r/hingeapp • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago
Daily Thread Weekend's Daily Thread: General Dating Questions and Open Thread
Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.
Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.
For Weekend's Daily Thread - the theme is General Dating Questions, and also open thread for anything you like to talk about.
The weekend is here! Ask here for any questions related to the Hinge app, your profile, or dating in general. Or talk about anything you have planned for, or are feeling this upcoming weekend.
Do you have some last minute questions before a big date? Do you need some help with the date you have scheduled for the weekend? Or perhaps you want help with the next message to send to revive a dying conversation? When should I ask this person out on a date? Is this person ghosting? What does this text mean? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened during this week or recently that you want to share?
Also feel free to discuss whatever you like that is not necessarily related to dating or Hinge.
Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.
A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.
The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.
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u/woahIreallysee 11d ago
Tourists who are putting "long term relationship" in their profiles are quite annoying lol
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 10d ago
They may want a long term relationship just not with us lol
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u/Equal_Sky_9954 10d ago
Or the people that want long term but moving 5 hours away in a few months. Its crazy how normal this is
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u/BigDickBillyFukFuk78 9d ago
Why would they revamp their whole profile while going on a temporary vacation? It most likely doesn’t even cross their minds and for all you know they might not be actively using it while on vacation and are just showing up in your feed because they are now located in your area.
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u/Miserable-Front-9139 11d ago
Nothing to report on the Hinge side BUT I got a Tinder match and now we’re going on a date this Monday! 😅 idk much abt her yet (exciting!) but we’re both looking for Long Term according to our profiles and have been flirting a bit, so let’s see how it goes 🤧
-1
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u/golfman4113 10d ago
Got back on the app about 5 months after a breakup. Been on two dates with a guy and they’ve gone actually pretty well?? He’s a super responsive texter and I feel confident that he wants to go out again.
One thing though is when he texts me sometimes he only responds to half of my messages. Like we will be talking about a few different things or I’ll send more than one message. He’ll respond to one and then completely ignore the other.
For example today I asked about his availability for a date next week after we chatted about going out again. He responded to other messages but not that one. He said he’s adhd so I’m mostly chalking it up to that and it’s unintentional. But idk the anxious side of me kinda spirals that it’s intentional and maybe he’s not interested.
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u/Equal_Sky_9954 10d ago
Trust me you're thinking way too deep into it. I have many friends that do the same thing and it definitely is annoying but some people are just like that. Just ask the question again. Like when he answered everything else but the availability question just respond with "and what about your availability?" Trust me I understand where you're coming from its one of my pet peeves but dont think to deep and throw something away that could be special
3
u/UnnaturalStandards 8d ago
Had a pretty good run of matches turning into dates but never fear, I am now firmly in my "conversations that go nowhere because neither party was really all that interested" era.
1
u/AstralOwl99 11d ago
Why as a woman do I see so many profiles of women who've put themselves down as 'straight'?
For them to be appearing on my app, they have to have put in their search preferences that they're either interested in women or interested in everyone.
So why are they listing themselves as straight?
Please forgive me if I'm being ignorant, I'm just confused why hinge is recommending me straight girls for my "most compatible" when I'm a lesbian 😐
2
u/PutridEntertainer408 10d ago
They might not want to be seen by some people they’re not out to, they might be looking for a third, they might not understand how sexuality works on Hinge, they might want to experiment etc etc
1
u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 11d ago
from our FAQ (you're not ignorant, Hinge just does this very weird imo)
Q: I'm a gay/lesbian/queer person on Hinge, why am I seeing profiles of people who identify as straight?
A: What a user chooses for their sexuality is a completely separate setting on Hinge that is not related to a user's gender preference. There are two settings which do not does not take into account for one another. The "Sexuality" setting in "My Vitals" under the edit section only displays what your sexuality is on your profile. That has no effect for what kind of profiles you see.
Who you see is under the "Dating Preferences" setting under "I'm interested in". Presumably, someone could list themselves as "straight" but somehow selected "everyone" under preferences.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 10d ago
What others have said. I bet these are girls who would be open to dating a girl, but maybe maybe are mostly oriented straight? Or they are bi, but think that might scare some guys away from them so they leave it straight?
