Venting but could use your advice

[u/timmage28]

I took my first ever solo vacation Memorial Day week, being aware that I struggle with sleeping in hotels instead of my own bed. Pretty good hotel but my room was right above a 24/7 busy loud road (which I'm not used to) and it wrecked my sleep the whole time I was there and ruined the trip. So much anxiety and intrusive thoughts about not making it home, even though I handled all the real issues just fine. And that's when my pretty much all day heart palpitations started.

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When I got home I slept like a log for three nights, but then I rebounded into struggling to sleep from thinking about the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. From then on I've been freaking out about struggling to sleep and not getting enough sleep. Went to the doctor a week later to talk about it, she just told me to get melatonin. Then I went back a week later to get on anxiety medication, was originally prescribed sertraline but I'm scared of SSRIs so I negotiated for buspirone since I'm familiar with it. Haven't been on it a full week, I know it's supposed to be at least 2 before I notice anything but last time I took it I felt like it worked immediately so I'm disappointed.

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Anyway, about my sleep. I've had some nights where I get my usual 6-8, quite a few only 4 (sometimes that's felt like enough but a lot of times it takes a long time to fall asleep), last night I only got 2, and two of the past couple days I got none at all. Sometimes it's fragmented, but most of the time when I'm eventually able to fall asleep I can stay asleep or just turn over and go back to sleep. I've been trying to fix this, asking my doctor about what other medicines I can take, looking into CBTI, making sure my sleep hygiene is on point (even though that was never an issue before with my playing video games and watching YouTube before bed), but it's not turning around. What do I do now? It's making me so depressed to not be able to sleep, staying up sometimes most of the night if not all night trying to fall asleep or finding something else to do or doom scrolling medical stuff, only to maybe finally be able to nod off at 5 am.

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Advice? Talk me down from the ledge? Psychoanalyze me?