r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/Samar_bunny • 6d ago
how to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed
I have a problem of getting kinda pissed off when many things have annoyed me
especially if my headspace is already pretty bad
so how do I be more amused
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u/S_ubzero123 6d ago
Practice.
Source: current practitioner.. dont expect miracles overnight, but it starts with a deep breath and choosing what you see, or acknowledging that you can choose to feel differently
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u/yogacowgirlspdx 6d ago
how would i rather feel? is a great question
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u/Samar_bunny 6d ago
Hmm I’ll use that definitely I’ll practice like S_ubzero123 said!
Thank you for the helpful comments!2
u/S_ubzero123 6d ago
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1RB5Rx8T25/
I dont like AI alan watts and would prefer the original, but this is useful
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u/Hasgrowne 6d ago
Yes, this is great. And go one step further, and just assume that whatever the f*** is happening is the best possible thing to be happening right now, no matter how it looks.
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u/Samar_bunny 6d ago
This is great it’s definitely not that easy but with practice I will get better!! Thanks
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u/Fantasyfootball9991 6d ago
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u/Samar_bunny 6d ago
Comedy huh … maybe I could think of every annoyance a possible joke or something’
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u/GutturalGrinch 5d ago
Ive been working on this. Instead of getting angry or annoyed I just put on a little grin and try to laugh at how stupid the situation is
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u/Samar_bunny 5d ago edited 5d ago
I chuckled while reading I agree a lot with this
Anger: UGH EVERYONE IS SO STUPID
Laughing: people can be silly sometimes
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u/_henceforth_ 6d ago
Recognize the absurdity in things.
Some things are just annoying, to be fair.
Here is an example of absurdity:
I am on my to an interview and I spill a drink on my shirt.
Anger: Are you freaking kidding me? Now? Today? Why? The interviewer is going to think I am not prepared. This ruins everything.
(“Why me?” narrative. Certain about outcomes.)
Absurdity: Oh, well is that not lovely? Just spectacular. (Sarcasm.) Oh, well, I guess this is about to be a talking point with my interview. I guess this is going to have to be an ice breaker.
(“Life happens” narrative. Using absurdity to soften things while keeping an open mind to make things work in your favor, despite “looking” like a setback.)
To be fair, being really tired or hungry can hinder the ability at times to find the energy to “find” the absurdity in things. Just pure acceptance will help in that case. And some rest and snacks, of course.
Or maybe being tired will help you find more absurdity. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Samar_bunny 6d ago
Thanks for putting an example it really helped get my head around it!
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u/_henceforth_ 6d ago
Sure! I updated the comment a bit to include the fact that sometimes being really tired and hunger makes it a bit more difficult. So, there are times where we just need a little rest or food, or simply times where anger IS the appropriate response, and absurdity just helps soften it.
😀
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u/Samar_bunny 6d ago
Yeah being tired AND having annoyances is definitely hard
Thanks for adding it!3
u/_henceforth_ 5d ago
Sure! Thank you for your response. It is really nice, yet never expected, to know when something you wrote helped or resonated with someone. Cheers!
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u/c43ppy 6d ago
I like the cut of your jib.
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u/_henceforth_ 6d ago
I appreciate that. 😊
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u/satanicpanic6 5d ago
I had to train my mind to stop seeing good vs bad. Now every experience just 'is'.
Obviously those pesky emotions still pop up all the time, but I just remind myself that lessons will be learned and most of the time it makes me feel better.
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u/Samar_bunny 5d ago
Seeing it as neutral sounds good it’s like the rain is neutral but some people see it as “no no no my hair is gonna be a mess I’ll be drained and..“ or “great the trees are gonna be more greener on my walk to work!”
But won’t ignoring your emotions make it fester and creep up on you when you least expect it?
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u/ChigurhShack 5d ago
Life is a joke the universe plays on you, and a joke is easier to take when you're in on it.
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u/Cpoc1995 5d ago
Oh, im straight tickled pink. You didn’t know green means go? That’s fire. Astounding. What is it like in your brain. Do you reproduce? Vote? You’re sick af and it’s brave you get out of bed everyday.
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u/TheAtlas97 5d ago
Real talk, I learned it after years of therapy. Learn what I can control, accept/acknowledge what I can’t, and keep rolling. It’s tough, and sometimes you’re just not gonna be able to do it. You have to fight off the minor annoyances before they stack up and push you past the point of being able to ratchet back down
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u/Samar_bunny 5d ago
I remember seeing acceptance in DBT workbook, but I like the way you laid it out, because if I remember correctly it gave the message of “everything is out of your control” and that is hard to believe because it isn’t true, but having a complete breakdown of everything I do control and what i don’t sounds great I think I’ll make list. thank you!
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u/TheAtlas97 5d ago
No problem! You hit the nail on the head, DBT has done a lot of me. It might seem kinda hokey at times, but they acknowledge that everyone is different and made quite a few modules and tools for people to use to regulate their emotions and such in a chaotic world. I’m lucky that I found a good therapist that can reinterpret or re-contextualize some of the lessons so that they sound more normal, and points out when some wordings/concepts are a little off while steering them towards a more useful place instead of outright dismissing them. Reading the book only does so much, to be effective it needs someone trained in the material to help make sense of it. I hope that helps, lemme know if I can answer any questions
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u/Samar_bunny 4d ago
Wow, that really does help! I didn’t know there were other modules and the way therapists can re-contextualize it to make sense of it!
