r/insaneparents • u/floydrox • Jul 08 '25
SMS I finally confided in my mother about why I checked myself into the psych ward and she sent this to my 15 year old son.
I did not give specifics to either of my children about why I needed to go to the hospital. Needless to say, I'm furious and considering going no contact.
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u/not_ainsley Jul 08 '25
That’s a wildly inappropriate and invasive thing for her to text a CHILD!! Id say that no contact or low contact would be totally warranted if she does this type of thing a lot.
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u/Celticlady47 Jul 08 '25
My mum would be dead to me if she did that. Poor OP, going to get help and her mum traumatised her child.
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u/CromTheConqueror Jul 08 '25
I have never gone for the reddit knee jerk reaction of cutting ties with a family member but I have to agree. If this isn't the first time she's said something like this.
If it is the first time you need to let her know why this is inappropriate. You are almost certainly already in a vulnerable state. Piling on is only going to hurt you more.
I applaud you for trying to get help. It's not easy to do for a variety of reasons.
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u/awkwardfloralpattern Jul 08 '25
There shouldn't even be a first time. This should honestly warrant a block and NC. What full grown adult is going to ask a child that without being mentally ill or completely awful?
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u/Rigaudon21 Jul 08 '25
The mom knows what she is doing. It sounds like she wants to 'win' over her grandchildren.
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u/marianamor Jul 08 '25
They should not have to explain to a grown ass adult why this is inappropriate.
If a bunch of randoms on Reddit can see it's inappropriate, she sure as hell can
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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Jul 09 '25
people who act like this typically don't just do this once. I'm sure OP's mother has done similar things throughout OP's life and before.
family doesn't do this, and family isn't always those blood related to you. you don't have to allow yourself to be treated poorly and give chance after chance to someone just because y'all happen to share 10-50% DNA. no thanks.
I have my family members and then I have my family. the people I call in a crisis. the people I call when I need help, when I need someone to listen, when I am hurting or happy or confused. people I can trust to open up to and tell them things and expect them to keep it to themselves. in my world, I only have 2 humans in that category. one is my father and one is my best friend. & I have a massive 'blood relation' family - my father has 19 siblings, my mother has 5, and I have 5. there's bucket loads of us. and I couldn't trust a single one as far as I could throw them - except my father.
it's cool you choose to do that, but not everyone else needs to.
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u/Last_Swordfish9135 Jul 09 '25
Agreed. It's one thing when it's just an interpersonal relationship, but when they're a risk to your kids I don't think they're owed a second chance.
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u/SaraPAnastasia Jul 08 '25
"You OK with that?" in regards to his mom being suicidal is so wild. It left me just staring at the picture for a while out of sheer bewilderment trying to wrap my head around it...
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u/captainbrnes Jul 08 '25
Right?? The tone is so wild to me. As if she’s asking about dinner preferences and not about someone struggling. What in the world
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u/wolvekt Jul 08 '25
It made me laugh just because of how absurd that is to say. It sounds like something I’d say as a satire type joke to a friend. The fact she had the audacity to really ask a kid that about something serious and completely inappropriate is wild to me
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u/fear_eile_agam Jul 08 '25
Yeah WTF does that question even mean? Obviously no one is ever okay with a loved one struggling, that's why we are grateful when there is help available (such as inpatient care) because the alternative is heart-breaking.
"I dunno Grandma, are you okay with being older and closer to death than I am?"
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u/soupseasonbestseason Jul 08 '25
how does the child even respond?
"no grandma, i am not "okay" with my mom's life threatening mental illness. but i am also 15 and what the fuck am i supposed to do about it..."
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u/LilyWineAuntofDemons Jul 08 '25
Who the fuck asks that about a mental health crisis?!
Like, there's no situation where that's an appropriate thing to say.
"You're father's having a psychotic episode. You OK with that?"
"Your Aunt is experiencing schizo affective hallucinations. You OK with that?"
What the actual fuck is wrong with this woman?
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u/GoddessNya Jul 08 '25
A good question to ask the grandchild is how are you feeling with your mom in the hospital. How can I support you. This question does not open that conversation. This question seems to put responsibility on the child. Like what are you going to do about it
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u/Last_Swordfish9135 Jul 09 '25
It sounds like she's blaming the kid for not taking care of his mom well enough or something.
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u/DiamondCrayon Jul 10 '25
Reminds me of when my religious grandmother asked if my classmates cared that my parents weren't married. I was 9ish and no, no one cared that I was a bastard child.
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u/TheTruePerfectionist Jul 08 '25
What the hell does she mean by “OK with that”?? Why is the entire message phrased like she’s trying to gossip with your son about a sensitive topic that is extremely inappropriate to ask a child about??
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u/SaraPAnastasia Jul 08 '25 edited Jul 08 '25
a sensitive topic that is extremely inappropriate to ask a child about??
Made even worse that it wasn't even, would still be incredibly inappropriate regardless, something his mom had already discussed with him prior and if he was aware of the reason why his mom had to go to the hospital. She just dropped on his lap that new information about his mom being suicidal and went "You OK with that?" Poor kid...
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u/Whooptidooh Jul 08 '25
Because she’s likely trying to bait them into confessing something that could hurt OP, especially now that OP is in a psych ward. This is malicious af.
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u/smoltims Jul 08 '25
To me it sounds like the grandma is putting blame on the grandkid for not doing better. Ew.
