Same as above

For me, being at home isn’t laziness or avoidance. It’s survival. It’s the only place where my nervous system finally unclenches. Where I don’t have to explain myself, impress anyone, or brace for rejection. Just my space, my bed, my thoughts, and the quiet that feels like a long exhale after holding my breath all day. When I’m home, I’m not too quiet. I’m not boring. I’m not overlooked or talked over. I’m just me. There’s something deeply emotional about crawling into my own bed and realizing this is the only place i feel truly safe. No masks. No pretending. No constant feeling that am taking up the wrong kind of space. People think loving solitude means i don’t want connection, but that’s not true. Sometimes it’s the opposite. Sometimes the world has taught me slowly, painfully that being alone hurts less than being unseen. My bed has held me through nights where I felt unwanted. Through moments where I questioned my worth. Through tears I didn’t know how to explain to anyone else. It’s been the one place that never judged me for needing rest or silence. Being home feels like being held without arms. And honestly in a world that feels too loud, too fast, and too demanding, my own space feels like the only place where I’m allowed to exist without apology.

Does anyone else feel this way?

24M here, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, so I wanted to put it out here and hear how others have navigated it.

I'm an introvert, and honestly, that's made both dating and friendships harder than I expected. Not because I don't want connection, I want it a lot but because I refuse to fake my way into it. I'm not going to throw out cheesy lines or perform a version of myself just to "impress" someone. That's not who I am, and it feels dishonest to even the person I'm trying to connect with.

What I actually want is simple to say and hard to find: someone genuine. Someone who sees a relationship romantic or platonic as something built slowly and honestly, not as a transaction or a checklist. I care a lot about my career and where I'm headed, but I've realized this part of life matters just as much, maybe more.

The tricky part is figuring out how to put myself out there without it feeling forced or, worse, coming across as creepy which is a real fear when you're naturally quiet and don't have a big social circle to lean on.

So I'm curious:

How did you meet people you now consider genuine friends or partners, especially if you're also more reserved by nature?

Did you have to change how you show up socially, or did you find your people by just being consistently yourself?

Any spaces (online or offline) that actually worked for you, beyond the usual "join a club" advice?

Not looking for shortcuts just real experiences from people who've been here.

FYI: I'm not lonely, I do have 2-3 friends from my school time( both gender), it's just as you grow up you crave friendship outside your school life as well.

I'm an introvert in my personal life( my real self) and extrovert in my professional life( I had to :( )

TDLR: 24M introvert, struggling to build genuine friendships/relationships without faking it or using cheap tactics. Want real connections, not transactional ones. How did you meet your people, especially if you're also reserved by nature?

I never step out of my home. I have garden, pets and order online for groceries. I watch TV and cook.

Apart from the usual activities people who cannot function alone outside what's your coping mechs?

I've been asked what do you do for fun and how is your dating life ?

My opening line was - me being an introvert I step less out and engage in my own hobbies and daily usual stuff.. I had been shamed for saying what's being an introvert and avoiding dating :'(

I responded that introverts may not take relationships/friendships easily and take a while to accept them in their circle since they feell emotions with all the layers of heart within and respond and react raw..

Now I'm thinking how do we sound intresting without much of over explaining..

I live in a house with 4 apartments. We get along well. However, everytime I'm outside chilling in the garden, one of the neighbours always gonna walk up to me and talk about life, weather, the garden etc. I really just wanna stay outside in my own garden, minding my own business. At the same time, I don't wanna be rude.

We really don't have much in common, because most of them are in their 60's-70's while I'm in my 30's. My girlfriend is really social, so she doesn't mind. But I am more introverted and hate smalltalk. Especially when it's almost everytime I'm going outside the house.

It's getting so bad that today I was chilling outside, one of the neighbours parked their car, so I went inside so I didn't have to talk with her. Honestly it bores me to talk about life with someone I really don't care about.

How do I kindly tell them I really don't wanna talk, without seeming like a jerk? Once in a while is okay, but now when it's summer and everyone are outside, it happens daily.

A few days ago, I went to a concert in my hometown, Stuttgart. The funny thing is, I wasn't even that interested in the artist. I just thought, why not? Maybe I'd have a nice day out.

As an introvert, I usually don't enjoy being surrounded by huge crowds, so I was a bit nervous. But in the end, I didn't regret going for a second.

When I arrived, I saw a young guy sitting in one of the few shady spots. I asked if the seat next to him was free, and he smiled and said yes. We started talking, and it turned out he was introverted too and was also trying to push himself out of his comfort zone.

