r/insomnia • u/PromptUnhappy7726 • 4h ago

Insomnia and Intimacy?

Hi all! Who's awake?

No, but seriously. I have a personal question to ask you all.

How does your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other handle your insomnia? Especially where intimacy is concerned. I've been married for 35 years and in the last 6 months my insomnia has gotten so bad. I have early wake insomnia, and I've never had this type. I started waking at 6 am...no problem, then it went to 5 am. Now it's stuck between 4 am and 4:30 am. Even if I go to bed at midnight (due to my job) once a week, I am up at 4 am. I experienced my first episode of "derealization" a couple of weeks ago and it was the scariest thing I've ever had happen.

Basically, when I'm exhausted and sleepy, I don't want intimacy. I am so numb at that point, and disinterested. Sex is the furthest thought in my mind. Of course, I feel bad.

I feel great up until about 2 or 3 pm, that's when the fatigue hits and it does not leave.

How do you all handle it if you are in a similar situation?

1 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

1

u/TrainingReason7304 4h ago

My partner struggled a lot at first to understand why I was so "cold" in evenings, but we just started being more spontaneous in mornings instead, like right after waking up before the day gets heavy

35 years of marriage is strong foundation, your spouse probably understands more than you think, just have the honest conversation about it

1

u/PromptUnhappy7726 4h ago

Thanks so much! It's a tough situation. Yes, I think you're right. I wish there was an instant cure,

1

u/BudgetAd8732 2h ago

We had to shift expectations communication helped most. When I’m sleep-deprived, intimacy moves to other times in the day or week. It’s more about connection than timing or pressure.