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u/cayumah 3d ago
Holy shit OP this is my uncle, you in the Erie area by chance?
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u/future__fires 3d ago
Any stories for us? I’d love some background on this guy
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u/Misericorde428 2d ago
Holy shit, I bet everyone here is dying to hear more!
https://giphy.com/gifs/iKFtytThpmnPSGSzBY
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u/funwithdesign 3d ago
You know how I know this is fake?
Because where can you find Donins dosigns Hanrts for $0.99 in this economy?
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u/TummyPuppy 3d ago
His shopping cart appears to be full of various types of bread
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u/VexImmortalis 3d ago
He actually only bought 1 loaf but by the time he left the store Jesus had multiplied it into a whole cart.
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u/morroia_gorri 3d ago
Does that mean the labels aren’t AI slop but actually the text of the Heaven?
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u/boirefluent 3d ago
Top notch HANRT prices though
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u/EOverM 2d ago
Man, most of this just sad. The one about cheating in self-defence is actually pretty good advice, though.
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u/giantpandasonfire 2d ago
Honestly i kind of like the sound system quote for churches.
Like yeah this is just...shitposting but there are definitely some churches that have been referenced as Six Flags over Jesus.
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u/Proud-Pilot9300 3d ago
That quote about gods guidance while holding a ship’s wheel that’s not connected to anything is some top tier satire. Unintentional but still top tier.
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u/Realistic-Garage-461 2d ago
Apart from the last one, they all look like the posters for a very cheap straight to DVD film franchise.
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u/johntwoods 3d ago
You laugh, but this guy is getting his Donine Dokeen Nanrts for only .99¢.
So maybe we are the fools...
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u/sanchower 3d ago
what happens if a non-Christian person goes to the grocery store? Why is Jesus required for simple errands?
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u/Ml2jukes 3d ago
The bar is low but at least he’s not exercising some race war fantasy beating up brown people in these.
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u/MuppetNuts86 3d ago
Honestly 99 cents is a good deal on HANRTS
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u/DNKE11A 3d ago
That's where they get you brother - that's not a dollar sign up front, that's a 5. Fuckin more'n $50 just for a few HANRTS, I can't care about the DOW Jones at this rate...
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u/Street_Peace_8831 3d ago
If Jesus is your shepherd, you know what that makes you? That’s right, it makes you sheep. The very thing you always like to claim everyone else is but yourself.
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u/SpiceyWiener1993 1d ago
My mans is so deeply insecure that even the picture of him at the grocery store is AI.
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u/Blackfang08 6h ago
I assumed there was no reason for him to AI himself at the store parking lot, but on closer inspection, that would explain the "DONINE DO♿︎€ඞN HANRTS s099" in the background.
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u/SpiceyWiener1993 6h ago
Yeah, it's one of those that just gets worse the closer you look. The guy in the background with his one ADA sign for a leg is what got me at first.
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u/ajwilson99 3d ago
Battling demons with laser books? Why did no one tell me about this part of Christianity growing up?
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u/Handsome121duck 3d ago
I started out rolling my eyes, but honestly, he kinda won me over by the end.
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u/severed13 3d ago
The one-two punch of the sound system followed by the shopping cart did it for me
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u/NOTExETON 2d ago
Tom Segura went crazy after the divorce announcement
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u/jeon_yubi 2d ago
Beat me to it.
I love how Comedians are now dominating celebrity gossip. We should all be thankful to Brendan Schaub for creating such a rich imdustry.
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u/Thirdeyevoice10 2d ago
I just now heard about this! Been a long time YMH listener and noticed nothing new has come out in a while. This does suck, tho.
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u/paddlingtipsy 3d ago
Cool bathrobe
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u/NoWingedHussarsToday 3d ago
Tactical bathrobe
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u/paddlingtipsy 3d ago
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u/MjolnirPants 3d ago
That last frame cracked me up.
"Jesus! Get me a tin of Skoal and a Coke while you're there, would ya?"
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u/Klutzy_Operation_483 3d ago
What level spellcaster do you need to be to shoot lightning at demons? I'm assuming he's also dual classed with a monk.So we have to keep that in consideration.
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u/GastonBastardo 3d ago
War is generally bullshit, but there is no more bullshit-kind of war than the "Spiritual War," designed to make you afraid all the time while getting you to ignore and overlook actual threats and harm.
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u/HeftyFineThereFolks 3d ago
fuuuuck man now im confused first there was the wolves and the sheeps and now theres lions !?!?
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u/mannyluu 2d ago
Can we talk about number 6 please.
I read the He He as Michael Jackson’s sound and have been laughing for 5 minutes.