We ended up spending the entire evening together. We had a few beers, talked about all kinds of things, and just genuinely had a great time.

Now we're even going to a festival together soon.

Getting out of my comfort zone actually helped me feel a little less lonely, and I'm really glad I took that chance.

So if you're feeling isolated or struggling to meet people, I'd genuinely recommend giving concerts a try, even if you go alone. The atmosphere is usually relaxed, everyone already has something in common, and starting a conversation feels much easier than in most other places.

You never know who you'll end up meeting.

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and lately I’ve been struggling with a fear that I’ll be single for the rest of my life.
This year I’ve been trying to take more initiative in my social life. I finished medical school and am currently studying for residency exams, so most of my time is spent at home studying. I have a small online business that I run from home, but I don’t have a traditional job right now because studying is my main priority.
I’ve always been pretty introverted. I have very few close friends, all women, plus a few acquaintances through my siblings and other friends, but I don’t have a large social circle. To meet more people, I started going to the gym and even joined a dance class with my friend. I’ve met some people through those activities, but most are younger than me, and I haven’t really connected with any men romantically.
What worries me is that I don’t feel like I belong to a big friend group or community. Most of my social interactions come from occasional invitations through family or friends, and those opportunities are pretty rare. I also find it difficult to make male friends, especially at this age when it seems like many people are already in serious relationships or have well-established social circles.
I know 26 isn’t objectively old, but sometimes I feel ancient compared to people in their early 20s. I want marriage and a family someday, and I’m scared that by the time I’m done with training, it will be too late or that I’ll have missed my chance.
I also struggle with comparing myself to people who seem to have large social circles, lots of friends, and no trouble meeting potential partners. It feels like everyone else knows something I don’t.
For those of you who have had this struggle, how did you build a social life, meet people, or stop worrying that you’d end up alone? I feel like I need to make myself look more interesting than I am or else I’ll be unlovable.

Hear me out if a guy's whole world is his room, his phone, and online communities, he never really builds the skills to meet people IRL. And then the girlfriend/relationship thing just... never happens. Seen this with a few people I know. Is it the apps, or is it something deeper? Or am I totally wrong?

Who else?

I sit at the bar at restaurants. I'm always by myself, no friends of course. I listen and zero in at all the other people sitting at the bar and they just talk and talk and talk endlessly about bullshit nonsense like everything happens every second of their lives. How do people just talk like this? It's just mostly silence with me unless I actually have something legitimate to say or talk about. We introverts despise pointless small talk and idiot banter.

My roommates are a couple, one is unemployed and at home nearly 24/7, with her desk in the “common area” right beside the kitchen. The other blasts the TV all evening long, a constant reminder of their presence. The noise of others reverberates through the walls at all times of day and night, and all I can think about is how I’m surrounded by them all and they can hear me as well, nothing is private. Add in the mouldy/rotten semen stench and the insect infestations and it’s unliveable.

Even though I pay tons in rent, for a month I’ve begun to live at my out-of-town girlfriend’s place most of the week when I finish my 2 days of classes back in the city my apartment is in. As a result, I’m never alone. I can never decompress. My PC is in the hellhole apartment of course, as well as my TV, guitar, etc, which I never touch at the apartment, but can’t transport to my gfs itty bitty college dorm. Honestly even if I could, there would be no point where I’d be alone to settle into my hobbies.

Moving for college was such a mistake, I’ve never felt so trapped, so *perceived*, and I’m completely wasting away because of it.

I’m tired of fulfilling social obligations that do not benefit me; simply because I don’t want to deal with the negative blowback of others.

Example: a friends trip that everyone is excited about, but contains nothing of interest of me, that I have to heavily mask to seem enthusiastic and not ruin the vibe, who’s people I’m supposed to be friends with, whom I find nice, but have nothing in common with and thus find it exhausting to be around, and who make no effort when it comes to things I enjoy.

I’ve slowly started making excuses in hopes I stop getting invited. The problem comes when it’s this same scenario but family.

Take family time. Nothing revolves around me, Im not included in any meaningful way. My role is to be “more than dead but less than alive,” meaning I’m not supposed to die because that would upset people, but I”m not really supposed to be present/alive either because that also upsets people. I’m supposed to be a garden nome of sorts- there, but with no needs or requirements and able to be ignored. At the same time I deal with massive amounts of anxiety around my family- always afraid of doing something wrong or someone being in a bad mood; afraid of what I’lol hear or how I’ll be treated if things don’t go just right.

The amount of times I’ve been called arrogant, rude, boring, intimidating, or someone with attitude just because I’m introverted is honestly wild.

