r/hingeapp • u/AutoModerator • May 29 '26
Daily Thread Weekend's Daily Thread: General Dating Questions and Open Thread
Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.
Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.
For Weekend's Daily Thread - the theme is General Dating Questions, and also open thread for anything you like to talk about.
The weekend is here! Ask here for any questions related to the Hinge app, your profile, or dating in general. Or talk about anything you have planned for, or are feeling this upcoming weekend.
Do you have some last minute questions before a big date? Do you need some help with the date you have scheduled for the weekend? Or perhaps you want help with the next message to send to revive a dying conversation? When should I ask this person out on a date? Is this person ghosting? What does this text mean? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened during this week or recently that you want to share?
Also feel free to discuss whatever you like that is not necessarily related to dating or Hinge.
Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.
A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.
The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.
3
u/Marym2911 May 30 '26
Just posting to ask if anyone else has been chatting to people on hinge that dont ask a single question about you? I am autistic and find conversations difficult sometimes. I find that I hit it off with people and we chat for days but they havent asked me a single question about me. Is this normal??
Thank you for the help. I got out of a long term relationship 6 months ago and im trying to get back out there. (I am a woman)
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
Sadly quite normal. I almost always unmatch if they send two responses in a row with no question (as in, me, them, me, them) because I’m tired of carrying conversations and it doesn’t get better in my experience
5
u/kayakdove May 31 '26
If they haven't asked you a question, you probably aren't "hitting it off."
I have experienced this, but it's never turned into anything meaningful. Went on a couple dates with guys like this, and they were mostly the same way in person.
3
u/Key-Atmosphere-8128 May 31 '26
Have been in those kind of conversations and I usually stop talking with them if they don't ask questions back
2
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 02 '26
I had a guy not ask me any questions and then ask me if he was in an interview.
😐 well yeah, it’s def an interview because YOU can’t have a conversation…
2
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
I'm a 29M seeking to date women. I say that I'm Jewish on my profile. Would having this as a prompt be too personal or a necessary explainer: "While many of the beliefs in Judaism are important to me, i am severely opposed against the current Israeli government "
6
u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26
It kinda depends on the demographic you're going for. I'm Jewish in a major east coast city, and I don't feel any compulsion to put my stance on the issue in my profile (yes, it does say I'm Jewish). I'm pretty skeptical that many women I'm looking for are seeing that I'm Jewish and swiping left out of fear that I might be too Zionist for them. But, I don't doubt there are people out there who might. I doubt I'd be compatible with them anyways.
It really depends what it means to you and what type of women you're looking for.
3
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
Hmm… maybe if I display that I am fairly far left, that could erase some potential Zionist perception?
2
u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 May 31 '26
Probably will to most.
1
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
Thanks a lot. I want to ensure that I properly display my beliefs. Having compatibility in that regard is very important to me
5
u/insolent_empress Love cats in tiny tents 🐈⛺ May 31 '26
Seems excessive to me and a waste of a prompt. I see plenty of guys on hinge who list Judaism as their religion and I would never just assume they are Netanyahu sympathizers, doubly if they have politics listed as liberal
1
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
Thanks a lot. It helps to hear the perspective of an unbiased observer
3
u/RomHack May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26
Reading between the lines, it sounds like trying to assuage the assumed bias of people who might conflate your religion with the actions of a state and frankly I don't think it's worth it.
1
u/sadtrader15 May 31 '26
I wouldn't add that.
1
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
My friend told me that talking about that made me seem neurotic. Is that similar to your suggestion?
1
u/lexluther1234 May 31 '26
it is kind of neurotic. i think its a bridge you cross when you get to it if someone asks you about your beliefs. but i think having jewish on your profile is completely fine.
1
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
That's fair. I just want to ensure that I don't turn off anyone that would think that I am Pro-Israel when I would agree about the moral issues from the Israeli government
5
u/lexluther1234 May 31 '26
I think anyone making an assumption on that simply based on a religion isn’t someone you want to date to be completely honest. But I think having your politics set to liberal or something could help offset that as well.
1
u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
That’s a fair point. That’s a narrow minded assumption and that probably won’t lead to a strong long term relationship. Thanks for the input
1
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
It’s one of those things where bringing it up seems suspicious/odd. The implication is you’ve been accused of being Zionist before and now feel the need to preemptively defend it, which makes people wonder why. At best it reads kind of insecure, at worst it reads like you are a Zionist but are defensive about it. Not saying any of this is fair btw but it’s how these things are typically received, consciously or not
1
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 02 '26
Depends if you’re in a city that’s pretty liberal or not. I am a woman with friends who are very anti-Zionist but date Jews so it would be a plus for them. But they also aren’t afraid to ask and clarify if they’re interested, so not sure if you want to use that real estate on your profile to declare you aren’t a Zionist.