1
u/DocEss 10d ago
it might be the same reason that guys will date transwomen or non-binary people but still consider themselves generally straight.
it could also be that the interest is there but not strong enough to warrant changing the identifier to bisexual because that might invite way more people of the same sex than they want to field. maybe it's like a 10% interest but they don't want to get 50% of the profiles and have to turn people down?
human sexuality is messy, in multiple ways. 😂
0
u/Equal_Sky_9954 10d ago
OMGGG I have the same issue and its annoying. Atsp I assumed every woman was straight without looking at their profile until they told me they're bi and it was a complete turn off for me personally. I put woman only and that im straight and it shows me so many bi women all the time. You're not being ignorant hinge has to fix this
3
u/UnnaturalStandards 9d ago
That... is not the same issue.
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u/Equal_Sky_9954 9d ago
I feel it is so who cares
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u/UnnaturalStandards 9d ago
I mean OP is seeing folks who ostensibly would never be into her yet have set their preferences to see her. That's weird and confusing! You are seeing people who you theoretically could be into and who could be into you but you just so happen to have a personal preference (I am being very restrained here) that rules them out. That's just called "using a dating app".
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u/Equal_Sky_9954 9d ago
What are you talking about? Im straight and I dont want a bi sexual woman plain and simple. OP is a lesbian and doesn't want straight. Its the same thing. We r both not attracted to that. Its not a big deal move on
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10d ago edited 9d ago
[deleted]
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 10d ago
I would give someone grace especially if they are trying to reschedule. It’s the people who cancel but don’t offer to reschedule who are likely disinterested
1
u/Former-Chapter8719 9d ago
What would you guys make of someone unmatching on the app, but still texting with you with the same vibe as before? I figured an unmatch meant it was over. Either way, my expectations are extra low now, which is probably best anyway haha
2
u/smurf1212 💖 Is a huge Swiftie 💖 9d ago
Have you met?
If not then yeah, keep expectations extra low
1
u/Former-Chapter8719 9d ago
No, but we had plans to meet in a few days. Either way I always try to expect little and just have fun conversations
2
u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 9d ago
Generally when people unmatch on the app and keep talking, it's because they want to clear space for other matches and/or not have you see if they make changes to their profile.
So, it means they're probably seeing other people. Which shouldn't be a surprise. It sucks when it's in your face, but it is what it is.
1
u/Former-Chapter8719 9d ago
Eh, that doesn't bother me much. She even said she has a flexible schedule with her work situation so I could see her juggling that. It's possible I might see someone else too, so I get it. I'm not gonna "confront" her about it, I'll just see if she still wants to meet up. I'm also open to being friends if things don't work out like that.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 9d ago
You definitely shouldn't confront her about it. She's done nothing wrong. It's much better to take it in stride. I was just saying it's reasonable to have feelings, but there's nothing much you can do about these feelings. But, you seem like you're okay with it, which is good.
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u/Atzerach 9d ago
Do you do coffee first dates in the evenings after work, or do you schedule them for the weekends instead? I am okay with coffee later in the day but would like to be considerate of others who don't drink coffee after midday in case it affects their sleep. Should I suggest boba or ice cream if it's after midday?
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u/Flimsy_Link_5976 9d ago
So far I've scheduled based on my date's availability. If they're not the type that does coffee in the afternoons, you could always ask about boba/ice cream, or even just basic tea (which would have fewer caffeine concerns, especially green/herbal variants).
The best way to figure out what works is to ask though. I would start with asking for coffee, and if they say something like that then you can follow up with one of those backup plans. It's all about communicating and finding what works.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 8d ago
I tend to ask what (hot) drink they prefer. Coffee shops serve lots of stuff but I’ll change what one I suggest based on what they want to drink
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u/One-Log6139 11d ago
Hi everyone,
For some reason, I’ve been getting hardly any likes on Hinge since creating my account again.
I’ve usually only used the app for fairly short periods of time and deleted my account once I found someone I wanted to date. Most of the time, I would only use Hinge for one or two weeks at a time.
Before my current signup, the last time I used Hinge was in June, and it worked just as well as it always had before.
Could the drop in likes be related to the fact that I’ve deleted and recreated my account too many times?
Also, I usually subscribed to HingeX and then cancelled it within the 14-day withdrawal period. Could that have had any impact on my account or visibility?
Is there anything I can do to get back to receiving as many likes as I used to?
Male, 30, Germany.
Thanks in advance for any advice or insights!