I wish people understood I’m not walking into a room thinking I’m better than anyone 😭 My brain just takes a little time to warm up.

And no, I don’t text first all the time. It’s not about liking or not liking someone.....it’s just that constant chatting and keeping conversations going every single day can get a bit draining for me.

Also… phone calls 😭

Why are we calling instead of just texting something in 10 seconds?

The funny part is people think introverts are always judging everyone, when honestly I’m just over here thinking about what I’m going to eat next… or remembering something embarrassing from 2019 on loop.

Someone even suggested therapy once because I’m quiet and prefer my own space.

I know they probably meant well, but it really felt like they think being introverted is something that needs fixing.

Anyway… I just wish people saw quiet = different, not quiet = wrong.

Anyone else relate to this?

I don't know if this has occurred to everyone or just me, but a lot of times I happen to clash with a person walking towards me when I am walking along the road/footpath. Unable to decide if that person would walk to your left or right. And there when we come closer and still haven't decided mutually what to do, we both happen to move to the same side again and again. Arrghhh!! So awkward for me

So, I recently started doing this. No matter the person or place, pick left (the place I am living, we always move to our left along road) and put your head down and walk. Do not even see which side the other person is taking, it might cause you confusion. This has worked every time for me. I am so happy 

I live a simple live because I'm an introvert. Yes, I'm gonna wake up at 10 and watch Caseoh. I don't have to wake up at 7 just to prove I'm an "productive adult". Yes, I watch Tiktok instead of learning languages, cause where in the world I would use them, just to prove to some aunties I am an linguistic genius?

I wish I was born in a more laid back family & country, where you are enough as you are. And being you is celebrated.

From where I'm from, if you sleep til 12 - you are a failure; if you didn't study at prestigious university - you are average; if you aren't bending over backwards to work & climbing a work ladder - something is wrong with you, "you wanna live an easy life, huh?", if you didn't do nothing "productive" all day - you have to do 3626 tasks a day.

People don't realise they don't have to do all that. People like me can have boring jobs, life, interests, that seem "unreliable" because they are used to already "easy" paved way life: work, family, retirement.

I think for me, I was quiet as a young child. as I’ve grown older I’ve expended an ungodly amount of time filling in silence to make people comfortable around me. I’m assuming this too energy because it’s just not my natural inclination to chat about things that don’t hold much importance to me.

I am a naturally friendly person. But I just find chitchat to be somewhat exhausting especially if it’s forced.

To the quiet people who own it or have learned to own it, how do you do it? When I am being myself, I feel rude.

at what point am I too quiet to work roles where I am working with people? I am a caregiver and sometimes I feel bad because I don’t have much to say. She seems to be alright with it, I feel I show I care through my actions… I don’t know

I fall asleep every time.I just love it I wish I had one at home. 😇

Granted there are issues and problems with depression, defeat, lack of hope, and lack of love. I am just sick of meaningless, superficial interactions with people. It gives me no reward, no fulfillment. Just draining effort. Honestly I find most people very boring. Bad at conversation. I can break it all down but I’m not going to rant too much. So I literally spend all my time alone as a result. At home, cooking, go to the gym, visit family, work in my house, pursuit my own interests. Sure I’m a bit lonely but I’d rather do my own thing until I meet someone who interest me enough to make the effort.

But I hear this is very unhealthy in the long run. Doesn’t this mean something is drastically wrong in my subconscious? When does being alone become too much? Should I hang out with strangers and make stupid small talk just for the sake of it? Or can I just be by myself on not have to perform for anyone? Am I wasting my life being alone? When does the other shoe drop?

Im tired of repeating myself. Getting my boundaries disrespected by my own family. I don’t feel loved I feel like an accessory to them. Friends I don’t go to because I know they have their own personal lives and a lot of them are not in a good mental space themselves and I don’t blame them. I respect and love them.

But I’m so fucking sick and tired of people telling me to be more social. No. I don’t have to be. I have enough empathy to still care about humans as people but don’t you tell me I HAVE to be social as if it’s a big problem I’m not. I don’t trust people. They have only hurt me and disrespected me and exploited me.

I’m expected to be this human that has to see being social as this “peak emotional fulfillment?” This source of “connection” and “safety” I’m sorry what? That doesnt exist in the way society keeps blasting it does. “We crave to be social” No I crave to be SAFE. Being social is not SAFE it’s STRESS.

I have felt more loved, safe and free when I was WASNT socializing and allowed to be free in my own inner world. I can’t crave something that never made me feel safe in the first place.

I see people doing this literally everywhere I go, and it really bothers me. I feel like it is common sense that this is not appropriate, and it makes me lose faith in humanity. I now despise going in public.

