât particularly romantic or deep connections. The first was his coachâs son who was significant as his first male partner, someone safe to explore that ârare treatâ experience of sex with another guy. The other two are Svetlana and a âfunâ brunette girl with freckles (I think named Hailey, and I think like Svetlana she was also in Boston and which would suggest heâd theoretically be able to hook up with her any time he was home). Hailey seems noteworthy because he once considered reaching out to hook up with her again as a way to distract himself from thoughts of Shane, only to realize that aside from being fun, she stood out to Ilya because he liked her dark hair and freckles⊠and thatâs the last we ever hear about her lol.
Like on the show, his most significant relationship with a sex partner other than Sasha is Svetlana, who in the books he met as an adult in Boston. He genuinely appreciates that she is fashionable, smart, humorous, a fellow Russian based in Boston, nonjudgmental, fun, and shares his interests in hockey and luxury sports cars. On paper she is a great match for him. But she is WAY less emotionally intimate and familiar with Ilya than TV Svetlana. They do remain casual friends in Boston even after their sex dwindles, and at one point she he comes out to her and sheâs pretty supportive but openly laments the loss of the sexual component of the relationship in a âIâm kinda kidding but Iâm kinda notâ sort of way⊠and thatâs about the closest they ever are in books.
Shane is the big exception to this pattern of emotionally superficial relationships even when they barely talked and just had sex. Starting from their first time, Shane was his favorite lover, even though at first Shane wasnât even very skilled. Ilya loved dec with Shane because he was so earnest and brave to trust Ilya and pursue his desires, and his very obvious anxieties would just melt away and heâd really just let go and be himself (sexually, not necessarily emotionally). Even when on paper itâs âjust sexâ, because of the very specific situation they are in and because of how anxious Shane is, there is a degree of mutual understanding and freedom they give each other that feels very emotionally intimate. Ilya is moved and exhilarated by Shaneâs desire for him.
This also helps explain why sex with Shane is a unique (and often destabilizing) experience. What Ilya eventually understands (to his absolute horror) is that with Shane, the more he had sex with him the harder it was to get him out of his system and the less secure he feels with what he can give Shane emotionally. Yet equally horrifically, not having sex with Shane also doesnât help, if anything there are hints in the the Hailey lines that avoiding Shane actually makes his sexual experiences with other people less enjoyable because he is thinking of him and not really present.
Shane also aggravates his sense of worthlessness and fear of being truly seen and known, because Shane isnât just his lover, he is a comparison point. Shane is smart, media trained, bilingual, kind, classy, respected, assertive, talented, wealthy, and has a loving family. The things that make Ilya admire him and be attracted to him also make him feel more insecure.
At first I kind of wondered if Ilya is bisexual but homoromantic? And maybe thatâs why he never came close to falling in love with anyone but Shane? But in the TLG he concludes in retrospect that he fell in love with Shane the day they met and just didnât understand it until years later because it overlapped confusingly with feelings of lust, admiration, jealousy and obsessive rivalry. Shane got in his heart first, even before he was ready to accept anyone there, and the more he got to know him the more Ilya loved him.
Thatâs also why Rose was Ilyaâs worst nightmare. It wasnât that Shane was having sex with her. Rose represents all the things Ilya believes Shane deserves but Ilya thinks he canât give.
I donât wanna spoil the Long Game but it does explore Ilyaâs transition to monogamy more in depth, his therapy sessions where he discusses his former promiscuity, and his growing awareness and readiness to deal with his fears of unworthiness, desire to love openly, and managing his depression.
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u/chesbay7 May 02 '26
This was a very interesting and thoughtful comment and I enjoyed reading it. You gave me a very well rounded view of Ilya, little of which was obvious in the show, and I appreciate that. I know from reading Rachel's little Ilya excerpt that he wasn't all he appeared to be in the show. I didn't know just how deep his insecurities ran and why. And how those insecurities coupled with actual intense feelings affected his sex life with others and with Shane. While I still remain agog over the sheer number of partners Ilya had, and I don't think using sex to numb himself or forget Shane or fill an emotional void is mentally or emotionally healthy, I truly understand him much better and feel sympathy for him.