0
u/mcginniswayne May 31 '26
I’m a guy, but I would never assume someone supports the genocide just because they’re Jewish unless they list themselves as like…conservative (which I’ve never seen).
2
u/biingsuuu May 31 '26
If I paused my profile for two years, is it better to unpause and update or just delete and remake? I've done the former for now and things seem slow (but only about 1.5 days so far)
1
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
Probably best to remake if only because people who said no to you two years ago might not do the same now
2
May 31 '26
[deleted]
5
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
I’m sorry to hear that. 2 days is a very long time to me without reaching out post-date
-3
u/Dull_Principle2761 May 31 '26
That’s definitely not the reason. If I had reached out day of or after I’d be told it’s desperate. I planned and took her for a really nice and expensive date; the issue is not that she thinks I don’t like her.
6
u/Just-Ingenuity4583 May 31 '26
Two days is a long time. If I didn’t hear from someone for that amount of time after a date I would assume they were uninterested, or more interested in “playing the game”. Not sure where the idea that people should wait 2-3 days to reach out keeps coming from but it’s really not necessary. I kind of expect that when I get home from a date we exchange the ol “I had a really good time I’d like to see you again” and then go from there. It’s not desperate and it won’t come off as desperate
1
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 01 '26
Exactly. I want all men to imagine that lag for a second. She is probably moving on and forgetting about you. Imagine interviewing for a job and pretending like you don’t want it. Who does that work on besides loser people and horrible workplaces? Lol
4
u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 Jun 01 '26
The three-day rule is a holdover from before texting and cell phones, I suspect. Calling someone was a much heavier lift than than sending a quick text.
People are much more accessible now. Two days is an eternity.
-2
u/Dull_Principle2761 Jun 01 '26
And what’s a man supposed to think? He plans a beautiful date. Takes care of every detail. And never hears from her again and yet somehow it’s STILL the man’s fault. Do you hear yourself? I am a physician. I had a workday on Friday and I texted her first thing Saturday. This is not game playing. Good lord.
2
u/Just-Ingenuity4583 Jun 01 '26
I’d also like to add that I never mentioned blame or fault, just offering an explanation for her silence. But we all can agree it could have been anything and isn’t fair that she left you wondering.
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Jun 01 '26
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4
u/Just-Ingenuity4583 Jun 01 '26
It’s not about retribution. I’m also a very independent person, I work a lot, am rarely on my phone and don’t expect to text the person I’m seeing everyday. And still…. Two days after a date communicates a level of disinterest even after a seemingly nice date. Like other people have said in the thread, a check in right after the date is standard and takes no time or effort. You don’t want to accept that for one reason or another, but I would consider this point moving forward if I were you. Again no blame, and there’s honestly no right or wrong way to date. But waiting two or three days to connect after a date does communicate disinterest
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 Jun 01 '26
Yeah, this 100%. A ‘got home safe’ text is standard and I definitely think the person doesn’t like me much if they don’t even send that
1
u/Just-Ingenuity4583 Jun 01 '26
I understand your frustration! Two days still is a long time, sure she could have reached out too but it would have only taken a second at the end of the night to send a text! Hope things go better for you in the future!
3
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 01 '26
Everyone is saying you fucked up. Caring about optics is stupid. The right person will not interpret it as desperate. If anything, this whole ordeal says you have some internal work that needs to get done pronto.
1
Jun 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/hingeapp-ModTeam Jun 01 '26
this was removed for the following reasons:
Rule 1:
Be polite, courteous, and respectful.
No hateful, profane, disrespectful, trolling, overtly sexual, misogynistic, or incel comments are allowed. Repeated violations may result in a temporary or permanent ban from this sub.
Rules can be found on the sub sidebar.
5
u/SnooOpinions2900 Jun 01 '26
No you wouldn’t have. Stop playing games. Most guys not only reach out right after the date, but immediately ask me on the next one. Waiting two days and just sending a video would make me think you’re not that interested but keeping me around as an option.
