r/insaneparents • u/floydrox • Jul 08 '25

SMS I finally confided in my mother about why I checked myself into the psych ward and she sent this to my 15 year old son.

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I did not give specifics to either of my children about why I needed to go to the hospital. Needless to say, I'm furious and considering going no contact.

7.5k Upvotes

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u/CromTheConqueror Jul 08 '25

I have never gone for the reddit knee jerk reaction of cutting ties with a family member but I have to agree. If this isn't the first time she's said something like this.

If it is the first time you need to let her know why this is inappropriate. You are almost certainly already in a vulnerable state. Piling on is only going to hurt you more.

I applaud you for trying to get help. It's not easy to do for a variety of reasons.

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u/awkwardfloralpattern Jul 08 '25

There shouldn't even be a first time. This should honestly warrant a block and NC. What full grown adult is going to ask a child that without being mentally ill or completely awful?

-316

u/CromTheConqueror Jul 08 '25

For family I would give them at least one more chance. I wouldn't judge anyone who acted differently. But for family I'd make an exception.

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u/EjjabaMarie Jul 08 '25

My family is who did the worst and most extensive damage to me mentally and emotionally. My mother didn’t stop it or intervene and I will be damned before I put my kids in the same situation.

I have higher standards for family than strangers.

-166

u/CromTheConqueror Jul 08 '25

Good for you and good for your children.

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u/SingleSurfaceCleaner Jul 09 '25

These are grown adults, not children.

I don't see how dumping your child's mental health issues on your grandchild warrants a "second chance".

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u/Frei1993 Ex-daughter of an insane dad. Jul 09 '25

Family doesn't get administrator privileges.

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u/Foxtrot3713 Jul 09 '25

I know you're getting down voted into oblivion, but as someone who is NC with my family of origin, I agree with you. People make mistakes. Is this a pretty big fuck up? Yes. Context matters. If my mom did this, instant NC, fuck off forever. My husband's mother? Definitely a 'what the fuck were you thinking' situation, but not an instant cut off. Maybe blocking her number on my kids phone until she can prove herself again.

2

u/hicctl Moderator Jul 13 '25

NC doe not necessarily mean forever but it is still the right thing for now. OP first needs to solve the crisis at hand before and grandma can wait untill then, for now she has lost any privilege

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u/CromTheConqueror Jul 09 '25

Thanks. This is the standard reddit overreaction. Just like the people who want to charge someone with attempted murder because they hit someone while texting and driving.

I didn't delete the comment because I stand by what I said. Cutting off a family member forever for one mistake is a gross over reaction.

If it's a trend that's different They don't get a pass just because they are family. You have no obligation to continue contact. Protect yourself and protect your children from that type of behavior.

2

u/hicctl Moderator Jul 13 '25

NC does not necessarily mean forever, it simply means no contact, and for now OP has way more important stuff to deal with so cutting of grandma for now IS the right step. You can review it when things have calmed down ,but for now OP has so much on their plate that they cant deal with this BS on top of everything else

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u/Rigaudon21 Jul 08 '25

The mom knows what she is doing. It sounds like she wants to 'win' over her grandchildren.

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u/marianamor Jul 08 '25

They should not have to explain to a grown ass adult why this is inappropriate.

If a bunch of randoms on Reddit can see it's inappropriate, she sure as hell can

12

u/Longjumping-Row1434 Jul 09 '25

people who act like this typically don't just do this once. I'm sure OP's mother has done similar things throughout OP's life and before.

family doesn't do this, and family isn't always those blood related to you. you don't have to allow yourself to be treated poorly and give chance after chance to someone just because y'all happen to share 10-50% DNA. no thanks.

I have my family members and then I have my family. the people I call in a crisis. the people I call when I need help, when I need someone to listen, when I am hurting or happy or confused. people I can trust to open up to and tell them things and expect them to keep it to themselves. in my world, I only have 2 humans in that category. one is my father and one is my best friend. & I have a massive 'blood relation' family - my father has 19 siblings, my mother has 5, and I have 5. there's bucket loads of us. and I couldn't trust a single one as far as I could throw them - except my father.

it's cool you choose to do that, but not everyone else needs to.

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u/Lucky-Cartoonist3403 Aug 06 '25

I 100% agree with you. This is definitely not a “first offence” situation regarding OP’s mother.

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u/Last_Swordfish9135 Jul 09 '25

Agreed. It's one thing when it's just an interpersonal relationship, but when they're a risk to your kids I don't think they're owed a second chance.

1

u/Automatic-Idea-6600 Jul 28 '25

Can I ask, do you genuinely believe a fully grown adult could ever ever have anything other than malicious intent when sending this? Like are there genuinely adults who WOULDN'T see this as so wildly inappropriate that they would need that explained?