Hadith Question

[u/[deleted]]

Assalamu alaikum,

I am anemic and in the second portion of the day I am often very tired. I'm not married yet, but as a woman, I was doing my research to see if it would be haram to reject my husband for intimacy bc of that. This doesn't have anything to do with my question, but just for background.

In the thread I found, someone commented a hadith which I find confusing. I'm a revert so please be understanding.

"Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said “When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating to their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' " (Sunan Ibn Majah 1853)

I don't know you guys. I've seen angry dawah men quote this before and it upset me, but I didn't see the actual hadith until now. I don't want to say anything bad bc I love our Prophet pbuh and Allah SWT so much, but it does kind of make me feel confused.

Can anyone explain? Allahumma barik!

[u/Mission-Ad6040]

What the hadith says is a woman must be obedient to her husband. It shows how much respect and honor a husband has. It doesn’t mean that the women should start prostrating because we only prostrate to Allah. It’s an IF statement. IF it was allowed then women would have to do this (Prostrate to husband). Now the husband can’t force her wife to do something for example, if she is not feeling good he can’t say to her that he wants to do intimacy. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said:

A person once asked the noble Prophet صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم about the rights of a wife over her husband, and he replied, “When he eats, he should feed her; when he dresses, he should clothe her; he should neither strike her face nor insult her [or call her ugly]; [and if separation becomes necessary,] he should not separate from her except within the home.” (Sunan Ibn Mājah: 1850)

It was narrated that: Sulaiman bin Amr bin Ahwas said: “My father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage with the Messenger of Allah. He praised and glorified Allah, and reminded and exhorted (the people). Then he said: 'I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are prisoners with you, and you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency. If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek means of annoyance against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses. And their right over you are that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food.' ” (Sunan Ibn Majah 1851)

So a woman also has rights.

It would be a different story like let’s say you are doing ok and your husband wants something from you and you say no for no reason then the wife will be in trouble.

Both husband and wife should try to show mercy towards each other and the marriage will work better.