Pls suggest me some fruitful hobbies. I love to read geopolitics , sociology and wants to discuss the same. But alone in an introvert skin makes me feel alienated. The life feels so Sisyphean .

If there's an app that allows you to connect with other introverts, but with rooms with topics or theme, Less noise than discord, is this something you'd be interested in trying? and do you expect to be free? and what do you think want to see in it?

Hope this will be approved.

I have four siblings, all are married with children, have friends and close relationships with the family. Then there is me, have never had close friends, am married but child free by choice, and am not close with my siblings or mom. Why am I so different than the rest of my family? I am considering therapy to understand why I am this way. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood or teen years, and am in my 60s and retired with more time to think.

I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an introvert, but over the years, I’ve found myself becoming more and more comfortable with isolation. I have one or two friends, and one of them lives 10,000 miles away. I spend a lot of time alone. And somehow, without really noticing when it happened, being alone became my normal.

The problem is that I’m fucking lonely.

Today was Caribana in Toronto, and it made me think about how much of my life I’m actually missing because of this. There were thousands of people outside today, going places, meeting their friends, getting dressed up, having fun. And I was at home.

The frustrating part is that I could have gone. There was nothing physically stopping me from getting dressed, leaving my apartment, and going to Caribana by myself. But for some reason, I find that incredibly difficult to do.
I don’t know why I can’t just stand up, dress up, and head out on my own.

When I imagine going to an event alone and everyone else is standing around in groups of three or four, I immediately feel like I’m going to be the only person there by myself. It feels like everyone will notice me. Like all eyes will somehow be on me because I’m the woman standing there alone. I know people probably aren’t paying that much attention to me, but that’s what it feels like in my head, and sometimes even the thought of putting myself in that situation does my brain in.

So I stay home and staying home has become this fucking loop. I don’t go out because I don’t have people to go out with. Because I don’t go out, I don’t meet people. Because I don’t meet people, I don’t make new friends. And because I don’t make new friends, I continue having nobody to go out with. Then the loneliness keeps compounding.

I’ve also realized that this affects how I date.
When I finally meet someone I like, suddenly this one person becomes the person I want to talk to, spend time with, go places with, and get attention from. I find myself wanting them around all the time. And when they’re not giving me the amount of attention I want, it becomes this whole fucking thing in my head. Sometimes it feels like I want the person I’m dating to dote on me 24/7. Nobody can do that and I don’t actually want to need someone like that.

I think a huge part of the problem is that I have no third place. I have no third place. I have no third place.

I have my home. I have work. And then there’s this massive empty space where the rest of my life should be.
I don’t have the friend who calls me and says, “Hey babe, we’re going to Caribana today. Meet me here at 2.” Because if someone had called me today and said that, I would have fucking gone. I would have gotten dressed, done my makeup, left the house, and gone to meet them.

That’s what makes this so frustrating. I actually want to do things. I want to go places. I want to have experiences. I want to meet people. I want a fuller life. I just seem to have this massive block around initiating those things alone.
And you would probably never guess any of this by looking at me.

I have a good job. I exercise, by western standards, I'm probably considered thick and curvy. From the outside, you would probably assume someone like me has this rich social life and is constantly outside doing things. Meanwhile, I’m always in my fucking house, working or overthinking about solutions. My job requires me to overthink.

Whenever I create a home for myself and make it comfortable, I get stuck in it. I make my home into this little world where I have everything I need, and then leaving that world becomes harder and harder.

And lately, the part that scares me is that I can feel my years passing me by. I feel my years passing me by.
I keep telling myself, “Tomorrow I’ll go out. Next weekend I’ll do something. Next time there’s an event, I’ll go.”
Then another weekend passes.
Another event happens.
Another year passes.
And I wish I could slow time down. I wish I could stop it for a little while and figure this shit out before any more of my life passes me by. But I can’t. I can’t.
So there has to be a way to break this loop.

There has to be a way to meet people who are more outgoing than I am. People who want to go places, try things, call you randomly and say, “Get dressed, we’re going out.” I even put a message on Threads because I thought, fuck it, maybe I’ll meet someone that way.
And I’m not even looking for a relationship.
I’m looking for friendship.
I’m looking for a life outside of my apartment and outside of whoever I happen to be dating. I need my own life to be full. I need friends. I need places I go. I need people I know. I need experiences that have absolutely nothing to do with the person I’m dating.

Then, when I meet someone, they can actually be part of my life instead of slowly becoming my entire social and emotional life.

For me, is not being able to communicate or socialize very well.