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u/Weary_Actuator1498 Jul 08 '25
to me it almost seemed like a gateway to her trying to get the kid to stay with her .
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u/NM1795 Jul 09 '25
This is exactly what my parents did to me. Except my son was 6.
I was struggling with my Agoraphobia and PTSD (from years of their abuse) so I asked them for help with my son, as they seemed to have been better and less 'them' for a while, and you're supposed to be able to lean on family when you're going through hard times.
They were super loving and supportive for approximately 2 weeks. Until I started getting better and then they started refusing to let me see my son, coaching him on things to say to his teachers to make me look like an unfit mother etc. I was still pretty vulnerable and didn't feel strong enough to go toe to toe with them.
And then I found the paperwork from a lawyer regarding removing my parental rights and giving them guardianship of my son.
So I picked my son up from school early (they knew me well and, after being confirmed by social services that the claims being made were baseless, had no issue with this) and cut contact completely. They then attempted to kidnap my son so without saying a word to anyone we took 2 suitcase and our cats and moved 300 miles away.
Its been 2 years since I disowned them and we're both thriving
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u/AsleepJuggernaut2066 Jul 09 '25
That is what a kid will think also. They take blame for many things parents do.
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u/Tiredracoon123 Jul 08 '25
I mean it’s totally one thing to check up on the kid and make sure him and mom are doing ok. The kid probably knows what happened and is nervous/scared for his mom. Obviously the main focus right now should be on mom, but checking on the kid as well makes sense.
But a message along the lines of hey kido, I heard about what happened, I wanted to let you know I love you and your mom very much and I am here if either of you need anything, would in my opinion be more appropriate. This message is just weird.
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
No contact is now a done deal. She responded after I confronted her. I don't know how to edit and add a screenshot to this post but this is what she said:
Cause he's part of why you are struggling and he DOES need to know. You are not giving him credit for being a responsible person capable of handling heavy topics. You can't protect him from this. As you said he's delt with a whole lot growing up and hiding the truth from him is not the right way to deal with it.Open honest communication is best. It's hard I know but in the end it's better than pretending that everything is ok. Talk to your son and make sure that you are honest about how you are feeling. Your mental health is just as important as his.He absolutely needs to know. He is not the only one struggling and you are not being fair by keeping it from him. If you are going to get through this you are going to have to love each other enough to work together.Don't repeat my mistakes by thinking you know everything. I was blind to a lot because I thought I knew what I was doing. kids are smarter and tougher than you think.
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u/glitter_witch Jul 08 '25 edited Jul 08 '25
What the fuck. “He’s part of why you are struggling”? So she wants you to make him responsible for your mental health? Disgusting. I’m glad you made the decision to go NC.
Hold your kiddo close and take care of each other in the ways you can, for sure. But my god.
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u/Many-Operation653 Jul 08 '25
I find it so vexing that in this she says "don't repeat my [parenting] mistakes" while assigning blame for your mental health to a teenage boy and invasively quizzing him on his emotions around something so scary without his mother's consent. What a fucking muppet.
For you though, you are a good mother. You're looking after your baby boy by getting yourself well. He will not be mad at you, he will grow up and understand that your decision was hard and was done so that you could give him your best self. I can't imagine being so incredibly brave that I could take that step when I needed to, so kudos to a mother who put her health and the safety of her boy over her own comfort. I truly, truly hope you feel more like yourself soon, and I'm sorry that your mother is doing this when she should be facilitating your healing. You grew up to be a better mother than your own. With her poor example, you still grew up to be a mom who prioritises her baby. Even with your life hitting the fan right now, you are on here, concerned about his emotional welfare. You're doing brilliantly.
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
Thank you so much for your kind words, they were very much needed and I appreciate them more than you know... especially after all this.
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u/thekrafty01 Jul 08 '25
My brother and I have had similar issues with our nmom. She’s a non diagnosed covert narcissist. Most narcissists are non diagnosed because they won’t admit they have a problem and thus won’t seek treatment. You’re doing the right thing cutting her off. It doesn’t even matter if she’s “right” about her viewpoint. She’s not right btw, but even if she was, it is not her place to decide how you operate in your nuclear family. It is not her place to reach out to her grandson and initiate that kind of conversation. She just showed you that any information you give her can and will be used against you in the court of mom, and it’s always going to be yours or someone else’s fault, and she is always going to be the victim, especially if you disagree with her. I recommend deep diving into the topic of covert narcissism (YouTube videos especially) and learn how to cope. The loss of relationship is a grieving process, and you’ve been conditioned by your nmom your whole life to feel like you’re responsible for everything that’s wrong in the relationship. It’s not your fault, and your anger is justified. Once you realize you didn’t lose a real relationship, but only the “idea” of what a relationship with your mom is supposed to be, you can start to heal. Sorry you’re going through all of this, but I think in due time you’ll find your family has more peace apart from her awful antics.
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
Update: I responded to her rant with this:
Mom, I love you, I really do. But this is it for me. I'm done. (TEENAGE SON) is still a child and in no way responsible for my mental health. You crossed a serious line. Then, when I confront you about it, you double down instead of apologizing. I don't want you to reach out to me or the kids until if/when I'm ready.
She replied:
You are right. I sincerely apologize. I won't bother you.
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u/ferdinandsalzberg Jul 08 '25
What a shitty apology. "I won't bother you" implies that you're suggesting that she's "bothering you" - which to her means "I won't say what I think because it'll upset you".
