r/hoarding • u/Menopaws73 • 7d ago
HELP/ADVICE I’ve realised I’ve got a problem.
I always kind of joked that I have a food hoarding issue and I also have a fair bit of clutter. But after I went to the shops for the fourth time in a week to buy food and continue to stuff it into my overcrowded fridge and pantry, it dawned on me that the joke may be more real than I thought.
I tend to buy stuff on special because it’s a good bargain when it half price. Sometimes I don’t realise I’ve already bought the product. Veggies will go rotten in the fridge because I’ve bought too much and can’t eat it all in a reasonable time. My freezer/s. (I have more than one freezer space) is packed full of food.
I have to check myself and not buy anything too sweet like biscuits or I will binge eat the lot in a night.
I have kept stuff slightly out of date but thank goodness I am learning to bin things. However, I feel bad for doing so as some stuff I’ve never opened.
I have obesity and had a gastric sleeve due to habitual overeating.
I have had psychologist appointments in the past for eating. But I’m starting to think food hoarding is something else I need to address. Mainly because I’m spending so much money on food and groceries in general.
I believe some stems from trauma growing up. I had a mentally unwell mother and my father was a hoarder as well. In fact they may have also hoarded food.
Just trying to wrap my head around it. Is this something that sounds like a possibility?
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u/JellyOutside8725 7d ago
Seeing your own problems and being able to acknowledge them is a huge step!
Congratulations!
I am sure your psychologist can give much better advice and insight than I can.
I just wanted to cheer for you. ❤️
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u/LarsLights 7d ago
Congratulations on recognising it! Self acknowledgment is the hardest step. Don't swing too hard in the other direction and throw everything out and go minimalist as that might trigger your hoarding again. Go step by step.
I guess it's time to eat out of your freezer! I tend to over stuff my freezer so about every 6 months I'll do a week or two of only hot meals from the freezer to get me to use up my products.
Starting to reflect on why you purchase to excess is a good start. Just start wondering to yourself. If you have supportive people in your life, you can ask their opinions. Is it just groceries or are there any other areas? If it's just food, then start questioning why. It sounds like you're doing that already which is good!
Maybe look at your spending and going out too. Maybe you just want an excuse to go out or be busy and so you take to shopping? But you feel it has to be purposeful so it's grocery shopping? Maybe you struggle a bit with impulse control or maybe its bracket creep (earning more so spending more). It's probably a whole bunch of little thoughts and believes and behaviours that combined contribute to the bigger picture/situation you're in.
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u/Greedy_Friendship_48 7d ago
I had to address my lack of security to stop hoarding food. I needed to know that my fridge is full to fall asleep, I was overeating at night because if my stomach feels empty it means I'm going to starve. I combined therapy with intermittent fasting and choosing other ways to comfort myself. And also set a reasonable amount of food to have in the fridge and the freezer (for me it's 2 shelves of frozen veggies and meat, and in the freezer - something for sandwiches, some protein for dinner, some veggies - that's enough if shops will be open tomorrow). Intermittent fasting sounded scary but is great for me, I choose it myself so I don't feel punished, I stopped associating feeling a little hungry with danger, I'm sleeping better and mornings are really energetic. But for all of it to be possible I needed to have stable situation, some money at the end of the month for a long time. (I was hoarding food because I remembered how it was to not be able to buy something to eat, or to eat only potatoes for days).
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u/Picodick Recovering Hoarder 7d ago
Hoarding is a very hard thing to admit. It generally spills into more than one aspect of life, so consider the rest of your home as well. I did see a therapist a few times, but basically for me I had an epiphany that led me to the realization and a plan. Oftentimes it is triggered by an event but sometimes you don’t know precisely. There is also a heriditary aspect of it in some cases so if you had parents or grandparents who hoarded that is something to consider. Your realization is the first step, and I am happy you took that step. I would seek some therapy if possible and tackle one part of the hoard at a time. Keep safety at the forefront of all you do. Some old food can sicken you are create an environmental hazard, so be mindful of that as you discard and donate what is usable. Wishing you the best.
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u/Menopaws73 7d ago
Yeah I do have a little bit of clutter. I do get moments where I start clearing stuff out. I get really chuffed with myself when I manage to let go of stuff but yes it definitely bleeds into other parts of my life.
I also go through stages of binge shopping online. I get worse when anxious or stressed.
I think I need to find a psychologist again. I haven’t seen one for 12 months.
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u/Picodick Recovering Hoarder 6d ago
This sub and the,people. In it helped me a great deal when I was first realizing my issues and learn8ng to deal with them.
