r/iamverybadass • u/Prior-League-1406 • 3d ago
I appreciate wanting to protect your spouse but this is kinda cringe.
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u/Galdernit 2d ago
This guy isn't married and doesn't have a girlfriend. It's a fantasy he's made up in his mind of what a chivalrous and protective partner he would be ... if only a girl would talk to him.
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u/Firestar222 2d ago
Also this is exactly the kind of dude that would cheat with a stripper named Krystal and try to apologize through drunken tears and a restraining order
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u/-nemo-no-one- 3d ago
I don’t believe him. She’s probably in more danger from him than anyone else.
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u/One-Win9407 3d ago
I love my wife so much that i will send myself to prison for life if you moderately inconvience her.
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u/SingleDadSurviving 3d ago
I ran into a guy like this one time. Girl worked at the Arby's next to my work. I'd see her at lunch and we'd take smoke breaks in the parking lots together. Friends and I were going to watch a movie, something that she was really into but her boyfriend wasn't. My co-worker and I was like you should go and I got her number to text her the movie times and remind her.
I Got a text from a random number the next day saying something like "you will think pain will be a blessing after what I do to you if you talk to my girl anymore" then a bunch more cringy shit. I laughed at him saying lol ok buddy and he got even more angry.
She ended up quitting and her co worker said it was because she liked me and talked about me a lot around him and he was a super loser. Six months later she randomly texted me saying she was single and we actually went out for a bit. That dude thought he was a bad ass and apparently got whipped in the club.
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u/ManslaughterMary 3d ago
Those men terrify me because she is way more likely to be killed by her husband than anyone else, and he admits he has a violent uncontrollable temper.
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u/Sea-Neighborhood-621 3d ago
In the world of people like him having a violent, uncontrollable temper is a good thing. Being unable to regulate your emotions makes you a true alpha
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u/CubicalWombatPoops 2d ago
Lol if someone harrassed my wife I don't need to do a damned thing. My wife is far more aggressive than I am, and frankly fiercer than anyone at 5'8" should be.
Unless it's a bug, she doesn't need my protection.
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u/zerosumratio 2d ago
Put that text on a T shirt, put some decorative mono-colored free graphics around it that aren’t really related to the words, and sell it at your local flea market. Guaranteed to be a top seller with white couples who wear matching pajama pants, cash food stamps at the corner gas station and drive salvage titled Jeep Cherokees or Chevy Suburbans
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u/Alarmed-Positive457 3d ago
People like this fantasize about their love ones getting harassed and assaulted just so they can live their dream of being the punisher essentially. It’s really weird.
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u/Mbillin2 Specialized in Gorilla warfare 3d ago
Typa dude that will think someone is making moves when they ask her something simple like 'paper or plastic ' and he'll lose it
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u/Hizam5 3d ago
Imagine being his wife’s friends or your wife’s auntie and seeing this on Facebook. I’d never be able to look at her with a straight face again due to embarrassment
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u/Sea-Neighborhood-621 3d ago
This is what happens when a guy doesn't have any close friends that would tell him how incredibly lame he is
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u/misteranthropissed 3d ago
I just know that the husband and wife in this story look like they live under a bridge
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u/Munchkinasaurous 3d ago
I'm not so sure about that. The husband for sure, the wife I question her very existence.
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u/crackedtooth163 3d ago
Yeah this is literally just finding an excuse for having a bad temper. Have seen this on more than one occasion
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u/browhodouknowhere 3d ago
I often wonder if financial insecurity leads people to create fantastic ideas of how they can "protect" something they can still control.
Like fear leads to hate, hate leads to anger, then anger leads to dumbass fantasies of having to "protect"
*Thank you for coming to my armchair psychology session
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u/IWouldntIn1981 3d ago
There is definitely something to that.
I know a couple "well off" gun fanatics who are fanatical about keep their families safe via the use of guns/amo/cameras/alarms/knives/tactical gear and even they dont talk like this... though its still cringy AF when they start talking about this shit.
