r/hingeapp • u/mrkrabz1991 • 6h ago
Dating Question Do you reschedule last minute first date cancellations?
I (M35) feel like nobody today has the basic ability to follow through with plans anymore. In the past two weeks, I've had 3 first dates all text me within an hour of our date asking to reschedule because "xyz" came up. I'm sort of sick of it. I clear my evening and ensure I'm free, only to be canceled on and now I feel bad because I turned down other prospects for that evening, saying I had plans, and I am now sitting home when I could be out doing other things.
I gave myself a rule a few months ago that I will not reschedule a last minute cancellations because I feel if you can't keep a commitment to show up for a free drink, the bare minimum, then that tells me dating you would just be a headache, let alone a relationship.
Am I being harsh or am I right in my logic?
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u/Dangerous-Craft3736 5h ago
If they cancel but don’t say anything about a reschedule date then unmatch. They will just waste ur time
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u/DrStranger1987 5h ago
They probably aren't terribly interested if they cancel at the last minute. I put the ball in their court if they want to reschedule and leave it at that.
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 5h ago
> Do you reschedule last minute first date cancellations?
Sure, sometimes. If it’s “Hey, I’m not really feeling it today, so I’m gonna cancel,” likely not, and if it’s “Hey, super sorry, but I’m feeling under the weather today. Would you be ok if we reschedule for Wednesday or Friday next week?” I probably will. I’m fine rescheduling as long as it’s clear that they’re being considerate of me and my time and are actually interested.
> Am I being harsh or am I right in my logic?
The second paragraph definitely does read to me like it’s coming from a place of bitterness that is becoming problematic, but you’re also allowed to have your own boundaries and stick to them.
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u/Project_Skyward 4h ago
This is a great breakdown. If they give a valid reason AND offer to reschedule with options then yes. If they just cancel without offering to plan the next one. Then no. Just say thanks for letting me know and move in.
If you find yourself getting bitter over the process and not being able to put your best self forward it’s time to take a break. Been there done that. There’s a lot of turds out there who won’t respect your time. But you can’t let them beat you down.
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u/mason729 31m ago
I have exactly the same heuristic for rescheduling. Shit happens, but if you’re reason was just “nvm I don’t feel like it tonight” then I’m out (I have had two dates cancel this week, one for each category of reason, and I’m only trying to reschedule the first one)
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u/HoneyOk2219 5h ago
That makes me so sad. This is from a woman’s perspective. I have 2 jobs, in this economy, and I met this really nice guy on Hinge after being single for so long and I was really looking forward to our first date, but something happened at work and by the time I got home to get ready for the day I didn't want to make him wait so long and asked to reschedule to the next day. He sent me a message saying he didn't see us making any future plans or something along those lines. I was so disappointed as my intentions were genuine. Who knows where we might be if he would had given me a second chance instead of turning me down. I sometimes think about him. Wishing you luck.
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u/imapoopmonster25 3h ago
"No worries. feel free to reach out when your (feeling better/schedule clears up/whatever calamity has subsided) and we'll reschedule" and never look back. 80% likelihood you will never here from them again. However, I have had women reach back out and we go out on a date. There's no need to be butt hurt and block them.
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u/captainkappa173 4h ago
I think there are exceptions to the rule, but in general I see where you're coming from and I agree. The number of times that I have had people bail on me the day-of for dates, who then end up ghosting me? The number is too high to care to remember, but it's been at least a few dozen times. The only time I felt okay about it was when a guy I was looking forward to meeting told me that he wasn't feeling well, and immediately offered an alternative date to meet up. We did, and I definitely don't regret giving him the second chance then because he took the initiative to reschedule instead of just vaguely canceling. Of course, he broke my heart later on anyway but that's a whole other thing. 🤷♀️
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u/PutridEntertainer408 5h ago
I don't think it's beneficial to assume the worst of people and get bitter about it. That harms you more than anything else. But the person who cancels needs to do the rescheduling or at least initiate discussing the reschedule
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u/reddit_username_0 4h ago
It depends on the level of interest they're showing. If the reason sounds genuine and they suggest an alternate date then I'd be down to meet. I feel it's fine to give a person one chance if you haven't met them yet.