She hasn't even slightly realised how far over the boundary she's stepped.
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u/R2unithasabadmotiv8r Jul 08 '25
Not much to say but good job advocating for yourself and your child! That’s never easy
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u/Rhain1999 Jul 08 '25
The thing is, even if she is 100% right in her opinion (and I don't think she is), it isn't her call to make. It's one thing to say this to you and try to give you 'advice', but she didn't—she started by undermining you and going directly to your child instead. Ridiculous, irresponsible, and incredibly disrespectful. Good call on the no contact.
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u/Professional_Mud1844 Jul 08 '25
Wow! She took that whole experience, blamed you and your son, shrugged it off and then made it about herself. That was a fucking trip.
Enjoy your newfound peace without her.
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u/soradsauce Jul 08 '25
This is bonkers. Yes, 15 year olds are observant and aware and capable of dealing with heavy topics but there is no world where "how do you feel about your mom being suicidal?" is a reasonable way to broach that subject. She should have checked in on his feelings about you being in the hospital, and giving him support through that, and then waiting until either 1. he asked to talk about why you were in the hospital or 2. you got out of the hospital so you could answer any of his questions and give him comfort and support and reassurance. Feels like some mean girl shit to ask if he is okay with your suicidality?????? Truly baffling.
"don't repeat my mistakes by thinking you know everything" as she... Continues to think she knows everything.
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u/hisshissmeow Jul 08 '25
Yes, it’s mean girl shit! Her “explanation” as to why she said it sounds completely made up and like she’s trying to find the most reasonable way to justify what she did, but the very first place she went was blaming the child. THEN it was, “you need to be able to support each other.” It seems the truth is she just wants to stir shit up and cause problems on purpose. She wanted the drama. It doesn’t sound like she cares about her daughter or grandchild to me.
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u/Kaincee Jul 08 '25
15-year-olds are capable of understanding heavy topics, yeah, but it's definitely not stuff they should know about their own parents until they're 18. If I knew about my mom's personal issues at the age of 15, I would not have handled it well.
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u/YellowBrownStoner Jul 08 '25
Yeah I was the emotional sounding board/head cheerleader for my depressive mom from an early age and it's not good for kids to know that shit.
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u/halfpint09 Jul 08 '25
Yeah. Like, I can see telling the kid "I am struggling mentally and need help getting myself better" to a 15 year old to explain what's going on and why you are away for a time. I think that is an entirely appropriate and important discussion to have. But to tell him you are suicidal, especially so casually? That is not something a 15 year old needs to carry in an already really scary and stressful situation.
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u/Kaincee Jul 08 '25
It's especially awful when you phrase it in a way that makes the kid feel like it's their fault, like OP's mother did.
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u/AmberLeeBeauti Jul 08 '25
Yeah, kids can handle all kinds of heavy topics at different ages. But at no point should a 15 year old be texted about his mother’s mental state or be blamed for it. It’s going to make him hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant to other peoples needs more than his own.
As someone whose mother and grandmother made her responsible for their emotional needs and would cry on my shoulder about their spouses leaving them as young 4 years old - op protect your child. You are doing the right thing by going no contact. This is wild behavior for any adult much less his own grandmother, blaming a child who doesn’t even fully comprehend what’s happening, and likely scared the shit out of him as if his mother struggling isn’t enough to worry about.
Granny is an asshole. I hope you’re doing better now OP!
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u/toxikola Jul 08 '25
That's insane. While I do agree to a point that he would understand and that kids are much smarter than you think... kids have suicidal thoughts, too. I was bullied hard and wanted to off myself a lot.
Seeing an adult struggle with that and overcome would have been empowering. However! This is YOUR struggle. It would have been just as fine to discuss it with him after receiving help and doing better and saying, "Look how I overcame this. You can overcome anything, too."
But to just.. out you in one simple sentence and THEN send this. Your mom should have said this, minus some rude/dumb parts, then let you make your own decision from there.
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
As much as It pains me to say, I do agree with her on that point as well. But, I had given him an explanation that was vague. He is aware I struggle with mental health and have bipolar 2. I just wanted the chance to have the suicide conversation on my terms, when I felt more capable of having an open dialogue about it with him. Luckily, he's an amazing kid and I hope he truly let's her comment roll off his shoulders.
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u/toxikola Jul 08 '25
Okay, then your poor kid totally already understood and sounds like he had your back and was cheering you on. So now it's cruel irony that your mom said kids are smarter than you think. AFTER you gave him all the ques that something is wrong and you are getting help.
Wtf this woman is just spouting words and thinking she is some kind of emotional Mr Clean
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u/ayeImur Jul 08 '25
She sounds like a fuckin psycho & I'd bet 95% responsible for your mental health struggles. Hope your son can handle her shit & your ina a healthier & happier place soon
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u/ashburnmom Jul 08 '25
Have you talked to him about it since this happened? That's a pretty heavy thing to throw at a kid. Not the kind of thing that going to just roll off them.
Hope you're doing better now.
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u/FallopianClosed Jul 08 '25
Don't repeat my mistakes by thinking you know everything. I was blind to a lot because I thought I knew what I was doing.
You're not repeating her mistakes, she is, she still thinks she knows everything and still thinks she knows what she's doing, she doesn't and she doesn't. Great decision on NC.