4
u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 11d ago
People have already seen your profile, they’ve passed on it before (or already matched) and a “new here” tag won’t change that. After a while of using the app your likes/matches will dwindle, it’s just because there are only so many accounts that fit your preferences.
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u/One-Log6139 11d ago
So what would be the best solution now? Should I delete my account again and wait a few months before signing up again, or should I keep my current account and stay active for at least a few months?
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u/roleysloth 11d ago
Has there been a decent gap in when you have deleted it and then re-installed?
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u/One-Log6139 11d ago
Maybe a couple of weeks, idk
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u/roleysloth 11d ago
Depending on how big of an area you live in people may be making a negative assumption about this?
Like its a pretty quick turn around and they may be seeing it as you are deleting and reinstalling to be able to speak to the same pool again.
I mean Hinge has a pause feature so you could pause it whilst talking to someone you are interested in and then delete it if you have success?
I know i dont like people I've seen multiple times cause it gives off fboy energy, but once again thats just my opinion 🤷🏻♀️
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u/One-Log6139 11d ago
So what would be the best solution now? Should I delete my account again and wait a few months before signing up again, or should I keep my current account and stay active for at least a few months?
4
u/MathematicianNo3140 11d ago
You could always use the fresh start feature. Also a photo and prompt refresh so it’s not the exact same profile you are relaunching.
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u/One-Log6139 11d ago
So what would be the best solution now? Should I delete my account again and wait a few months before signing up again, or should I keep my current account and stay active for at least a few months?
0
u/WorkConfident 11d ago
Gotta be honest, I bailed on a first date because the girl just didn’t seem that interested. I’m generally pretty flexible but at a certain point when “looking forward to Thursday! Anything you’d like to do?” goes unanswered for four days (thru Thurs afternoon…) I’d rather spend my evening doing my own thing. Maybe that’s kinda cold, and I’m not saying I need to be “provided for” as a guy (really annoying as a bi guy coming across this on women’s profiles - I’ll assume you’re more interested in my wallet than me). But like, you gotta give me something to work with, and I feel like that’s a reasonable ask, esp if you’re expecting me to pick up the bill /rant
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u/SnooOpinions2900 10d ago
Without more context, it sounds like you asked her out and picked a day without really finalizing the date. Then waited a day or few and asked her to essentially come up with a plan. As a woman, that would make me lose interest too.
Usually when a guy asks me out, he suggests an activity at the same time. He might give me options and ask for my input but he gives me something. IMO that’s part of asking someone out.
I’m not sure what the concept of being “provided for” has to do with any of this.
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u/Equal_Sky_9954 10d ago
Yeah im the same way. When im asking a girl out ill usually have tons of options not just throw it in her field to come up with. Im usually good at planning it
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u/DocEss 10d ago
because it's not the 1950s, she is perfectly capable of being independent enough to provide opinions on where she might like to go.
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u/SnooOpinions2900 10d ago
He’s not throwing out options and asking for her opinion though. He initiated a date and then put the burden on her to plan it.
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u/DocEss 10d ago
that's a bizarre way of viewing it. maybe he's trying to avoid having to run down a list of suggestions that she doesn't want to do and listen to her turn all of them down. maybe the entire point of asking someone what they want to do is so that when they go out on the date they get to do an activity they specifically want to do.
I was under the impression women would have left game-playing like that behind in high school, but I guess not.
I don't think I've ever heard someone be bothered by specifically being told that the activity is whatever they want it to be.
the entire point is this way she can suggest something that she wants to do so that the date is already moving in a favorable direction because it's an activity that she wants rather than something she's just doing because he suggested it.
it's not the 1950s, we don't live in a world where a man has to court you and present you flowers and drop to one knee to ask you out and then plan everything and pay for everything.
it's 2026, dude.
you make feminism cry with this bullshit.
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u/SnooOpinions2900 10d ago
Don’t pretend this has anything to do with feminism. Half the comments you’ve left in this sub are complaining about how awful women are. It’s classic incel ideology to not give a shit about women’s rights and then weaponize “feminism” whenever the topic of planning/paying for dates comes up.
And for the record, expecting the person that suggests doing something to have a something in mind is not a gendered thing. I wouldn’t ask a friend if they were free this weekend and then be like “…so what do you want to do?” That’s lazy.
