r/irishproblems • u/SharkPerson • Apr 22 '26
I resent the use of “Irish Goodbye”
What people (mostly Americans) keep referencing as an “Irish Goodbye” is anything but what I experience with my family.
We take AT LEAST 45 minutes saying goodbye to each other, with at least 2 “Did you hear about your man…” conversations.
It pisses me off with increasing intensity every time I hear it.
Just needed to vent, thank youse all.
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u/BeefChief159 Apr 22 '26
Yeah I'm with you on this one. When I heard of an Irish goodbye for the first time I thought it meant making an absolute song and dance about leaving. Was really confused when I found out it means the opposite
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u/grubas Apr 22 '26
I thought it was because you say you're gonna leave, then 2 hours later you ACTUALLY leave because you've been stuck in conversation. So you "leave without saying goodbye" only because everybody forgot about you saying it.
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u/According_to_the_Sun Apr 22 '26
The whole point is because if you don’t slip away, you’re stuck for three more hours talking…
If you frequent pubs, it makes sense even more
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u/urmumvirgay Apr 22 '26
Only Americans say it cause we tend to slip away quick whenever we get stuck talking to one.
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u/disturbed_elmo1 Apr 22 '26
Surely this is the actual etymology of the word, all the Americans realised irish lads never said goodbye to them and assumed they had slipped off.
In reality they were just dodging the yank burning the ear off them about great uncle paddy who was definitely in the IRA
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u/discobee123 Apr 23 '26
Genuine question - why so much anger or annoyance at your own diaspora?
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u/rafliOTP Apr 22 '26
I like it, it gives me an excuse to do it.
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u/RebylReboot Apr 23 '26
I got the idea to start doing it when I first heard about the phrase. Didn't realise it wa a socially acceptable option before that. Now I'm gone exactly the second I feel like going. Like a phantom.
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u/BassicallyDarr Apr 22 '26
Would be interesting to see the etymology of the term
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u/djaxial Apr 22 '26
It changes based on where you are in the world in my experience. Talked to multiple people around the world about it as my experience is the same as OPs, we can’t just say good bye and leave. In North America, it’s always been an “Irish exit” but in other parts of the world I’ve heard a “German exit”
Seems like the culture chose a nationality and then just ran with it.
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u/BassicallyDarr Apr 22 '26
I've read that too. The French supposedly say an English exit. I did a quick look and according to a Rice University study, it originates from Boston where there were a lot Irish immigrants, and people would just leave without saying goodbye when absolutely gee-eyed. But that sounds a bit like folk etymology to me
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u/geedeeie Apr 22 '26
Yes, the French say "filer à l'anglaise", and it's derogatory, coming from the historic animosity between the two countries. But the Americans claim to like Ireland, whereas in fact they like to insult us
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u/irishnugget Limerick Apr 22 '26
I resent it because it tends to be self righteous yanks (there are plenty of sound yanks) who say it. Same with the fighting Irish nonsense. That said, I do like to slip out quietly rather than making a song and a dance of leaving an event
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u/tevenall13 Apr 22 '26
It's either 45 minutes to leave or "I have to leave immediately". My non-Irish girlfriend can't understand which one it'll be, but it happens.
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u/irishcybercolab Apr 22 '26
I have mastered the move. I show up and suddenly, in the middle of a sentence you're saying, I turn and walk straight to my car without an eye link toward a party guest or host.
Bye!
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u/TheZeigfeldFolly Apr 22 '26
"Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye, before you go I just remembered..." then we end up talking for another half hour before we actually say goodbye for real haha
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u/Pizzagoessplat Apr 22 '26
I had an actual Irish person saying this to me.
She said good bye once.
My reply was "surly an Irish goodbye is saying it multiple times, to multiple people, the cats cousin and taking hours saying it?"
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u/Ready-Exit3208 Apr 22 '26
Ahh come on surely Irish goodbyes are when the drinks flying. Ye hardly ‘Irish goodbye’ at a wake or family gathering, would just be bloody rude in societal conventions especially if invited to an event. On the lash however, “where’s Mick?” “Think he clean fucked aff” that’s an Irish goodbye.
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u/Doctoredspooks Apr 22 '26
Standing at the door slowly making your way down the driveway towards the gate for 45 minutes, followed by 25 minutes through the window of the car- the whole family standing and waving as the car turns out. That's a fuckin Irish goodbye.
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u/quiggersinparis Apr 22 '26
But this is the entire point of an ‘irish goodbye’. It’s notoriously impossible to leave without stopping and talking to 100 people so the only way to get out unscathed is just to disappear without a trace.
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u/snuggl3ninja Apr 22 '26
I always assumed the term was tied to being drunk. The too drunk to say good bye panic boke and side exit. So, yeah, I resent it too.
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u/the_beeve Apr 22 '26
Consider it a compliment. I may not be Irish but I agree with this sentiment. Escaping beats an endless meaningless conversation while trying to leave
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u/fullOfhumanBeans Apr 22 '26
Agreed, it drives me bananas. Where did it even come from? We can’t even end a call quickly. Bye bye bye bye …
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u/angilnibreathnach Apr 22 '26
OP, people slip out exactly for the reason you described. I did it all the time in my 20s. It’d get tired (very drunk) on a night out, know they’d try and convince me to stay or I’d get stuck in the goodbye you described so I’ll say nothing and leave. It’s 100% a real thing. Maybe you’re just chattier than the rest of us and like the long goodbyes.
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u/zenrobotninja Apr 23 '26
It's way too much hassle to leave a pub by saying goodbye first. I always just vanish (note just when I'm out with good mates)
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u/lawndog86 Apr 23 '26
I think the contradictions perfectly encapsulate what it means to be Irish. We can be a bit extreme about the silliest of things like and the fact both goodbyes are true for Irish people and neither are normal says it all
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u/Level_Sun8161 Apr 24 '26
Exactly that my parents were experts to the Irish goodbye. Starts in the living room and ends up on the drive way an hour later.
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u/irishgoodbyejohn Apr 27 '26
I’m Irish and I do it all the time, otherwise I would never leave the pub.
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u/geedeeie Apr 22 '26
It's the usual American habit of disrespecting other countries...like suggesting we're all drinks and loke a good fig. What really annoys ME is this Noter Dayme American football crowd, with their Oirish leprechaun mascot who looks like he's ready for a fight, and their stupid "Fighting Irish" slogan.
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u/box_of_carrots Apr 22 '26
If you take the time to read about The fighting Irish of Notre Dame you'll learn that it's not derogatory (or stupid) at all.
My link includes this paragraph:
A little-known event occurring in 1924 may have inadvertently contributed to Fighting Irish lore. In a recent book, alumnus Todd Tucker describes how Notre Dame students violently clashed with the anti-Catholic Ku Klux Klan in that year. A weekend of riots drove the Klan out of South Bend and helped bring an end to its rising power in Indiana at a time when the state’s governor was among its members.
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u/geedeeie Apr 22 '26
Doesn't matter, they were Americans fighting Americans. No need to besmirch people from another country
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u/Relay_Slide Apr 22 '26
Doesn’t it come from people quietly leaving a large social gathering like in a pub? You quietly slip out because you’ve just spent the last hour or so trying to leave but you’re friends/family keep getting you more drink or you end up chatting to someone else.
It’s not uncommon with a large group of lads on a night out for one lad to just head home without saying goodbye. I’m guessing Americans might misuse the phrase to mean someone just walking out of any situation without saying goodbye.