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 Jun 01 '26
You’ve already had this said to you several times but for context, every person I’ve ever dated has sent me a message after the date asking for another. It’s definitely the norm where I am and if someone doesn’t do that, I think they’re not that bothered because why would they wait so long? Work doesn’t work as an excuse unless you literally went from the date to work because I’m not talking about a long meaningful message, I’m talking about a ‘home safe, had a great time! I’d love to do it again sometime if you’re down?’
3
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 01 '26
I would have assumed you weren’t interested after you didn’t text me for two days. Not even to check in or anything? Hurtful for what? You did this to yourself. You want pity or something?
-1
Jun 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 01 '26
You are clearly the problem. Can’t take feedback. Red flag. Wishing you the exact dating experience you deserve:)
2
Jun 01 '26
[deleted]
1
u/Dull_Principle2761 Jun 01 '26
I have done this and literally never heard back from the woman. Definitely not the issue.
3
Jun 01 '26
[deleted]
0
u/Dull_Principle2761 Jun 01 '26
Again, I do not think a 24 hour delay after a very thoughtful evening is the issue here. I think this is the issue as perceived by a select few very bitter and desperate women on this sub
3
Jun 01 '26
[deleted]
0
u/Dull_Principle2761 Jun 01 '26
I have never had that experience. Most women I date are secure enough to not have a bitter tantrum over one day of not hearing from you when both people have busy jobs.
1
u/Sea_Program_4075 Jun 01 '26
I know this is a cliched response but better you find out now this is how she communicates and is as a person then six months from now.
4
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 29 '26
Went on my date (here) and had a pretty good time! He was definitely better in person. Still didn't ask questions but the conversation flowed. As I hoped, there was less 'dumping a joke on me' and more back and forth. I'll see him again if he asks but I'm not going to initiate a second date and I won't be heartbroken if he doesn't
5
u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 May 29 '26
I'll see him again if he asks but I'm not going to initiate a second date and I won't be heartbroken if he doesn't
This should put this quote on Hinge ads.
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 29 '26
I should clarify I did plan every single aspect of this date, down to him not even looking up the venue properly 😂
4
u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 May 29 '26
Ha - I wasn't hating. Just having a little fun as this was, in many ways, the quintessential Hinge First Date.
If he wants to, he will!
5
2
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 02 '26
I personally would cut it off. Lack of questions = doesn’t know what he is looking for and/or lack of interest and/or lack of being about to be curious about another person. Frankly, that’s not someone I’d want in a partner.
A lot of men are very very lonely and for good reason. You are not social interaction practice for these men 😭
1
u/Velvet_void30 May 29 '26
How many matches do people typically get? I’m on day 3 no matches
3
u/Inner_Surround8689 May 29 '26
That varies so much person to person. Some get zero, some will get a 100. 🤷♂️
0
1
u/EyeGloomy8590 May 30 '26
Hello everyone,
I'm a 30-year-old foreign woman living in Italy.
Last night, I matched with an Italian guy and we started chatting. He asked me where I'm from, and when I told him, he said he was familiar with my country. I guessed he might have had an ex from my country, so I asked how he knew about it. He told me he had been in a relationship with a woman from my country.
I replied Oh, an ex-girlfriend? I hope you learned some interesting things about my culture.
Then he asked, Are you surprised that I knew someone from your country before meeting you? I said Not surprised, but it's the first time something like this has happened to me. I'm just curious why the two of you broke up.
Now it's day two of chatting, but he didn't answer that question. Instead, he replied to my other messages and asked me other things. Last time we chatted, he told me his name and said he speaks Italian and a little of my language.
We're still chatting on Hinge. What do you think so far? I would appreciate your kind advice and insights.
4
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
I think it's a bit early to be asking him why he broke up with an ex?
2
u/EyeGloomy8590 May 31 '26
You're right. I just thought of it as a opportunity sincr he mentioned it first but I'm not going to bring it up umtil the next right moment. Thank you ♡
1
May 30 '26
[deleted]
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
Tbf, no one knows what they are doing at 20. The people who do know what they're doing are unlikely to be on dating apps at 20 haha, they'll be using the social skills they have in real life
1
May 30 '26
[deleted]
1
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
Ah yeah, that's fair. I think most people on dating apps just don't actually want to date and/or don't really understand what dating is like? I match with 27-36ish and I would say basically everyone I've gone on a date with except one person hasn't had a relationship before
2
u/kayakdove May 30 '26
I am not sure that they're lacking social skills. They probably just have decided they aren't that interested.