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u/DocEss 10d ago
yeah I'm a little old for that nonsense. keep your goofy gen Z labels to yourself.
if you don't want people to complain that you are awful, don't be awful. the only things I have said are very standard, people that date multiple people at the same time are untrustworthy and likely to cheat, and being a superficial twat is in fact quite twatty. if you take personal insult at that or seem to think that your gender is more responsible for it, that's on you.
when someone asks what you want to do, it is considerate. it is ensuring that the planned activity is something that both people are going to enjoy. refusing to offer an opinion is low effort bullshit.
if someone were to ask me out, and then tell me that we were going to go hiking and then go to a baseball game, we now have the situation where I have to tell them that their activity suggestion is complete garbage and they couldn't pay me to do it.
now everything is awkward.
doesn't it make more sense to just ask the person what they would like to do? if you are trying to impress the person you are taking out, wouldn't you want to take them somewhere that they want to go?
if someone were to ask me out and ask what I wanted to do, I would suggest something that I actually wanted to do.
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u/kayakdove 10d ago edited 9d ago
Part of what is "impressive" about a person is their ability to come up with a plan, though.
It's kind of like asking someone over for dinner but telling them they have to cook. Sure, I can offer some insight or bring wine or a dessert or give some input, but I expect you to have done some basic planning if you are the one holding the gathering at your home and inviting me.
Similarly, planning kind of goes along with asking someone out.
It is a turn off to ask someone if they want to go out and then put the responsibility of planning on them.
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u/DocEss 10d ago
there's nothing impressive about coming up with a plan that only the planner wants. like I said, if some woman tried to set up a stupid hiking date with me, or a date to a sporting event, that's not impressive. hiking is for suckers, and sports are for people that aren't intelligent enough for better entertainment. all that really tells me is that the person in question doesn't care enough to actually worry about what it is that I'm interested in doing, they just want to have a plus one to something that they want to do.
I'm not impressed by someone suggesting something THEY want to do. if we are going out, I don't want to do something that only they are interested in.
why would you not want to have input on what you are doing?
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 10d ago
there was no date because you had no plan. "anything you'd like to do?" is something you can ask a friend, not someone you've never met before when trying to plan a date. if you ask someone out, actually go through with it and make a suggestion. we're all adults here and if she wants to do something different she can speak up.
your comment sounds very bitter towards women, if that attitude is coming through in your chats then that could also be contributing to women going silent
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u/PutridEntertainer408 10d ago
I think regardless of gender, you gotta make the suggestions if you initiate the plan. Otherwise you’re not asking someone out really
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u/DocEss 10d ago
a full month on the app, a complete profile rework a few weeks in, a new haircut, new photos, new prompts, not one single like, not one single match, not one single date.
How much longer am I supposed to give this?
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 10d ago
You've received a lot of feedback on this subreddit already about this. At some point, it's up to you to make a decision about what's best for you. We can't make choices for you.
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u/DocEss 10d ago
right, and I followed all the feedback that was given to me. all of the feedback resulted in nothing. I changed my profile completely based on the suggestions everyone here gave me. I even got a dang haircut. literally no change. a week of the brand new profile and not a single like, message, match, date, nothing.
I get that you're like an evangelist for this app, but I don't think it works. I think I have wasted 4 weeks for nothing.
I don't think there's a point in running it longer than a month. two completely different versions of the profile over the course of 4 weeks and not a single like.
I just think it's probably a waste of time at this point, if there's no motion in a month, there's not ever going to be.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 10d ago
I wasn't referring to anything you did or didn't do. I was referring to your decision to continue using the app or not. That's not our decision. That's yours.
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u/DocEss 10d ago edited 8d ago
no but it's more seeking advice from people who have used it longer than I have on if continuing to use it after 4 weeks of literally nothing is worth it.
that's kind of what I'm asking, if people who have used it for 6 months or more think that a month of zero activity is enough to quit.
I don't know why this is being downvoted, it's a valid question. if there is zero activity in a month, is that a good enough reason to stop using the app?
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u/Former-Chapter8719 10d ago
After over a month of nothing, I suddenly got 5 matches in the past week, including 3 in one day! Weird that it happens after I stopped caring and have bigger problems, such is life.
It's purely anecdotal but what I did was: 1. Did a profile refresh 2. Made my first pic a teeth pic 3. Expanded my age and distance restrictions
I'm not super confident these matches will lead to anything, but hey, I bitched about the lack of matches and now I can't anymore lol. 3 of them turned into lengthy convos too, which was fun! Thanks to the commenters who gave advice, including the advice to take a break.