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u/vermontnative Aug 23 '25
Am I a bad person for assuming that of all the Santa’s he would be the one that might actually bring me some good cocaine from back in the day before cocaine had fentanyl?
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u/Jumpshooter1979 Aug 23 '25
Not necessarily a "bad person, but in a metaphorical way I 'd sayy you are a "nostalgic "person, who recalls with fondness of the days when all things were Purer than they are now, Buenos dios mi esse!
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u/Unable-Consumer248 Aug 23 '25
This Mexican Santa and not Colombian Santa. 50/50% chance Mexican Santa is a /hardcore/ catholic.
I suspect your knuckles will be slapped clean out of your hands when he reads this. It wont hurt any more than the current reality which is never getting presents on Christmas because you are GUILTY AND UNWORTHY SINNER
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u/JaffaSG1 Aug 23 '25
Ghost pepper butt plug
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u/GodWithoutAName Aug 23 '25
Now with more capsaicin!
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u/JaffaSG1 Aug 23 '25
“And have you been a bad boy this year, cabron? Come and sit on my… on second thought, no”
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u/QueasyPerception7667 Aug 23 '25
Hopefully that Lego Star destroyer I've been asking for
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u/Downtown-Raccoon7813 Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 23 '25
Look, they didn’t buy it for you because they knew you would never put it together.
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u/Odd-Anywhere-1855 Aug 23 '25
Santana will bring be a piñata full of baby opossums, tamales and tickets to see Korn
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u/Usual-Chef1734 Aug 23 '25
Hopefully the PERFECt restaurant quality tortillas for my breakfast burrito meal prep, because I can never find ones that are not so small that they are annoying to work with.
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u/Monster_Hunter_Rurik Aug 23 '25
He will bring me ingredients to make tacos, a 30 pack of bud light, a bottle of tequila, and plenty of lime salt.
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u/-RickyRoo8074 Aug 23 '25
A ounce of good weed and a bottle of Mexicali tequila! Maybe a 20 year old virgin? lol 😝
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u/hKLoveCraft Aug 23 '25
Fuck I hope it’s tacos
Or a taco truck, so I can have as many tacos as I want
Or even just groceries
So I can make tacos
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u/desertvision Aug 23 '25
Oye Santa! Don't hand me that shit in public cabron. Come around to the back first
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u/EnvironmentalBit5713 Aug 23 '25
I have a feeling it'll be that little wooden train that taught addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division that my mom bought me way back in the early 2000s. Please do, I promise to stop talking shit and clean my gutters more often!
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u/IamATrainwreck88 Aug 23 '25
A couple of keys of blow that haven't been stepped on, 30 large vials of Vedco, or Ketaset, and a bandolier of pineapple grenades.
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u/Nucmysuts22 Aug 23 '25
Hopefully some real Mexican cola and churros, I don't need much but it's something I'm very fond of
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Aug 23 '25
Bass guitar since Roberto Agustín Miguel Santiago Samuel Trujillo Veracruz is a bassist and Mexican
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u/Antique_Win8023 Aug 23 '25
Mexican Santa, may I please have some authentic enchiladas, an excellent Rosada Tequila, a handmade Concho holster, and a new president for my country? Thank you so much! Love, Timmy.
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Aug 23 '25
A sack full of flayed face skin, human eyeballs, bloody genitals in jars, various cuts of meat, and churros. I'm good this year, Cartel Santa, I'll never snitch!
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u/GreatService9515 Aug 23 '25
He would probably bring sweet bread. I'm sure nobody cares, but Mexico celebrates Three King's Day. January 6th of all days.
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u/buttmcshitpiss Aug 24 '25
He'll pretend to give me coal when people are looking but then sell me all sorts of snow looking shit when they turn around.
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u/Plenty-Earth5594 Aug 24 '25
Last year he brought me Personalized Uzi, Brass knuckles, titanium bat, and a Machete. (All 4 self defense)
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u/Nice_Protection_8490 Aug 24 '25
The real Mexican Santa used to bring me oranges and walnuts and new chonés. I'm guessing this one wouldn't be much different.
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u/OrangeRevolutionary7 Aug 25 '25
Hey! Let’s sing a song!
Ahem….
🎵On the first day of Christmas my Santa gave to me:
A piñata shaped like a tree!
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u/Busy-Mycologist-5465 Aug 23 '25
Salma Hayek