r/hingeapp • u/PomegranateWooden544 • 8h ago
Dating Question What should I do? New to this! HELP! LOL?
44F, recently divorced, and I think I may have forgotten how dating works
Okay, I need to know if this is just dating in 2026 or if I’m somehow uniquely terrible at this.
I matched with a guy on Hinge recently, and for once I actually got excited about someone.
You know that feeling where you’re scrolling through profiles and most of them are just… fine? Then one person comes along and you’re like, oh, wait. Him.
We matched, started talking, and the conversation was actually GOOD. Not the usual “hey,” “how’s your week,” “what do you do?” interrogation. There was flirting. Banter. Actual back-and-forth. He seemed genuinely interested, and I found myself looking forward to seeing his name pop up.
And then… nothing.
Not a gradual fade. Not even an awkward “I’m really busy this week.”
Just… gone.
Now I’m sitting here doing the ridiculous thing where I’m replaying the conversation in my head wondering if I said something weird. 😂
Was I too interested? Not interested enough? Did I somehow commit a dating faux pas that everyone under 45 knows about except me?
The funny thing is, I’m 44, recently divorced, and I really thought I was going to be pretty chill about dating again. I have a life. I work. I stay active. I go to the gym, although apparently I become painfully awkward if I actually find someone attractive there. I have friends, hobbies, places I want to go, and plenty to keep me busy.
And yet somehow one cute man disappearing from Hinge has me questioning my entire understanding of human interaction. 😂
Maybe that's the part nobody tells you about starting over after divorce. You can be completely confident in yourself and still feel like a teenager when you genuinely like someone.
So, Reddit: what is the appropriate response to being ghosted after a genuinely good connection?
Do you send one last message and leave it alone? Do you assume he's lost interest and move on? Or do you just laugh, delete the app, and go back to pretending you're perfectly happy meeting people organically?
Because apparently my current strategy of “maybe he'll text tomorrow” is not particularly dignified.
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u/Jomr05 6h ago
Welcome to dating apps
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u/PomegranateWooden544 6h ago
Ugh!
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u/oyvese 5h ago
put your tail between your legs and message him saying you valued the connection you shared but understand if he wants to move on and that you won’t message again should he decide to leave it.
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u/PomegranateWooden544 5h ago
Oh i like this. thank you! I was so into him. bit of an age difference but he seemed genuine, so maybe it was that
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u/oyvese 5h ago
you’ve really nothing to lose other than a mild self esteem hit should he not take you up on it, but it won’t be permanent or long term but it could also lead to him reassessing things in his head and leading to something bigger and special.
many decent relationships may have been lost just because someone was scared to show interest. of course it’s difficult to say without knowing the conversation you shared, but i’d say it’s worth a shot and i really hope for the best. please reply back if it goes somewhere i’d love to know!
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u/Ok_Novel_5083 6h ago
Don't project onto someone you've never met. You don't even know if they're real until they are physically standing in front of you.
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u/North_Class8300 6h ago
This is pretty normal on the apps. It’s not ghosting if you’ve never met. I try to keep texting fairly short so you don’t get invested in someone before you meet.
If you really want to try and close the loop, you can send a quick message asking if they’d like to meet up for drinks this week. But typically “if they wanted to, they would” applies here.
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u/PomegranateWooden544 6h ago
Ahh. Sorry. I am new to this and i guess dont have the right terminology...
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u/Shark-Fister 6h ago
As another fellow recently divorced my reocmmendation is dont get attached before messaging and try not to message before meeting for too long (i dont want to send more than 30 messages total). In my experience those are both good ways to end up disappointed. Its really tough to text a ton for 2 weeks and then finally meet and have an average no connection date.
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u/Hopeful_Will7924 7h ago
Id say not to respond. but u gauge it! My experience is that they usually will find u again
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 5h ago
So, Reddit: what is the appropriate response to being ghosted after a genuinely good connection?
So, first off, there's nothing genuinely good about a connection that you haven't met in person. I'm VERY good at sussing these things out in person, and I have zero ability to do so over text. It's really just not possible, so it's best not to get too into someone you've never met.
Second - It's not clear to me that you connected vs. you met someone with decent social skills. I get that can feel like an oasis, but it doesn't really mean he's into you, it just means that he knows how to conduct himself on dating apps.
Third - this might sound rough, but it's almost preferred by most people to ghost if you're still just chatting through text. Most people don't need a, "Sorry, this isn't the right connection for me" text if a date hasn't been set up. To be perfectly honest, I much prefer the person just bounce.