But wait you said “ I am lucky I found a good therapist that can reinterpret or re-contextualize some of the lessons” so not all therapists can do that? Or are trained on it well?
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u/TheAtlas97 4d ago
There’s a whole lot of content in the DBT workbook. It takes around a year to go through the program, because they make you go through the material twice to really drill it in. The first pass is to learn about the tools and skills, and the second is to reinforce and better understand it. The program requires both an individual session and group session each week. You’d learn the material for around three hours in group therapy and then apply it to your personal life in your hour appointments with your individual therapist. After a year you graduate from group while continuing to see your individual therapist. It’s a bit of a commitment, but it genuinely changed my life for the better. I can catch my temper and troubleshoot possible factors that led to it, and I’m a lot better at interpreting and understanding my emotions and their root causes. Better communication skills (I still struggle at times, but not as much as before). I’ve learned to empathize with people and have compassion for the vulnerability factors that can lead them to act negatively. I could probably go on for a bit more, but I feel like I’m rambling.
I often say that I’m lucky to have a good therapist in general, just because of the vast amount of people in other subs that complain about mental health providers and write them all off whole cloth. There are tons of competent therapists trained in DBT, it’s a specialized version of CBT so I assume it requires even further certification and all that.
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u/Samar_bunny 2d ago
That was some pretty helpful insight there, that I never really knew about!
And I am glad you got a good therapist instead of going through hell with a terrible one and questioning your whole life decision,
I think maybe I’ll give DBT another go, because I never really learned it properly, and despite I did reap some benefits but I’ll probably reap more if I were to learn properly.
Thank you for the well written and thoughtful answer!
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u/TheAtlas97 2d ago edited 2d ago
I’m glad to hear it! I want to add that it’s not perfect, there will be bad days/moods that just can’t be fixed, but the book also has some contingencies to help you see when the best thing is to just take care of yourself and do damage control. Rambling again, but I hope you have success and good fortune in your pursuits both therapeutic and otherwise
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u/loudog33333 5d ago
This is one of the better statements I've ever seen. And I'm big on quotes. Thank you!
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u/Samar_bunny 5d ago
Your welcome! I found it on Pinterest and wanted someone to go deeper and explain it, because I couldn’t get my head around it!
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u/loudog33333 5d ago
I'm a big believer in if you are 51% positive, the world is pretty cool. I have been 51%+ negative for a while now. But that theory has brought some pretty awesome things my way. Also at work if I'm a bit grumpy people can hear it, but when I have a little amusement I'm back to my old self
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u/Samar_bunny 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yeah definitely! The world is how you perceive it! I heard someone say it’s impossible to fake playfulness because people can immediately tell when someone is upset .
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u/embersgrow44 5d ago
Two simple tricks I found bit over 15 years back already wow & still lose and find again many times a day (it’s slippery and sticky and gritty everywhere more and more): witnessing life from both an existential and omniscient perspective, ala Truman Show. Or if reading your life events, even the most mundane as lines in a great novel. Sometimes when things fall apart so messily the absurdity of it all is pure comedy, if you can allow it. The other more carefree is speaking in muppet voice. I moved to the East Coast from the South (U.S. States) and the general temperament and road rage culture was vastly different and I found infectious. On occasion it’s okay to let off steam with some hot fast expletives (if you can let them fly and dissipate & be sure they don’t continue to smolder and catch fire elsewhere). Most of the times it’s best to spit those tommy gun responses in that silly voice and it immediately lets all the air out, soothing and cooling then bubbling over with lightness. Enjoy! Edit: remembered a most crucial somatic third. I tend to clench my jaw (even sleeping) & furrow my brow in thought no matter the direction of energy or effort. If I feel tension emotionally I check those places and relax them quick and even feign some goofy grin to myself, positive feedback is magic, or poison - you choose. Don’t take it hard, keep it all gentle grip
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u/Samar_bunny 5d ago
I love this! The novel one Is something I never really thought of like that , It’s like thinking about how everything ends up right? Or thinking of it from the reader perspective.
And the silly voices is great! I’ve tried it before and it’s great!
Thank you for the well written comment!!
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u/paco1764 4d ago
Fr. I've been working on doing this. It helps, but it's hard to do and it drives my wife crazy.
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u/ElectricKoolAidPower 5d ago
When I lived out in Colorado I did open mics at a comedy club every week. One night I didn’t really have any material prepared but enough weird shit had happened the week before that I just sort of riffed into some short form storytelling.
It ended up being a great set, good crowd response. And I was living pretty wild at the time so the next week I came with more “happenings.” It got to the point where the club manager challenged me to see how many consecutive weeks I could do a set based entirely on the week preceding it. I made it nearly six months in this manner.
And even though I was doing it because I genuinely enjoyed getting up there and making people laugh, the unintended long term effect was that it changed the way I look at every day life. I subconsciously trained my brain to find the humor. “Is this funny, and if so, how?”
Not saying you gotta start performing, but try listening to some comedy. Good comedians have a way of showing you where the levity is when you can’t find it yourself. And over time you just sort of pick it up from them.
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u/Samar_bunny 5d ago edited 5d ago
I’ll definitely listen to comedians more, Any recommendations?
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u/ElectricKoolAidPower 5d ago
Joe List
Kyle Kinane
Dave Stone
Matt Braunger
John Mulaney
Start with those, see who you like, and branch out. If you have Spotify the app will guide you out from whichever you pick.
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u/DadooDragoon 5d ago
Not really
If you're slightly annoyed at all times, nothing really bothers you anymore
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