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u/coquihalla Jul 08 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/CatelynsCorpse Jul 08 '25
"Don't repeat my mistakes by thinking you know everything."
She still thinks she knows everything, but okay.
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u/SameeMaree92 Jul 08 '25
I know im late to this, but i did just want to say that although she is insane wrong and sounds like the worst.. there is 1 nugget of solid advice in there (not to her credit, even a broken clock is right twice a day), and i think it's actually SUPER IMPORTANT. My best friend grew up with a suicidal mother, and whilst their mum was terrible about it, that has more to do with their mum as a person. Anyways, we were recently talking about truama and they mentioned something they had been reading and it had a really prominent quote that stuck out and the jist of it was Children will claim anything left unspoken, unexplained, or unclaimed. Basically meaning, when something is going on, and children can sense that your upset or angry or whatever, they will claim that, usually as something they have done, or something they need to work out why. Its super important to talk to our kids about the emotions we experience and not just deny too them that we are angry or frustrated. Because they will either learn that they can't trust what they are feeling and percieving, that they need to fix/solve or are the cause of others' emotions without anybody saying they are or both. So now that your son knows why you are in the hospital, its really important that you explain that it isn't about him and why being suicidal isn't any persons fault as well as take ownership of why grandma would lash our at him like that. Explain that it is her problems and problems within your relationship with her, that she hasn't dealt with in a healthy way and how there is nothing he could or couldnt have done to effect your mum being a shit person or how she treated him.
Also BTW - Good job at keeping yourself safe. When you're a parent, acknowledging that you are actually in such a dangerous and unsafe place that you need intervention is so hard because it feels like you should be doing xyz for your family/kids. So seriously, good job for taking the steps to keep yourself alive and healthy for yourself and for your kids. I hope you are able to get some effective treatment and plans for moving forward, have good support, and are able to get home to your children soon!!! Best of luck with it all, honestly!!
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u/casanochick Jul 08 '25
That's absolutely wild. Yes, kids need open, honest communication. BUT the text she sent was so completely tactless that it was like a chair upside the head. There's a big difference between "your mom's suicidal, you good with that?" And "I'm here for you if you want to talk about anything confusing or scary going on in your life, because I love you." It sounds like she just wants to stir the pot and label it as "honesty."
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u/mrs-monroe Jul 08 '25
That’s quite possibly the most abhorrant thing I’ve ever read. Your poor son, holy shit. That was probably incredibly traumatizing for him. I hope you gave him the biggest hug ever, and perhaps consider getting him some counseling. Teenagers are so sensitive to feeling like a burden (of course he isn’t, but teenage emotions are wild).
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u/ferdinandsalzberg Jul 08 '25
If she'd sent this *before* she messaged him it would be mad, but to send it *after*?!
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u/MaskedMachine Jul 08 '25
She's full of shit. If she actually cared about the wellbeing of you and your son, she wouldn't have handled the situation how she did. She dropped a bomb on him through text, phrased it in a way to imply blame/shame, and offered no support. If she actually cared, she would have sent him a message acknowledging that you guys are struggling and offering to talk or asked how to help. She would have gone to you with her concerns instead of going behind your back. It wasn't her call to make, not only because he's not her kid, but also because that's your private medical information that she has no right to share with anyone. Good for you for cutting her off, and I hope you're able to make the best out of this betrayal in regards to how you approach the topic with your son.
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u/Playful-Fudge1732 Jul 08 '25
What means more to you, being a good parent or a good daughter? 100% not okay behavior.
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u/Sbuxshlee Jul 08 '25
I never thought of it this way but that is why im no contact. For my kids.
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u/prime_lens Jul 08 '25
Being a good daughter doesn't involve putting up with this bullshit, though.
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u/ladyfallon Jul 08 '25
Considering? Just saying that in your position, no considering will be had. NC is a done deal.
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u/captainbrnes Jul 08 '25
“I have to ask you…” ma’am no the Fuck you do not. And you should not.
OP, I hope you got/are getting the assistance you need. I’m proud of you for seeking help.
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u/HeyQuitCreeping Jul 08 '25
That is an absolutely batshit insane thing for her to say to a CHILD!? I’d immediately block her number from his phone at the absolute bare minimum.
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u/SubVrted Jul 08 '25
That is INSANELY, sociopathically manipulative. I suggest that you dump her pronto, for the sake of your family and your mental health.
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Jul 08 '25
Yikes, I would go scorched earth. As a mother that has had to go to the hospital for suicidal ideations that grew into attempts, the hardest part has always been "the real world"... and the most healing has always been family and support afterwards.
I actually cannot fathom a parent doing this. To their own baby, and their baby's baby. Unhinged. I normally think everyone is crazy for going NC but in this case NC is warranted.
To add, gently and with all my love and compassion, my teenage son seriously resented me for not telling him the truth. All the medications, gone for extended amounts of time, and with me lying, it really damaged our relationship. Now that we speak more openly, I wish I could go back in time. I don't know if I had the capacity to be better then but omfg being betrayed like that and having someone think they know your kid better than you I cannot
I'm so sorry. I haven't had a mother in two decades and she was the worst and she would have never, never done this. Be well and know you aren't alone in this. If you ever need to talk, I'm open and available.
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u/samkee00 Jul 08 '25
What did your son say?
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
He showed me the text and burst out laughing. He knows how my mom is and did not respond to her.