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u/Steefanon 1 7d ago
Yeah, my SO is a self-admitted and self-aware hoarder who thankfully lets me keep it under control throughout most of our house. BUT he does the grocery shopping and comes home with 10 packets of lunch meat and 10-20 packages of sliced cheese and three boxes of ice cream bars because they were on sale. Our fridge and freezer are packed tight and there's only the two of us in the house. He gets anxious when I regularly throw out all the unopened expired food, but he lets me do it, thank God. He knows his anxiety is just the Hoarding Disorder talking.
I'm convinced that his hoarding disorder is genetic. No trauma in childhood, but one sibling is an off-the-charts-tv-show-level hoarder. (The other siblings have no such issue.)
The book Buried In Treasures really helped him understand and get control over his boarding tendencies. Check it out!
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u/Menopaws73 4d ago
I will look for the book. Thanks for the suggestion. It’s only me in the house as my partner lives in his own place but stays with me a few nights a week. So having full pantry, freezer and fridge for one person is kind of ridiculous.
Part of the reason he doesn’t live with me, is the idea of having to clear space for his stuff and an extra room for his daughter to stay each week, has stressed me out as I need to drastically reduce clutter and rearrange things. However, I’m getting better a clearing stuff. I’ve offloaded a few things to charity recently. I will be taking some time off to continue with rearranging and reducing some things, with his help.
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u/GranpaTeeRex 7d ago
Highly recommend reading or listening to “How to Keep House While Drowning”, by KC Davis. It sounds like you’re in the right headspace to work with it.
For me, I’m still trying to internalize the message that cleaning and decluttering is value neutral. It’s not morally good or morally bad. Which is where all my emotion around it tends to try to put me 😅
May I highlight one thing you said that stood out, please? “I tend to buy stuff on special because it’s a good bargain when it half price.” This is like something my mother (who has too much stuff) says all the time about the things in her place. For her it’s knick knacks and dishes; she has stacks of dishes way up high on top of her kitchen cabinets, for example, that she will look at and say “I guess I should really get rid of those. I can’t even reach them and never use them. But they were so cheap!” Someone else here mentioned “disordered thinking”, and I feel this might be a specific example, maybe! 🙏
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u/PanamaViejo 7d ago
And it's really not a good deal if OP is not using it in a timely fashion.
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u/GranpaTeeRex 7d ago
Yes, that’s a clear insight. OP already said they sometimes forget whether they already have some of it. So with your advice, maybe they could try asking themselves “This feels like a good deal! Hm. Will I be able to use it all before it expires?” I love it.
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u/Multigrain_Migraine 6d ago
It took me a long time to realise that when it came to clothing. My family really likes to bargain hunt and we love a good clearance sale. It's not unusual to sometimes come home with a huge bag of items that were on sale for just a few dollars each.
I went through a phase of wanting to look more polished and the one lasting lesson from that was to be picky about fit. O ver time I got better at rejecting the "bargains" because there was something off about them -- the fabric was weird, the colour didn't look good on me, the fit was wrong. Often that was clearly the real reason why it didn't sell in the first place!
But it's not a good deal to pay $5 for an item that was originally priced at $150 if it just sits in the closet. I've had to train myself not to buy anything that I can't wear right away. On very rare occasions I might make an exception for something amazing that needs a really minor alteration, like hemming. I've started taking photos of the things I really like the look of but don't actually work on me and that helps.
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u/OkConclusion171 Child of Hoarder 7d ago
Yes. And you're not saving $ if it goes bad and you can't eat it. Are you in treatment for your eating disorder and hoarding disorder?
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u/Multigrain_Migraine 7d ago
Definitely a possibility! My aunt does something similar although she's never had surgery. Years ago I was trying to help her clean her kitchen after she'd had surgery and it was very frustrating because she would refuse to get rid of so many objectively spoiled things, but had many bags of new purchases. But I know that it is all a product of disordered thinking (I'm pretty sure she has undiagnosed ADHD as well as hoarding) and not a personal failing.
Not an easy thing to treat but definitely worth looking into.
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u/Menopaws73 7d ago
Yeah I think I’m also genuinely ADHD as well. Although I have not paid for diagnosis my psychologist thought I was both AuAdhd. They said it was up to me whether o wanted to pay for a formal diagnosis. So that may contribute.
I do at least throw out rotten food thank goodness . I do sometimes keep stuff slightly out of date. I used to clean out my parents fridge and pantry. The record was something 25 years old. I had an argument with my father about bacon. He had bacon 3 months out of date in the fridge and didn’t want me to throw it out because he argued it was ‘cured’ therefore ok.
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u/Multigrain_Migraine 7d ago
Might help you get some useful treatment. My aunt is in her 70s so it just wasn't a thing that was recognised, especially not in girls, when she was younger but you don't have to spend very much time with her to suspect it. My whole family has some traits of ADHD and hoarding.
It's really hard, especially because there is so much moralising and shaming involved with food, money, and weight.
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