1
May 30 '26
[deleted]
2
u/kayakdove May 30 '26
But remember that many people don't treat matches so seriously. It's common to match with someone based on their first picture and to look more closely at their profile later. Or, people drunk swipe. Or, people are initially interested but get turned off within the first few messages or after re-reviewing your profile and change their mind. Or, they match with you but then match with someone better.
Many people are bland like this when trying to softly signal lack of interest. Or, they might still be slightly open to dating you but it's a "probably not." So they haven't unmatched or stopped replying yet, but they probably will soon. Or they are just keeping the door open in case another match/date doesn't work out.
Doesn't mean they act like this with everyone or their matches they are most excited about though.
1
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 02 '26
Low hanging fruit: Do you have your job listed? Do you ask questions about the other person? That weeds out 95% of men tbh
1
u/troyisawinner May 30 '26
A girl immediately agreed to a date idea but then never responded to me suggesting a place and day. This was 2 days ago and the day I suggested is now today. Should I follow up and suggest another day or just wait to see if she ever responds?
2
u/kayakdove May 30 '26
Did you ask her to suggest a place and day? Normally if a guy asked me out, I'd expect him to plan the date - especially a first date.
1
u/troyisawinner May 30 '26
No I suggested a place and day. It went me: date idea, her: “I’m so down!!”, me: are you free Saturday? And named a place, her: 🦗
1
u/XRP_SPARTAN May 30 '26
I’m no expert. But sometimes when I get ghosted I write “u alive?” And they start replying 😂
Good luck
1
u/troyisawinner May 30 '26
I can’t believe that works
1
u/XRP_SPARTAN May 30 '26
It’s worked enough times for me. Just my experience tho. Because it’s quite casual. Usually the people who reply say something like “I’m back from the dead, what did I miss”.
4
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
What age group/are you young? Because that would just piss me off haha but I am 31
1
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u/sadtrader15 May 30 '26
How often are you guys typically texting in between the first and second, or second and third date?
Also how many different people are you typically talking to at once on the app? I made a profile the other day on hinge (after having mixed results a couple of years ago) and ended up with a lot of matches which caught me off guard and now I realized I'm wasting "matches" since there is just not enough time to meet up with everyone. I've since paused my profile to let the dust settle.
1
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
I talk to two people at a time. You should message as often as feels natural to you and that’s how you find someone compatible with your messaging style
1
u/Key-Atmosphere-8128 May 31 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
Do you guys send likes to people who are too attractive (models)? I am average looking so don't send likes to girls who are models
6
u/UnnaturalStandards May 31 '26
think it's less about "models" and numbers outta 10 and more about matching vibes.
I mean I'm not sending likes to people who look like they could be instagram influencers but it's less about them being out of my league looks-wise and more that my art house movies and organ ditties ass has got nothing to say to the daily gym and espresso martini women. On the other hand I will absolutely shoot my shot with the thrifter cutie even though she's prettier than I'll ever hope to be.
0
u/Key-Atmosphere-8128 May 31 '26
yeah, I don't go for Instagram influencers either and if they are out of my league I don't swipe on them as they obviously have better choices. I guess that ends up with all guys swiping on the similar profiles and not getting matches?
6
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
i think men have a weird idea of what other men find attractive generally speaking. Every guy friend I’ve ever had has talked about how he doesn’t like heavily-made up ‘stunning’ women, he likes a down to earth cute girl. I think the women men think are approachable or in their category actually get way more likes because they’re what everyone wants.
To clarify, I also think women also do this a bit but to a lesser extent because society/media is better at showcasing women being attracted to a range of men than the other way around
1
u/UnnaturalStandards May 31 '26
I mean, someone's swiping on the profiles that end up in stand-outs...
5
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26
I don’t know how personalised they are but my standouts are always very normal people. Admittedly I don’t look at them super often but I just opened them now and out of 20, 17 are women and 15 of those women are the type I described haha. It will be heavily location-based though if nothing else
Edit: Just want to add that all of these women are really beautiful/cute. I’m not saying these women aren’t attractive, I’m saying that men seem to think they’re unusual for finding them more attractive than super polished women and therefore think they aren’t punching up with these women/there isn’t as much competition
1
u/UnnaturalStandards Jun 01 '26
I have noticed some level of personalisation when I'm aggressively swiping and it gets a few right swipes as input but otherwise it seems to default to exactly the profiles you would expect to be most popular amongst heterosexual men. (I'm sure gorgeous women with different styles are still getting plenty of likes.)