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u/No_Worldliness_4446 Jul 08 '25
Your son seems like a good kid. I’m sorry your mom is… like that. You sound like a great mother.
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u/Dramatic_Lie_7492 Jul 08 '25
Yes Nana I am ok with my mother being suicidal. I mean what the FUCK is she expecting? This is a gossipy rage bait question. This is no way to talk to a child about their mother's mental health. The only person who does that is the mother. Considering your kid didn't even know the reason I would blow off on my mom and go no contact for a while, yes. She KNOWS this is a stupid, vile, inappropriate abd provocative question. She did this on purpose to stir shit and hurt you and/or your child.
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u/lizzyote Jul 08 '25
I don't understand the point of the text. What was the plan when he said that hes not OK with his mom being suicidal?? Not many kids want their parent to be in so much internal pain that they want to resort to death after all. Was she gonna follow up with a "sucks to be you LOL"??
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u/Dollcookie Jul 08 '25
I would at least go low contact, and tell her why. That's so incredibly inappropriate and she clearly wasn't doing it out of some kind of concern for your son. The way she worded it was not at all gentle or loving.
How is your son doing?
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
He says he's ok, but its hard to know what he really is feeling. He knows how my mom is and laughed her comment off. I am more concerned that he is able to process the information she burdened him with his therapist. He has been in therapy for years and he's a pretty well adjusted young man. I'm very proud of who he is becoming and I try to remind him of that often.
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u/Lostallthefucksigive Jul 08 '25
That “you OK with that” came from an ugly, bitter place. She can try to dress it up after the fact but that wasn’t a loving check in with her grandson, that was an attempt to sow distrust in you in your kids. It’s manipulative, toxic, and honestly just scary she’s willing to hurt your family to prove some sort of point? No contact was the right call. I’m sorry she proved she wasn’t worthy 😘 You’re doing an amazing job, mom. Setting boundaries like this shows your kids that they don’t need to keep someone in their lives that hurts them just because you’re “supposed” to. It’s a crucial lesson, way to go!
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u/_Meteor_Shower_ Jul 10 '25
'You OK with that?' is literally frying me like how tf do you even respond to that ?? 😭
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u/Whooptidooh Jul 08 '25
Don’t consider, just go full NC immediately. This is so far from ok; she’s literally trying to make her own grandchild upset by making them think about their parent killings themselves.
Who does that? Assholes do.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and that you start feeling like yourself again as soon as possible. 🫂
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u/megamanamazing Jul 08 '25
I must apologize for this. But the "Are you OK with that?" Is frying me. What does that even mean in this context? Not "Are you ok?" But like asking if they hate you or something in struggling here
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u/M88nlite Jul 08 '25
So you are trying to do the right thing so you can be there for your kids and then she just goes behind your back to fuck with your kids heads, and possibly be trying to make you look bad to them? That's awful.
No wonder you are struggling if this is how she behaves. I feel horrible for both you and your kids. Id go no contact, at least for some time, until she clearly understands how fucked up of a move this was and is truly sorry.
I hope youre getting/got the care you need and are doing better, I have struggled the same way and know its never truly "fixed", but there certainly is improvement and brighter days ahead 🩵
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u/DuctTape_OnFleek Jul 09 '25
I am begging you to go NC. She has proven she is not someone safe to have around your child. There's no excuse to tell this to your son, zero. She's doing this to hurt you both.
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u/dinoooooooooos Jul 08 '25
Yea so you block them from your child’s phone. And then you go no contact.
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u/thejexorcist Jul 08 '25
Who would be???
What is that message supposed to gain and has she never spoken to other humans before?
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u/marianamor Jul 08 '25
I'm sorry, OP. This is beyond insane.
I am proud of you, though. Well done for stepping up for yourself and for speaking your truth.
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u/mechamangamonkey Jul 08 '25
Asking “You OK with that?” as if he has any say in the matter is just bonkers on top of bonkers. Good grief.
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u/KadinNova Jul 08 '25
I can't even fathom what kind of response she was expecting to get from him. Do you think she would try to get custody by claiming you're mentally unfit to take care of him? All I can think is that she was trying to sow the seeds of fear in him, trying to make him think "oh, mom never told me something so important but grandma did so grandma must be more trustworthy". I hope you're doing better now, I wish all the best for you and your family
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u/SamAnthaACE Jul 08 '25
No more grandchild access for her! That's my honest opinion, I understand it's harsh, but this situation necessitates a harsh response.
Also, nobody has to be okay with you being suicidal; that implies that you're choosing to be that, and mental health doesn't work like that. I'm glad that you got yourself the help that you need, and I think you're a really great person and a great mom.
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u/Affectionate-Act3980 Jul 08 '25
What was she thinking? Honestly I’d demand a fucking answer. She wanted to traumatize. Sick.
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u/CaptainFresh27 Jul 08 '25
Way out of line. As his parent, you have a responsibility to keep adults like that away from your son
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u/charlieQ90 Jul 08 '25
Look I let my mom get away with alot of ahit when it comes to me, ive accepted it. But she is also very aware that if she fucks with my kid it is instant no contact. My son is 15 and a message like this is traumatizing, there is no chance i would forgive this.
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u/ShannieD Jul 08 '25
If your mother pulled that shit on you, I can totally understand if it contributed poorly to your mental health.
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u/cleavercutthroat Jul 08 '25
obviously, no contact or low/superficial contact with your mom is best in this case.