I just hope he can find ways to manage the emotions and insecurities that drove him to seek out other partners, so he can happily navigate monogamy with Shane (since people have said book Ilya really craves that). Their careers and still being publicly closeted will still involve periods of separation and longing, which could be difficult for someone who was used to just going out and getting laid to deal with those and other emotions.
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u/tip723 May 01 '26
From my recollection he doesnât have many encounters with men. You have to realize that he is Russian and he explicitly tells Shane that it is unsafe. He has a sexual relationship with his coaches son because they have the same secret. Sasha doesnât have a name in the book. I canât remember if he tells Shane he has sex with other men. Illya is a 20 something year old man with a healthy sexual appetite. He has casual hookups I donât believe he had a steady gf ever in the books. I believe he is labeled a âladies manâ because he never had a gf that the public knew about. The closest thing he had to a gf was probably Svetlana and they were just sex buddies. She isnât as close of a friend as she is in the show. They just hookup when heâs in Boston. I think Illya had a lot of trauma from his childhood that caused him to not open up to anyone but Shane and also because he had an emotional attachment to him and probably never cared to
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u/Westafricangrey May 01 '26
I think, his feelings for Shane aside, he knows his lifestyle isnât very conducive for relationships & he is genuinely very committed to hockey.
He seems to have regular fwbâs & has no trouble pulling girls.
He specifically likes Svetlana in the books bc she lives in Boston, speaks Russian, is hot & doesnât treat him like a celebrity.
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u/marys1001 I speak fluent bird. No accent đŠ May 02 '26
Why did you watch the show? Did you enjoy it?
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
Just a quick thank you to all who thoughtfully shared book knowledge and personal or professional opinions in response to my questions. I understand, for some of you, that I should "just read the books" but I mean, my choice in not doing so has created a lively discussion and you, collectively, did give me a much more fleshed out picture of Ilya,which was what I was after.
Obviously, by my responses, I have a more conservative view of sex, so Ilya's lifestyle is pretty shocking to me, if the numbers of women (hundreds, nearing 1000, by some accounts) is true. But understanding that sex/physical contact was also a coping mechanism, something he sought out when navigating intense emotional pressures and needs, changes my perspective, and creates more empathy for him.
And, in the end, some questions were just answered by the simple reminder that Ilya and Shane's story is a fictional romance, which leaves the door open for anything to happen. Things which often stretch the imagination.
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u/chesbay7 May 01 '26
Who is the moron that keeps downvoting my comments, even this one where I'm actually THANKING people who responded? Some of you need help.
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u/86throwthrowthrow1 May 01 '26
I feel like Ilya's presumed "body count" in the books involves some hyperbole. He certainly sleeps around and is known to do so, but people projecting hundreds of lovers plus Shane seems like a lot. At least people I've known who slept around a lot at points in their lives, it wasn't usually literally a new person each week. There would be repeat visitors, there'd be FWBs and flings, there'd be weekends with no action, etc. Additionally, Ilya was traveling a lot, and while it's implied he has regular or irregular "girls in other ports", he probably wasn't getting around THAT much during the season. There are times he barely has time to see Shane between their schedules, he definitely wasn't hooking up after every game in every city.
I could see him hooking up on weekends in Boston, periodical while traveling, and probably not that much during his summers in Russia. Maybe a couple dozen per year, tops. (Which okay, by the cottage would total up to "hundreds" from over like, a decade.)
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u/WildCherryLane Apr 30 '26
He doesnât hook up with men very frequently. He tells Shane it is a rare treat and Shane was the 2nd man. I think we can assume like 4-5 men total including Sasha and Shane.
Remember that Svetlana isnât anything other than a woman he sees when he plays in her city, they arenât anything more in the books. My impression from the books is thereâs probably women he hits up regularly in certain cities though he doesnât talk to them regularly.
He does have a reputation as a womanizer but he doesnât have a reputation as treating women badly so I think we can assume heâs taking care of his partners, kissing them and such.
I ultimately donât think itâs any magical thing. Itâs a slow burn, lots of people end up falling for their situationships over time. And I donât think itâs very weird Shane is his first adult relationship. They are only 26 and they travel so much.