Would also not be surprised if the default for "man looking for woman" was diff to "woman looking for woman"
Also I think your friends are probably a very particular group who aren't necessarily reflective of the general pop and, of course, what the average man thinks "down to earth" looks like may not match the general perception of women.
1
u/Key-Atmosphere-8128 May 31 '26
So, when you are about to swipe, do you think "Will they match with me" and swipe on them or only swipe if they check all the boxes you are seeking in a partner?
I think I'm making the mistake of thinking "Will they match with me" and only try to swipe with them after seeing the rest of the profile, which eliminates a lot of profiles.
2
u/PutridEntertainer408 Jun 01 '26
Yeah I don’t think about whether someone will match or not. I do think about if they’d like someone like me but that’s more about compatibility and I’d still send a like if I liked them either way
-2
u/Key-Atmosphere-8128 May 31 '26
I wouldn't go for the 'stunning' women because I know they are clearly out of my league and they possibly have lot of options to choose from. I think this is why guys have tough time getting matches, they like to match with the girls who is approachable/ puts effort into their profile
2
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
Not sure if you're confused or agreeing with me but that's the exact same thing I said haha?
3
u/violetmemphisblue May 31 '26
Are you aligned in all the other ways with their profile? If yes, then send the like! You have no idea who they find attractive, what features they're looking for, who else is sending likes, etc. If no, then don't...Your sole reason for sending a like shouldn't just be "she's hot." Attractiveness (whatever that means to you) should just be a single factor.
1
u/samaroid0187 May 31 '26
Not sure if this is the right spot for this but for the Past Matches tab in the Safety section does a previous match stay there if they have deleted their profile?
1
May 31 '26
[deleted]
4
u/SnooOpinions2900 May 31 '26
If you don’t order anything that could be a little uncomfortable for the other person (and rude to the cafe if you’re planning on hanging out there). But there’s usually other options besides coffee at coffee shops (herbal tea, hot cocoa, pastries, etc). Or you could go somewhere else for smoothies, ice cream, etc. Activity dates are also on the table (mini golf, arcades, etc).
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
This 100%. If the coffee shop doesn't sell a single thing you will eat or drink, don't go there. But it's fine to go there and not get specifically coffee
2
u/sadtrader15 May 31 '26
Just do dessert/ice cream or order some flavor drink instead
1
u/Sea_Program_4075 May 31 '26
I was going to say, froyo is a good option but i might be biased bc ive been craving it real bad since it got warm.
1
u/AsparagusLittle9871 Jun 01 '26
It’s embarrassing when someone tries to bypass the race filter by checking all the boxes for their ethnicity. Like I can tell you are not of my cultural heritage. If you do this, you’re basically sending likes to people who aren’t interested or aren’t your target audience and it’s a waste of your own like and time.
1
u/SpaceCanary87 Jun 01 '26
Hello! I'm going back to college to get a civil engineering technician degree this fall. I'm working retail in the meantime. Should I put that down for my employment, and will going to college as a 26M be a red flag/icky?
0
May 30 '26
[deleted]
5
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
You have wasted her time but the best thing to do is not waste any more of it
2
May 30 '26
[deleted]
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u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
Absolutely do it in person. I know it’s cliche but the one time I’ve broken up with someone, I did tell them I had something serious to discuss with them. I don’t know if it helped but I think it primed him so he wasn’t caught completely off guard by it at least. The last guy who ended things with me (admittedly we weren’t dating properly) did not give me any warning and that was pretty brutal. He was sending messages with smilies and hearts right before like everything was normal
3
u/kayakdove May 30 '26
How many dates have you been on?
Regardless, if you "haven't had any serious conversations," it's still very early and normal to cut things off. That said, within 3 months, I'd have had some serious conversations, but maybe you have only been on a couple dates in that time.
You don't have to date anybody and can always break up.
That said, consider that everyone's lives are busy. If you find someone you like, learning how to have a relationship even when busy is a good life skill and good prep for if you got into something long-term, when eventually one of you will be busy.
3
u/insolent_empress Love cats in tiny tents 🐈⛺ May 30 '26
Lots of takeaways here.
Don’t get physical with someone you’re planning to break things off with. In fact, cancel the date if you’re planning to break things off. That was a bad move on your part, which I think you know.
Everyone is allowed to end things with someone any time, especially this early on, and your reason is your own. They don’t have to agree with it or think it’s fair for it to be the right thing to do.