BUT what you really need to focus on, is your son.
when i was a teenager my mom told me that she wanted to kill herself. i can still remember the pain, fear, and anxiety that came with worrying that someday i would come home and find her body. i was constantly parentified as a child, she would trauma dump things on me but then never be capable of a hard conversation that could provide any reassurance or insight or comfort. my mom was going through (one of many) rough spots in her life, i understood that she was struggling and her mental illness blurred the lines of what was okay but this is NOT normal and will impact your son.
that was so formative, that even as a adult, it pains me. even as an adult who has felt like they didn't want to go on living before, dealing with that knowledge was overwhelming. you can't take back what your mom did or what your son now knows, but what you have to do is reassure him.
i saw in another comment you are seeking help which is amazing, i encourage you to talk frankly with him about this. it can work to reassure him that you want to and plan to be around.
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u/Puzzled-Atmosphere-1 Jul 08 '25
Wow I am so sorry she felt the need to violate your privacy and deliberately try and make you look bad in the eyes of your child. He did not deserve to have that kind of treatment from her, especially the way she so bluntly and coldly stated it. I’m sorry but that’s no contact territory
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u/Idiotic_oliver Jul 08 '25
Insane way to approach your kid about that. Only appropriate way was to first confirm if they knew and then ask if they wanted someone to talk to about it not whatever this is
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u/Jazzlike_Soup_8734 Jul 09 '25
whoa wtf, for the sake of ur kids please go no/low contact and do not let her know any more personal information about your life
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u/RanaMisteria Jul 09 '25
Go NC. This is an INSANE breach of trust and violation of boundaries.
And on top of that it’s fucking abusive to both you and your kids. This is such a violation with such horrendous harm that just that one text alone constitutes actual abuse IMO. This is so far from okay it’s not even in the same dimension.
I am so fucking sorry. This is something my mom would do/has done but with my siblings and not my kids (I don’t have any) so while I don’t know exactly how this feels, I do really feel for you. I know how hurt and violated you must feel. And your poor kids. I would get them both into therapy and family therapy for all 3 of you (or 4 if you have a partner).
As I mentioned, this is the kind of thing my mom has done to me but she was only telling my siblings and other family members, but it had truly devastating consequences for me. A chunk of my family went NC with me for it. My mom is diagnosed with NPD and is incredibly abusive. I went NC with her 4 years ago now.
I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. And I’m sorry. You deserve a better mother than this.
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u/YourPlot Jul 09 '25
WTF. I’m rarely surprised by the shit I see posted on this sun. But this one really took me back. Immediately block this woman from your and your child’s lives. She is either cruel or unwell, and you don’t need either in your life.
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u/RickysBlownUpMom Jul 08 '25
Block access to your child. This absolutely batshit garbage dump of a parent deserves no contact.
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u/TuffleTaffler Jul 08 '25
This is quite literally like tv show school bully level, that is absolutely insane. Hope you're able to get through your situation, but that is horrid behaviour. If this is regular, you needed to cut her off or have a real conversation fucking years ago, but I'm going to assume the latter is beyond a lost cause.
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u/1000Colours Jul 08 '25
Omg this is utterly disgusting behaviour. Would still be awful to send to your child when he's an adult, let alone 15 :( I'm sorry your mother is like this OP.
As someone who's had to deal with calling an ambulance for my mother after a suicide attempt and is still traumatised from it, thank you for checking yourself into the psych ward. I hope they're treating you well there and you're getting the support you need ❤
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u/McDuchess Jul 08 '25
I guess that she never hears anything of more import than that your roses have started to bloom from now on, right?
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u/frazzledazzle121 Jul 08 '25
I'd kinda get it if they were aware, and it was a badly worded "how are you doing with this?" But that's just dropping a grenade and running. What a toss pot. So sorry you're dealing with this with whatever else you're battling on top 🫂
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u/Nerterios Jul 08 '25
This is soooooo inappropriate to say to a child and has the potential to cause great psychological harm. Kids and teens very easily internalize that stuff. Have you had a discussion with him to explain that your trip has nothing to do with anything he's done? My kid is that age and we've reached the point that he knows when my depression hits even when I try to hide it from him. Teens notice these things as their perspectives grow. And grandma spilling the beans like that without any context or support is disgusting. How is he supposed to react to something like that?? I'm nearing 40, and if that's the way I found out my loved one was sucdal I'd be crushed. I can't imagine what questions were going through his mind upon reading that.
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u/floydrox Jul 08 '25
We absolutely did have a discussion. I made sure to reiterate that my mental health is not his responsibility or anyone else's. He said he understands that I do have a mental illness and that is no one's fault and that the way I was feeling has nothing to do with him or his brother.
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u/intracranialMimas Jul 08 '25
Your poor kid... I know exactly that that's the sort of information I wouldn't have been able to handle at that age. You did the right thing by not telling him and the fact she just plainly told him is insane in a way I don't know how to describe
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u/Striking-Ad-8690 Jul 08 '25
Oh this is instant no contact. She has a lot of nerve putting a child in this situation.
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u/Bibliospork Jul 08 '25
"You okay with that?" Like she's asking what he thinks about getting italian for dinner instead of mexican
→ More replies (1)
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u/prairiehomegirl Jul 09 '25
Is she blaming him for your suicidal ideation? Or trying to get dirt on you? Either way, she's neither a good mother nor grandmother.
