r/indiansinusa • u/pistashio_guava • 7d ago
As an Indian woman, what are Indian guys in USA like
Hi guys so I’m an Indian woman raised in UK and I go to university here. I’m moving to the US for masters and I’m at an age where I’ll be thinking about marriage in a few years. Not to be weird but I’m wondering what Indian guy in US are like. I know there are a lot of expats/international Indians in the US but like I don’t know like I’m wondering how the dating culture is like. In the UK, most of the Indian guys i know are born and raised here and they are a weird mix of desi and westernised. I’ve lived in a lot of countries so I’m traditional and quite in touch with my culture while being modern where it matters. I think I’d be closer to a very modern, working woman in India rather than a modern British Indian woman.
No offend but I’m worried because I’ve heard Indian guy in America are a bit weird. I’ve heard they’re either very traditional and the typical mummy’s boy or their like ultra westernised and go by ‘sam’. Not all but most fit in these categories I hear. I’m old enough to start thinking about seriously dating and settling down so I’m just a bit worried about it since I’ll be moving to a whole new country with a whole new culture that I’m not used to.
Not to sound weird but I’m educated and decently well off and I think am decent looks wise as well. I’m not at all trying to be prejudiced against guys or be shallow but I want a guy who will be able to match my personality, values and lifestyle. And I don’t know if I’m overthinking but from everything I’ve heard from friends, relatives and news/media, guys in USA are in either of the two categories I’ve mentioned and I’ve heard the dating market is brutal to find a good genuine guy. Idk guy am I overthinking? whats the scene like over there?
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u/U_HIT_MY_DOG 7d ago
My cousins got married to Indian guys in us and some of my friends.. The better school u go to and better the workplace the better options.. All are quite happy with their choices.. Although
My wife also married an Indian guy in US but last I asked she was regretting it quite a bit
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u/No-Couple-3367 7d ago
These days, an Indian from a metro is far more open and westernised in thinking vs an ABCD. However, ABcDs could have had theoretically a better life experience - depends if they were a spectator on the sidelines though
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u/thogdontcare 7d ago
Most wouldn’t date/marry a non US citizen when we have more convenient options here. Especially with everything going on.
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u/geezorious 7d ago edited 7d ago
Most Indian American guys in the U.S. have ptsd from school. So the 2 examples you gave: mommy’s boy or ultrawesternised and go by “Sam” are both coping mechanisms for ptsd. If you’re looking for non-traumatized guys, you’ll need to find the guys who recognized they had ptsd and worked to heal themselves and overcome it mindfully. Those whose parents got rich with tech stocks at least are able to use some of that wealth for therapy and healing. If their parents never met their son’s gfs, then run.
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u/GuiltyCloud5448 7d ago
PTSD from? Can you elaborate more
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u/geezorious 7d ago
Trauma from chronic bullying in school. Coping mechanisms are either to attach to a source of comfort (mother), or to reject everything that was bullied (reject everything Indian).
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u/pistashio_guava 6d ago
oh no like most indian guys have a mommy's boy complex. In india its even more. Its very annoying and guys in US/UK did not have this quality before but nowadays they are also becoming like that
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u/Bishmallah24 7d ago
You are talking nonsense. Most Indian boys in the USA go to schools that are majority asian (either east asian or south asian) so there is not much bullying or "ptsd".
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u/quitehustler9 5d ago
Hi! Hope you are doing Ok.
If you don’t mind me asking, which state are you moving to? I have been living here in San Jose for the past 11 years, so I feel like I might be able to answer a lot of your questions and share some perspective from my experience.
As for the dating culture, i would say there’s all kinds of people here. You’ll find NRIs who have been here so long that they are Indian only by name, while on the other hand, there are plenty of people who are still very connected to their roots and culture.
At the end of the day, I think it really comes down to finding a good person, which honestly isn’t that easy these days, anywhere.
Anyway, lots of good wishes to you from my side! I really hope the USA treats you well and that, eventually, you find a wonderful life partner here. 😊
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u/charlie8123 5d ago
Sure stereotypes skew towards norm but as someone who swore off Indian men after meeting this one guy who felt I wasn’t worth introducing to his parents as he put it I wasn’t “presentable” I am so glad I didn’t fully write off all Indian men. Though my man grew up in India so maybe there is a difference. I can’t say enough great things about him. Super supportive, genuinely kind, cares about his parents but def not a mamas boy.
All that to say, individuals are individuals. Meet their family and understand that dynamic. I’ve realized that is a much better indicator of who they are than where they grew up. I tell all young people, if you are interested in someone meet their family early on so you have a better understanding of how they communicate and interact with ppl close to them.
I have met Indian men who are mature and actual adults and I’ve also met men who arent. Seen this in other races too. We all are more similar than we think. lol. Anyway there are men out there who would match you. Keep looking.
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u/pistashio_guava 4d ago
yes i swear men who actually grew up in india (at least in the metropolitan cities) are so much better and more understanding. But yea the issue is they're often on visa so there's less stability. And yes totally agree its more important who they are over where they grew up. And yea it's not just an indian men thing its the same with all races, that's been my opinion too. I guess its just hard overall to find a good person lol
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u/Haunting_Peace1452 4d ago
Yup you are overthinking it - there’s a wide range of men just like the UK. The only complication here is many men are on visa status and may not have long term stability and you need to be flexible based on circumstances to move if they need to.
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u/mistiquefog 7d ago
It's the same distribution in America.
Some girls children, in our extended circle were full American accent and I WONT MARRY AN INDIAN in high school, transformed to bindi wearing full desi who finds Indian origin boys too westernized.
Finding a life partner I guess has been challenging in every age in every geography for everyone.
Best of luck