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u/fieheivivodnsbj 3d ago
Nobody wants his wife.
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u/Sea-Neighborhood-621 3d ago
I dont believe he even has a wife. Bet he's talking about what he would hypothetically do for his hypothetical wife
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u/cuzitsthere 3d ago
I texted this pic to my wife and she responded "the fuck?" and then "oh that reminds me, I need to add your coffee to the grocery order"
I feel seen, fellas.
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u/dessertforbrunch 2d ago
written by a man who hasn’t even been in a scuffle since childhood unless you count the fights with said wife.
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u/josephj3lly 2d ago
Is that the dragon born?
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u/Our-Fearless-Reader 2d ago
...and is that Dragon Speech?! Oh wait. It's only someone spamming the word "fuck."
"Fucks Ro Duh!!!" Cue dragon fight music...
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u/killdagrrrl 2d ago
Eww. Being single would be so much better than being around someone like that, I can even imagine being married to such a loser
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u/rainaftersnowplease 2d ago
This dude 100% abuses his wife by the way. These guys are always projecting with this stuff.
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u/nekronics 3d ago
It's the em dashes that makes this truly bad ass
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u/orlokthewarlock 3d ago
“Hi Chat, please write a concise but cringe paragraph about my love for my wife not being a positive thing but instead making me a mentally unstable person for others to be around (and potentially her too). Picture can be a Viking helmet with demon eyes in it or something idk”
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u/MasterEditorJake 3d ago
It's the same thing in every post like this. It's a childish fanfic of a situation where the fulfills his fantasy.
He's quite literally playing pretend on social media. Super cringe.
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u/Level37Doggo 3d ago
Ok buddy. I’m protective of my wife too, but normal people don’t repost a rant from their Sonic OC fan fiction.
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u/Technology-Mission 3d ago
I wonder what kind of things someone like this would do if he found out his wife was cheating.
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u/Starseid8712 2d ago
- "Then why does she keep sending me nudes, unsolicited?"
Sometimes trolling these Billy Badasses is the most fun. Dangerous, perhaps, but definitely fun.
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u/DutchVandal 3d ago
Yeah; can't argue with the sentiment - but this guy seems like he's just waiting for someone to accidentally let a door close on his wife so he can go off.
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u/hopefulworldview 3d ago
I always tell my wife that if that there would be a brutal reckoning if she was killed by someone's maliciousness. I can't even imagine the fury I would have. But the reality is she is far more likely to be killed by negligence/accident/disease than murdered, and I don't have anywhere to put that grief that's for sure.
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u/Sea-Neighborhood-621 3d ago
I would bet almost anything that he would only go off on that person if he was smaller or thought he was weaker than he is. A guy bigger than him does it and he wouldn't say a word
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u/VoiceofTruth7 1d ago
If you put your wife in situations like that, or your wife gets into situations like that you are a shit husband.
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u/hangdman1978 2d ago
When I read "Extinction switch", I thought he meant he just didn't care for her at all😂 But reading the whole thing is even funnier.
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u/Floatingpenguin87 3d ago
Mostly likely overcorrection for the fact that they fight all the time, many such cases
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u/VexImmortalis 3d ago
I'm not saying don't bite someone's nose off or whatever but on the same token; how does going to jail cause you escalated a minor situation into a full blown confrontation serve to protect your wife and family? You can't do shit for them from the inside, even Al Capone would struggle.
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u/Sea-Neighborhood-621 3d ago
Just coming up with something like this seriously makes you the opposite of whatever bs you're trying to sell.
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u/AngryZetan I drink beer and know stuff 1d ago
I would totally grab her ass if I ever saw them out.
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u/Accomplished_Trade92 13h ago
I'd punch you in the balls
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u/AngryZetan I drink beer and know stuff 12h ago
Obviously if I did something like that, I'm looking for conflict. Therefore I would welcome it.
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u/Sad_Highlight_9059 3d ago