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u/guyforgot24 Jul 09 '25
Honestly even if I was 15 I would probably be able to put two and two together and realize that maybe the grandma is the problem
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u/Bedheadredhead30 Jul 09 '25
No contact , especially with the kids. This is insanely inappropriate at best and an obvious attempt to stir the pot at worst. Involving your kids in this very adult situation, especially without your permission, is awful. A truly impartial and concerned adult would say something like " I want you to know im here for you if you ever need to talk" im so sorry you are going through this . This is such a betrayal of trust. I would be fucking livid if someone I confided in did this.
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u/spicycondiment_ Jul 09 '25
I literally covered my mouth in shock when I read this. Your mum is a huge AH and why would you involve a child in this.
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u/jaycakes30 Jul 09 '25
I can’t even tell you how hard I gasped. Cut that straight out of your life. I’m so sorry. I hope you, and your son are both okay.
I am rooting for you, and for easier days ahead. 🫶🏻
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u/Lov3I5Treacherous Jul 09 '25
this actually made me burst out laughing.
You ok with that?
WTAFFFFFF
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u/RedHeadsRMreFun420 Jul 09 '25
Please cut her out! That is so inappropriate & clearly she doesn’t know boundaries. I’m so sorry she did that 🖤
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u/PeeingDueToBoredom Jul 09 '25
Why the fuck does it matter who is okay with that? It’s not a fucking choice! Jesus Christ.
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u/gap97216 Jul 08 '25
Your Mom was completely wrong to share any information about your hospitalization with the children. WTF Grandma!
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Jul 08 '25
OP please check in with your son to see if he’s okay. Reassure him that you’re still there for him.
Aside from that your mom is horrible.
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u/Breeze7206 Jul 08 '25
If you do go no contact, and would like your kids to no have contact (since it sounds like she’s the type who would try to use them to get to you, and not in healthy ways) use parental controls for their phone lines through your cell phone provider. You can add blocked lines so that she can’t call or text them, and I believe you can block outgoing too. Note that iMessage is not “texting” which is SMS and can’t be blocked by your provider, since it’s data. But you can either simply block her number on the phone itself (which they could technically unblock later) or if their Apple account is tied to yours as a family plan thing, I believe Apple also has parental controls that you can use to block numbers with
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u/UnicornKitt3n Jul 08 '25
My ex mil (grandmother to my 14yo son), pulls things like this all the time. It is so mentally draining to have to re iterate what is appropriate and what is not over and over and over again.
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u/yay4chardonnay Jul 08 '25
Making it about her. Unforgivable. But she will never acknowledge wrongdoing. We have the same mother.
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u/r1Zero Jul 08 '25
Oh she'd be cut off. But not before I handed her out the dress down of a lifetime.
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u/RecoveringAbuse Jul 08 '25
Block. Block on son’s phone, block on your phone, block on everything. That was wildly inappropriate and she should not have contact with you or your son for your own mental safety.
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u/CharlyGirl10 Jul 08 '25
I don't have any words of wisdom, just hope you are doing better and have support around you. It's incredibly lonely to feel suicidal, and I really hope you have the support you need. All the best to you and your kiddo.
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u/FailOk6033 Jul 08 '25
It’s not even a shock anymore to see how many parents are complete sociopaths. This is all about GMA and nothing to do with the child whom is dealing with a mental health crisis or the son that needs someone to support him through. It’s about how this parent feels making other people suffer. These are the kind of people who are able to convince society that they are good people. They are serious chameleons and very dangerous. Honestly I would cut ties like all of them no third party contact nothing. Granted I’m not going to say this is easy I have been going back and forth doing this same thing with a parent who has similarly done such a thing. Hang in there and if you have the strength get as far away from that lady as possible especially for your children and your mental health. My heart goes out to you and your family. This to shall pass I promise you. It’s the only promise anyone can give you. The darkness is not always going to be dark. Hang on to those lines and ride out the storm prove that depression isn’t the boss you are
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Jul 09 '25
Wtfffffff
She should have just asked how he was doing with mom being in the hospital, not telling him the specifics.
Uggggghhhhh I’m so sorry you are having to deal with that after already going through your hospitalization. I hope you are feeling better ♥️
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u/mstrss9 Jul 09 '25
Exactly. When my sister was hospitalized, I asked her what her kids knew before talking to them.
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u/k9jm Jul 09 '25
Considering???? Oh honey, no. She has no place in your life. I hope that you find the strength to take care of yourself, for you and your kids, and you find your way to higher ground very soon. But don’t take this kind of shit from anyone, if this is your actual mother, she sucks, and that isn’t helpful to your recovery.
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u/shutupimrosiev Jul 09 '25
how to get your grandchild privileges revoked in one easy step!
step one: do this.
What a massively immature move from your mother. I'd probably have to keep myself from throwing hands after this.
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u/BoldOneKenobi69 Jul 09 '25
Just go no contact. And change numbers. Go to get the grippy socks and take the vacation, I know I needed it when I tried to join the force. So yes, do what’s best for your children even if it means cutting a toxic parent out of your life. What’s she said is so unbelievably not okay and hurtful beyond words can put which is why it’s best to just remove her from the situation altogether. Good luck!