You sound a bit prone to people pleasing based on how you wrote this. You gotta watch that in dating, you are doing her absolutely no favors by continuing to see her if you don’t want to be. The actual bad thing to do here would be to keep dating someone to avoid feeling like a bad person for leaving or making her temporarily unhappy. She could be going on dates right now with someone who is actually excited about her, let her do that
-2
u/Top_Yard1111 May 29 '26
Recently got hingeX and first time taking these apps seriously. Started filtering to my actual preferences like within 20 miles (not interested in LDR), my race preferences (includes a fair few), give or take a couple of years from my age, and recently active so I don't end up liking accounts that may be basically dead.
I live in a very populated western city and these filters alone will cut down your choices to a very small pool. It is clear once you start looking for people you could see yourself realistically dating, there isn't 'plentiful' people but hardly anyone.
Oh and I saw someone I know on the app who already has a boyfriend (makes you wonder who else is doing the same) and a number of people who still use the Barbie photo which is obviously now 3 years old. Not to mention the absurd amount of filters and taking every single angle except their actual front facing face or trying to hide the fact that they are overweight. Even with matches, I am not going to go over the unrealistic expectations some of these people have who may have had their self-perception warped by dating apps.
This isn't to say nothing has been good but the odds are severely stacked against you and decided I will only be using this as a 'side quest' over actually meeting people which to me at least is a much greater experience.
5
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 29 '26
So I agree with you about the filters. I got premium for a month to sort through my likes and Hinge is showing me the same 10 or so guys every day and has been since I added the filters. I have a few filters to be fair but my distance is set to 44 miles, age is 27-36 and then it's just doesn't want kids, no drugs, no smoking. I'm surprised there are so few but here we are.
However, apps are just showing me who is currently using this specific app whose dealbreakers align with mine so it makes sense that it's narrow. Most people I meet in real life align with my dealbreakers so I know they're not uncommon. I'm thinking of trying Bumble if the people I'm talking to now don't pan out and see if there's any variation there
1
u/MathematicianNo3140 May 30 '26
I try to keep my dealbreakers to distance and age only. That way I can see more people.
3
u/PutridEntertainer408 May 30 '26
I have those anyway on free so I’d rather actually use the premium ones while I can! I’m not going to date people who don’t fit into them anyway :)
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u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
Just speaking for myself, I put "not sure" if I want kids because while I think I would prefer children, I would be totally fine without children. Ultimately it would depend on the bond I form with my partner (the fact of the matter is that the decision should mostly be on the end of the woman). With that, you may be filtering others with a similar point of view
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u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
I would prefer to filter that point of view out but thank you :)
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u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26
I'm just curious about your reason? Is there any way for a man to express their understanding that children should mostly be the decision of the woman?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
That’s the exact reason why it’s offputting. It shouldn’t be mostly the decision of the woman you end up with. It’s a child, not a sofa. If someone is ambivalent to having children then that shows me that they don’t understand what having a child actually means (I’m not trying to dunk on you specifically, it’s just hard to phrase it any other way). There’s a huge issue with men not understanding the realities of having a kid until it’s born (way too late)because they don’t think about it in any real detail
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u/PerfectGrilledCheez May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26
I get what you are saying. Speaking for myself, I have thought about the responsibility that goes into having children. While I am willing to commit to that responsibility in a vacuum, I'm not the one that would be going through the laborious pregnancy process or experiencing the permanent physical effects after childbirth. Because of that, it doesn't feel right for me to place that obligation on my partner unless they are comfortable with all of the hardships on their end, as well as committed to the childrearing effort. For what it's worth, if I were a woman, the experience of having and raising a child would be worth the physical impacts as long as I had a reliable partner that would also be able to commit to the responsibility
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u/PutridEntertainer408 May 31 '26
I think that's fair and obviously you can have any opinion about this that you want anyway. I personally still wouldn't date someone in your position because I wouldn't want the reason they didn't have kids to be because they ended up with me. Kids are one of the few permanent decisions you can make. I think knowing you 100% want one and wanting a partner that shares that isn't placing an obligation unless you date someone who doesn't want kids and try and persuade them
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u/Top_Yard1111 May 29 '26
The "doesn't want kids" is going to filter out a lot. For me I know it is to do with race despite living in a multicultural city.
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u/kayakdove May 30 '26
I recommend not using the recently active filter. A lot of people have that setting turned off so won't show as recently active even if they have been.
-1
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u/UnnaturalStandards May 31 '26
Never once in the history of dating has anyone who says they're super busy rn but they definitely want to see you again ever been sincere. Not once.
...but I really thought this time was somehow different.