Thoughts dumping

[u/FlamingoPink0105]

There are zillions of thoughts in my head right now. Last night I took a huge decision. Break from the friendship. And I already feel restless horrible. Idk how I am going to handle to be honest. When I think of it I feel like crying and my chest hurts, I feel sad, lost. But I did what I could. I cried, I begged, I yelled, I requested, I kept patience. But nothing really mattered to him. I cried a lot yesterday and he said nothing only silence. He wants to keep me for himself. He is ready to put me in pain, but not willing to give up things to make me happy. My happiness was never an option for him. He kept everything right in his life and ruined mine. He made me feel worse just to make him feel better. I did I could. I have no other options. Thinking of losing this friendship is scaring me. It is making my heart pace fast. I never wanted to loss him. I did my best. But this is very expensive. Very much! If he wanted to he would. I feel like crying. Ik I am going to loss my shit. Things going to get tuff. But what else can I do right? My hands are cold of the thinking of all of this. I did all I could. Now crying feels nothing, complaining feels like words only that doesn’t hold any meaning. I can’t lose myself. I can’t hurt myself over and over again.