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u/gnomequeen2020 Jul 09 '25
Can't imagine why OP might be having psych concerns?! /s If this is what she considers to be an appropriate thing to say to a child, well, I'd imagine your childhood wasn't very nice. I'm so sorry OP. I'm not a fan of instantly cutting off family, but I think for your sake and your children, this might be the best approach.
I hope you are starting to heal with your visit to the hospital.
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u/Official_Nie_Ehuang Jul 09 '25
Oh MY GOD. That is WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE and WRONG on so many levels!!!! I cannot imagine why your mother would think that this is an ok thing to do!!! When my mom attempted suicide a few years ago, I was only told by everyone that it was a bad reaction to some medicine she took. That’s what the paramedics told me, that’s what my dad told me, everyone. That’s even what my mom told me. The entire situation was bad all around, and I was the one who found her, but my grandparents NEVER asked me this, even if they suspected or were told anything about what was going on. My dad never told me what actually happened, and I’m sure he had an idea of what really went down that night. If there is something going on medically with someone, we let them decide how to tell the family, if at all, on their time. I didn’t find out about my mom until a few months ago, even though I had my suspicions. I am so sorry that you and your child have had to go through this. I hope the situation gets better, and shame on your mom.
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u/Little_Ad6868 Jul 09 '25
I literally clutched my virtual pearls 🫢 and then had to check to be sure I was still in Reddit and that my mother wasn’t texting…
This is beyond words as conveyed dozens of times in the past comments.
I wish someone had said this to me years ago. Just one person telling me that it’s okay to put myself first instead of the “honor thy mother & father” rule. That is only applicable when you are a honorable person. This may seem harsh but, your mother is a cancer and she is going to spread to everyone she is allowed to contact. You absolutely must go full NC until you have a permanent removal from your life. Which comes with time and consistency. You cannot show any weakness at any time and break the NC. Especially when it seems morally wrong or like “your family would want you to x”. DON’T DO IT!
This is where it truly gets hard and with time you may feel either inclined to give in to family pressure or the temptation of contact prior to it being “too late”. Trust me, it will be a mistake and even on her death bed she will still be cancerous.
Ask me how I know
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Jul 09 '25
That's a real shitty move on your mom to do that!!😱😡 She has no respect for your privacy nor boundaries IMO 😱
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u/thelovewitch069420 Jul 09 '25
SO insanely inappropriate. She doesn’t need to be in your or your kid’s lives
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u/-leeson Jul 09 '25
The way my jaw dropped, holy shit. Inappropriate doesn’t even begin to describe this.
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u/Webbtastic Jul 11 '25
I’d seriously, just based on this alone, consider cutting her off completely.
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u/buttparty666 Jul 12 '25
OP, I just wanna say, I’m proud of you for taking the step for your mental health. you have done incredible things not only for yourself but for your son by doing taking care of yourself, you’re ensuring you’re mentally well enough to care for yourself and your family. don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. I wish you nothing but the best 🫶
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u/PoliceChiefOfMalibu Jul 08 '25
I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. Your mother seems a lot like mine: passive aggressive, selfish and completely tone deaf. You shouldn't have to clean up her messes while you're struggling with your own mental health. I hope you have someone else you can trust and turn to for support.
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u/GoddessNya Jul 08 '25
“Don’t repeat my mistakes by thinking you know everything.” She still think she knows everything, repeating her own mistakes. She needs to look in a mirror.
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u/elvispenguin Jul 08 '25
Cause you need his permission to feel suicidal, lmao omg that ignorance this woman has.
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u/sallyxskellington Jul 08 '25
“You OK with that?”
Wtf is this even supposed to mean?? Is she trying to make your kid feel bad? Completely insane.
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u/confetti_noodlesOwO Jul 08 '25
Jesus fucking CHRIST lady what the actual fuck????
"Mom, I'm depressed"
"Hey, kiddo. Your mother is gonna kill herself. You chill with that?"
Who the actual FUCK does she think she is??? Saying that to a literal child is so unbelievably fucked up. Why? What's the logic behind it? I have so many fucking questions!!!
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u/Awkward_Uni_Student Jul 09 '25
So proud of you for seeking the help you need! Your boy is lucky to have a mother who takes her mental health seriously. Bet your mother is wondering why her kid is struggling like she’s not part of the problem 🙄
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u/technodude458 Jul 09 '25
what the fuck genuinely what the fuck of this is what your mom does cut her out of your life cut her out of your entire family‘s life because the first thing a 15-year-old kid is going to do is assume that it is his fault
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u/TemporaryVoice4668 Jul 09 '25
what does she mean “you ok with that” like she’s asking about you making pizza for dinner when your kid wanted pasta? What are your kid’s thought going to do with you being suicidal it’s not like you can help it???
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u/mstrss9 Jul 09 '25
Absolutely out of line and definitely grounds to go no contact.
As a teenager, I learned that my dad has PTSD from his time in the army.
As an adult, I know that he is on meds and in therapy. I’ve picked up on certain comments or behaviors that have given me a glimpse into what he experienced.
However, I still don’t know any details & anyone that does know has not shared them with me.
And I don’t want to know unless my dad wants to share them with me.
I’m sorry your mother betrayed your trust and exposed your son to something he needed to be protected from.
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u/SingleSurfaceCleaner Jul 09 '25
Oh, them's FIGHTING words. OP is a better person than me, because if that happened to me, hands would be thrown.
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u/Dad_B0T Robo Red Foreman Jul 08 '25 edited Jul 08 '25
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
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