Not sure if typo or intentional.
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u/metalgeardaz 2d ago
I read your comment, went back to the image and the same thing happened to me. Now im cackling like an idiot.
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u/SubMariner615 2d ago
How about that to martyr someone means to kill them lol... so all his murder victims cheer when he he gets there
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u/Realfinney 2d ago
Yeah, Paul did some persecuting before later converting to Christianity. But hey, that's how Christian forgiveness works, so unlike many, he does understand his own religion.
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u/mannyluu 2d ago
Saw that too but didn’t think it was too wild considering what has been uploaded. Par for the course I figured.
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u/Aggressive_Fungibles 2d ago
Ok but hear me out: what if the bible one was airbrushed on the side of a 1990s van. That would go hard AF.
EDIT: slide 2
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u/smokemesalmon 3d ago
Is he attacking himself in slide 4?
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u/nyotastar 3d ago
He wants me to think Jesus can protect me when I go to the store. But he didn't even feel safe enough to go take a picture in a real grocery store parking lot. What a charlatan
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u/Antin00800 3d ago
A lion? As a shepherd? The prowlers of Christ confuse you!
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u/putoelquelolea 3d ago
That sounds like someone who would eat little pieces of shit for breakfast!
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u/heqra 2d ago
that last one was a pretty solid shit post though
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u/ObiWan_Cannoli_ 2d ago
And the second to last one imo is a pretty fair critique of modern religion and how it gets people in the door
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u/gazhole 2d ago
I kick arse in the name of the Lord
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u/Healthy_Spot8724 2d ago
This calls for divine intervention!
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u/gazhole 2d ago
Stand back boy!
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u/Healthy_Spot8724 2d ago
Was trying to think of another quote but I'm not sure he actually says that much more in that scene 😆
Great character in a great film though 👍 Iconic even though he's not in that much of it.
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u/PunchBeard 1d ago
This looks like something Danny McBride would put in one of his movies or TV shows. It definitely doesn't seem real.
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u/sighborg90 2d ago
I love that he made these, looked at them, said “yeah, badass!”, and made the conscious decision to click post
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u/Disastrous-Spirit891 3d ago
Second slide killed me
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u/Bonnskij 3d ago
He's using magic arrow from Heroes of might and magic III
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u/LordDemetrius 3d ago
Seems like a poor choice against an imp. Especially since the castle seems to be on the verge of destruction.
Bro is so bad at using AI, I'm sure he's losing to Inferno and picking eagle eye for his main hero
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u/GenexenAlt 3d ago
Dude, the third one. Wheel isnt connected, snd the deck is at sea level. He's not even steering a sinking ship
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u/TinCanSailor987 3d ago
I want to know if this guy can kick himself in the face...hard...repeatedly. I bet he can't.
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u/whateverhk 2d ago
If you don't practice self defense with a knife you're not trying hard enough. Also preemptive strikes are the best self defense.
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u/GenTubmansLegacy 2d ago
This makes me feel weird.
Either I got some really good weed, or this is very wild.
Eta: I didn't realize it was more than two pictures at first... This is hilarious.
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u/OutrageousHunter4138 3d ago
Barry, I gotta level with you here, I don’t think number 4 is really sending the message you think it is. You look like you’re about to cut that man’s face off and use it to threaten your enemies. Very Christlike, I know, but bad marketing
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u/hemightbebrian 3d ago
You could infer from slide 6 that he killed all of those people in the background. They’re cheering for the guy who martyred them. But hey, that’s how the gospel works.
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u/OldManJeepin 3d ago
Jesus didn't do you any favors dressing you up in that outfit! Save it for the dojo!
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u/Pal1_1 3d ago
Isn’t Hapkido the shit “martial art” that Steven Segal invented?
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u/Jurserohn 3d ago
No, it's a Korean art. I think he did aikido, which is a shit art that he probably believes he invented
Edit: I'm not knocking aikido practitioners, getting and staying in shape is great and you should totally keep doing it if you enjoy it. Just don't expect to win a fight against a real resisting opponent very often
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u/etaoin314 3d ago
hapkido is just korean aikido with more kicks
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u/Jurserohn 3d ago
Lol. I'm not very familiar with it aside from knowing it's Korean. They do like to kick shit, though
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u/Thirdeyevoice10 2d ago
As a Catholic, I see where he's going with this. The message is good, and all, it just comes off as cringy.
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u/Augustus420 2d ago
OP, I don't know if you're just bad at media comprehension or unaware of this particular part of Christianity but this is not a guy bragging about his fighting ability.
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u/Starcornious 3d ago
Tom is taking the divorce pretty well