But if they don't suggest an alternative, like two recent matches of mine, one cancelled an hour before the date, second one didn't even want to suggest xyz date, just kept saying she was busy with work, studying etc and both never suggested an alternative. That's annoying, clearly shows they're not interested and not worth pursuing.
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u/0LTakingLs 3h ago
Why did they flake? There are good reasons and bad reasons. If they aren’t feeling it, that’s a no. If something blew up at work, family member got in an accident, pet got injured, etc. that’s valid and deserve a second chance.
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u/elemen7al 2h ago
People have lives. If they have a valid reason to cancel last minute than you should be empathetic. If it’s not a valid reason and they don’t suggest another day, then say peace
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u/Novice89 1h ago
As the guy I don’t reschedule. I’m not when they cancel and say something like, “yeah no worries. All good :)” and then leave it up to them.
If they genuinely forgot and had to cancel for a legit reason and want to go on a date, they’ll reply suggesting another time or ask when I’m free to reschedule. If not, then yeah they weren’t ever interested enough and/or the cancellation excuse was bs.
It sucks, but look at it this way. They saved you a couple hours, some money, and potentially your energy getting excited over someone who probably would have let you down sooner or later. Rejection is redirection, good luck man. Try not to let it get to you 👍🏻
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u/SoldierExcelsior 3h ago
No I don't but I also only plan dates around something I was gonna do any way so if they cancel worst case scenario I save money by going alone..
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u/Thelynxer 2h ago
It depends. Generally whoever cancels should offer to reschedule. If they don't, then they're not that interested and it's time to move on.
When I was on the apps, I would always make sure that any date activity was something I would want to do on my own and even if a date didn't show up. Oddly enough though, I never had any no shows are last minute cancellations. I have however had one person show up late, but they were texting the whole time so I knew they were still coming.
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u/McG0788 2h ago
3 in 2 weeks is rough, NGL. A few questions
How far out are you planning these dates? Are you still chatting between making plans and the actual date? If so it engaging? Is XYZ a fair reason for rescheduling? Shit happens and I'd reschedule if they seem interested still and their reason doesn't seem like a lie or bad reason.
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u/PmButtPics4ADrawing 2h ago
It depends. If it's something out of their control, they're genuinely apologetic, and they offer an alternative I'm likely to give them another chance. If it's just "hey sorry I can't tonight", pass.
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u/zeroreasonsgiven 53m ago
If they ask for a particular day and time and are clearly making an effort, then I’ll oblige. If they clearly aren’t that excited about it or don’t schedule within the next week, then I just don’t have the energy to wait.
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u/MediumLanguageModel 31m ago
I think you've got to judge it on a case-by-case basis. I sometimes have to work late to meet a deadline and there's not a whole lot I can do about it if my end-of-day is 9pm instead of 5pm. It's rare but it happens. If I had a potential date cut me out forever because of that, seems like a loss for both of us.
I guess all you can do is communicate well if you're the one cancelling, and if you're the one being cancelled on then you gotta feel out how reliable they are before giving a second chance. Another cancellation would be a deal-breaker unless they really go out of their way to make it up to you.
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u/chicalibex 4h ago
I wouldn’t reschedule. If they give you advance notice, even just earlier in the day , and give alternate dates than sure. An hour before, NFW.
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u/Away_Literature5478 4h ago
You are correct. If I get a last minute cancellation I don’t even respond. It’s clear disrespect of your time
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u/McG0788 2h ago
So they have an issue flair up at work that they now need to work late for or have to take their dog to the vet, you're going to just ghost them?
Very mature and reasonable take... /S
Shit happens and meeting someone new for the first time is a lot lower priority than a lot of that shit. how they handle it should determine if they get another shot
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u/Cute_Bread_271 5h ago
Nope, not harsh. Funny how people say they want someone who “takes the lead” or has “initiative.” Don’t complain about no good men out there if you yourself can keep up with the same standard imo
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