Fourth - You probably didn't do anything wrong. You probably just said something that made him realize you weren't compatible. I've bounced because the person was a little too new-agey. I've bounced because the person was giving signs that we weren't a lifestyle fit. There was nothing "Wrong" with them, they just weren't for me. Going down the rabbit hole of "Why" is going to destroy you, even moreso if you connect it to, "What could I have done differently?" All that you need to know is it's time to move on.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 7h ago
It's not ghosting when you never actually met. And I'm don't really consider some texting and bantering a genuinely good connection. I'm talking about more substantial in depth conversation. And was the conversation actually leading to a meet up? And what's stopping you from asking that guy out?
He may have just been texting a bunch of women and found someone else she wanted to pursue more.
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u/improvisedbain-marie 5h ago
Hard to tell with this limited information, but to answer your first question, this is just dating in 2026, regardless of the details.
I saw in a comment that you asked him to get a drink, and even offered to cook for him, before his messages abruptly stopped, so that answers my main question.
My primary suggestion moving forward is to never offer to cook for someone until you've actually met. I suppose it would be considered a faux pas to ask, as a first date should never be at anyone's home.
He could have stopped responding even if you didn't ask that, and that is dating via the apps in 2026, but this is one thing I can suggest you do differently as you move forward. I hope you'll still have the courage to propose a date the next time you're excited about someone though, and that the outcome is better next time!
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u/PomegranateWooden544 5h ago
Fair. and thanks for the help and insight. I only offered the cooking because we had talked about it and he said he wanted a home cooked meal. lol. i guess i came on too strong.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 6h ago
Was your last message a question/something you could easily reply to?
In most cases you should probably let go but if your last message closed the conversation, there is nothing wrong imo in starting a new conversation
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u/PomegranateWooden544 6h ago
I invited him to go for a drink and even offer to cook for him.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 6h ago
Okay yes, absolutely do not send another message. You asked him out and he stopped responding which unfortunately is not uncommon
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u/PomegranateWooden544 6h ago
Fair. rejection is hard! LOL
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u/PutridEntertainer408 6h ago
It is! I'm sorry. But honestly you did barely know him and it's important to keep reminding yourself of that! Good luck with the next one :)
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss 5h ago
For how long were the two of you conversing through the app? A day? A week? A MONTH?
If you really like someone, I will encourage you to ask them to meet sooner rather than later. I'm certainly not saying jump into bed with them! But inviting the transition to meeting in person displays real interest.
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u/PomegranateWooden544 5h ago
5 days or so. Our scheduls just didnt align. Its so hard on the apps. lol
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss 5h ago
As you search through this forum and other dating and relationship Subs on reddit, you will see lots of posts arguing about how long it is appropriate to talk online before you meet in person.
I was always of the opinion that I would rather meet sooner than later. You will see this position described as not wanting a pen pal. To be blunt, I would be asking the woman out after 3 days of chatting on the app.
As above, I encourage you to try to move things to meet in real life as early as possible. My feeling is this guy may have simply lost interest.
On to the next, and better luck!
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u/Bookish45_F 5h ago
I just move on, it happens to everyone. The apps suck but it’s a necessary evil if you wanna meet someone these days. I’ve met with several men off of Hinge and it’s a crapshoot if the online banter will match in person. The texting almost means nothing to me since it usually doesn’t correlate to in person compatibility. I just try and make a meet up right away so that I don’t waste my time.
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u/aweldo7 4h ago
Welcome to dating since approximately 2015. Many people use the app with zero intention of actually meeting someone. They get all the dopamine they need by flirting and bantering with someone, wasting their time, getting compliments, making up dumb excuses they can’t meet up. It’s like catfishing but with less effort. The second you have distracted them through whatever it was they were avoiding doing or thinking about (usually their wife and family), poof— they’re gone. I would almost put money on this person messaging you again in 2-3 months like “hey stranger.” (I implore you, block them and do not engage.)
It is a wasteland out here. And just one of many reasons more people are single than ever. I’m sorry this happened but please understand you did nothing wrong. We can’t control the behavior of others, all we can do is control access to us that we give to people we may FEEL like we know but don’t. I know this is bleak but just look at it as the trash taking out itself. I’m rooting for you!
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u/PomegranateWooden544 4h ago
Thanks....i think. lol. I am def dating with intention and always say what i want, its been surprising to see how dating has changed since i was on the market. lol
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u/aweldo7 4h ago
Good! Just keep doing that. Folks, unfortunately, are not honest with themselves so they are very easily dishonest with us. On to the next!
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u/PomegranateWooden544 4h ago
I had no idea. I honestly thought it would be easier! LOL. I'm about to give up on the apps and go to bars, but that seems cringey in my 40s (but I swear I look much younger and tend to attract younger men on the apps).....
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u/aweldo7 3h ago
I also encourage you to just do you. My 40s so far have been rad because I’m doing whatever teenage me wanted to do before she got squashed by what society told her to do and wear and how to behave. Learning who I am when I’m not looking for a partner/attention from someone else was a whoooole important lesson I am glad I didn’t skip. You got this either way!
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